8/23/2025
"The closest a person ever comes to perfection
is when he fills out a job application."
Daily Walk
I remember when I was changing jobs, because my employer at the time did not win the state contract for Medicaid. I really loved the company I had been working for, but these things happen, and life goes on, regardless of how I feel about it. We were told to update our resumes and appointments were set for the new sister company. Employees were coached on knowing personal strengths and weaknesses, as well as other questions that might be asked. I really had never thought about strengths or weaknesses, I only knew that I did the best job that I could do, and if I lacked knowledge in a certain area, I'd ask or study, whatever it took to do the job well. Since I was usually the one people sought out when needing assistance, I felt that I was pretty prepared for what may be asked. I wasn't out to impress anyone, just apply for the job. I decided to ask my older son, who can be quite cynical at times, what he felt regarding the question. He asked me if I was sure I wanted his opinion, as he knew how critical he could be, especially on things we do not see eye to eye.
When he sent his "assessment," he apologized, saying he was half awake, probably not giving it his best effort. "Plus, like most things, I'll lose interest after a few minutes and go off to do something else." This is my son who then goes on to complete two and a half pages of strengths and weaknesses, beginning with the latter. He warned me in saying that he was not trying to be critical or hurtful, just honest, as I asked him to be. It was surprising to see how much he "effortlessly" put into his appraisal of my character. He noted that even my weaknesses could be strengths. That was unexpected. In fact, the awareness that he even "thought" about me was a bit overwhelming. That was in 2013, and since that time I got the job without really trying, just being myself answering the questions, and I retired after five years when the contract was up again. I decided that I didn't want to work so hard and be responsible training people on new software, after they had already had the official training. Sometimes training is difficult for me, especially since my last blow to the head. I am analytical and hands on, so listening and not being able to apply firsthand, makes it stressful for me to complete a test in a certain amount of time in a room full of noise.
Also, since that time my son's life has changed drastically, and his communications with me are not that frequent, which has been very disheartening for me. Since moving back to Virginia, he moved from Pennsylvania to Massachusetts, and we haven't been able to visit in person or otherwise very much. Things are now changing, and my fervent prayer is that he'll want to be reunited with his family. Life is fragile, and time is short. He mentioned that to me, in his own words, of course, at a time I was considering launching out in faith on a new adventure. He told me that I'd always "done" for others, and that it was time I did what I wanted to do. My younger son shares his feelings. But aren't we supposed to care about others, put them first? I never really felt like a martyr by helping others or doing my job proficiently. I never complained about salary, because I was paid to do a job, agreeing to the amount being paid, so why would I not be grateful for the opportunity to do my job as competently as possible? Perhaps, if anything, in my personal life, growing up, I tried overly to please others, and I lost touch of who "Linda" was supposed to be. I guess I'll never really know for certain, and that train has left the station long ago. My son says that I squandered the gifts that I was given, but I used so many to earn a living during hard times. But, I imagine, as with anything, I could have done better. When it comes to the end of my life there is only one thing I really care about, "Did I do it right? To bring honor to God? Did I fulfill the purpose He created me to complete in this journey?" I know these are questions, rather than one question, but they are all the same. It's about pleasing God. How I want to hear the words, "Well done!"
Pastor Greg has a new book entitled "Things I Would Tell My Younger Self." I can imagine, knowing Pastor Greg, that he would tell himself "stop being so stupid!" Actually, he has quite a testimony, and God has definitely had his hand on Greg Laurie, engineering his life into the man he is today. He knows about difficult times growing up with a single parent, brokenness, grief, and other hardships in life. But in spite of all the harsh times, he has learned how to overcome and grow in God's grace, through His all-consuming power and love. Plus he has Cathe to help him along the twists and turns as they do life together as one. They are definitely a special couple with a wonderful family.
In all things, we are told to keep a pure heart before God and others. I have become more and more aware of this fact, and of guarding my heart, my mind, checking my real motives for what I do or say. I'm not paranoid, it's just that when you surrender your life to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, abandoned to God's will, it's a natural awareness or "check" of the Spirit. Believe me, in recent days, it seems as if all I read about is the "motives" of the heart. Is Holy Spirit trying to engrave this into my soul??
Life is in the power of the tongue, and I want the words of life spoken over me, and I want to do the same. So, that starts with self-examination, repentance, as needed, asking forgiveness, as needed. Life's a daily walk, and we want to show others outside the church that the life that we display while inside the church building on Sundays is the same in our day-to-day life elsewhere. People are always watching for authenticity, especially the younger generations who are so hungry for truth! One strength my older son did say I possessed: "For the most part you are yourself. What you see is what you get... there aren't any airs about you or false fronts." And that's who I aspire to be, just "me."
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