Day 93 Holy Week - Day 5 The Kiss

 

4/3/2026

"Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me;

nevertheless not My will, but Yours be done."

  Luke 22:42

 

At the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus asked Peter, James, and John to watch while He goes into the garden to pray, where He agonizes before God about what is going to happen next. Three times Jesus returned to the apostles and found them sleeping. When Peter said he didn't know why he was so sleepy, Jesus said that their spirits were willing, but their flesh was weak. Obedience to what God is saying to us is often missed, plus many people find it hard to wait and pray or to do anything that requires time and commitment.  

"Then He came to His disciples and said to them, 'Are you still sleeping and resting? Behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise, let us be going. See, My betrayer is at hand.'" (John 26:45-46).

While the apostles watched in stunned silence, not believing what they were seeing, Judas approached Jesus, and kissed Him on the cheek, in order to identify him for the temple guards as the one they were to arrest. As the guards tried arresting Jesus, Peter drew his sword and chopped off the ear of the high priest's servant. Jesus healed the servant's ear, and the guards arrested Jesus. Just as Jesus said would happen, the apostles scattered and ran away (Matthew 26:58). Peter and John followed at a safe distance, as Jesus is hurried off to the Sanhedrin to stand a mock trial. John was able to follow Jesus closely, while Peter had to stay behind. While warming himself at the fire, he denied knowing Jesus three times, then the rooster crowed, and Jesus turned His head and looked into Peter's eyes, without judgment, but with pure love. Peter instantly remembered what Jesus had said, and he left bitterly crying for his betrayal. 

Jesus was taken to the Sanhedrin where they asked Him question after question trying to get Him to condemn Himself. Jesus kept silent, until they asked him if He was the Christ, the son of God.

"Jesus said to him, 'It is as you sad. Nevertheless, I say to you, hereafter you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Father, and coming on the clouds of heaven.'" (Matthew 26:64). 

This response was just what they needed to accuse Him of blasphemy. They spit on Him, mocked Him, and beat Him. Then they sent Jesus off to Pilate to be judged and condemned to die. Judas, feeling remorseful, could not deal with his guilt, so he hung himself. I've often wondered if Judas repented would he be forgiven. I am convinced that true repentance brings cleansing and forgiveness. Peter was restored after he repented and turned back to Jesus. The thief on the cross beside Jesus asked for Jesus to remember him in His kingdom, and Jesus said, "Today you will be with Me in paradise." (Luke 23:43).

Jesus died a terrible death for us - for our sins -  He took our place on that cross, and He suffered the torment that we deserved. As He died, shedding His blood, people were killing their lambs, preparing their Passover meal. Jesus was the Passover Lamb who covered our sins, and He died once and for all. The blood of lambs and goats would never be enough. As Jesus hung on the cross, at the sixth hour (12 noon) to the ninth hour there was darkness over the land. At the ninth hour Jesus cried out to God, ("Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is, My God, My God why have You forsaken Me?" (Matthew 27:46)  God, who is Holy and Perfect, could not look on sin. When Jesus died, there was an earthquake, rocks split, and the veil in the temple was torn. All prophecy had been fulfilled, and Jesus said "It is finished!" and He died.

Each time we have communion, we remember His sacrifice, in the sharing the cup and the bread. We are told to examine our hearts and repent before we partake of the blood and body of Christ. Too many people have made communion into a habit, something they do every now and then, but it is not to be taken without self-examination and repentance. I pray that during this Passover celebration and Resurrection Sunday, we will find peace for our souls. Perhaps a new direction or season in life. God knows the plans He has for us, so we do not worry or become anxious knowing our God can do great things.  

Day 92 Holy Week - Day 4 Maundy Thursday

 

4/2/2026

"...for I say to you, I will not drink of the

fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes."

Luke 22:18

 

Things are really getting stirred up in Jerusalem as Jesus prepares His disciples for what is to come. On this evening Jesus institutes the New Covenant of His blood and the observance of the Lord's Supper. Judas has already been to the Sanhedrin and made a deal to betray Jesus for thirty pieces of silver. The die is cast.

"When the hour had come, He sat down, and the twelve apostles with Him. Then He said to them, 'With fervent desire I have desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer; for I say to you, I will no longer eat of it until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God.' Then He took the cup, and gave thanks, and said, 'Take this and divide it among yourselves; for I say to you, I will not drink of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes.' And He took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, 'This is My body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.' Likewise He also took the cup after supper, saying, 'This cup is the new covenant in My blood, which is shed for you. But behold, the hand of My betrayer is with Me on the table. And truly the Son of Man goes as it has been determined, but woe to that man by whom He is betrayed!' (Luke 22:24-22).

