A Challenge

 

Often I wonder why God allows things to happen as they do. We talk about many things, He and I. He's not aloof, and He is very interested in what people have to say. I wish everyone understood that. He uses terribly messed up, broken people to enter into the suffering of others in unique ways. I have a huge heart, and because of His love towards me, I am growing in His compassion and mercy for others. This opens many doors that have been closed to others. Perhaps it is because I accept people as they are. It's as if I can see into their souls as I gaze into their eyes, and I respond in kind, much like a child is able to see and respond openly. I'm glad for that quirk in my personality, although some consider it backward. 

I moved back home a little over two years ago, because God said it was time. I'm a slow listener when it comes to change, but I've moved many, many times over the 35 years I lived in Northern New Mexico, so moving that far was not easy. Plus I left behind some treasured friends. Over all those years of serving as a case manager, I met tons of people and family members, and I sat by the bedsides of many in their last days. I still miss them terribly. I am grateful that God engineered my misguided life onto a path I was destined to travel. My life hasn't exactly been what I had hoped it to be, but God has a way of accomplishing His will regardless. To quote an old friend in reference to my life, 

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

Yep, that about sums it up. In truth God can take our mistakes and work them into something good, and He does use the foolish things to confound the wise. I am extremely grateful that He sticks closer than a friend or brother, and I remain humbled by His willingness to transform a broken and contrite heart into something useful.

The past few days have been hard. Friday I visited a close friend who had been slowly drifting away for the past few years, especially since my return. Once vibrant and enthusiastic for life, who had great plans for me and had encouraged me to move back to Virginia, she had slowly lost her spark. Friday when I visited her she was excited to see me. I took her a teddy bear I found in an arts and crafts store as an early Christmas gift. It seemed appropriate. Teddies always understand when people are hurting, and she readily accepted him into her heart. Monday when I visited again she was still clinging to him, but she had drifted further into her pain. She smiled several times, but she was suffering greatly. Today I was preparing to go again, but before I left the house I learned of her passing. Her pain had ended. It wasn't the way I prayed things would be, and besides sadness at her loss, I felt confused as to why it had to be this way. "I didn't come home to watch my friends drop like flies, Lord," especially her. So I'm struggling.

As I write these words I don't know if I am adequately expressing my heart. Generally I do so much better in sharing when I write, but I seems to be at a loss for words. Yesterday I had spent my time visiting my uncle who is now living in a nursing home. He is slowly drifting away. Whereas I have been trained to handle the needs of patients in all stages of health and illness, I feel somewhat helpless now in this new place, once home to me, now a distant memory. My uncle had a Spanish-speaking roommate, so I was anxious to see him also, as I know the language, and we have spoken on other visits. He seemed lonely when I visited before, as the nurses and other workers were unable to converse with him. When language is a barrier, I can imagine the loneliness, especially in a nursing home. But I was too late. He had apparently died the day before.

I am learning to listen when I hear Holy Spirit whispering. I felt it when I made my visits and when I chose the teddy bear. But there have been many missed opportunities, because I did not heed the still small voice or I had other plans. I was later reminded, as I have so many over the past few years, "To whom much is given, much is required." God is calling me deeper in our walk together. I have to pay attention, and I have to respond in obedience. There's no time to waste, and many are in despair.

Since 9/11 there has been a sure call for the world to wake up. Covid sent another calling card, and now the war between Israel and Hamas an even louder clarion call. Time is growing short. Many will not be ready when the trumpet sounds. The church has been silent over these years, and yet today remains so. What will it take to open eyes and hearts to the needs of others! What will it take for the church to be the body of Christ that is needed! What will it take to put aside our agendas for other more important needs! What will it take for us to see that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life? What will it take for people to see He is the answer to the suffering and pain? I don't understand, and my heart is broken, but I will persevere and do all I can to listen and obey. I have chosen His life, and some how I need to share it better. I have accepted His call. Although my journey has been torturous with many twists and turns, I know His plan is higher, and I'll follow. My home is desperately in need of repair and aesthetic transformation as the wall paper droops and the cracks in the plaster widen, but there are more important things. People. So many in desperate need of support, necessities, and I can't turn a blind eye. My friend's death is tragic, and her decline has been a continuance of what I have already experienced. My own family decline tugs at my heart, and many times I feel helpless, but I will not give up or give in. We have to work while there is still day, while there is still light. We have to be the light.

