Sunday Musing

"Jesus wept. He wept not for the dead but for the living.

He wept not for the one in the cave of death but

for those in the cave of fear. He wept for those who,

though alive, were dead. He wept for those who,

though free, were prisoners, held captive

by their fear of death."

Max Lucado

Six Hours One Friday

Passivity and apathy are two words I abhor because they denote indifference, and that condition is not for the living, but rather for those who have chosen death over life. To choose to not see and not care simply because one may have to change their way of thinking or acting is not acceptable to me. And yet it is fast becoming the "norm" in our world today.

Being on the front lines daily of what could only be considered a war zone is changing my life for the better. The fact that I have survived this long is a miracle to me, as there are days I am so tired of the battle. Still I train others to hold their ground and not back down, as I aim to do the same until someone listens.

I don't want a single second of my life to be about me. I want my lifestyle to be a reflection of the love of God seeping from every pore. I want to brighten a room when I walk in, bringing life and encouragement. My desire is to carry laughter into homes where oppressive spirits have built strongholds of defeat. I want to kick evil in the butt as it scurries out the door in fear of the authority of Jesus. Imagine what life would be like if we all stood up and faced the enemy with the same tenacity and courage. Personally I am sick of him trying to mess with my family, and I will fight tooth and nail to break down every lying, deceptive spirit that holds my loved ones captive.

Today I was listening to a set of tapes by Francis Frangipane called "War Mode." He has such an easy manner of speaking the truth regarding the condition of our nation and world, beginning with the state of our own. Before we can wage spiritual warfare we first must be willing to examine our own hearts. Since the first of this year I have been readying myself for what comes next, as I know I have a battle ahead of me. Knowing it really doesn't frighten me, because I know God is by my side, and as my friend loves to say, "He is holding my right hand."

I don't want to not know something because it may upset me. Rather, I want to know so I am better equipped to deal with the source of it. Things do happen for a reason, and although I sometimes begin to wonder "what if" I'd never moved to New Mexico, I quickly re-focus on the present, as it serves no purpose to go back in time. Truth is that all these struggles have helped me become the person I am today, and although I still make mistakes, as we all do, I can forgive myself and move on.

It is a lonely life at times, a costly one as well, but it is the place in which I stand today, and tomorrow I will leave in God's most capable hands.

With God...!

 

One thing this year has taught me thus far is that my Abba is not only with me in the dark places, but even in the darker still places where there is no room for speculation, only trust. There can be no mirrors, no reflections, only blind faith.

Waiting is the most difficult place to be, and it seems, at times, as if I have been in that "place" for much of my life, and most certainly have been for the last several years since my daddy's death. The vision never changes, and "players" remain the same. With each new day the need expands to unimaginable proportions, and I begin to feel as if I know how Abraham and Sarah felt in their old age waiting without seeing tangible proof. It is as if I question if His word is not enough, but like Abraham, I can say He has more than proven that He means what He says.

As I kneel before Him in our quiet times together, I pull a promise written on old file card from my personal "promise box" I have had many, many years, and I remember and smile, because His promises never fail.

My children used to tell me I had a goofy smile on my face when I was watching "sappy" movies. Last night as I was watching "When Calls the Heart" on Netflix, I caught a brief glimpse of my reflection in the laptop screen, and I saw indeed the goofy smile across my face. I was smiling, because I knew that with God all things are possible, and that as long as we trust Him, things always work out to those who are called according to His purpose.

This year has already proven to be most arduous in my personal and spiritual walk. They are one in the same, as my only desire is to follow His will for my life. So, as I wait and I stand, I will keep my face like a flint, directed only on what He says is so, not on what these eyes see in the natural or my ears hear to the contrary. I will remain steadfast, knowing He will do what He says He will do, and He will bring me home again. 

Sunday

 

Today has been a good day. Quiet time with Jesus in the morning, crawling up into God's lap. As I read through my Daily Walk I was reminded of worship songs from YWAM days in Virginia, and my heart soared! Memories can be pleasant, and those days were happy ones.

I also spent some time visiting with a new friend I made while traveling to Minnesota to attend my granddaughter, Amanda's wedding. I had planned to make a road trip, and even though sudden changes in  weather have a way of ruining one's plans, God had His own plan. That's the way He is, ya know! Always looking out for us, even when we least expect it.

It's so refreshing to meet a person who can so clearly see into the heart of a another by taking the time to gaze into the eyes while conversing. No pretense. Just truth in the sharing. The eyes truly are the windows of the soul, and they speak volumes if you take the time to "see." By seeing we see, and by hearing we hear. That's simple enough. We shared a delicious, home-cooked meal and enjoyed a great time of fellowship. Suffice it to say I have discovered a true kindred spirit in my new found friend, and I am forever grateful to my loving Abba.

Now I am home enjoying the afternoon with my inanimate family, watching an action packed movie! Life is good!