Pickles and World of Hurt

 

Wednesday my four-legged neighbor, Kenya, sorely reminded me of my physical limitations. Persistent, as she often is, she has a bad habit of picking up her huge paw and smacking me in the abdomen so I will pay her heed. Of course, I told her I did not like anyone or anything demanding their or its own way, so I hurried off, leaving her discouraged and perplexed. Since that night I have become acutely aware that something must be amiss health wise, as I have had an increased amount of abdominal pain. At first it wasn't as much of a concern, because I've had so many surgeries that the adhesions must be a wicked mess by now. Still, I am beginning to wonder what else may have become misaligned since the last time I was re-arranged. Now that is laughable!

I had been anxiously awaiting this Saturday as I had plans to have brunch with a group of old friends in Albuquerque, but sadly, I had to cancel. Honestly, I am getting so tired of having to re-schedule my life. I realize many things are beyond my ability to change, but I don't like the feeling of helplessness. In fact, as you may have gleaned from my blog, I am a huge advocate for turning impossibilities into possibilities. Anything is possible...I truly believe that! So now that I find myself in another "pickle" or my own "world of hurt!" There has to be a lesson in this somehow that will mold and change my character...for the better!

 

Interestingly, most of my life has been one of pain of one sort or another, but physical pain and endurance has been my longest, most arduous adventure. I seldom allow pain to stop me dead in my tracks, but this is different. Still, I intend to turn it into all joy with the strength and support of my Strong High Tower and my Strength and Shield. My All In All!

So I share this in the hope that if you are struggling in any arena of life, as we all do, IF you truly are honest, then rest in the assurance that Someone cares, and He can carry you through to the promises! Again, the only thing you need is "Trust."

My promise for today is comes straight from KLOVE: "My father taught me, 'Take my words to heart. Follow my commands, and you will live.''' Proverbs 4:4. Great words!

Someday

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will

go to this or that city spend a year there, carry on

business and make money." Why, you do not even 

know what will happen tomorrow."

James 4:13-14

"Someday, I will have time to call and chat."

"Someday the children will understand why I was so busy."
But you know the truth, don't you? You know even before I 

write it. You could say it better than I. Someday never comes."

Max Lucado

And The Angels Were Silent

Well said James and Max! Well said! And very relevant to my life, and probably to many others, if we are honest. I think with the rapidly changing climate of our government this comment makes a valid point even closer to reality than one may think. It's a frightening thing and a huge risk to keep putting things off until tomorrow. Time is running out. "Someday" may never come, and we remain "stuck" in a state of limbo, or worse, a state of stagnation eventually leading to death, accomplishing nothing.

For the past few days I have been revisiting things in my mind, as I encounter problems which need to be put to task. I've thought about the faithfulness of God through all the ups and downs and in betweens of my life. He has given me courage under fire, confidence in the face of conflict, armed me with faith, trust, and humility, and knowing in Whom I have believed. That's power that comes only from believing and trusting.

This year I want to take more affirmative steps toward accomplishing some of my "somedays." It will require more discipline on my part, but if I think about it too hard, I will draw the ultimate conclusion that I don't have time, or so I tell myself, but I really do. So many ideas run through my mind non stop that the "noise" inside my brain becomes maddening at times. I guess that's the price one pays for having a creative mind. Perhaps that's why most artists appear to be insane or are "labeled" as insane!

Yesterday I hung a new canvas in my office. There is a bird standing on a tree limb with the words,  "You are free to fly" written across the canvas. I decided earlier this year that I wanted my office to be fun, so this print joined one of Snoopy and Woodstock that I have hanging over my desk. It's a beginning to my goal of cleaning out and sprucing up. The work I do can be very stressful, because I am trying to encourage people not to give up or give in to their circumstances in one way or another. I deal with pretty serious circumstances at times, in a political system that is always changing. So, I have decided that I need as much encouragement as I can possible squeeze into my little home office space. My computer monitor is covered with scriptures that keep my focus on positive character-building words. I have two bulletin boards that hang to the side over my personal office space loaded with memories, scripture, and dreams. I have yet another board that I need to put back up on my wall which will hold prayer requests from across the world, as this room is also my War Room for standing in the gap. I have to remain focused on the true work in which God has called me. The higher purpose here is the Good News!

I was sharing with my friend today that I have always wanted to have a foster child to love and nurture, helping him or her realize the gifts within.  As you know my plans extend far beyond one child, but again, it is a beginning. Before I can begin to think about anything else I need to get my ducks in a row which includes cleaning out the spare room and filing old files from boxes cluttering the available space. Then I can make it into a guest room, work room, or if things go well, a child's room. That's the plan...for now.  I say "for now," because quite honestly I am also making additional plans that may change my location. But for now I can only focus on one step, one day at a time. The fact that I am actually beginning to make steps is progress, as I have been "stuck" for such a long, long time.

As long as I am focused I will be able to accomplish my daily goals. I am a list maker, because I need to feel I have accomplished something each day, and that encourages me to make another list, then another, checking off tasks, just as I do for my job each day. It works!  I was listening to Klove this week, and Amy on the morning show was talking about her lists, and it seems other people find it valuable as well. That was encouraging. I need encouragement to keep me motivated. So each day I will set my daily goals, and then check them off one by one. Eventually, the lists will grow smaller, and hopefully the result will be permanently removing a "Someday" from my life.

I admit to you very openly that holidays are very difficult for me, even moreso since my parents passed away. I feel at times that I don't really have a sense of "home," of "belonging." There are days I have a greater hope than others, but reality quickly fades it away, and I am back to wondering where I really belong, where "home" really is for me. As long as I am at home, meaning the place I live, I am content the majority of time, but the place I feel the most a part of, where I feel a sense of belonging is when I am on the road, visiting the people I serve. I love giving hope to others, and I am strengthened knowing I have helped them become a bit more empowered to accomplish their goals in life or to help them see they too have a purpose!

