Day 291 - Day 304 Unoffendable

Whereas I don't watch television, as I do not subscribe, I do enjoy watching select series shown on Netflix. In my search for something not perverse I found a series, now in its fourth season, called Arrow. It's about a filthy rich, young man who when ship-wrecked with his father after their boat capsizes in what they think is storm driven, discovers that his father is not the man he believed him to be. Adrift on a boat, short of provisions, before taking his own life, his father confesses his wrongs, and his dying wish is for his son to live to right his wrongs. The young man, Oliver, makes it to an island where he encounters torture, escape, and a series of events spanning five years where he is trained to become "The Arrow" as he returns to his home and family where he sets out to right the wrongs. In the course of his pursuits he becomes more than what appears to be a vigilante, he becomes a savior for the targeted poor area of the city.

As I watch the series I see Oliver mature from a playboy, spoiled rich kid, to a good-hearted, honest - beyond his hidden secret - young man, who no longer considers wealth to be something to use selfishly for one's own interests, but something to use to help others who may need a helping hand or a second chance.  And so, as I now begin the second season I am anxious to see who Oliver continues to become as he struggles to regain his strength, courage, and direction to rebuild a broken, devastated city.

I admit I have been struggling myself which is one reason I do not blog daily or always share my writings when I do post my blog. The idea behind my year long effort was to share my gratitude to God.  Regardless of how I feel physically or emotionally, no matter what I see or hear that challenges my faith in friends or family, I still praise my Abba Father who keeps me grounded in His word, for His purpose, and for His glory. At this moment I feel I have failed God so much, because I find it hard to have an unoffendable heart, as Jesus has.  And as my one desire for my life is to be like Him and live like Him, it hurts to the deepest part of myself when I feel I have failed.

Over the years since my daddy died I have tried to focus on the work I do for others, and the person I want to be in my own personal life and ministry. This morning my mind drifted back to talks with my daddy in his later years when I was able to visit him, especially after mama died. I always looked to my daddy regarding financial matters, as he was the one who taught me how to work, save, and stay free from debt. Sadly, when he needed me the most, I was in debt, so I could not burden him with my problems. But I realize now that he understood that about me, and I know that he loved me, respected me, and he was proud of the person I had become. He knew my sufficiency was not in money or possessions, but in God alone.

As the years went by and times changed, he understood less and less about the financial world, so he was unable to answer questions I had regarding 401k or pension plans. When I left my employment with the State and Federal Governments back in my younger years his advice to me was to cash out, and now I see that may not have been the best for me. Yet I trusted him, and he advised me the best he understood. My daddy didn't really understand the changing world. He understood the value of hard work and honesty. He understood tithing his income, provisions, time and beyond, because he understood what it meant to love your neighbor as yourself. Although he may have struggled with the loving yourself part, as do I, he would be the first to respond when someone needed help, regardless of his financial standing or the hardships he endured in his life. That is the legacy of my parents I hold dear, because they responded without indifference or thinking of themselves, to the call of Jesus.

Today I am very sad, discouraged, and my heart is breaking. Why isn't important. What is important is my response, and regardless of the disappointment I am feeling on so many levels, the only person I can change or for whom I am responsible is myself. And the response I make must be to choose the unoffendable heart, like Jesus, because He is the One I love, the One I choose to follow for all decisions in my life. I never thought my life would take the path it has, but I am grateful for the person I have grown to be. As a small child I encountered the profound love of Jesus Christ, and although through life I have strayed at times, nonetheless, He has never turned His love away from me. Now, I am misunderstood and often and the object of disapproval, but I still prefer to have a life hidden in Christ, and a life doing the work of my Abba Father. His is my legacy, as that I have from my earthly daddy. It is my prayer that one day those I love will come to see that life is not about earthly treasure, no matter what the need may appear to be. What matters first is seeking His kingdom and his righteousness, then He handles the rest. Trust me, He does what He says, and His word is to be trusted.

Love, Respect and Honor

I have trouble sleeping. I don't always have a reason - sometimes I am too exhausted to sleep, if that makes any sense at all. Other times I am in pain. Rather than pop a pill, sleeping or pain, I pop in a favorite DVD, one I have watched so many times that I can say the entire script by memory.

