Dear Friends,
Thank you for the kind and loving support and prayers you have been sending my way in recent days. The pain in my heart and spirit has lifted somewhat, and I am beginning to smile and laugh again. The road ahead is long and twisted, and I feel like my heart is a piece of taffy being pulled in a dozen different directions, but I know in the long run I will be okay. And not just okay, I will be better for the trials.
I still have decisions to make, but through a dear friend God has given me hope for the start of my first Island for Misfit Toys. Nothing in writing, only dreams approaching the possibility stage, but I feel encouraged. Just that hope has been a huge sigh of thanksgiving and praise, and it came at a time when I felt my life was over. God is so good. Now I just need to put feet to my prayers and go to a city where the persecution against me is so unrelenting. But if it helps the precious people in the area I am willing to stand strong against the lies of the enemy and do what I must to gain support in this endeavor. Please continue to pray for my steadfastness.
I have eye surgery on 7/11/14 to remove a cataract I am told was caused by head trauma. Whereas this may in practice be a simple procedure, it is very frightening to me, as I have had several surgeries over the years putting my body back together, and the thought of any surgery alarms me. Plus for some reason I am allergic to almost everything, and although I have had problems with sedation during surgery, my brain cannot remember the particulars. So we shall see what happens.
Next, the shoulder and quite possibly other fractures to my left arm. I have to have a re-evaluation as I believe the sincere efforts of the physical therapist to help me only hindered. I believe the damage I now have is in large part because no one listened to me when I said my arm is broken. But because I am who I am, with the HUGE tolerance for pain that I have, I am suffering, but the doctors are listening. But no me importa. I will be okay...in time! Then I can once more mountain bike, climb trees, roller skate, and do whatever this ole gal wants to do, but I promise you, I will not fall and break my neck!
My birthday is coming up in August, and although I have not decided whether I will travel to Virginia or elsewhere, I do plan to have a great adventure. Last year I hid away in Red River, New Mexico during a chile festival, but it was a time of reflection and healing. I need to do more of that! Actually take the time for myself. My entire life I have struggled with the intense guilt trips placed on me if I deviated from service to family in the evenings after working and driving all day, on weekends, days off, holidays, or vacations. Finally, I am discovering that it is not selfish to take time for myself and do what makes me whole.
One more thing I have decided to do, and although I have not pushed the "Submit" button yet, I am going to enroll in an online class through Ministries of Francis Frangipane. I have found much truth and strength in his books, love his style of writing, and I hope one day I can reach others through the written page. I know this will be a stretch of my endurance at this time of my life with all the "stuff" happening with health and family matters, not to mention I have a full time and very stressful job, but I feel encouraged that I need to do it. For years I have talked about it, so now I'm doing it. Nope, I DID IT! The submit button was hit, and I am enrolled! Class begins July 3rd!
Once more, a big, heartfelt "THANK YOU' to all the friends who believe in and encourage me daily and in your thoughts and prayers. I know being my friend is often exhausting, as my survival mode has always been in pulling away and isolating myself. I'm glad I finally had the courage to ask for help, even if the professionals didn't hear me, YOU DID. Finding Linda again is so important to me, and hopefully I'll be pleased with the finding and be a blessing in return to you!
Blessings and Love,
Linda, aka Me to one special friend
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Letting Go
I like to think of myself as a caring, loving person. As a parent I tried to devote myself to teaching my children the right way to treat others, to live, to think, to be, and when I failed miserably, as we all do, I asked their forgiveness. I always tried to help them see the best inside of themselves, and to know that nothing is impossible as far as doing what they wanted to do in life. I do believe in being able to accomplish what seems impossible to others, because I have a Father who can do anything!
I've always tried to see the good in people even when I was mistreated or unfairly judged. Christians are quick to do that, never taking the time to see their own imperfections. The older I become the more I can see into the heart of a struggling person, and with all my heart I want to still the raging storms within, but many times it is beyond my grasp. Life is a struggle, and sometimes it seems unfair the hand we're dealt in life. But we have to look beyond this temporary life and grab hold to the promise of what is to come for we who believe in life past the grave. And while on this earth we have to seize each moment to live life in the best way we can. We need to look beyond the pain, the isolation, the grief, and dare to hope again. To believe, to dream! To find one thing each day for which we are grateful!
