His Grace

I have times when the ache in my heart to be in the presence of my Abba Father is so overwhelming that I have to shut myself off from all distractions and wait. This may sound strange to you coming from my heart to yours, but some will understand. My day begins with quiet times with the Lord, otherwise I don't think I could handle the day. Even if I grab only one word, one verse and follow with the first prayers of the day. From the time my eyes open I am breathing His grace. It is so natural to me to begin to talk to Him as if He's right beside me, because He is. Then carry on into the day with conversations as naturally as if He was working right beside me or riding down the road with me, because He is. His presence is my life is that natural, and yet there are times when I long for so much more. I cry out to Him with every breath I take, because I need to know He's here with me, otherwise I could not endure. Do you ever feel like that?

I needed more of Him this morning so much so that I needed to listen to the words of like-minded friends. Each one of us is called to a different place, and I needed to be in that place this morning. I listened eagerly to the words of the scriptures and the depth of meaning I needed to embrace for my soul, and new life was breathed into me. But, I needed more. As much as I love the hymns I learned as a child, there is a place I go to hear worship and highest praise that comes from the soul of His people. So, I listened, I sang, praised, worshiped and poured out my tears at His feet, and I felt His embrace. Jesus. There is no Name like His.

Sometimes I miss my connection with my family, although I have a wonderful, extended family whom I love so much. My network of Christian family extends worldwide, and I feel the love and prayers carrying me. It's a beautiful feeling to be part of the body of Christ and understand the importance and value of that relationship.

It saddens me to think that my children are scattered, and yet Abba Father has promised me this will change in time. I must admit I grow anxious in my waiting, as I long to see these precious ones united in one place serving our Lord together. I have a vision, and I know it will be realized. He promised, and my trust for my children is certain.

Trusting Abba for myself is much harder. I think I do, then I see I don't in small ways. No one is perfect in trusting. We try, but it is a process. I feel as if I am not hearing correctly or failing to "do" something, when all I need to do is "be." It will all fall into place.... He promised. So, as I listened to the words of one of my favorite praise and worship songs by Hillsong United, "Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)," the words washed over me:

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders; 

let me walk upon the waters, wherever You may lead me."

As I listened I felt His love surround me, and I knew I had to let go, just let go of these feelings of "never amounting to anything" that echoed in my memory. I don't have to strive to "be" anyone other than the one He called me to be. I don't have to figure it out. He already has. So what if my life has taken another path. I'm still on His path. He's never left my side. Whatever happens will happen, and it will bring Him glory, because that is all I want to do. I want to honor Him. These moments of light and understanding were confirmed so graciously by another praise and worship song by Hillsong called "Heartbeats:"

"I want You, need You
I love You Jesus
My heart beats forever
Just to know You
Let go and throw
My future into Your hands"

then another called "Scandal of Grace:"

"Oh to be like You
Give all I have just to know You
Jesus, there's no one besides You
Forever the hope in my heart"

 Simple, powerful lyrics extolling the glory of a loving Abba Father.

When I miss church services particularly on a Sunday morning I immediately feel guilty, but I have no reason to feel so. Guilt and condemnation are not from God. I don't "miss church," because I live church each day. I need these quiet times apart to listen, to sit in His lap, and bask in His glory, goodness and grace. I need more than anyone else can offer. I need to go into my tent and have His glory hover over me, and we can talk face to face. I never want my conversations to be commonplace, and yet I want always to talk friend to friend, as Moses. I am His child, and He loves me. He loves me!

I want all I can have of Jesus in my life. No one else compares. So I invite you, if you don't know His Presence, seek Him. Taste and see. He always satisfies.