Day 151 If I Should Die....

 

6/1/2026

 "If I should die before I wake, I pray Thee, Lord, 

my soul to take."

Running, running, running, always running to catch up to some "to do" item! My head is swimming from all the incessant activity of the day, and it has only begun! After a nice, relaxing two Sabbath day rest weekend, I should be easing out of the starting gate, not at full gallop! I think I have something else God needs to teach me.

For me living my life is a continual refresher course, but that's good, because I love re-runs! Reading through the Bible each year has taught me how little I know, but then daily learning and seeing scripture come alive is what the life hidden in Christ is all about. I just finished reading the book of Job, and today I began reading the Psalms. Actually, I live in the Psalms, as I read them daily. There's so much transparency and true feelings expressed by David and others. The authors were not afraid to say how they felt, and God is never hesitant to speak back. I don't know why, but sometimes when I'm praying through lists or while I'm reading the Bible and praying, if I close my eyes, God will give me a vision. Today I kept seeing people hurting. At one point I had to put on worship music to get my focus back on the Lord, I was so distraught about some things I'd seen, and I did not understand. I heard the words from the song,  "so forget about yourself, concentrate on Him, and worship Him," and that snapped me back to reality.

So while praying for our nation, focusing on health and healing, several people on the church prayer lists came to mind, and I began to consider Job's dilemma, thinking about other times when people were in fearful circumstances, needing a word from the Lord. The Lord is always present with us in storms whether we are aware of it or not. Jesus came walking on the water when the disciples were in the storm. They thought He was a ghost at first, then Peter had to test it out. Jesus rebuked the storm, then got in the boat, and He reminded them of the miracle they had just witnessed - the feeding of the 5,000. Nothing is impossible with God. When Jesus and the disciples were crossing over to the other side of the sea after another busy day of preaching, a storm arose while Jesus was sleeping comfortably in spite of the rising water that was filling the boat. When they woke Him up, He silenced the winds and rain, and asked them about their shallow faith. He was right there with them, and they were fearful. God spoke to Elijah in a still small voice after He'd shaken the mountain, blown wind around, then asked Elijah why he'd come. Moses met God in a burning bush in the middle of the wilderness while tending sheep. He even made His presence known as Commander of the Armies of Heaven before Joshua marched around Jericho. His ways are mysterious, but He never fails us, and He definitely knows how to make an entrance!

The visions I had today every time I closed my eyes were glimpses, mere shadows. I guess I was tired, although I had rested well, and it was early when this happened. In the first vision I saw someone I know or knew, as she passed on to heaven not too long ago. Whoever it was, she was crying, in despair, and there was a puppy trying to console her, but even so, unable to help, more was needed. The Lord spoke then and said, "Do not forgive...a staunch, knowing position of hope. Maybe not all, but some will believe. Look how far God has brought you!" The next image I saw was a woman being held in strong arms, mourning, grieving, almost inconsolable. The other was someone at the church, calling out for help, not asking, expecting. And the last image was of a woman, again distressed, and I was talking with her, possibly about advocacy for her need? Where does all this come from in a short space of time. I was reading the Psalms and praying for America. Maybe that should be a clue. Our nation is in desperate need of prayer.

Dreams and visions are not unusual for me, and two of my children have also had dreams. I don't speak about the spiritual realm in this light often, because people are afraid of what they don't know. I've been reading through some of my earlier journals, hoping to find some answers I need for my book, if I ever get it in print. It's interesting when my then eleven year old son tells me God has spoken to him in a dream about getting his life straight. The spiritual warfare has been so brutal lately that I have found it hard to concentrate, and my notes have not been understandable, written in phrases rather than complete sentences. That's why I'm behind in some things, especially posting my blogs. But the notes are here, and I'll get it done. I promised, so I will. Good night. 

Day 150 In the Soaking

 

 5/31/2026

 "Pray for a faith like Job's that will not shrink

when it is washed in the waters of affliction."