I've said all I can say. My heart is still heavy, but I have tried. I hope it reached someone in need of encouragement. The message is "You matter." Continue on. 

Distractions and Truth

 

Recently a young friend asked me why I attend so many worship services locally and online. I guess the question really wanting to be asked was, "Isn't one church enough for you?" The question was posed after I had been sharing what I had learned from one study or another. We read more than one author at a time, so I suppose the practicality of listen to more than one pastor could be confusing to another. I began to explain to her why I attend Shabbat services on Saturday and different online churches on Sunday including a local body of believers. Then, as I thought about it, my reason for doing what I do is that I am always hungry for the Word of God and seeing how lives are being transformed. I told her that I have a condition called "insatiable hunger and thirst for the Word of God."  She seemed to understand that idea, because she has been searching for a family of believers or "tribe" as my Jewish friends called it, for quite some time. 

Likewise, I love hearing about and participating in missionary efforts. Why I am as I am is a question I have asked Father God often. This "hunger" dates back to my early childhood, although I really did not understand it back then. I can't really say it was how I was raised, although I had many spiritual influences in my life as I was growing up, and my mama always had us in church whenever the doors were open. Maybe that's why I loved revivals so much. But then, questions remain, but they're good questions, the answer I receive is always the same, "Write the story."

 We all have the stories of our lives to tell. My life, although traumatic in many ways, can be summed up in one word - AMAZING! I can say that, because I have witnessed the presence of God in my life, and how Romans 8:28 about working all things for good for those who love God and to the called according to His purpose. And this is where the WHOLE counsel of God must be studied in His Word. Context is the key for every believer in Christ Jesus.

Today, I have been asking Father God about the distractions and accusations that are part of the chaos of our world today. It's one thing to witness it in the natural world, but quite another to continually hear  accusations against this person or that church or something along these lines. It has become an every day occurrence for many, sadly. I believe, as Jesus says in Matthew 24:5, that there are many deceivers in our world today, people pretending to know the Word, but who are not really His. This is why we need to be connected to a local fellowship and sound, Biblical teaching, using the Word of God as our source. If what someone is saying is not grounded in the Word of God, and if the one saying it does not have a life that lines up with His Word, then a pastor should warn and shepherd his flock based on Biblical truth. A wise pastor knows that he will be judged for how he tended the sheep God entrusted to him. The same with anyone who teaches the Word of God. It's a serious matter to God.

I'm an avid reader, and as such, I am familiar with a great number of good authors, but even then, I am careful to be selective in what I read and by whom. I have a particular passion for the late greats, like Oswald Chambers, Andrew Murray, A. W. Tozer, E. M Bounds and Watchman Nee. I have some "newer" authors in the sense that they are still living, but they are seasoned in my eyes and understanding. I've become quite concerned about some things, however, pertaining to some people. I tend to handle things differently than most. When I have a question, I prefer to go to the Source rather than as a person. This way I avoid hearsay, gossip, slander, confusion, and gain clarity from God's perspective. When I was still working from home, we were not given a dress code per se; however, as a professional one knows how one should or should not dress to visit clients. I still wear long skirts to church, because it is my preference, and I like to wear them on the job, because they are comfortable. Once while visiting a patient who was a pastor and whose son-in-law was now the pastor since the elder pastor was sick, I was told that I dressed like a Christian, but that my hair needed to grow out and that I needed to be baptized using the name of Jesus. He was so adamant that I change my ways or burn in hell that it disturbed me. I went home, pulled out my Bible and looked to see what Jesus had to say about it, as He is our authority. There it was in red to be baptized in the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. In the books of Acts the Apostle Peter, on the day of Pentecost, told the people to be baptized in the Name of Jesus. So if there confusion. I don't believe so, as Jesus is the Son of God and God Himself. When we study the Trinity, many find it confusing, but I never have. In the book of John, Jesus explains the connection He has with God the Father. He said, "I am in Him, and He is in Me," and then He says that we are to be in Him. Whereas my conclusion may read strangely, I think you can understand what I am trying to say. God is the Three in One, so it seems as if this gentleman, although well intentioned, may have been picking at hairs, so to speak. But in praying, God assured me that my conversion was true. This is a small thing compared to what is happening in the church today. And I can understand why some may be confused, because each of us is at a different stage of our growth as believers, our level of maturity, but I don't believe we need to tear each other down if we disagree. If Jesus is returning for a spotless Bride, then we need to be in unity with each other, in spite of petty disagreements. But then, some are saying that those words are heresy, because we can't have unity with those who do not believe that the Bible is the inerrant Word of God. But then, there may be some discrepancies in the way something is said or interpreted. And on it goes!! Is it possible for us to even be unified?! 