When I was growing up I remember my mother speaking to me about "Maundy Thursday," but of course back then I wasn't fully understanding of the meaning. It means "I give you a new commandment." John 13:31-35 says, So, when he had gone (Judas), Jesus said, 'Now the Son of Man is glorified, and God is glorified in Him. If God is glorified in Him, God will also glorify Him in Himself, and glorify Him immediately. Little children, I shall be with you a little while longer. You will seek Me, and as I said to the Jews, 'Where I am going, you cannot come, ' so Now I say to you. A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. by this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.'" After this Jesus tells Peter that he will betray Him three times before the rooster crows. This has got to be a real blow to the gut for Peter, who boldly says that even if everyone else betrays Him, he never will. I can almost see the rooster glance towards Peter, give a wink and muffle a crow. Right before Jesus predicts Peter's denial, the apostles are quarreling over who will be the greatest, and who will sit on Jesus' left and right side when His Kingdom comes. Imagine Jesus having to put up with this childishness when He is about to lay down His life for His friends. Something they still could not grasp. I'm certain that a once calm Jesus became otherwise by showing anxiety, fear, and intense emotional suffering, but it did not reassure them of what laid ahead. 

So while Judas is off getting his plan squared away to betray Jesus, the apostles were gathered with Jesus preparing to leave and go into the Garden of Gethsemane, where Jesus would cry out to God about the torture, abuse, insults, and abandonment He would endure with the crucifixion. In the Garden Jesus asks Peter, John and James to watch and wait, as He wanted to pray. Because the flesh is weak, they each fell asleep, three times while Jesus agonized in prayer with the Father, 

"Coming out, He went to the Mount of Olives, as He was accustomed, and His disciples also followed Him. When He came to the place, He said to them, 'Pray that you may not enter into temptation.' And He was withdrawn from them about a stone's throw, and He knelt down and prayed, saying, 'Father, if it is Your will , take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not My will, buy yours be done.'" (Luke 22:39-42).

There are a lot of raw emotions on the part of the entire group, but by far, Jesus suffered the most, and He did not speak one word to the leadership about the crucifixion. 

Much to consider in these passages, but God has been faithful throughout all the generations. Tomorrow we'll continue the supper. 

Day 91 Holy Week - Day 3 Passover Begins

 

4/1/2026

 John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look! 

The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!” 

John 1:29 NLT

 

The Passover Lamb had to be perfect, without spot or blemish, so once the little fellow was chosen, he was taken home and protected and loved, like a family pet. I imagine it was very hard, especially for children, when the lamb was sacrificed for the meal. I remember a family meal where a goat was to be prepared. My husband's family was rather large, and we had gathered to honor his elderly parents. The Hispanic culture shows great respect for their elders. We had gathered at the ranch, and my children were still small and busy with their cousins, riding horses, and enjoying the countryside. We have always loved the outdoors, as it offers great peace and much creative fun, like when I was a youngster growing up at my grandparents' country home. The kids were standing beside me, and my husband's older brother brought over the goat to show the kids. He was so cute, and the children were petting him, probably giving him a name, when out of the blue, a knife is pulled out, and the little guy's throat was slit, right in front of my startled children's eyes! Imagine the trauma. I know I was very upset, as I did not find it humorous, if that was his intention. Jewish children grew up observing sacrifices, and there were continual, daily sacrifices. Jesus took the place of endless animal sacrifices that could only temporarily atone for sin. But He died once and for all! I pray that this year the Spirit of the Living God will manifest His Presence, and eyes will be opened so that God's chosen people will know Messiah already came, and He will be returning again.

Today is the first day of Passover, and at this moment the Seder meal has been completed in Israel. Friends and family are gathered to remember how God delivered them and freed them, and how He keeps His covenant with them as His Chosen People. The Seder meal re-enacts Israel's deliverance from slavery, and each component of the meal is significant to that first night, representing the Passover story that is repeated annually, as scripture commands them to do.