Your Daily Walk

 

The past five months I have been in a season of suffering (testing) and disruption (testing), battling against a pernicious foe who would enjoy nothing better than to steal my joy and destroy my life and the lives of my family. When it comes to health issues I don't really get too concerned, and generally tend to find my own solutions. Other things spring up over and over in the family making it difficult to find rest, but I have learned to be content regardless of situations that arise by keeping my focus on Jesus which gives me peace - shalom peace. 

My faithful Alex has been missing on several occasions which causes me concern, but he always manages to reappear. He is a fair weather furry friend, much as humans can be so. I've grown very fond of that feral long haired mongrel, even though he is very fickle when it comes to affection. He does give me a high five though. Do cats normally do that? He has a somewhat sweet disposition, that is, as long as Mia, Daniel's cat is not present. So, in spite of any obstacles, I am managing well, but only because Holy Spirit comforts me and reminds me of the love of God in sending Jesus to die for my sins. That brings everything into perspective, and again, I lift my voice in praise. Praise and gratitude are the BEST weapons!

I've been studying the book of Job over the past few days, and he's been going through a series of events, back to back, and endured the "comfort" of his "friends." Job's adventure came to an end in my reading today after 37 chapters of endless prattle by his three friends. They were determined to give Job godly wisdom and counsel, and although there was a measure of truth in their verbal missiles, their accusations against Job were totally unfounded and not established. Those who criticize others often want to have the final word. A "think on this" or "thus saith me" sort of ending. But it's never really sensible advice, have you noticed that?! Repeatedly Job cried out to God for justice, maintaining his innocence, but he wanted God to give him an explanation about why this happened to him; so finally, after the voices slacked off, God obliged him.

In Job, Chapter 38:1-3:

"Then the Lord answered Job from the whirlwind: 'Why are you using your ignorance to deny my providence? Now get ready to fight, for I am going to demand some answers from you, and you must reply.'" 

God's first question to Job was: "Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me if you know so much." (Job 38:4)

God continues to overwhelm Job with question after question about the logistics of His creation - who laid the cornerstone of the earth, decreed the boundaries, commanded the morning to appear and the darkness to cover the earth? Then he began to question Job about how mountain goats give birth, who gives the horse strength, and enables the eagle to soar. Poor Job must have been bug-eyed and mouth hanging open!  

Finally, God says to Job: "Do you still want to argue with the Almighty? Or will you yield? Do you - God's critic - have the answers?" (Job 40:2)

About now I imagine Job's buddies may have been thinking..."Hmmm, we tried to tell you, Job, but you wouldn't believe you were guilty. Yep, that pride of yours!" Job was pretty shook up I'm sure, humbled that the LORD Almighty was speaking directly to him! So Job response was:

"I am nothing - how could I ever find the answers? I lay my hand upon my mouth in silence. I have said too much already." (Job 40:4)

The Lord again speaks to Job from the whirlwind in Job 40:7-14 saying:

"Stand up like a man and brace yourself for battle. Let me ask you a question, and give me the answer. Are you going to discredit my justice and condemn me, so that you can say you are right? Are you as strong as God, and can you shout as loudly as he? All right then, put on your robes of state, your majesty and splendor. Give vent to your anger. Let it overflow against the proud. Humiliate the haughty with a glance; tread down the wicked where they stand. Knock them into the dust, stone-faced to death. If you can do that, then I'll agree with you that your own strength can save you."

The Lord continues with a conversation regarding the strength of the hippopotamus and then the crocodile. In some translations God calls the latter Leviathan, but His point was that no person can stand against the strength of these creations. In the end Job speaks to God once more, then God turns to the friends, and He gives them a few words. Then, God has Job pray for them, probably so He won't have to deal with their audacity of speaking out of turn. God heals Job, and He restores to Job double of what he had before. He also gave Job seven more sons and three more daughters. The names of the daughters were noted: Jemina, Kezia, and Keren. The daughters were said to be exceptionally beautiful, and the meaning of their names bore witness: The Hebrew meaning of Jemima is "dove" or "bright as day"; Kezia means "cassia" or "cinnamon bark"; and Keren means "horn of beauty".

