Once more I find
myself at a crossroads in life – having to make a career choice, starting over.
But it is at the almost age of 63 I find
a bit disconcerting to be trying to decide what I want to do with the rest of
my life, when most people are contemplating retirement, or like most of my
school chums who decided to be teachers, already enjoying retirement. So what makes my life so different? Choices, I suppose, and yet, I also am
beginning to truly understand that my life has been orchestrated by a greater
Mind than my own.
I attempt to view
life as a challenge, and I am always trying to keep my eyes open to creative possibilities. When the children were small, my favorite
word was “modify”. If something didn’t
work, or fit, or if a certain subject matter wasn’t “clicking”, I’d approach it
from a different angle. I was considered
“versatile” and “creative”, but my means to an end generally worked out… or
“lucked out” in some considered opinions. I also wasn’t afraid of traveling by myself
with my small children. Sometimes
without much planning or anticipation, off we’d go, working my way across the
country going from East Coast to West Coast, ending up on the other shore with
family, while my husband flew the distance.
He worked, and I didn’t or I had greater flexibility in my
schedule. To some in the family I was
considered a pioneer, one to be admired for my bravery. For me I loved driving across country,
visiting with friends and family as I skipped my way across, up and down,
different routes, visiting zoos and parks along the way, making my own
entertainment as we journeyed sometimes for hours. While the children slept, I dreamed of places
yet to see, challenges yet to meet, things to do, art to create and stories to
tell. I was a Dreamer, like Joseph of
Bible times. And like Joseph, my path
has taken me through many twists and turns, ups and downs, lies, deceit and
betrayals. But he survived and fulfilled
his dream, and I believe through perseverance my dream will also come to
fruition. A former COO once said I
needed to be versatile and have a good sense of humor to accomplish my job,
which I do, and they have served me well whatever path I’ve trodden.
So, yet again, I
face another fork in the road. Does it
entail remaining here or moving away, continuing on while starting over, or
completely starting over while continuing on?
I don’t know. And today, it is
certainly not my main focus, because with every diversion, every hitch, there
are other people to take into consideration.
People are always affected by the choices we make in life. That is part of the life process we call
“change”. Used to be that the older I
would become I would absolutely shudder at the thought of that word
“change”. The sheer mention of the word
brought fear and loathing, often paralyzing me to the point of inactivity, just
brooding, silence. Today, I am trying to
see it in a different light. Trying to
understand what it means to me in the plan and purpose for my life. My wise son reminded me recently, as I have reminded
him over his lifetime that we go through places in life, be it tragedy, loss,
death, separation, betrayal, health changes, because it is part of the plan to teach
us a lesson we need to learn in life. I
go a bit further with my explanation to say these “lessons” prepare us for the
fulfillment of a goal, a purpose, a dream.
The testing, trials are for our making, if you will. Bad things always happen along the way, but
life cannot be perfect and things worth having are worth the wait and the
work…or even the lesson. We all have
purpose. Finding that purpose, living to
fulfill that purpose is the journey. And
think about it another way…if we had a perfect life, if we never walked certain
roads or endured trials, how could we possibly relate to or encourage another
living soul? Without the empathy, the
understanding of similar life walks and experiences, we are clueless of what
another may feel. These are valuable
lessons to learn, if we can see it from that perspective, don’t you think?
Regardless of the
many swings and sways in my near 63 years of living I can honestly say that I
have not lost the vision…the dream. I
can also testify that the immensely challenging twists and turns in my recent
years, especially in the place I now find myself, my job, the people I have and
continue to serve, as well as those I partner with daily have helped me define
the person I want to be in my life of living out the purpose God has planned
for me. Definitions, the art of
defining, come with much precision and interpretation which in itself is
challenging. It is part of the analogy
of chiseling away at a diamond in the rough or the potter and the clay
process. It can be a quite painful
process, but the final work of art is definitive and durable.
So this week as I
endure another step along the way in determining the next move, I trust I can
do so with vision and focus keeping the flexibility and laughter, keeping my
attitude positive, heart joyful and grateful for the journey thus far.