Although I am transparent to a point in my writings, many of you do not know the struggles I carry within threatening to destroy my life. Pretty much my life is one of isolation for two reasons actually. The first is due to the call on my life as an intercessor, and the second is that distance is safer, more peaceful. Sometimes in order to be who we are called to be we have to separate ourselves from those who hurt us or wish to control us. It's not that it is premeditated on their part; it is a matter of judgment or misconception, and towards them I harbor no ill feelings. Other times it is just because I cannot be the person they want me to be, or think the way they want me to feel. It becomes too much for me, so I retreat to my place of safety. I shut the door, and I turn off the phone, and I focus on what I can do and on who I am.
Each year I try to make it a practice to take a few days to go to one of my "thinking spots" and hide away just to regain my focus, my perspective. For years I had to battle taking this time for myself, because I was made to feel selfish if I didn't do what someone else felt I should do with my vacation time. Thankfully, I have overcome these feelings to a point, and I can now take a few days just for myself and not feel guilty. The first day I am usually so worn out physically, emotionally, spiritually that I tend to sleep all day. I guess it a necessary part of my healing. Sometimes I don't venture past the area around me, but I just talk to God and try to figure out the next step. Ya know it takes a lot of energy to live life one day at a time, one step at a time. But for now it is all I can do.
In the first blog regarding "Necessary Endings" I admitted that Relationships are my first Problem. Although I spoke about it in great length I did not label my Goal which is Setting Boundaries. I didn't really delve into the Barriers which I guess you realize are Guilt and Shame. I've talked about those demonic entities more than once in my writings. I guess the Interaction in this instance would be separation or isolation from those who would hold me back from freeing myself of these feelings, or simply freeing myself from allowing these demons to control me.
Beyond that the next "Necessary Ending" for me would involve knowing my next step. So, the Problem becomes one of Discovery which means understanding what I need to do next to fulfill this yearning within my soul. The Barriers I imagine are Time and Resources, as both are necessary to accomplish my Goal. My Goal being building my Island for Misfit Toys, myself being the main resident of this place of safety, unconditional love and acceptance, a place where dreams are discovered and realization begins. Remember me saying where all things are possible if you believe. Encouragement would be a daily part and learning new things! To live we have to continue to learn, otherwise we become stagnant and die.
So now I have two Goals I have recognized in my life. The second is a long term goal and the first, hopefully, much shorter. I feel I have already ventured on that path.
As I began this writing I noted that I have been hurt many times, as have we all and as we all will again and again. In my reading today, King David writes about those who are persecuting him. In Psalm 109, verses 1-5 he says:
"O God of my praise, don't stand silent and aloof while the wicked slander me and tell their lies. They have no reason to hate and fight me, yet they do! I love them, but even while I am praying for them, they are trying to destroy me. They return evil for good, and hatred for love."
Then he goes on to say, "Show him how it feels! Let lies be told about him and bring him to court before an unfair judge." (verse 6).
Beside this portions of scripture, only verses 1-5, I had written "2009", because that year was an extremely difficult one for me from March through June, because I was the victim of persecution I could not understand, and I still don't to this day. Yet, God brought me through, and He vindicated me of all lies spoken against me. I hope I never have to endure a trial of that magnitude again, but in doing so I became more compassionate, because I did not exact vengeance on my persecutors.
I often wonder if King David really wanted God to do as he prayed in verses 6 on through to the conclusion of Psalm 109. He really wanted God to get them good! Including their families! I hope that I can always return good for evil as Jesus did when He prayed, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." I realize this can be hard to do, as anger rises up inside of us, and we want to get even sometimes. For me all I asked for was a way out of it. I knew God had put me in that place at that time, but I could not understand why I was going through this great trial. All I did was cry out to God on my face each day. But in this I learned that in order to face each day I needed more than my quiet time first thing with Him in the morning. I began the practice of kneeling in prayer, and many times on my face, praying once more, before I begin my days, putting on the whole armor of God, not only on myself but on those I love. I cannot do this alone. I need Him in order to take each step, each day. I need His strength, His courage, His love to keep me focused on the goal.