The story ends well, as Job has been restored, and he lives to the age of 140 to see his grandchildren and great and great-great grandchildren. What a blessing!

God is mysterious in His ways, but one thing I have learned that I am grateful for the hardships, for the pain, and for many experiences. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, or even this afternoon, but I am still grateful for the time He has given me. I can sing in great suffering and intense pain without the luxury of medication. I have moved over thirty times, losing everything many times having to begin again, but it has been worth the wear, because He has been with me, and He has shown me many, many things. He has taught me all I know, and He has given me everything I have - on loan, because everything belongs to Him. We are just stewards of His blessings while sojourners on this earth. I can live with that. In the soaking, in the fire, in the sifting, and the pressing He is here. Nothing else really matters, except in the end I will see Him, and of course, I want to take many with me. Heaven will be too good to miss! 

Day 149 This and That

 

5/30/2026

"In the cellar of your heart lurk the ghosts of yesterday's sins.

Sins you've confessed; errors of which you've repented; damage you've

done your best to repair.... Do your self a favor. Purge your cellar.

Exorcise your basement. Take the Roman nails of Calvary and board

up the door. And remember...He forgot."

Max Lucado, God Came Near

 

Whew! This has been a week and a half for me. Actually, the battles have continued on for a considerably longer time, but it has intensified exponentially this week. I must have done something right for a change, as the enemy's arrows have been flying from every direction. I have become very much aware of spiritual warfare, but this has been ... different! It makes me wonder what will come next, but nothing is ever surprising to me, even though I am nobody special in the world's eyes by any means. I imagine even donkeys are threat to many these days.

I live close to the US Army base, where I used to work many moons ago, in the Race Relations office standing against prejudice and unfair treatment in the 70's. There seems to be so much action in the air  these days with helicopters flying over my home that I wonder if I'm being watched. I have to laugh, but these days there are mixed views on those who side with Israel. Seems ridiculous, as we all should stand with Israel, especially if we are believers in Christ and know the Biblical prophecies or walk in moral clarity. But then, I speak about this so often that I don't want to belabor the subject again tonight. Tomorrow is another day.

Today our Torah reading began in Numbers 4:21 - 7:89 where the Lord spoke to Moses and told him take a census of Gershon's sons, after which He divided up tasks to the Levites in caring for and carrying the tabernacle from one camp to the next. Every word spoken by God to Moses was precise and to be followed to the letter. To disobey or not pay attention to detail bore consequences, as Moses found out, as well as others. Why can't we simply follow the rules? We do need them. Directions on how to do just about anything these days are available on line. And as in the early days, checking the facts or when in doubt...read the directions! The word of the Lord is here to bless us, not to jerk us around or keep us on a leash or chain. The word of God is about His love for all people, as everyone is made in God's image, and He desires that none perish but all come to eternal life through His Son, Jesus Christ. What's so wrong with that? It's a choice, and no one is breaking anyone's arm.

What caught my attention about the Torah portion beginning in Chapter 5 about the ceremonially unclean persons being isolated in order to keep sin outside the camp, as the tabernacle was holy unto the Lord, the place where God dwelt among them. Other rules followed for dealing with questions of sin in the camp. Sometimes reading about these things becomes tedious and even seems harsh, but again, God is a holy God, and He wants His people to be holy in their lifestyles. Of course God knew this was impossible for mankind, or He wouldn't have had Jesus come to earth just to die in order to save us from our sins. When God described the unclean things He listed three: leprosy, discharge, and touching a corpse. Immediately I think of Miriam when she and Aaron were complaining to Moses about Moses' leadership. God cursed Miriam with leprosy for her unbridled tongue and criticism of God's anointed. For the discharge I think of the woman with an issue of blood for twelve years, and for death - perhaps a family member who had died, or a dead animal that had to be moved outside the camp. But these physical examples could also be compared as spiritual examples for us today. Leprosy, although treatable today and no longer deadly, unless left untreated, came upon Miriam, because of her sinning with her mouth. Words we say or dis-charge from our mouths lead to our further spiritual downfall, and can eventually lead to spiritual death from a bitter spirit or the refusal to forgive our brother. Whereas I had not looked at this passage of scripture in this light, I have always warned that "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." (Proverbs 18:21)

