Simply Trusting

My weekends are times I enjoy spending with God.  I don't have to rush to get ready for work in the mornings or worry about getting to bed early in the evenings.  It's our time.  I am selfish about that time.  Sunday mornings I generally go to church, as my mother always stressed the importance of being a part of a local fellowship.   Beside which I have always loved to going to church, singing and learning.

Many things have happened over the course of my life to cause me to change this habit.  Sometimes my thoughts become so deep about how I may be feeling at a certain time, that I prefer to spend my time only with Him.  This isn't meant to exclude anyone, nor do I think I am better, it is a coping mechanism I have adapted when my heart is overwhelmed, and I just cannot bring myself to share how I feel with another person. Probably because I fear the rejection, the disinterest, the misunderstandings that usually follow.

I am at another crossroads in my life, and I am having a hard time coping with my feelings. Sometimes I get so angry and disappointed in others, in myself, but I cannot put my finger on the root cause of how I feel.  Does it all come back to me from a past failure, unhealed memory or broken heart?  Why does it haunt me so?  How can I explain it to others when I don't even understand myself?

These are the times that my heart cries out to God, My Father, the Creator of my life, the One who gives me purpose, Who accepts me as His own, unreservedly, my Best Friend.  He is my Rock in times of troubles, He is the Truth that sets me free, He is the air I breathe each day.  Although I walk through these valleys, these shadows of doubt, fear, uncertainty, I should have no fear, because I know He is there beside me.  Whatever this cloud is that hangs over my head I know He'll show me what to do to turn this muggy, dreary existence into Life and Light.  I hear the words, "Trust Me" so clearly.

So no matter how I "feel" today, tomorrow, how many days that come, I need to hold fast to His words, to His promises to me to simply trust Him.  Focused, determined, trusting Him....simply trusting Him whatever befalls, trusting Jesus that is all.

Written 3/24/13