Day 291 Just Thinking Again

 

10/18/2025

"The truth never hurts - unless it ought to."

 

Where do the years go? What happens to friendships that seem to be so lasting, and yet time and distance seem to wear away the closeness or maybe things weren't really as strong as we thought. Then again there are people we seldom see or even talk to, except on a spur of the moment decision when we pick up the phone out of the blue and try to connect. Someone picks up the call, and it's as if time has never passed by, and the closeness you once had is still just as strong if not stronger. What makes the difference?

As I'm reading through my journals I am seeing names of people who were once close to my family, who attended the same church, some we had over for dinner. In fact it seemed as if we had people over for dinner quite frequently before we made the big move to New Mexico so many years ago. I read the names of those who reached out to my husband in his greatest time of need, and whereas I remember a few names, I don't remember so many people who supported him at that time. It was a tragic incident that forever changed our lives, but it's not something that I feel inclined to share now. I'm just wondering where everyone went, and why I was left alone when I needed a friend.

Somehow I always blame myself when things go wrong or are not as they should be. People are very important to me, and I feel as if I do form friendships rather easily. I've always been particularly fond of those others don't like or who are considered to be strangely different or underdogs. Perhaps because I consider myself a misfit toy, but in the best sense of the word. No more rabbit holes, remember?! In writing I am beginning to wonder how much freedom I should take to expressing certain feelings. I like to think that I'm a kind person, but my son tells me I'm a bit of a cynic at times. Perhaps, in a mischievous way, but then I'm learning that it's not pleasing to be suspicious of other's feelings or remarks. I always felt that I was way too trusting, and that has not bode well for me. Isn't it fun to psychoanalyze yourself?

Today I was thinking about unintentional lies, like exaggerating things, making them bigger or seemingly more important than they actually are or were. I began to think of the motives of my heart all over again. The other day Pastor Jack was sharing about Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5:1-11 and how they lied to Peter about the sale of their land. The Lord struck them dead, because they intentionally lied, and they had no reason to do so. In Matthew 12:36 Jesus said: "But I tell you, on the day of judgment people will have to give an accounting for every careless or useless word they speak." That's a fearful thought, and I don't want to be that kind of a person. It makes me glad that I try to think before I speak. Many times I think people talk when they should be listening, or just be present. Silence can be the right response. Actually listening can open up clearer communication with God. The older I get the more I realize that I have so much to learn. I'm always examining motives of my heart, and I tend to be too hard on myself, I think. But in such situations, I'd much rather err on the side of caution.

"There are none so blind as those who will not see."

I've been reading the parables of Jesus in Matthew, and the disciples questioned Him about why He didn't speak more clearly. He said that some would understand, but others would not. I imagine that had to do with the openness or readiness of their hearts to receive, or again "motives." He told one group that all they wanted was food, or perhaps they came to be healed or to witness the miracles. I loved the way Jesus taught using real life situations in a simple, informal, yet specific way of teaching. He wasn't out to impress anyone, just show them how to live godly lifestyles and share the kingdom of heaven. His first words when He began His ministry were the same as John the Baptist's - repent for the Kingdom of God is at hand. Simple, direct, and on point. He said that we'd be known by our fruit, meaning character that develops from a well-lived life. That's what I want my life to be like - fruit bearing, the character of Christ who went around doing good. Psalms 17:15 is a good verse to consider when desiring the well-lived life: "As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness; I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness." The moment I pass from this life to the next I'll pass into the arms of the Lord, beholding His beauty and in His likeness. This is the promise. To be like Him.

Many things pass through my head as I consider the things I've learned and am still learning. Each day brings new challenges, new information, and the word opens up the truth of God's kingdom if we only have eyes to see. Everything we need to know, every answer to every question can be found in the one book of life, the Bible provided to us by God. Everything we need for life and godliness is contained on the pages of His Word (2 Peter 1:3-8). I pray I learn my lessons well.