Bill, our Shepherd Pastor, always reminds us to live in our purpose, and be faithful in the little things, because God has to test our motives before we can graduate to higher purposes. This made me think about the vision God had given me that leads me to remind Him that I am aging. I wonder how in the world can I accomplish this task if I am getting older by the day. It's not that I despise the smaller things, no I really like being unseen in what I do. But I do want to fulfill His call on my life in the way in which He wants it. Not knowing what that way is, I continue to continue doing what I am doing. I am being obedient to the things that come or what He last set me to do. Or at least I hope I am. I do dream, but I do not want to become known per se, although in writing a book there is the possibility. Remote at best, but if God is in something, only He knows. 

As a host for Harvest Ministries in an online group there are days when I wonder "How long, O Lord?!" But when all is said and done, I actually love the ladies and the group, and they are growing in their walks with Jesus. So, when Bill said that whining or not having a grateful attitude with ALL things could lead to leprosy of the spirit, I paid attention. I don't want to have a rotting corpse attitude. I want the joy of the Lord as my strength, and I want others to see God's joy and His character shining through my life. So should we all, as that is the goal. We have to let our light shine for this dark world to see that Jesus IS the way, the truth, and the life.

So all in all this was an interesting day, and a restful one. My home was in peace, God's shalom peace, that transcends our imaginations! 

Day 148 Movie Time

 

5/29/2026

"If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, 

and then make a change." 

Michael Jackson  

 

Today my son had a free afternoon, as his plans had changed, so we decided to do something fun, something we'd not done together in a long time. It was such a nice day, and yesterday I spent the day working outside, cutting the grass before the next rainy days came, and my son had worked along side of me getting some outside work accomplished. There never seems to be a shortage of work to do around here, and I am determined to get this place looking better than it has in quite a while. That will require determination and grit - "courage, resilience, and unwavering perseverance."

We decided to go to the movies, and the movie my son wanted to see was Michael, about the life of Michael Jackson, who was played by his nephew Jaafar Jackson. I heard Kirk Cameron, the Christian actor, speak about the movie, saying that it was a good one to see. Normally I'm a fan of movies like The Chosen and The Lord of the Rings, but I love movies about the lives of people I admire, and Michael Jackson always seemed a kind and considerate young man, only eight years my junior actually. I have never been a fanatic fan of any actor or singer, but I have always admired creative talent, and he was a very gifted artist with multiple God-given talents. The movie was well done, and his nephew definitely was the right one to play the part. Jaafar in his own right is a wonderful artist, and this movie was his acting debut, I understand. I pray his career follows an honorable path.

It was very emotional for me in discovering that Michael's life was one of deep hurts, and he was not allowed to be a child, which explains much of his life. His empathy for those who were hurting whether emotionally or physically becomes very recognizable and understandable. He was known for his philanthropy for those who had desperate needs, especially children. He often visited children in hospitals, and it seems as if when approached, wherever he was, he took time to visit with people and sign autographs. He loved stuffed animals and real ones, especially those endangered, and I can relate to both of these likes. He seemed very much a kindred spirit of sorts to me. It's a shame that his life was cut short, because he was going to begin his career again after controversy not included in this film, of which I am relieved. He had a very deep love for his mother, and they spent quality time together in the evenings watching movies and sharing ice cream. Seeing the relationship, understanding how she must have felt, and grateful for her defending Michael warmed my heart. 

We can never know what another person's life is about, and it seems that after people are dead, tongues begin to wag, criticisms comes, and on and on it goes. I don't know if this is due to jealousy or lack of something better to do. Perhaps the hope of notoriety they have desired in their lives and never achieved on their own merit. This may well be why people tend to kick others while they're down. I don't understand many things, as I've said before multiple times. I just know the person I desire to be, one who brings honor and glory to my Lord and Savior, and a person who loves my neighbor as myself...or better. I think this is what Michael Jackson wanted to do. Only God knows his story, but the movie was well worth the seeing. 