Today is another difficult day, personally, as it involves someone I love dearly, for whom I would give my life and have given many years of my life, although it is not recognized as such sadly. A short lived success ended in defeat for me, and I don't know how to begin again. There are places I cannot go, places I've visited before which bring only harm, no good can come from it, so I made my stand once more. Sometimes it is necessary, and I pray understood by the other party eventually.
Yesterday I watched a fun movie, one many are singing. The movie, Frozen, is quite inspiring actually, and the lyrics to the song, "Let It Go" have great meaning:
The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I’m the Queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I've tried
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well now they know
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway
It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free
Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I stay
Let the storm rage on
My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past
Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand in the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway
The lyrics have some significance to my life in that I was held back from being myself, as if who I am was not the right way to be. So, yes I understand isolation and the defiance of letting go of it all, no longer allowing someone to dictate my life, or to let the tears flow again. To steel myself again the blast of indifference! "Necessary Endings" as Dr. Henry Cloud called them. Life can be chilling, but in ways isolation is the only safe haven in the winter storm or raging seas. Breaking free is the goal, living free is the victory! Only in Christ is this possible!
I've always tried to see the good in people even when I was mistreated or unfairly judged. Christians are quick to do that, never taking the time to see their own imperfections. The older I become the more I can see into the heart of a struggling person, and with all my heart I want to still the raging storms within, but many times it is beyond my grasp. Life is a struggle, and sometimes it seems unfair the hand we're dealt in life. But we have to look beyond this temporary life and grab hold to the promise of what is to come for we who believe in life past the grave. And while on this earth we have to seize each moment to live life in the best way we can. We need to look beyond the pain, the isolation, the grief, and dare to hope again. To believe, to dream! To find one thing each day for which we are grateful!
Although I am transparent to a point in my writings, many of you do not know the struggles I carry within threatening to destroy my life. Pretty much my life is one of isolation for two reasons actually. The first is due to the call on my life as an intercessor, and the second is that distance is safer, more peaceful. Sometimes in order to be who we are called to be we have to separate ourselves from those who hurt us or wish to control us. It's not that it is premeditated on their part; it is a matter of judgment or misconception, and towards them I harbor no ill feelings. Other times it is just because I cannot be the person they want me to be, or think the way they want me to feel. It becomes too much for me, so I retreat to my place of safety. I shut the door, and I turn off the phone, and I focus on what I can do and on who I am.
Each year I try to make it a practice to take a few days to go to one of my "thinking spots" and hide away just to regain my focus, my perspective. For years I had to battle taking this time for myself, because I was made to feel selfish if I didn't do what someone else felt I should do with my vacation time. Thankfully, I have overcome these feelings to a point, and I can now take a few days just for myself and not feel guilty. The first day I am usually so worn out physically, emotionally, spiritually that I tend to sleep all day. I guess it a necessary part of my healing. Sometimes I don't venture past the area around me, but I just talk to God and try to figure out the next step. Ya know it takes a lot of energy to live life one day at a time, one step at a time. But for now it is all I can do.
In the first blog regarding "Necessary Endings" I admitted that Relationships are my first Problem. Although I spoke about it in great length I did not label my Goal which is Setting Boundaries. I didn't really delve into the Barriers which I guess you realize are Guilt and Shame. I've talked about those demonic entities more than once in my writings. I guess the Interaction in this instance would be separation or isolation from those who would hold me back from freeing myself of these feelings, or simply freeing myself from allowing these demons to control me.
Beyond that the next "Necessary Ending" for me would involve knowing my next step. So, the Problem becomes one of Discovery which means understanding what I need to do next to fulfill this yearning within my soul. The Barriers I imagine are Time and Resources, as both are necessary to accomplish my Goal. My Goal being building my Island for Misfit Toys, myself being the main resident of this place of safety, unconditional love and acceptance, a place where dreams are discovered and realization begins. Remember me saying where all things are possible if you believe. Encouragement would be a daily part and learning new things! To live we have to continue to learn, otherwise we become stagnant and die.
So now I have two Goals I have recognized in my life. The second is a long term goal and the first, hopefully, much shorter. I feel I have already ventured on that path.