I particularly enjoy science fiction, fantasy, thrillers, aka...who done its. But I think my all time favorites of favorites are movies set back in times gone by when men were gentlemen and chivalry was in vogue. A man who honored his word and who respected the woman of his desires. I doubt one finds a mix of such quality and virtue in our modern society; however, I do know of a handful.

Jane Austen has written some significant works along those lines of which I speak. Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, and Persuasion are three classic favorites, and naturally I happen to own the movies, as well as the books. Mr. Darcy, in his shy, and often not-meaning-to-be somewhat offensive manner are beyond words. What a story!

In fairness there are some movies, written in recent years, of equal value in my considered opinion of what connotes a notable, classic example of true romance. But first, let me explain to you what I mean by "romance" as I see it. It is not the slobbery, panting, over-zealous attempt to seduce, rather a scene as one set back in time where consideration and respect are of the utmost importance in truly falling in love...the honorable way. Hand holding, walking in the woods escorted by parents in the distance, and perhaps a slight kiss upon the hand. Ahhh.

Okay, boy meets girl...they actually talk, as in carry on a conversation. Sometimes the first meeting is not even acceptable much less exceptional. In fact they may actually loathe each other at first sight. In the Movie Letters to Juliet we catch a glimpse of "loathe at first sight" where it eventually turns the other direction after a series of "events" have transpired, often whimsical. The interesting thing is that what drew them together was a letter written to Juliet as in Romeo and Juliet. So now you may get the idea,but then, maybe not!

 

The interesting twist is that the "the boy finds girl" is not the true story being depicted in this drama. It is actually more like Jane Austen's book and the movie Persuasion where love is lost but rediscovered. Watch it and read it! You're never too young to appreciate true love! Of course in the misadventures of the hopelessly love struck young lovers, as Jane Austen puts it in the movie, Becoming Jane,"after a little trouble, they have all they desire"...or something along those lines. 

 

Discover the Twists

 

So there you have it! When you're tired, and you just can't sleep read Jane Austen or watch a favorite movie! But wait!! I have not spoken about the wonderful series of photographs at the top of the page. Talk about twist of fate! This all-time fave is the one that has been rocking me gently and sweetly to rest for the past few days. It stars Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, The Lake House, and you will just have to discover the secret of this gem of a 5 Star movie for yourself. Bring some tissues, as it has its moments! But as Jane says...."After a little trouble...!" And it isn't even her writing! Great stuff, so enjoy!

Until next time...Meet you at the classics!

Day 278 - Day 290 Slip of Time

Autumn is my favorite time of year! The crisp morning air, apples ripe on the trees, pinon pickers in every byway, fresh red chili ristras, and golden aspen trees gracing the mountain. I love autumn!

Regardless of what I experience in my day-to-day existence, no matter how much pain this old body feels in a day, I can still look out my window or walk out my door and drink in the beauty of God's glory! For me, nature makes me feel closer to Abba. As the season progresses and the holidays approach I find myself always grateful, yet I am so aware of the distance between myself and the people I love.

Each day I remember something funny my mama would say. Sometimes I think it is where I acquired my cynical edge, because she was too much of a lady to even remotely suggest outright cynicism. I recognize the traits in my children, never to the point of rudeness, just an edge and always in fun. I enjoy lifting spirits, seeing the positive side of things as opposed to dwelling on the not-so-good things. Still, I find myself sad at times on mornings like this one. I miss being who I am supposed to become. I miss "being." I miss Linda.

You'd think at age 65 I would already know who I am, yet I find my life changing in ways I never expected, never even allowed myself to consider. When I was alone in Pagosa Springs things seemed clearer, but returning back to the same life has hindered my vision again. Pain, after so many years of freedom, but it is getting more bearable as it becomes the norm again. I cannot complain. God has been so good to me. I am a miracle. I am unique. I am grateful.

One day we may find ourselves scurrying around, busily making preparations for a wedding, laughter in the air, and the next we are knocked off our feet from a blow we never saw coming. Decisions too remote to consider, much less make in a matter of days. The peacefulness of life is stolen by one simple change.

I know life gets busy, and I realize very well that sudden mid-stream reversals in plans can send fear and doubt into our hearts. But at the same time I know who holds my future, and I am not afraid. I become impatient at myself, because I feel so helpless to straighten my own path, yet He is here guiding me, taking me by the hand, and if I trust Him, my vision clears, my calm returns, and I am free once more to "be."