Day 147 We Try

 

5/28/2026

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.” 

 Psalm 127:3 

 

Life has a way of playing tricks on us. But then the life of a follower of Jesus Christ often brings conflict and unexpected disruptions. Just when one victory is won, a seeming defeat comes to knock us off our feet. It really shouldn't be a surprise, as this has been the way it has been since the beginning of time. I often wonder why things must be certain ways, and most of the time I blame myself as I seem to think I deserve every evil or insult that comes my way. I understand all too well that I do not deserve any good thing, much less to be able to enter into heaven. I realize the price Jesus paid to ransom my soul, and I wonder why He did it, because I have failed so miserably. I failed the One person who was willing to die so that I could live. As I have often testified, once you see His death on the cross on your behalf, you will never be able to unsee His sacrificial love. I feel blessed to have spiritual eyes to see, and a heart of deep repentance and a heart that wants to bring honor to His Name. He is forever a part of me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But with commitment comes a high price, and I am slowly learning how great it can be.

It's very difficult for me to watch my country follow the path it has been hard pressed to pursue. And in spite of the gifts God has given to our great country, it only takes a few to cripple and devastate our nation. Daily I see hatred grow and disdain and blatant disrespect shown to our leadership and by our leaders even by professing Christians. This is not as it should be, but it is. Almost every day I post or state publicly that the church needs to wake up. These are not my words but God's words so aptly spoken in His Word. And they are so ignored today. Many are begging God for revival, coming before the throne of grace daily interceding for breakthrough and breakout, but their hearts are not right. I often think those who pray for the rapture just want to escape, and they really have no true sense of their part in the story, their identify in Christ. We are failing miserably, as many of the prayers are superficial and have not taken root in the heart of the one offering. The church is failing. We as individuals within the body of Christ are failing.

Words hurt us, and they can never be taken back. Through God's love and grace, we learn the wonderful blessing of repentance and forgiveness, not because we have to or He won't forgive us - which is true - but once you experience the depth of His great love and sacrifice, you change. I've suffered at the hands of loose lips and angry slips of the tongue, and to this day there are those I remember, even though I have long forgiven. My regret was that I was not able to confront the teacher in love when I was eleven or twelve years of age. Rather, I absorbed the lie, and it adversely effected my life for a season. As I look back over my life, as I am made to recall for reasons only God allows, I endured many callous remarks, perhaps aimed at me, because I was there, too small to be elsewhere. Perhaps I asked too many questions regarding wrongs I saw. I particularly always wanted to know why we sat at one table and others at another, or why there were two bathrooms and two water fountains for people. Remember I was born in 1950, and I could see, and I could feel the hurt. I realize now that God had His hand on me then. He saved me at birth from being choked to death in my mother's womb. She suffered greatly, and I think her entire life had mostly deep hurts, or sadness never fully expressed. There are so many things I have witnessed and seen without being shown or told. I just knew.

Today I was wrongly accused of some things from many, many years ago, but I know that the enemy is very cunning, and I know that he can make things appear very real in our minds, when it is not true. We are in a spiritual battle, and the ones who will hate us the most will be those we are close to, as Jesus said it would be. I wish it were not so, but I will not fight with someone or attempt to vindicate myself, because I trust God, so I put this hurt into His hands. I know that He will sort it out, and the enemy will be exposed. Life is hard, and in trying to help save someone from harm, we may tend to go a little overboard at times, and I have done this, leading to misunderstanding. Sadly I have learned that many things are beyond my control, but I am at least glad that I tried. My son told me that I cared too much about other people, and he also said that I had always put others first before myself. One day perhaps he will remember those words. I haven't changed, as I still do this, because it is right and kind, and I had good examples in my parents and grandparents. At least that was my experience. 