I was reminded this morning in a young pastor's sermon that God has plans for us we know not. He has plans, according to Jeremiah 29:11, for each of us to prosper us, and to give us a future and a hope! This young pastor is the son of my former pastor and close friend in Colonial Heights, Virginia. I even had the privilege of bringing this pastor, when he was a child, here to my home in New Mexico. Seeing him the head pastor of a huge ministry gives me so much pride. This morning he reminded me of all the things God has already spoken to my heart. He confirmed the direction of the children's ministry God has placed on my heart with the EXACT WORDS God had spoken to me. I sometimes doubt whether God says things to me or my own imagination has taken over, so confirmation is very reassuring to me. So thank you, kiddo, for being God's voice today.

For today I have my list, and I have some direction, so as the song goes, "Step by step He leads me, and I will follow Him in all of His ways!"

January 2016 - Starting Over Again

 

Isn't starting a new year fun?! It's an opportunity to start all over again, a fresh start! Now that should count for something, should it not?

Although I am excited about the prospects of my new year, I admit to you that it is a bit disconcerting to know that tomorrow I begin a new year of work, that really isn't "new" in the sense of "brand new," but then each day is a new day, so I intend to make the most of it. Who knows, tomorrow I may just meet a new friend to help. Now that's optimistic!

As I begin my read through the Bible again this year, retracing the steps of our origin, I am amazed at what I never saw or hardly paid attention to the year before. I have been making it an annual practice to read through the Bible for a very long time, so this is somewhat of a revelation to me, but then isn't that the way life should be? We should always learn something fresh each day. If not, we may as well dig a hole and bury ourselves.

I'm an avid reader, and I relish meeting new authors who inspire my imagination. Now that is saying a lot, because I have a phenomenal imagination! Bigger than big! Huger than huge! Anyone who knows me, knows I can be a bit eccentric in my thoughts at times, but then, that is magical to me. I hope I never lose the wonder.

In my closing moments of 2015 while visiting with my author friends I read the following:

12/30/15

"Whenever we realize we have not taken advantage of a

magnificent opportunity, we are apt to sink into despair.

Let the past sleep, but let it sleep the sweet embrace

of Christ, and let us go on into the invincible future with Him. 

Never let the sense of past failure defeat your next step." 

Oswald Chambers

12/31/15

"The grace of God means something like: Here is your life.

You might never have been, but you are, because the

party wouldn't have been complete without you. Here

is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen.

Don't be afraid. I am with you. Nothing can ever

separate us. It's for you I created the universe.

I love you."

Frederick Buechner

Now that's magical!

Somewhere between wanting to live and wanting to die I came to a crossroads in my life during 2015. I realized that God does have something here for me to do. Of course I knew that all along, but unless you've fought certain battles in life and engaged in warfare, you really cannot understand what it means to "Stand your Ground!" It can become wearying to stand against the icy blasts hitting you in the face, stabbing you in the heart, and be able to see through spiritual eyes that everything will turn out right. But never have I consciously doubted what I was told by the loving voice of  my Abba Father prior to my daddy's death on December 20, 2012, when He assured me that my family would be okay. I am beginning to see and understand the scope of what He was saying to me as opposed to what these past three years have spoken to me in the natural. But then, that's faith.

In my reading today about Noah and the great flood the questions were asked; "Is God trustworthy?" "Does he keep his word?"  I really didn't have to think about the answers to those questions, because I can agree wholeheartedly to both with a resounding "YES!" But then, as I was reading about His promise to Noah and his family, as well as to all of us, that He would never destroy the earth in that manner again, I began to wonder how many people who see rainbows in the sky remember His promise. Or do they only remember the tale about gold being at the end of a rainbow?

I don't know about anyone else, but God's beautiful gift of nature speaks to me every day. Who can adequately capture on canvas or in a photo the incomprehensible beauty of a sunset sky over mountains topped in snow against a majestic sky?! Each day brings a new canvas of infinite design by the hand of our Creator. And we get to see it and marvel at the artistry and design.

Two choices...all up to us to decide. 

"But blessed are your eyes because they see,

and your ears because they hear."

Matthew 13:16

Days 361 - 365 Endings/Beginnings

 

The end of another year! Where did the time go? Where does it begin?

I'm not one for end of year reflections or beginning a new year of resolutions. I am, however, a goal setter, and a dreamer. One practice I have successfully put into action in 2015 is letting go of things I cannot control and things I cannot change. It has taken me a lifetime to arrive at this rather obvious "logic," but better late than never!

Time is too short and precious to become ensnared by problems that are irrational, illogical, and otherwise infuriating. It is an inconceivable concept to waste time accomplishing nothing other than tempers flaring resulting in the inevitable headache! Suffice it to say this sort of nonsense was what I was unwittingly subjected to my last few days of 2015.  Thankfully, it was not "my" melt down!

Nonetheless, as the year closes I can honestly say it has been an adventure.  I can also say that I have grown more aware of the life I do not want to live over again. I am happy being who I am, where I am at this time in my life, but I am also keenly aware of the need to make some changes in the upcoming New Year.

I close this year in praise to God for all He has given me, and for the challenges allowed to help me grow closer in my walk with Jesus. I feel so privileged to have the wonderful friends I have here in New Mexico, and scattered literally in places across the world. I am anxious to greet the New Year expectantly, because I know God has some great plans in store for my life. All I can say is, "Let it begin...!"