I have become somewhat concerned with prayer movements that seem more visible than I believe intercessors should be. Jesus says to go into your prayer closet, close the door, and intercede to the Father. So, why are we in need of back slapping and national, even international, acclaim? Again, my go-to folks are Jesus, the Word, and great men of God who lived a simple, quiet prayerful, abiding-in-God faith, like Tozer, Murray, and Rees Howells, who was a great intercessor involved in the Welsh Revival. So when I have questions, I tend to quietly seek and wait. I don't stop ministering in an area, unless God so instructs through Holy Spirit, who is here to guide us to the truth of the Word and point us to Jesus Christ. There's even some new confusion about people worshiping Holy Spirit! Yikes! 

Distractions! Confusion comes from the author of confusion, and it is not God. So we know it comes from the deceiver who wants nothing more than to steal your joy and your faith. This is when you delve deeper into the word. If you are diligent to study the Word, God will meet you where you are at. In the book of Jeremiah, chapter 29, verses 13 and 14 we are told that if we seek for God with our whole heart, He will be found and deliver us from our captivity. Proverbs 3:5-6 instructs us to "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct thy paths." The Bible has the answers to all our questions, but we have to sit quietly and wait for Him to respond.

I have been noticing everything that has been happening for the past few years, particularly in this present administration goes from bizarre to incredibly repugnant. So much has been happening, at such a rapid rate, that anyone with any gumption should be able to see clearly the distractions are to throw us off our focus which needs to be on one Person - Jesus, the Way, the Truth, the Life. We are told in scripture that we see in part and know in part, so why can't we understand that truth. Regardless of what happens, no matter how it affects us, we must keep our eyes on Him. What happened recently in Maui was catastrophic, and I grieve for the people, but I am not going to speculate on why it happened. I am going to pray and tangibly help the people. I am not able to go there or I would, but I can support in other ways. We all can, and we all should. The same goes for anything that happens to our fellow Americans or in the world. Since I am involved very closely in missions, I can tell you more than you'd like to know, but I won't. But loving and caring should be universal. Jesus told us to love our enemies, do good to those who despitefully use us. He taught us to forgive. Another subject for another time. And if you want the truth, stop listening to every wind of doctrine on the news channels. Just so you know I support the work being done by Tim Ballard, Jim Caviezel and others to end sex trafficking, because it is true, and children are being exploited. And yes, it happens in the United States, more than you'd care to know. I am personally aware of that also, as I have noted before. I also support Greg Laurie and the Jesus Revolution film. If you disagree or have "heard" or read something, check it out for yourself. NEVER take someone else's opinion as your own. Study to show yourself approved...!

In closing, I'd just like to say, there are many things we do not know, and we will not until Jesus takes us home. Until then, as believers, we are told to obey God's laws, spread the Good News of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and be ready for His return. He does not want fence sitters or lukewarm ones. Revelation, Chapters 2 and 3 are wise to be remembered. Make sure you know your salvation is sure. Know who you are in Christ and abide in Him.

