Inside my Heart

"There are only to way to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle. 

The other is as though everything is a miracle!"

Albert Einstein

"When we lose one blessing another is

often unexpectedly given in its place."

C.S. Lewis

 As I've been sitting here at my humble kitchen table going through my "to do" lists before the end of the year, my mind drifts as names appear on bits of note paper scattered here and there. My "giving list" grows longer each year, as the needs in the world are so great and growing. I have hope that this will change as our New Year brings news beginnings that I choose to see as a miracle. People often become so wrapped up in their own feelings that they fail to see the true meaning in current events. My eyes have been wide open as I see into our eternal future...one of promise and hope if we choose it. Everything is about making choices. We have been given that right.

This year certainly has not been one I would have chosen for myself, but I understand that God has a purpose for everything He allows to happen in my life. The way may be painful, agonizingly so at times, but the way grows clearer each step. I picked up an old friend last week, Hinds Feet on High Places, an allegory written by Hannah Hurnard. From time to time over the years I will re-visit this friend. It is always the right timing for me. The story is about a young shepherdess named Much Afraid who lives in the Valley of Humiliation, a member of the Fearing clan. She works in the employment of the Great Shepherd who is leading her to the High Places where she can be free and healed. Besides the characteristics her name suggests, she suffers from several physical deformities which make her grotesque to her Fearing clan who try to dictate her life through fear and intimidation, but the Great Shepherd and those who are close to Him see the true character of this gentle soul.

This is the story of her escape from the Valley to the High Places where she will forever be free in the service of her Lord. The path she takes is often descending, and along the way she encounters some of her enemies, her cousins Resentment, Bitterness, Self-Pity, Pride, and the one she fears the most, the cousin her family wants to force her to marry, Craven Fear. Much Afraid is guided along the way by fellow companions Sorrow and Suffering who are also in the Shepherd's employ. She also had but to cry out, and the Great Shepherd himself would be right by her side. He would come leaping and bounding on hind's feet to her side. She would look sadly down at her twisted feet and wonder how he could ever transform these feet that made her stumble and fall into hind's feet. But she trusted him in spite of all the doubt and fears she felt in her heart or the insults shouted out at her by the enemies who hid themselves along the way.

One journey was to the Valley of Loss. The way seemed to defy everything the Shepherd had ever  promised her, and the words of her enemies crowded her mind until she cried out in despair for the Shepherd to come to her rescue. When he was by her side she clinged to him and reminded herself that he was not a man who would ever lie to her. After a silence he asked her, "Would you be willing to trust me," he asked, "even if everything in the wide world seemed to say that I was deceiving you - indeed, that I had deceived you all along?" Although she was perplexed at the thought that he would ever do such a thing she responded that she would trust him. When she is put to the test and the horrible thought that the one person she chose to follow, to give her life in service to, had deceived her and had no intention of taking her to the High Places and giving her hind's feet, she was beside herself with fear. But as she looked within her trembling heart and considered the time she spent with him, she realized that nothing was more important than loving him, regardless of whether he loved her or not. This is her response:

"The awful glimpse down into the abyss of an existence without him

 had so staggered and appalled her heart that she felt she could never be 

quite the same again. However, it had opened her eyes to the fact that right 

down in the depths of her own heart, she really had but one passionate desire, 

not for the things which the Shepherd had promised, but for himself. 

All she wanted was to be allowed to follow him forever."

Hind's Feet on High Places

"In the Valley of Loss"

Hannah Hurnard

  

And so it is in my life of wondering but never asking why, although I do ask "how does it bring You honor...?" at times. It is not so much of a question but a desire to bring Him honor in all things. To see the purpose, but then if I knew the answer the enemy Pride may be lurking in the shadows to tempt me. All I know is that, like Much Afraid, I trust Him with every fiber of my being. Not having Him in my life would be unbearable, life meaningless. He is with me all the time, the first one I speak to in the morning, and the last one at night. I cannot imagine a better way.

"I feel it is far better to begin with God, to see His face first, to get my

soul near Him before it is near another. In general it is best to have at

least one hour alone with God before engaging in anything else."

E.M. Bounds

"His compassions fail not. They are new every morning;

great is thy faithfulness." 

 Lamentations 3:22, 23