Once again I find myself in the throes of pain and one more challenge I have to overcome. I count it a blessing to have been graced with a reprieve from such torment for so long, as most of my life I have had to live with pain. Sadly, it becomes "normal" as one makes the choice either to go on with life regardless of the pain or to give into it and cease to live. I choose to go on, and it is my hope, my prayer that I can rise above this test to bring greater glory to the One who loves me.
This past week I have been looking within myself asking Holy Spirit to show me areas of my life that need healing. In order to heal there are things I need to know, and often "seeing" brings more sadness, but I feel it is necessary to open the hidden places of the heart. I feel my life has taken a detour from the things that God has planned for me to do, and above all else, service to Him is my desire.
My time in Pagosa Springs ("pagosa" means healing) started a turnaround in my way of thinking about priorities in life and what I needed to do to change my focus. I continue to read and glean the advice of others whom I admire as those who make every attempt to live authentic lives. Transparency is a liberating trait, but truth is something we ask for but seldom want to accept. Still it is what I search for in the heart of a man or woman, and I believe it is what God honors most. It's senseless to think you can hide anything from God. He knows and sees all!
I attended a training this week that educated me about services available for those in recovery. The more we got into the subject of what the word "recovery" actually means, the clearer it became to me that we are all in recovery of one sort or another if we truly want to live a life of authenticity. "Recovery" has been defined as "a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength," and it generally comes after a long period of challenges, deep hurts and wounds. It doesn't necessarily mean recovery from an addiction or mental challenge, but it goes much deeper. All of life is an adventure, and there are no straight or easy paths regardless of what anyone may want imply otherwise. Life is a journey, and it is less than easy. Still we go on, hopefully stronger for the wear.
In my quest for wholeness I have been reading many books, watching movies, but listening to one voice for my final peace. My life has not been what I thought it would be, but I know I am headed towards what God intended for it to become...in time...His time. James Dobson says..."One of the most important responsibilities in the Christian life is to care about others, smile at them, and be a friend to the friendless." There are no boundaries in my opinion when it comes to this dictate of being a friend to the friendless, but it goes much further and deeper. I believe we are to transcend our personal belief systems to reach out a hand to those who don't think as we do or live as we live. Love shown to everyone, because it is the love of God who loves everyone just as He loves me. As His disciples we imitate His example.
"Part of our job is simply to be...always attentive
to what we are doing and what is going on inside us, at the
same time we listen and pay attention to the people and events
around us. Part of our job is to expect that, if we are attentive
and willing, God will "give us prayer," will give us the thngs
we need, "our daily bread," to heal and grow in love."
Roberta Bondi
As long as I stay busy doing the things my heart leads me to do with regard to helping others in need, I feel better, less fearful, and less tired. There are many needs here, and my skill set helps to reach those God places in my path to get the help they need. The church doors need always to be open, and we need to be available, even if it means giving up things we would rather be doing. It is the answer to the Good Samaritan story..."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Even if it means being inconvenienced now and then. Show compassion, and try to understand.
What's next for me? I'm taking one day at a time, one step at a time, keeping my eyes straight ahead, watching, waiting, listening, living, and hoping. My hearts wants God's best for me, so I must not look at what I don't have, but keep my eyes on what I do have in the here and now. I know that all things work together for my good, because I am called according to His purpose. Much more I am grateful for the extraordinary life I have lived, for the wonderful friends He has placed in my path, and for my future days whatever they are and wherever they lead me. God is faithful, and I purpose always to trust Him in the darkness, waiting for the light of day, the breaking dawn of a new day in love with Jesus.
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