Reflections - 1/3/2023

 

My day started early, Mia anxious to be fed. Alex was also waiting at the back door ready to enjoy his first meal of the day, as he tends to chow down more than Mia. He's quickly becoming a fluffy round ball of long, gray and black streaked fuzz. I've nicknamed him Gordito, as he is becoming a little rotund for a smaller Maine coon. But he's so adorable, and as I have mentioned before, although I am really not a cat person, he's stolen my heart. Mia technically belongs to my son, Daniel, but she tends to relax in my room for extended periods of the day. She'll come in, and sit at my feet as I am reading or working on a project, enjoying the gentle motion of my rocking chair, hoping I'll give up my seat for her. When that fails, she'll take over the bed, flopping wherever she likes. But in spite of her thinking she rules the roost, I do enjoy her antics and occasional temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way. 

I enjoy the early part of the morning, before or just as the sun is coming up. I love to look out the window at the huge maple tree in the back yard and at the birds playing outside in the bushes. It's generally quiet in this old neighborhood on the edge of country living, and I can get lost in the quiet and wonder of the morning. Even if it's raining or gloomy, I can still get lost in thought, grateful for the little piece of earth God has gifted to me. 

As the day progressed I caught up on reading the daily buzz of news, and although difficult to swallow at times, it does not steal the joy I have in knowing that God is larger than anything going on in the world, and nothing catches Him by surprise. Still, He has a work for us to do as we stand in the gap, holding up concerns in prayer. 

It's now late in the evening, as I reflect on the day, preparing for bed. Once more it is extremely quiet, so I can focus on quiet time and listen while I talk to Abba. I generally post prayer needs received from Intercessors for America, if I feel led to do so. I try to avoid many of our reports, because quite honestly, I don't think people really want to know what is actually going on in the nation today or what God thinks about it all. The apathy I see from professing believers is distressing, but what is encouraging is seeing Northern Virginia parents raise up and say enough is enough when it comes to protecting their children. I applaud when I hear about one of my fellow intercessors who, like Daniel in the Bible, cared not of the edits of the king, and did not bow his knee to Baal by worshiping a mortal king who threatens death to those who disobey him. Rather he worshiped the King of Kings three times daily in plain view. Today Christians are being arrested for simply praying quietly whether it be before a ball game or for those grieving the death of a public servant at the scene of an accident. Somehow it enrages people to see us pray in public, even if prayers are silent, but it does not concern anyone when immoral acts are performed or lauded in public or satan worshipers parade defiantly openly mocking God. I understand that public prayer is now banned, but this will not keep me from bowing my head at the dinner table in public to thank God openly for the meal, blessing those who worked hard to prepare it. I won't stop testifying of the Lord I love who has done so much for me, healing my physical body and redeeming me, calling me His own when I felt so abandoned by everyone else. And it won't stop me from praying for anyone who asks me to pray whether it is on a sidewalk or the middle of a store. 

But what I really do not understand is how some pastors are more concerned with growing their church membership with programs than preaching the word of God and standing for what is right. I don't understand why so many are turning their backs not wanting to get involved, don't want to rock boats, or lose their tax standing. Sure, they admit that the Lord can return at any time, but rather than warn people and call them to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, they are content to wait for the rapture, assuming they will go when He comes. But if I am reading my Bible correctly, it doesn't say sit back and wait for Jesus to return, stay hidden in a hole and be quiet, rather He said to occupy and snatch people from hell. Revelation boldly states that we will overcome by the blood of Lamb, and the word of our testimony, and we love not our lives to the death. The way things are progressing, we could be required to deny Christ or die. It is a sobering thought, but it already happens in foreign countries and has for many, many years.

I also know quite a bit about miracles on a personal level, so it really upsets me when people assume that if they get a certain diagnosis that they are going to die. Why is our opinion of the Almighty so small? Either He is who He says He is and does what He says He does, or we are deceived. I have a testimony, and I know He does what He says and what He already has done. 

As I close my day in prayer, it is my heart's desire to see many people know Him as Savior, Lord, and Friend. May the Lord bless you as you seek His face!

