Listening

 

Last night I watched a movie about a defense attorney who, like all lawyers, live their lives spouting words. He mentioned how many thousands of words he spoke in a day (something like 80,000), and it was staggering. In his case, his words helped free criminals, and so... the point of the movie.  After his wife and daughter were brutally murdered, he takes a vow of silence until their deaths are avenged. He readies himself in combat by learning how to fight..and listen. In fact, he says that as he keeps silent...or...as he disciplines himself to keep his mouth shut, his hearing becomes more acute! In fact, it saves his life on more than one occasion.

Interesting that I should choose to watch this movie after the way my day began yesterday morning. After a heartless comment by someone who speaks without thinking or feeling how it may hurt others, I lashed out in anger about the comment to another friend using angry, vile words I loathe to hear from anyone's mouth. I don't speak or think in such terms, and I don't subject myself to vulgarity, but out of the depth of my deep-seated anger and poisoned soul from the day-to-day remarks of individuals, the filth and dis-ease had to be released or delivered out of me. Needless to say I was appalled at the depth of my sense of depravity just from the associations. It was then I realized, finally, that it is time to separate myself from those who destroy my spirit. Over the months, literally years of my life, I have been victim to many misfortunes, but verbal abuse is the worst enemy. Whether it is directed at me, others, or to God! I can no longer subject myself to those who see the negative side of life, who blame others, and who cast aspersions on my best Friend, the Lover of my soul.

Since listening to the message of this cinematic wonder, I have not spoken a word to another person. I speak to God all the time, within myself and out loud, because He's my constant Companion, but He doesn't mind it if I discipline myself in such a way. Our communication doesn't stop, because with Him, it's two way, any way. Others will have to wait, to understand. If I want to hear, I must listen. If I want to listen, I need to shut my mouth.

The challenge I'm having is that the noise in my head from my accident increases daily, and it is deafening, and at times, maddening. Who knows, perhaps I'm already nuts, but this is my world in which I survive, so don't judge what you can't understand.

Perhaps, if we all took a vow of silence even for a short period of each day, just to listen, to wait, perhaps the world would be a safer, saner, better, more peaceful place. For me, it has already become so.