8/16/2025
"Is there no balm in Gilead, is there no physician there?
Why then is there no recovery for the health of the
daughter of my people?"
Jeremiah 8:22
For some reason I woke up so tired, and it continued throughout the day. Friday was not a busy day or evening, nor did I stay up particularly late. In fact, I wasn't a bit tired, but I went to bed anyway, as I'm trying to take better care of myself. I slept comfortably, except for the aggravation of the burn on my arm, but I had it bandaged to prevent problems, so I don't think that was a factor. When I don't sleep, my legs begin to ache as if I have poison running through them, and it makes it hard to sit, walk, stand, or lie down. Again, I was reminded of having a heart of gratitude no matter what, but it is wearing on my body to have chronic pain and weariness. Still, although hard, it does not come close to the 57 years of my earlier life, before God healed me. I often think about the years it took, especially when I watch my daughter suffer. She's 53, and her problems began at age 4, so I hope she does not follow my timeline for healing.
As I write these words, I smell the freshly cut grass and dandelions in the field outside my window. The weeds have a sweet smell, a fragrance that is pleasing to me. I have wondered if the smell is coming from outside or if it is the fragrance coming from Heaven that I often sense. In 2 Corinthians 2:14-15 Paul speaks of the aroma of believers to God: "Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place. For we are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing." We are saved by faith in Jesus and the grace of God. When receive the free gift of salvation and turn from our wicked, sinful ways to life in Christ, when God looks at us, He sees only His Son, Christ Jesus. Knowing that He forgives me and accepts me and sees me through His Son is too wonderful for me. But, knowing also that I am the sweet fragrance of Christ to God is way beyond any understanding. The song, I Stand in Awe by Sovereign Grace Music, describes the wonderful feeling I have when I consider His love:
"You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful for comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom?
Who can fathom the depth of Your love?
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty, enthroned above
CHORUS
And I stand, I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
Holy God, to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of You
You are beautiful beyond description
Yet God crushed You for my sin
In agony and deep affliction
Cut off that I might enter in
Who can grasp such tender compassion?
Who can fathom this mercy so free?
You are beautiful beyond description
Lamb of God who died for me"
As I glance at the field, I see a mess of brown grass cuttings, matted and clumped together in piles, hastily discharged from the mower left to mulch the land. There are patches of green that seem to swirl around the field, forming islands of mowed, matted grass described before. A fractal, or an ugly mess, like our lives before Christ, but there is hope. Although a totally discordant mixture of browns and greens, unlike a field of wild flowers of varying colors and species forming irregular patterns, winding one way, then the other, hope springs forth. In this maze of color, the only green is that on the flower stems and grass blades splattered in between the clusters of creeping phlox. How I dream of a garden of fractals. I do have a volunteer flower garden of Black-eyed Susan flowers and some others I do not know names, but with all the rains, they were knocked over, and we had aphids that attacked some of the volunteers. Still, I have enjoyed them from my windows. I am grateful for the colors, and I am grateful for the brown, because I know that in due season, new life will arise from the earth with resplendent glory, bursting with all the colors of heaven.
Nature always gives me a reprieve from what's troubling me in the present. It seems as if we cannot escape the suffering of the world, no matter how broad the imagination, but when we take time to enter the presence of God, bask in the glory of His greatness, see the beauty, smell the fragrance, and enjoy all He has provided for us, there is peace. His shalom peace that is perfection, beyond anything we could think or dream. Like a beautiful garden, even though it may have ugly brown patches, there is still beauty that takes preeminence. The awestruck wonder and the sweet aroma of Christ Jesus.
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