I am grateful for my life, and for my family, and for my children. God graciously allowed me to have three miracle children. I know that regardless of how things may be now that God has a plan for each of them. I will trust Him, as I always have, but the road ahead is dark right now, with corners of light, some very bright, yet fading at the end of day or at the crook in the road. Still, faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence not yet seen. I will rejoice in all things. I will keep my eyes on the Captain of the Armies of Heaven. I will believe, and I will keep trying. It is what He has for me to do. 

Day 146 In Quietness & Confidence

 

5/27/2026

"There are, and there ought to be, stated seasons of communion 

with God when, everything else shut out, we come into His presence to

talk to Him and to let Him speak to us; and out of such seasons springs

that beautiful habit of prayer that weaves a golden bond 

between earth and heaven."

E.M. Bounds

 

Recently a prominent Christian pastor lost his son to cardiac arrest from a drug overdose, and although he knew that his son had struggled for some time, his overdose and subsequent death came as quite a shock to him and his family. Anytime there is loss, especially tragic loss of a child, the grief is harder to bear. Parents are not supposed to bury their children. In the season of grief, the pastor has struggled to pray, and of course this concerned him, because he is a pastor, and he has a congregation to shepherd. He was concerned about his inability to pray or want to pray. When he cried out to the Lord, God heard and answered him saying he needed time to grieve, and he felt that God was telling him that this would be a time to rest, close his mouth (step away from the podium) and listen to what He is saying to him at this time. I understand the need for these times of being still in the Presence of our Abba Father, and I understand the need to grieve. I lost a spiritual daughter not too long ago, and I am still struggling daily with the loss. I have felt the need to get away, but I don't know where to go in this place I no longer know from having living away for so long. Coming home is difficult. Sometimes we get so busy doing the work of the Father that we forget to ask Him what we are to do. And in these times when we are unable to pray, thankfully we have Holy Spirit who makes intercession for us, lifting our prayers heavenward where Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father. Our prayers arise as incense to Abba Father.

I am very familiar with times when I simply do not know how to pray. I can be sitting in a prayer group, listening to others go before the throne of grace, and feel so distant. I can be in complete agreement with what they are praying, but I am unable to voice the depth of my feelings. Sometimes all I've done in my quiet times is cry, and yet there are times in those tears when I can visualize the battle or feel the depth of a person's despair that has now become mine. Standing in the gap for another can be exhausting for a time, but we learn how to release the problem into God's hand, because the battle is His, not ours.

In recent days I have ached to comfort those I know are grieving or suffering, and I have stood in the gap for those who have prodigal children, who once loved Jesus but now have drifted away. I know this battle well. With all the special prayer and events associated with the 250th celebration of our nation, along with other ongoing concerns and responsibilities, I have found myself in a place where fighting off distractions has become increasingly difficult. This could be part of the spiritual battle or it could be my own flesh. I always tend to blame myself for every flaw, but I am very aware of the spiritual battle that is going on. I also know the distractions that are strategically placed, and they are very needful of prayer and action, but for me, I know that my focus is to remain on what God has said to do. So, I need my quiet times away to be still and listen to what God says, not man. Part of the problem is silencing the noise of opinion or perspective. The battle is the Lord's according to 2 Chronicles 20:15, so we leave the results in His hands. We have our work, and He has His. Many times we try to help God. Imagine that! Trying to help the Creator of the Universe! He doesn't need us, but He does want a relationship with us. He wants us to enjoy Him. Come and sit awhile. Listen to what He has to say to us in the midst of the turbulence, the unsettling feelings and thoughts, and the continuous lies and lawlessness that our world has adopted. 

I was talking to my daughter today, and she was reminding me of my words to memorize scripture, graft it on her heart, as one day we may not have the privilege of owning a Bible. We are fast approaching some very disturbing consequences of our unfaithfulness in using our Constitutional liberties. The church is asleep, and the uncompromising Word of the LORD is not being preached, and the sheep are not being taught for various reasons. It is time to wake up, grow up, and take our place defending our faith, knowing how to stand in these uncertain times. The Bible is our guide, and Jesus is the word of truth.