As I began this writing I noted that I have been hurt many times, as have we all and as we all will again and again. In my reading today, King David writes about those who are persecuting him. In Psalm 109, verses 1-5 he says:
"O God of my praise, don't stand silent and aloof while the wicked slander me and tell their lies. They have no reason to hate and fight me, yet they do! I love them, but even while I am praying for them, they are trying to destroy me. They return evil for good, and hatred for love."
Then he goes on to say, "Show him how it feels! Let lies be told about him and bring him to court before an unfair judge." (verse 6).
Beside this portions of scripture, only verses 1-5, I had written "2009", because that year was an extremely difficult one for me from March through June, because I was the victim of persecution I could not understand, and I still don't to this day. Yet, God brought me through, and He vindicated me of all lies spoken against me. I hope I never have to endure a trial of that magnitude again, but in doing so I became more compassionate, because I did not exact vengeance on my persecutors.
I often wonder if King David really wanted God to do as he prayed in verses 6 on through to the conclusion of Psalm 109. He really wanted God to get them good! Including their families! I hope that I can always return good for evil as Jesus did when He prayed, "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." I realize this can be hard to do, as anger rises up inside of us, and we want to get even sometimes. For me all I asked for was a way out of it. I knew God had put me in that place at that time, but I could not understand why I was going through this great trial. All I did was cry out to God on my face each day. But in this I learned that in order to face each day I needed more than my quiet time first thing with Him in the morning. I began the practice of kneeling in prayer, and many times on my face, praying once more, before I begin my days, putting on the whole armor of God, not only on myself but on those I love. I cannot do this alone. I need Him in order to take each step, each day. I need His strength, His courage, His love to keep me focused on the goal.
Today is another difficult day, personally, as it involves someone I love dearly, for whom I would give my life and have given many years of my life, although it is not recognized as such sadly. A short lived success ended in defeat for me, and I don't know how to begin again. There are places I cannot go, places I've visited before which bring only harm, no good can come from it, so I made my stand once more. Sometimes it is necessary, and I pray understood by the other party eventually.
Yesterday I watched a fun movie, one many are singing. The movie, Frozen, is quite inspiring actually, and the lyrics to the song, "Let It Go" have great meaning:
The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I’m the Queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I've tried
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well now they know
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway
It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free
Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry
Here I stand
And here I stay
Let the storm rage on
My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past
Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone
Here I stand in the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway
The lyrics have some significance to my life in that I was held back from being myself, as if who I am was not the right way to be. So, yes I understand isolation and the defiance of letting go of it all, no longer allowing someone to dictate my life, or to let the tears flow again. To steel myself again the blast of indifference! "Necessary Endings" as Dr. Henry Cloud called them. Life can be chilling, but in ways isolation is the only safe haven in the winter storm or raging seas. Breaking free is the goal, living free is the victory! Only in Christ is this possible!
Friday, June 20, 2014
The Saga Continues
I know you've all been waiting to hear the end of my story from my last blog, right?! Well, before I start I think I'll back up to how I got to the MRI point in the first place.
On Good Friday as I was getting ready for work an important thought came to me, so important I felt the need to sit down on the side of the bed to write it down. As I was hurriedly getting back up to finish getting ready I found myself sailing through the air, heading head first into the door facing which happens to be rather sharp. So in order to avoid hitting the "good side" of my head and avoid more head trauma and perhaps my last, I stuck out my left arm to grab the door jam, had to twist to avoid slamming my face in the wall, then went down on the left knee. So that was a series of three maneuvers to avoid a worse calamity of splitting my skull.
After the averted disaster, I found myself screaming in pain from the pain in my shoulder. Being the ex-EMT that I am, I decided that I may have dislocated my shoulder, so I laid down on the floor and lifted my arms over my head to pop anything that may be out of place back in place. I do this often with my left hip. After slapping some ice on the shoulder, I finished getting ready for work, then made my way across the living room into my home office to start my day. This is not the best Good Friday I have had! So I was able to get through the day, barely able to type, but it was a day in the office, so I could take my time. I slapped a pack of frozen veggies on my shoulder and laughed at my stupidity.