When Jesus was gathered with His disciples on that night, He washed His disciples' feet, even His betrayer's feet, as an example to them as to how they are called to be servants, as His ministry demonstrated the life of a servant. When the people gathered and shouted out Hosanna! Hosanna! they believed that Jesus, the Messiah, was coming to set them free from the slavery of the Romans. Jesus, Son of David, would take His rightful place as King, but this was not the mission God sent Jesus to earth to do. Had the religious leaders studied Isaiah 53 and other prophetic accounts, they would have realized that He came as the suffering servant, the Passover Lamb, and they would have embraced a different kingdom.

"And supper being ended, the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray Him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, 'Lord, are You washing my feet?' Jesus answered and said to him, ,'What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.' Peter said to Him, 'You shall never wash my feet!' Jesus answered him, 'If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.'" (John 13:2-8)

Imagine how sad it must have been for Jesus to wash His betrayer's feet! I don't know if I could have done it, but then Jesus calls us to forgive others who betray and persecute us, those who are spiteful and vengeful against us when we are not their offenders. Sometimes it's easier for people to use us, because they know regardless of how badly they treat us and wrongfully, we will forgive, love, and continue to support and bless them. I grapple with that one a lot, because I wonder how long, O Lord?! Then I remember the seventy times seven lesson Jesus taught. It was His way of saying we always forgive. After all, He did, and this Passover and Easter season demonstrate His great love, God's great redemption plan. God's timing is always perfect, and I was just put to the test as I began writing this post. I feel helpless in helping someone I love very much, and regardless of how much I want to help, I can never say the right thing or do the right thing. So, I pray, and I ask Abba for a pascal miracle, for divine intervention, as this is the only hope. Jesus Christ is the only hope for mankind. When will surrender our human flesh and allow Him to deliver us. He is the only One who can. 

Caught in a Fog

 

3/30/2026

"Once upon a time...."

  

Have you ever been caught up in a daze of confusion, like your head is spinning out of control and you're wandering through a thick forest trail with tree limbs smacking you in the face, landing you on your seat, and there doesn't seem to be a way out of this wooded maze? Well, that's me! I've been in a dense fog going into the fourth week, and all this, I am convinced, has happened because of my thorny experience. So round and round I go, accomplishing very little. I even find my self itching again, but it must be an internal reaction, as I do not see an angry rash as before. I feel as if I'm in the Twilight Zone. Since I haven't been able to accomplish very much, I spend much time thinking. That can be good or bad. This being Holy Week, plus I'm binging The Chosen and trying to exercise while watching Out of Africa, so I feel like an emotional basket case on top of every other feeling. And NO! this is not age-related.  I have a friend who attributes every mood swing or change in temperature with getting older.

It's already past midnight by a few minutes, but I'm determined to finish something today! Actually, I have been attempting to clean the bathtub and clean up the bathroom all day, so I pushed on, and I did accomplish the task. It was with a great deal of trepidation, as every time I leaned over the tub, I had to steady myself from falling headlong into the tub. For some reason, this is part of the reaction I have been having to taking medications in a chemical free system. I remember one time, when I was in a great deal of pain, and I couldn't relax my legs, so I would dance around the house, listening the worship music or movie soundtracks. My husband, feeling helpless and wanting to help, gave me muscle relaxers hoping to calm the spasms in my body, and I reacted to them so fiercely that he had to haul me to the emergency room. I literally was having some sort of hallucinations, as I vaguely remember lying on the table in the emergency room with my legs straight up in the air, kicking them and laughing. Besides that, in his haste to get me to the ER, he allowed me to dress myself, and let's just say that underclothes were on the wrong side of the body. When I calmed down, and the medicine was out of my body, I heard about it. It's a wonder I've ever had the nerve to show my face in public again! Hopefully, and eventually, these steroids will be cleared from my system, and I'll be able to repair the damage. I'd hate to go another four weeks in this condition. 

I'm feeling like the bear at the top of the page, minus the wine, as I don't drink, but then, perhaps it might be something to consider given my present state of mind. Nope, won't work, as I'd be even worse! I can't even imagine what that would be like, but I can identify with the little fella otherwise. I feel wasted!

And with that last note, I will say goodnight to all my adoring fans. I do have adoring fans, right?! Well, if someone happens to run across this silly little post, just know better days are ahead, and although I am a little...okay, a lot, out of my head, I will overcome this, and it will provide more laughter, because so much has not been shared. I am indeed fearfully and wonderfully made.

Night all!

Day 90 Holy Week - Day 2

 

3/31/2026

"It is written, 'My house is a house of prayer,' but you

have made it a den of thieves.'"

