" Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial,
because when he has stood the test, he will
receive the crown of life that God has
promised to those who love him."
James 1:12
This week has been another painful one in the continuing saga of my fractured shoulder and torn rotator cuff and whatever else is torn in there. Seems the good doctor wants to wait another eight weeks to take an MRI, as I still have problems from the fracture. I've been experiencing horrendous muscle spasms which at this writing have significantly lessened; however, my shoulder remains "frozen" which is hindering the healing process. To have surgery now to restore the tears would complicate things more, since I have not "recovered" from the initial concern. Ugh...all so perplexing and discouraging. Throughout this "adventure" I have tried to remain optimistic and cheerful, even on the worst of days...or nights when I could not sleep. I have been sleeping better, thanks to God and Him alone.
There's a movie I love called "Beyond Borders" which is actually a love story spanning over a period of years and geography. It's about a doctor who is trying to save the world one person, one village, in one remote area of a country at a time. His methods are often questionable, but his heart and the desire to help others in the worst of situations is sincere. It shows the incredible hardships the people in these countries must endure to survive life much less illness and injury inflicted on them by their own people who seek to destroy them with pillaging, destruction, mine fields, rape and all forms of torture. It seems like sport to them to see their own maimed, murdered, and destroyed. Places like Cambodia, Vietnam, Chechnya where horrible cruelty takes place daily. It is such an abomination, so deplorable to my senses that it sickens me to think human beings can be so repulsive and demeaning to their own people, regardless of age. I guess I have always found myself drawn to such movies, because I dream of making a difference in lives. I walked away from my chance to become a doctor. It was a hard choice, but at the time it seemed right. And now, God has brought me full circle to where I am once more given an opportunity to be his "medical missionary" helping in a different way. And yet in my circling approach to this day I have been an EMT and a research biologist as part of a surgical team. God never forgot me, and He never allowed me to stray too far from the call.
But the point of the "Beyond Borders" analogy is this, the doctor asks the visiting emissary from the relief organization what she does when she has a cold. She tells him she takes aspirin, eats chicken soup, drinks scotch. He says, "You never just have the cold?" So what he explains to her is that in countries like this where they are offering "relief" these people have had to endure all kinds of hideous illness, torment and pain without the advantage of having medication available to them. They had learned to suffer and endure, and his point was that we, in our sheltered, pampered worlds can never begin to understand what true suffering is, but these courageous people do. It is a way of life we choose to ignore unless it slaps us in the face. This is the world to which I am always drawn wherever my path and the ache of my heart takes me.
Why am I sharing this with you? I don't know...maybe because I want you to know that chronic pain, unhealed wounds, inner torment are real, and there are few Americans who understand it. The closer I walk with the Lord the more I see that all things are for a purpose. And when things happen that change our ability to function as we are accustomed it gives us insight into another realm of understanding if we allow God to take us to a place of understanding. So I know that everything that happens to me can be used for a deeper, closer walk with Him, IF I choose to count it all joy.
This may not make sense to you, but the important thing is that it makes wonderfully perfect sense to me. In James he tells us, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."(James 1:2-4) In each area of our lives where we encounter testing, areas which stretch our abilities, and bring us to the depths of despair or the end of ourselves, we can choose to see defeat or use this time as an opportunity to see God work in our lives. For the child of God these are times He uses to perfect our character, and by "submitting ourselves therefore to God, resisting the devil, he will flee!" It doesn't seem that way at the time, but there is truth and power in those words.
I may not be involved in a conflict that involves life and death in the physical sense as some who are facing graver consequences such as the ebola victims in Africa, victims of genocide, or even those in this country to are prey to slavery, being sold for sickening fleshly pleasure at the expense of perverted minds, but I am suffering my own kind of physical, emotional, mental, and yes spiritual battle without the advantage of pain killers in the physical, emotional and mental sense of the word. But I do have the joy of the Lord as my strength, and I am striving, at times struggling, to keep my faith alive, my hand in His, and my eyes seeking what He has for me to "see" and to learn in this great test.
Today I read in the scripture a promise to Israel, but I feel God was reminding me of a promise He have to me two years ago..."So don't be afraid, O Jacob my servant; don't be dismayed, O Israel; for I will bring you home again from distant lands, and your children from their exile. They shall have rest and quiet in their own land, and no one shall make them afraid. For I am with you and I will save you, says the Lord." (Jeremiah 30:10-11) And I trust Him. I have never stopped trusting Him from the first moment I had an awareness of Him as a child. Many people do not understand that God dwells in us. When He says, "I will never leave you..." He means it. He's not way off in heaven, above the clouds, He is here in me, and if you know Jesus as Savior and Lord, then He is in you, in the person of Holy Spirit. And God goes to great lengths to restore His people...to bring them unto His own. I trust in that, and it is not naive faith in an unseen God, because I see Him in everything! So I can rest in confidence that whatever trials come my way, whatever hardship and pain I must endure, He is right here with me. So I am never alone. I may think I am feeling this sometimes ridiculous pain alone, but I am never alone. When I wake up in the night, He is here with me. When I go, when I stay, when I sit, when I stand...always, always with me. Sometimes I talk His ear off, I think, but I sense His beautiful, adoring smile.
As I continue on with the new "plan" my surgeon has laid out for me, come what may, I will endure it. He says my recovery will be long and hard, but I am determined to show him victory on each step of the way. And so we all must do, in every area of our lives, whatever trial you may be facing, persecution, storm, you can weather it all with Him by your side, inside, outside, He is there for you as He is with me. We simply have to trust Him. Now is that so hard?
"Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting
away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. for our lilght and
momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs
them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
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