The only way anyone knows the truth is by learning from the Lord Himself, reading and studying the word, and allowing Holy Spirit to lead us to all truth, as Jesus said He would do. And we learn in the quiet places. It's time to separate ourselves from this world, find the quiet places, sit and listen to what the Spirit of the LORD is saying to us today. Learn from Him, not the media or those who scroll. Be still and know that He is God.

Day 145 Grocery Day

 

5/26/2026

 "I'm not behind in life, I'm just buffering."

Unknown 

 

In scrolling through some information looking for something and not find it, I came across the quotation listed above. While I'm not quite certain in what context the term "buffering" applies, I decided that, as concerns me, it meant "spinning my wheels" or in effect "accomplishing nothing."

When I downsized from all my creative plunder, all my wonderful patterns and ideas and some very special plush friends and collections that I'd acquired over the years, so that I could fit into the moving van, I didn't realize how much much of it meant to me and would be missed. In the process of the move I lost a couple of treasures, items I held dear, like a cross my mama gave me as a child. I gave away tons of books and so many tools. I thought my daddy would have tools, so I wouldn't need mine. I was correct about part of it. He did have tools, but they are ancient and not very functional, unless their antiquity makes them valuable as collector items. The basement looks like a museum of old vehicle parts, transmissions, motors, plus there's a windshield and dashboard in the attic along with other treasures. My next purchase needs to be a pick up truck, so I can haul this stuff to the dump, unless I can find someone who is interested in these types of memorabilia.

There's so much that needs to be spruced up, cleaned up, knocked down and built up that I do not know where to start. I get overwhelmed walking through the house, although I have done well not to obsess about it overly for almost five years now. But my statute of limitations has come to an end. It is now time to "DO" something constructive or destructive depending on what it is that needs to be done.

With all the college graduations I began to think about my days at Virginia Commonwealth University, and although I wasn't particularly social, because I had a husband and three little ones at home, I did find time to wander through the fan or drive through on my bicycle as I went from VCU to MCV for my job. There was this little shop in the fan on a side street that sold hippie style long skirts. I found a brown one that I really loved, and I wore that thing to a shred apparently, because I don't have it any longer. That was a long time ago, though. Since then my style hasn't changed much, although I tend to love the "boho" look now, but it's really not that different. Then there's "Santa Fe style," but they all seem to include long skirts and sometimes bulky long sweaters. What can I say...I'm just "myself."

Yesterday I "googled" retro clothing, and I actually found a shop in the fan! It may be the very one from all those years ago, so I will be checking that out in the near future. I also looked for fabric discount stores in Crewe, but the closest was Farmville. I used to sew a lot back in the day, and I remember there was an old factory, off the beaten path, where I'd find some great fabric. I particularly love making skirts of rayon, and that fabric is very hard to find, as the old stores that carried it have closed. Still it gives me something to pursue, as I really do want to get back into making my own clothes and design a line of my own to market.

I'm not certain what sparked my search yesterday, unless it was a devotional I read about the parable of the talents. I certainly do not want to squander the gifts God has given me or hoard them. We all have gifts, and over all these long years of my life I have done so many things, and my ability to sew and craft, later to design jewelry, kept food on the table and clothes on my children's backs. I created a set of puppets used in teaching at risk kids in high school, and I also assisted with many children's programs and Vacation Bible School. My life has been an active one when I think back over it. I'd really enjoy picking up where I left off and finishing some projects I've only dreamed of doing. It all seems impossible today when I consider my previous conversation about all that needs doing around the house, but I can't give up the dream. Who knows...maybe I'm just meant to encourage someone else?! Someone may have their own dream and need support and a little shove in the right direction. Funny, I can inspire others, but I frustrate myself. 

But for now - today at least - it's time to get ready to go to Food Lion to pick up some veggies for supper. Grocery shopping is not one of my ideas of a fun day, but it is necessary...and costly. But as long as I'm dreaming, I'll add lower prices and a garden of my own to my wish and project lists. Nothing's impossible!