Luke 20:46

 

Jesus has entered Jerusalem, wept over the city, and afterwards He went rogue in the temple, throwing out the money changers and breaking up the tables selling animals for sacrifice. The temple had become a place of making extra money for the synagogue, no doubt to pay temple taxes to Rome, but it also went to the opulent lifestyle in which the religious people lived. Jesus did not mince words when it came to calling out the scribes and Pharisees for their form of godliness. In Matthew 23 Jesus was speaking to the disciples and the multitudes which included Pharisees and other religious spies who followed Jesus around. 

Woe to the Scribes and Pharisees

23 Then Jesus spoke to the multitudes and to His disciples, ² saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. ³ Therefore whatever they tell you to observe, that observe and do, but do not do according to their works; for they say, and do not do. ⁴ For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers. ⁵ But all their works they do to be seen by men. They make their phylacteries broad and enlarge the borders of their garments. ⁶ They love the best places at feasts, the best seats in the synagogues, ⁷ greetings in the marketplaces, and to be called by men, ‘Rabbi, Rabbi.’ ⁸ But you, do not be called ‘Rabbi’; for One is your Teacher, the Christ, and you are all brethren. ⁹ Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven. ¹⁰ And do not be called teachers; for One is your Teacher, the Christ. ¹¹ But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. ¹² And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.

¹³ “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut up the kingdom of heaven against men; for you neither go in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in. ^14 [g]Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you devour widows’ houses, and for a pretense make long prayers. Therefore you will receive greater condemnation.

¹⁵ “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel land and sea to win one proselyte, and when he is won, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves.

¹⁶ “Woe to you, blind guides, who say, ‘Whoever swears by the temple, it is nothing; but whoever swears by the gold of the temple, he is obliged to perform it.’ ¹⁷ Fools and blind! For which is greater, the gold or the temple that sanctifies the gold? ¹⁸ And, ‘Whoever swears by the altar, it is nothing; but whoever swears by the gift that is on it, he is obliged to perform it.’ ¹⁹ Fools and blind! For which is greater, the gift or the altar that sanctifies the gift? ²⁰ Therefore he who swears by the altar, swears by it and by all things on it. ²¹ He who swears by the temple, swears by it and by Him who dwells in it. ²² And he who swears by heaven, swears by the throne of God and by Him who sits on it.

²³ “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. These you ought to have done, without leaving the others undone. ²⁴ Blind guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel!

²⁵ “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence. ²⁶ Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also.

²⁷ “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. ²⁸ Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

²⁹ “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! Because you build the tombs of the prophets and adorn the monuments of the righteous, ³⁰ and say, ‘If we had lived in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partakers with them in the blood of the prophets.’

³¹ “Therefore you are witnesses against yourselves that you are sons of those who murdered the prophets. ³² Fill up, then, the measure of your fathers’ guilt. ³³ Serpents, brood of vipers! How can you escape the condemnation of hell? ³⁴ Therefore, indeed, I send you prophets, wise men, and scribes: some of them you will kill and crucify, and some of them you will scourge in your synagogues and persecute from city to city, ³⁵ that on you may come all the righteous blood shed on the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel to the blood of Zechariah, son of Berechiah, whom you murdered between the temple and the altar. ³⁶ Assuredly, I say to you, all these things will come upon this generation.

Jesus Laments over Jerusalem

³⁷ “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the one who kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to her! How often I wanted to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing! ³⁸ See! Your house is left to you desolate; ³⁹ for I say to you, you shall see Me no more till you say, ‘Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!’ ”

 

As one would imagine this did not bode well for Jesus, but it was necessary as part of God's plan for redemption. I don't want to sound overly critical, or judgmental at all, but if Jesus appeared in our services, what would he find? And what should He find? I understand the need to be prepared for a Sunday message, but what if Holy Spirit decided to mix things up. How would that be received by those in attendance? We always say that we want to invite the presence of Holy Spirit, yet we sing a few songs, and we get on with the next item on the bulletin. There's always a program set for a certain amount of time, as people don't want to linger long. Their stomachs begin to complain. I remember a time when we waited upon the Lord, and we cried and prayed for the needs of the people. There was no set time, yet God in His mercy always allowed that man should eat. Jesus is the Bread of Life. He is the Living Water. He is our bread and meat. Quite often I have spoken about the younger kids rushing to the churches, Bibles in hand, hungry for the Word of God. Hardly anyone brings a Bible to church anymore, because it is printed on a screen before them. Personally, I want to hold the Word of God in my hands. I want to reference it, follow along in it, mark it, and write notes on the sides. How well I remember those days of endless worship, as it happened to me. I was insatiable, and thankfully, I still am. Sometimes when I'm listening to Jesus Image, and the Presence of God is so tangible, I have to lie down on the floor, and I could stay there for hours. This is rare today. I'm not talking about denomination. Jesus didn't have an organized, labeled church. He had followers who went out and taught and made more disciples. What are we doing?

