Today I find myself troubled, yet convinced that all my worries can safely be entrusted to God, my one true constant. Daily struggles continue to test my resolve to simply trust, even when there appears to be no relief, no visible proof that my prayers are being heard and help is on the way.
This week was Random Acts of Kindness week, or so I heard on the Christian station I listen to faithfully. I had been so absorbed in my job that I really had not paid attention to the announcements until Thursday, so I hadn't really put any true thought into reaching out to anyone other than in the course of my everyday life and the work I do. Then Friday I had the privilege of not only helping meet someone's tangible needs, but I was able to share the hope that no matter how impossible our situation becomes, we are never alone, never forsaken, and that no matter what happens we are loved unconditionally.
It shouldn't surprise me that with each encouragement I give to another I find myself smacked upside the head by yet another attack meant as a warning to back off from the true work I am placed in this earth to do or suffer the consequences. No true surprise as I've been walking this walk for many years now, especially since I've been on my own. The enemy knows my vulnerabilities, where he can probe his little talon into my flesh to at least momentarily paralyze me. Those attacks usually come from those I hold most dear, those I'd bleed and give my life to save. And sometimes it works, I weaken, and I find myself wondering why I even want to go on in this life. I pray for death, to just be free, to end this pain and be at peace. My soul cries out, only to hear silence, not a word, no direction, just silence. But in that silence the panic eases, the tears cease to flow, I hear it, I feel it, I know it...He's there. He's always there with me. My one true constant...the lover of my soul. My Lord reaches down, and He dries my tears, and He strengthens my soul, because He can. He is the only one who can. There is no other, only Him. I've been told He's my crutch, my invisible friend, my denial of the truth. I'm criticized and called a bad mother, one who lives in denial, not wanting to accept the truth, because I choose to walk in victory, holding His hand, resting in His love, believing His truth, rather than succumbing to self pity or manipulating others. I know the greater truth that He has power to save, power to heal, and He does it today! So if you're struggling under a heavy weight, despairing of life itself, don't give up or give in, hold on. He hasn't gone anywhere. Quiet the noise of your heart and listen, feel, know the power of the silence.
Waiting is hard. Near impossible at times. We don't understand why things happens, tragedy strikes, love ones die or lies and accusations come. Just cry out, let the tears flow and the hurt release. Spend yourself, pour it out. Once the noise inside of you is released, the noise inside purges. Then in the quiet, listen...can you hear the music, can you hear the praise as it ever gently begins to rise within your heart? In the silence listen for that song...let the cry of your heart lift high to Him. Sing it out, and slowly ever so slowly it begins within you...the music comes. Can you hear it growing, building, bursting forth, louder....with everything, with everything shout out in praise. With all the strength you can muster, let the praise arise higher and higher. The voices, can you hear the voices? They're there, with your voice...rising heavenward....rising home. Suddenly you are surrounded, and there's no more fear, no more sadness, no more tears, except those of praise. The sincerest form of worship. And the price is worth it. What we endure in this life is worth it. We know and feel it as we praise. I want you to feel it, know its strength and healing, as I do. Your life will never be the same.