 

New Year, January 2, 2023

As we welcome in the New Year, it customarily follows that new resolutions are made, Bucket Lists are revised, and a myriad of other lists, promises and to-does are considered. Whereas I do not make resolutions, I do choose a word on which to focus that revolves around my personal relationship with Jesus Christ and personal growth in my walk. Over the past couple of years my words have been "surrender," "abide," and for this year "devotion." I must say that these are areas where I tend to keep my focus as I am walking through daily life. Trust me, there have been plenty of challenges for many in relationships with family, friends, and other loved ones, because it is part of life. Some such times of introspection and prayer are more difficult, and we can lose focus. But, for every test that comes our way, there is a way not to get lost in despair or hopelessness, and that is the message of the birth, death, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. We have an eternal hope that we can count on for all of eternity, if we believe, accept, and choose to follow Him. Prayer and daily Bible reading are essential if one wants to grow in relationship. Also, worship and waiting on the Lord to speak, but you have to have patience if you truly want to hear God's voice, and it happens in various ways. Just tell Him everything. Then wait and trust.

So, for anyone interested, anyone who needs to boost their faith or become more personally related to the Godhead, perhaps some suggestions would help. First of all, read your Bible every day, even if it is only one verse at a time , but it is best to read portions so the context is understood. After reading it, meditate on it making it personal, memorize it, and ask God to give you eyes to see and a heart to understand how it relates to you. Since 2015, after giving several Daily Walk Bibles (NLT - New Living Translation) to friends and family, I have been re-reading it myself for my daily quiet time. I am always highlighting, underlining, entering notes and prayers and answers to prayer in the margins. So, I don't have very much room left for comments after all these years, but I do journal as well, so no revelations are lost. I offer this translation to those new in the faith or to who are not quite ready to take on the Kings James Version. My first Bible was given to me in 1959 on Christmas Day by my daddy (KJV), and it is my most treasured possession. The pages are worn, wrinkled, torn and taped, but it holds so many notes that go back to remind myself of promises made by God to me personally when I was a child, teenager, and as a young  adult. I have memorized countless passages and entire portions, and to this day I can remember and cite those I committed to memory. Being a paper/pencil/pen gal, "old school," I love to write scriptures down on 3 x 5 index cards for reference. One year I lined my computer monitor with scripture cards, as case management can become overwhelming even on the best days, and this is a way I can get "hugs" when they are most needed.

Many of my favorite authors have passed on to glory, but I still hang onto and share these books with friends I know will appreciate wisdom from saints of old who paved the way in missions or spiritual warfare, faith, and revival, because their lives bore fruit, so they are trustworthy. "Declaring God's Word," a 365 Day Devotional, by Derek Prince, one of the founders of Intercessors for America, is a great study in learning to know Christ intimately. "Abiding in the Secret Place" by Andrew Murray is one I love also. It is written in devotional style, but it does not cover the year if you read daily, but it is one you will read over and over again. I am on my third year reading both of these devotionals, because they are just that rich, and the advice or commentary is always relevant. So if you seriously want to grow closer to the Lord, both are excellent additions to your daily Walk through the Bible.

Over this year I am attempting to blog daily. Now, I know I missed January 1, but it was Sunday, and both Shabbat, on Saturday, and church services on Sunday are days of rest and reflection, so I may cut myself a little slack on the weekends. Still, if I am to accomplish the last thing God told me to do, then I have to blog to condition myself to finishing the book I have started so many times and never completed. 

Lastly, but equally as important as prayer and Bible reading and meditation is worship. Singing hymns and songs and spiritual songs to Jesus, inviting His Presence. Gazing upon the cross as the finished work is a humbling experience. Knowing that He died for me, for you, for all, bearing our sin and shame. God become man here on earth, put to death for our sins so we could experience eternal life with no more pain and suffering. I cannot for the life of me understand how a third of the angels in heaven chose satan over Jesus. But I do know that Jesus paid for my sins in the worst death imaginable, His own Father turning His back, as a Holy God could not look on sin. As I watch the series The Chosen, I am becoming more and more amazed at this sacrifice on my behalf. Humbling beyond humbling. To gaze on His face, tear-streaked and bleeding, distorted from beatings, unrecognizable as the scripture confirms, breaks me and rips my heart in shreds. But the more I sit with Him, I feel his love and compassion for the lost sheep of this world. That lost sheep may be one of my readers, and if so, today can be the day you turn your life around by acknowledging your sins, accepting Christ as your Savior and Lord, and changing the way you think about things. He's waiting.

I hope you'll join me as we seek to know Him better by spending time in His Presence.