I've been considering where to attend Resurrection Sunday this weekend, if my health allows, because I don't want to go where everything is rushed, including Communion. I want to rejoice, because He is alive! He has risen from the dead! I don't need pancake breakfasts or entertainment. I just need Jesus! He is more than enough for me. 

How will He find us? How do you want to be found? Will there be oil in your lamp? Dearest Lord, purify our hearts, and make them holy and true. 

Hoshianah! Lord, save us!

Day 89 Holy Week - Day 1

 

3/30/2026

"Now as He drew near, He saw the city

and wept over it."

Luke 19:41

 

When Jesus rode into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday, He was greeted with the crowds waving palm leaves, laying clothing on the street, shouting "Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest!" The Pharisees and religious leaders tried to force Jesus to silence those who welcomed Him, but He responded to them, "I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out." (Luke 19:40) In Matthew's account, the chief priests and scribes were indignant when the children were heard crying out in the temple and saying "Hosanna to the Son of David!" (Matthew 21:15). Jesus silenced them with words found in Psalm 8:2, "Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have perfected praise." The religious leaders knew that they were welcoming Messiah, recognizing Jesus as King, because scripture said that God had established an everlasting covenant with David, and that the Messiah would rule from Zion. Jesus rightly said to them that they "strain out a gnat and swallow a camel." Isaiah 53 is never read in the synagogues. One portion of the Old Testament erased. Interesting and sad for supposed scholars who spent their entire lives studying the law of Moses.

In the midst of the praise and celebration, Jesus wept, because He knew what would happen, and He lamented that they did not know the hour of their visitation. I wonder how much has really changed? I am not speaking of Israel, although for the most part they do not recognize Jesus as their Messiah. It has always baffled me how spiritually blind people can be when the whole of scripture speaks of Jesus. I'm sure that if Jesus rode into many cities, He would wept. 

When the Pharisees asked Jesus about the kingdom of God, desiring to know when this would happen, Jesus answered them by saying: "The kingdom of God does not come with observation; nor will they say, 'See here!' or 'See there!' For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you." (Luke 17:20-21) He told them that before anything happened, man would search for Him, but He would not be found. He spoke of His suffering and rejection by that generation. "And as it was in the days of Noah, so it will be also in the days of the Son of Man. They ate, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and the flood came, and the flood came and destroyed them all. Likewise as it was also in the days of Lot: They ate, they drank, they bought, they sold, they planted, they built; but on the day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven and destroyed them all." What Jesus is saying is that life will be business as usual when He comes, but I wouldn't want to be caught in that position doing "what every man considers right," when Jesus returns. And yet, this is not being taught. 

My prayer for the nation of Israel, for my own nation, and for those around the world is that God will divinely visit each person, shining the Light of His Presence al over us, that we would finally see our sin in all its ugliness and repent. We have been praying for a mighty outpouring of God's Spirit on all flesh, and that all would be drawn to Him. May the people of Israel, God's Chosen People, recognize their King!

This morning I was swept away up into worship with my King of Glory, while visiting Jesus Image and playing the song "Only the Blood of Jesus Christ." I believe it to be sufficient for the day: 

"Blood of Christ
Wash over me
Wash over me
Though sin has stained me

Blood of Christ
Come speak for me
My covering
It is Your Glory

CHORUS
We need the Blood
We plead the Blood
Receive the Blood
The Blood of Christ

We need the Blood
We plead the Blood
Receive the Blood
The Blood of Christ

VERSE

Perfect Lamb
And Highest Priest
Poured out Yourself
For all to drink

The Offerer
And Offering
You took the cup
And so will we

CHORUS
We need the Blood
We plead the Blood
Receive the Blood
The Blood of Christ

BRIDGE
What tore the veil
What empties hell
What never fails
Only the Blood

What testifies
What prophesies
Your Death is Life
Only the Blood"

May we all be waiting in anticipation for the day of the Lord, the return of Messiah, when He will split the eastern sky, and all will know, every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Lord of all!

