For many years I have been listening to voices telling me why I can't do certain things. Never the opposite. Familiar voices of family, friends, even strangers. Paralyzing fear follows. So overpowering that I can't seem to rise against the downward spiral it releases. The only thing that keeps me from completely being overcome by this great force is my rock solid belief that I can do whatever I set my heart and mind to do with God's help. That belief comes from my faith in God, and His ability, not my own.
Over the years the enemy of fear and "you can't do" have caused me to lose much ground in accomplishing my dreams. So much so that today I don't remember what my dreams were much less how to attain them. I become encouraged only to be let down or shoved back, because rather than listen to the One who created me and birthed these ideas in my heart, I have chosen to listen to the voices that only rebuff, criticize.
Today I find myself discouraged, but I don't know why. The wind is blowing, it is cold, I am tired. Tomorrow begins another week of doing the same thing. Not that my work isn't challenging, because it is very much so. It's just not what I want to be doing with my time right now. But then, I am not sure where I would want to be or what I desire to be doing. My dreams have faded, and I am straining to see what purpose I may yet have in this world.
What is the answer? Where can I find the answers I seek? Why can't I lift myself from this despair?
As I mull over this great dilemma the neighborhood dog chooses that moment to stop by to say hello. The familiar "ah ooooo" comes out sharply, like a wolf baying at the moon. She never barks, just howls. I have to laugh, because she does it with such disregard, demanding my attention, but with such joy at seeing me, acknowledging my presence even if all she hears is "please shut up!" I admit I am not always as excited about seeing her as she is at seeing me. But the laughter takes me away from the moment and sets my sight on the simple joys around me that brighten my day. God does indeed work in mysterious ways, does He not?!
The moods have passed as I watch the antics of this kindly saint playing and romping before me. The wind is still blowing, rain gently falling, and the earth and my spirit are renewed. No more voices for today, only the reassurance that each day brings opportunity, and we all choose how we deal with it. It's all about attitude and state of mind. I have decided to focus on the positive things I see, and the furry friend who loves me.
Written 3/22/13
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