Sunday, June 30, 2013

Once More...The Journey Begins


Once more I find myself at a crossroads in life – having to make a career choice, starting over. But it is at the almost age of 63  I find a bit disconcerting to be trying to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life, when most people are contemplating retirement, or like most of my school chums who decided to be teachers, already enjoying retirement.  So what makes my life so different?  Choices, I suppose, and yet, I also am beginning to truly understand that my life has been orchestrated by a greater Mind than my own.

I attempt to view life as a challenge, and I am always trying to keep my eyes open to creative possibilities.  When the children were small, my favorite word was “modify”.  If something didn’t work, or fit, or if a certain subject matter wasn’t “clicking”, I’d approach it from a different angle.  I was considered “versatile” and “creative”, but my means to an end generally worked out… or “lucked out” in some considered opinions.  I also wasn’t afraid of traveling by myself with my small children.  Sometimes without much planning or anticipation, off we’d go, working my way across the country going from East Coast to West Coast, ending up on the other shore with family, while my husband flew the distance.  He worked, and I didn’t or I had greater flexibility in my schedule.  To some in the family I was considered a pioneer, one to be admired for my bravery.  For me I loved driving across country, visiting with friends and family as I skipped my way across, up and down, different routes, visiting zoos and parks along the way, making my own entertainment as we journeyed sometimes for hours.  While the children slept, I dreamed of places yet to see, challenges yet to meet, things to do, art to create and stories to tell.  I was a Dreamer, like Joseph of Bible times.  And like Joseph, my path has taken me through many twists and turns, ups and downs, lies, deceit and betrayals.  But he survived and fulfilled his dream, and I believe through perseverance my dream will also come to fruition.  A former COO once said I needed to be versatile and have a good sense of humor to accomplish my job, which I do, and they have served me well whatever path I’ve trodden.

So, yet again, I face another fork in the road.  Does it entail remaining here or moving away, continuing on while starting over, or completely starting over while continuing on?  I don’t know.  And today, it is certainly not my main focus, because with every diversion, every hitch, there are other people to take into consideration.  People are always affected by the choices we make in life.  That is part of the life process we call “change”.  Used to be that the older I would become I would absolutely shudder at the thought of that word “change”.  The sheer mention of the word brought fear and loathing, often paralyzing me to the point of inactivity, just brooding, silence.  Today, I am trying to see it in a different light.  Trying to understand what it means to me in the plan and purpose for my life.  My wise son reminded me recently, as I have reminded him over his lifetime that we go through places in life, be it tragedy, loss, death, separation, betrayal, health changes, because it is part of the plan to teach us a lesson we need to learn in life.  I go a bit further with my explanation to say these “lessons” prepare us for the fulfillment of a goal, a purpose, a dream.  The testing, trials are for our making, if you will.  Bad things always happen along the way, but life cannot be perfect and things worth having are worth the wait and the work…or even the lesson.  We all have purpose.  Finding that purpose, living to fulfill that purpose is the journey.  And think about it another way…if we had a perfect life, if we never walked certain roads or endured trials, how could we possibly relate to or encourage another living soul?  Without the empathy, the understanding of similar life walks and experiences, we are clueless of what another may feel.  These are valuable lessons to learn, if we can see it from that perspective, don’t you think?

Regardless of the many swings and sways in my near 63 years of living I can honestly say that I have not lost the vision…the dream.  I can also testify that the immensely challenging twists and turns in my recent years, especially in the place I now find myself, my job, the people I have and continue to serve, as well as those I partner with daily have helped me define the person I want to be in my life of living out the purpose God has planned for me.  Definitions, the art of defining, come with much precision and interpretation which in itself is challenging.  It is part of the analogy of chiseling away at a diamond in the rough or the potter and the clay process.  It can be a quite painful process, but the final work of art is definitive and durable.

So this week as I endure another step along the way in determining the next move, I trust I can do so with vision and focus keeping the flexibility and laughter, keeping my attitude positive, heart joyful and grateful for the journey thus far.

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