What does it take to mend the heart of a broken person? How many times does one have to hear the words "I love you," or "I care about your life," or especially, "I am your friend," to really allow the words to take root in their heart and grow to the point of freedom? Freedom comes with a huge price. If you don't believe it, look at the life of Jesus, who paid the total price for each of our lives. And if we dare to follow in His footsteps the price will be costly. I hate it when someone tells me, "God wants you to be happy!" Obviously, the person making the statement has never read and understood the Word of God. It never says that any more than it says, "God helps those who help themselves," or "God never gives you more than you can handle." In fact every person who has said those words to me, I have asked them to show me the scripture. You can guess the response to my boldness. I recently read an article about this very thing, and it reconfirmed to me once again that God would never say things like that. Face it...if we could "help ourselves" we wouldn't need a Savior. If we were meant to be happy, we wouldn't have hardships, sickness, death. We'd be puppets on a string dancing to the jig of another tune. Frankly, I prefer dancing to the sounds of Amazing Grace, Awesome God, El Shaddai, or Oceans. They speak honestly to our need and the support we have available through our Father who loves us so much. All He asks for is our love and obedience, for us to prefer Him.
Reading through the Bible each year also reminds me that God always makes a way for us, and He helps us, as long as we follow His ways, the right and moral ways. When Gideon was hiding in the wine press from his enemies threshing wheat, the Angel of the Lord's Armies of Heaven greeted him by saying, "Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!" He said that to a man cowering from his enemy, hiding his grain from the big, bad Midianites. If you know the story found in Judges 6 God does use Gideon in a profound way to deliver the people of Israel from the enemy. This is how it works...not by our puny power or might, as we simply do not have it. Without God on our side, we fail miserably. Personally, I need God living inside of me and through me to exist in this world today. I have always needed Him, and guess what! He never fails, gives up on you, or abandons you, as humans often do. I know much about abandonment and loss, but I stand here today strong in the power of the Lord and His might. There is no other life for me, strange as that may be for some to understand or even accept. He is truly my all in all.
At this writing I am visiting my younger son, Daniel, in Virginia. Today is his 40th birthday, and he is about to receive a very "large" gift. I hope one day he fully understands the true price, not in dollars and cents, but in sacrifice of another kind. It's not a gift given by human hands or ability, it is a gift given solely by the grace of a Heavenly Father who loves him so much that He is offering him a place of service. Years ago God opened up the windows of heaven and gave me a vision that is so huge it defies my understanding of how He expects lowly little me to begin. Over the days here I have been sharing bits and pieces with Daniel, things so personal that I feel he needs to understand concerning the vision and who is part of it. He, like me, understands all too well, given current family situations, that fulfillment of any part of this vision will require an act of God, as all human efforts to effect change to date have failed. So, step one began yesterday as I met with my brother and sister, and step two begins today, as we complete some necessary steps before my imminent return to New Mexico.
All I want for my life and for my children is to live the life God has planned for us since before time began. I do believe as does Daniel that God does have a plan for our lives. Even if we detour from the path, as I have shared openly with you before in previous blogs, God is faithful in His love to turn it back around in ways one could never imagine. How well I know it, and it brings a smile to my face to think of my amazing journey thus far. But I share with you also that I become apprehensive at times if I allow myself to dwell on it, because the way ahead is unclear. This is why I have developed the habit of only allowing myself to think on each day's tasks, rather than attempt to plan ahead, because I don't know how to look ahead! Of course, in my work life I have to plan ahead, schedule appointments, follow up tasks, and such, but in my personal life I can only function on a day-to-day basis. Having multiple head trauma helped me get to this point, so please, don't let it go that far for you who are reading. Matthew 7: 22-34 guides us along the path of trust in God, and it is well worth the application. In fact read the entire Sermon on the Mount beginning in Chapter 5. It is a passage of scripture I return to often to keep my focus clear.
If you have followed my blogs you know that I find great clarity and truth in the lives of Rich Mullins and Brennan Manning. Last night Daniel agreed to watch the story of Rich's life in the movie, Ragamuffin, that also introduces Brennan. He admitted to me later that he was hesitant to watch a "Christian" movie, but he was pleasantly surprised to find that his life, like those of Rich and Brennan, are very similar in attitude, thoughts, and responses to others. Perhaps, not so much in humility...yet! But he was blessed, and he plans to add it to his "collection" as opposed to his "obsessions." That story is for another time. Point is, God did a work, and, as in each of us, it is a work in progress (Philippians 1:6). But going back to the first statement I made, brokenness and realizing our true need, is not an easy "fix." I know this as do many of you who are reading these words. But He can fix us, because if we can believe anything about the Bible, we can believe these words, "For God so loved that He gave...!" and He continues to give, and give, and give again. So right now, rather than continue to struggle and fall down, alone in this life, take the hand that is extended to you and dare to believe that "Yes, Jesus loves YOU!"
I leave you with this thought from the life of another of my friends who started her call late in life which gives me hope and proves age is irrelevant, there is only faith and trust:
Now I return to my home for the present time, and I wait, and I watch, and I "be!"