I watched a movie called Jumper where the hero is a young man who discovers he has the ability to jump through time in an instant. Imagine the possibility! Having a vast imagination myself I can visualize certain possibilities, so I really don't fear taking some risks. It's not age that's slowed me down, it's my focus on my own life story. I only want what God wants, and I know He wants me to follow my dreams, the ones He inspired, the ones He breathed into my soul.

Heart desires often get us into trouble, as I am well aware, but this ache, this longing deep within my soul calls out to me. I know I am missing something, perhaps someone. Time slips by, and I find myself in a quandary asking once more, "What do I do, Father?" The answer is always so simple, so gentle, never changing, and I trust. I don't know how the days will pan out from here, but I am making steps to clear my head. Pain or not my life will be exactly as it should be, and I am content again to wait and see, enjoying what I have right here, right now, always grateful.

Day 271 - Day 277 Into Another Month

 

Once again I find myself in the throes of pain and one more challenge I have to overcome. I count it a blessing to have been graced with a reprieve from such torment for so long, as most of my life I have had to live with pain. Sadly, it becomes "normal" as one makes the choice either to go on with life regardless of the pain or to give into it and cease to live. I choose to go on, and it is my hope, my prayer that I can rise above this test to bring greater glory to the One who loves me.

This past week I have been looking within myself asking Holy Spirit to show me areas of my life that need healing. In order to heal there are things I need to know, and often "seeing" brings more sadness, but I feel it is necessary to open the hidden places of the heart. I feel my life has taken a detour from the things that God has planned for me to do, and above all else, service to Him is my desire.

My time in Pagosa Springs ("pagosa" means healing) started a turnaround in my way of thinking about priorities in life and what I needed to do to change my focus. I continue to read and glean the advice of others whom I admire as those who make every attempt to live authentic lives. Transparency is a liberating trait, but truth is something we ask for but seldom want to accept. Still it is what I search for in the heart of a man or woman, and I believe it is what God honors most. It's senseless to think you can hide anything from God. He knows and sees all!

I attended a training this week that educated me about services available for those in recovery. The more we got into the subject of what the word "recovery" actually means, the clearer it became to me that we are all in recovery of one sort or another if we truly want to live a life of authenticity. "Recovery" has been defined as "a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength," and it generally comes after a long period of challenges, deep hurts and wounds. It doesn't necessarily mean recovery from an addiction or mental challenge, but it goes much deeper. All of life is an adventure, and there are no straight or easy paths regardless of what anyone may want imply otherwise.  Life is a journey, and it is less than easy. Still we go on, hopefully stronger for the wear.

In my quest for wholeness I have been reading many books, watching movies, but listening to one voice for my final peace. My life has not been what I thought it would be, but I know I am headed towards what God intended for it to become...in time...His time. James Dobson says..."One of the most important responsibilities in the Christian life is to care about others, smile at them, and be a friend to the friendless." There are no boundaries in my opinion when it comes to this dictate of being a friend to the friendless, but it goes much further and deeper. I believe we are to transcend our personal belief systems to reach out a hand to those who don't think as we do or live as we live. Love shown to everyone, because it is the love of God who loves everyone just as He loves me. As His disciples we imitate His example.

"Part of our job is simply to be...always attentive

to what we are doing and what is going on inside us, at the

same time we listen and pay attention to the people and events

around us. Part of our job is to expect that, if we are attentive

and willing, God will "give us prayer," will give us the thngs

we need, "our daily bread," to heal and grow in love."

Roberta Bondi

  

As long as I stay busy doing the things my heart leads me to do with regard to helping others in need, I feel better, less fearful, and less tired. There are many needs here, and my skill set helps to reach those God places in my path to get the help they need. The church doors need always to be open, and we need to be available, even if it means giving up things we would rather be doing. It is the answer to the Good Samaritan story..."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Even if it means being inconvenienced now and then. Show compassion, and try to understand.

What's next for me? I'm taking one day at a time, one step at a time, keeping my eyes straight ahead, watching, waiting, listening, living, and hoping. My hearts wants God's best for me, so I must not look at what I don't have, but keep my eyes on what I do have in the here and now. I know that all things work together for my good, because I am called according to His purpose. Much more I am grateful for the extraordinary life I have lived, for the wonderful friends He has placed in my path, and for my future days whatever they are and wherever they lead me. God is faithful, and I purpose always to trust Him in the darkness, waiting for the light of day, the breaking dawn of a new day in love with Jesus.