Day 88 Palm Sunday

 

3/29/2026 

"As the echo of the crunching of apple

was still sounding in the garden [of Eden], 

Jesus was leaving for Calvary."

Max Lucado

And the Angels Were Silent

 

For three weeks now I have been experiencing unusual mornings. I haven't been well, because of an exposure to something that poisoned my body, so this has made me even more sensitive at times as physical discomfort can be challenging and a bit of a distraction. My quiet time while somewhat different has still been special, as I must have time alone, in the secret place, or I really don't function well. Sitting at the feet of Jesus, being in the Presence of Abba, has become my life, so any change is hard. I'm jealous for this time alone with God.

This morning as I awakened, I reached for my phone, so I could turn on a song. I had been running The Chosen App, so one of the episodes was playing. It was the scene where Mary of Bethany anoints Jesus' feet with oil of spikenard, an exotic and expensive perfume, and she wipes his feet with her hair. She is preparing Jesus for His burial, without realizing it of course, but this is how He explained it to the ones who were troubled by her worship. It was hard to pull my eyes away, knowing the story so well, but I did close the app, and I turned on my worship music. I Enter the Holy of Holies by Paul Wilbur began to play, and immediately I was taken back to the scene of Mary worshiping Jesus. "I enter the holy of holies, I enter through the blood of the Lamb; I enter to worship You only, I enter to honor I Am. Lord, I worship You. I worship You. Lord, I worship You, I worship You. For Your Name is holy, holy, Lord."

I began to remember the very first solo I sang in church. It was Palm Sunday, and I was singing the special for the morning service. I recall how anxious I felt, so I prayed silently for God to just take me away, allow me to get so caught up in the song, that the presence of the people would not distract me. So, I decided to close my eyes as I sang. The song was Via Dolorosa, and I was singing it in English and Spanish. If you're familiar with the song, it is quite haunting, as it mournfully cries of Jesus carrying the cross to Golgotha where He will be crucified. He's being pushed by soldiers who are trying to clear the streets of people crowding the sides of the street, watching, perhaps shouting. Jesus had been beaten severely, bleeding, weakened by the torture, hardly able to stand much less carry the cross. As I write this words, I can see Him, and the memory becomes more finally chiseled into my mind and cuts into my heart. I am a visual learner, with a creative mind, so I see things that I cannot unsee. I don't want to forget what He did for me, not that I could.

So my quiet time this morning was spent in tears, writing feverishly in my journal, attempting to capture my feelings on paper. So here I sit, ready to tell the story, and yet the words cannot come. I remain intensely emotional, even as I think about this entire day. And I don't know how to share what I am feeling with others, for fear I will be misunderstood, but I imagine I already am that...misunderstood or considered a nutcase because of my passion for Jesus.

I wonder sometimes if anyone really understands how much God loves them, and how far He went to prove the point. As I sat there this morning, another song came on, a worship medley, by Jesus Image. Sometimes when I need to sit quietly and think deeply about some things on my heart, I listen to their worship songs, as they are not timed. Before they begin to worship, they have prayed, and the Presence of God is so thick, even in the music. Holy Spirit leads the worship, so there is no hurry to move on to the next thing. There's no pretense of being anyone other than someone hungry for God. I understand that insatiable hunger for more and more of His Presence. It is tangible. And this was my morning.

I wasn't able to attend church services locally because I was still very ill and weak, as I would have loved to do, but I did attend online services at a couple of churches I attend weekly. It was a very full day, and I am grateful for the blessing. Tonight I watched a special event with The Chosen, as we await the showing of the sixth season, Jesus' final day filmed in a series of eight episodes. This series has been a wonderful adventure over the past five years as I've journeyed with those portraying the life and ministry of Jesus Christ. And as I have testified before, it is masterfully done, and it has added great meaning to my life, as well as touching the lives of thousands of people around the world. The impact has been tremendous, and so many lives have been changed.

And that was my day. As I prepare for bed, before I close my eyes, I'll think about the day, wondering what morsel of truth I can glean from the intensity of it. I'll turn on The Chosen and begin the fifth season, as we're still binging for Holy Week. The one thing that carries me forward is my express desire to finish well for Him. I don't want to fail Him by not doing the one thing I was born and put here to do for His glory. I want to Honor I Am. We each have a destiny unique to ourselves. I pray I am successful in His call.   

But, for now, I rest.