Sleeping wasn't so bad unless I moved, but by day 3 I began to notice a pooling of blood in my arm, then on the 4th day it had grown considerably, so I decided I may be in trouble and had better call my doctor to find out what I had done to myself. I had limited movement, but being the person I am, I continued doing what I could do, slapping ice on it when I moved too much. Plus I managed to schedule my visits and do my work. I am famous for not missing work especially when it is not the smart move.
When I eventually saw my doctor, she ordered an x-ray which showed absolutely nothing, as x-rays do not show torn muscles or certain other important things....obviously. Next step was four intensive weeks of physical therapy which were not pleasant. When I arrived at my last session, an MRI was ordered as I was not progressing as hoped. Ya think!
Now we're back back to where I actually have the MRI which is over a week from when it was ordered on 6/6/14. Are you counting the days? So on 6/17/14 I have the MRI, and on 6/18/14 I get "the call". I have a fractured arm!! More specifically the proximal humerus which, folks, is not so humorous! Unless pain makes you laugh hysterically! Even I have my limits. I also had some tears to the rotator cuff...yet another fun time! So I am sent packing to the orthopedic surgeon. He was a young guy, pretty great actually, and definitely down to earth. He congratulated me on the good job I did at injuring my arm, and of course, being the cynic I am, I remarked that "anything worth doing is worth doing well!" He agreed!
So here I am....! Moment of truth. The decision is that since I still have quite a bit of edema and inflammation after all this time ( I wonder why?!), he will let me continue my self treatment, using my "head" to not over use the arm and not lift anything. Now there is the rub! He isn't ruling out surgery, but for now I have until 8/6/14 to heal. No more physical therapy, obviously.
So that is my exciting tale of woes. Actually, not so, as throughout this ordeal I have maintained my sense of humor...or perhaps I have finally lost my feeble mind and am, in fact, ready for the "rubber room"! Whatever my mental state I am continuing to go through the motions of life, avoiding sudden moves or raising windows. Actually that is not quite accurate, as I was forced to raise my window tonight, as this morning I discovered a leak in the water line to my swamp cooler, so that has to be repaired. Another wake up call I had this morning at 6 am! Fortunately, I have a sympathetic handy man who is also a good friend who didn't mind his 6 am wake up call to rush over to save me from water shortage.
So now we wait...! What will the verdict be in two months? We shall see, shall we not?
For now, stay on your own two feet, and by all means, do not listen to inspiration in the early morning hours. You could be in for a fall!
On Good Friday as I was getting ready for work an important thought came to me, so important I felt the need to sit down on the side of the bed to write it down. As I was hurriedly getting back up to finish getting ready I found myself sailing through the air, heading head first into the door facing which happens to be rather sharp. So in order to avoid hitting the "good side" of my head and avoid more head trauma and perhaps my last, I stuck out my left arm to grab the door jam, had to twist to avoid slamming my face in the wall, then went down on the left knee. So that was a series of three maneuvers to avoid a worse calamity of splitting my skull.
After the averted disaster, I found myself screaming in pain from the pain in my shoulder. Being the ex-EMT that I am, I decided that I may have dislocated my shoulder, so I laid down on the floor and lifted my arms over my head to pop anything that may be out of place back in place. I do this often with my left hip. After slapping some ice on the shoulder, I finished getting ready for work, then made my way across the living room into my home office to start my day. This is not the best Good Friday I have had! So I was able to get through the day, barely able to type, but it was a day in the office, so I could take my time. I slapped a pack of frozen veggies on my shoulder and laughed at my stupidity.
Sleeping wasn't so bad unless I moved, but by day 3 I began to notice a pooling of blood in my arm, then on the 4th day it had grown considerably, so I decided I may be in trouble and had better call my doctor to find out what I had done to myself. I had limited movement, but being the person I am, I continued doing what I could do, slapping ice on it when I moved too much. Plus I managed to schedule my visits and do my work. I am famous for not missing work especially when it is not the smart move.
When I eventually saw my doctor, she ordered an x-ray which showed absolutely nothing, as x-rays do not show torn muscles or certain other important things....obviously. Next step was four intensive weeks of physical therapy which were not pleasant. When I arrived at my last session, an MRI was ordered as I was not progressing as hoped. Ya think!
Now we're back back to where I actually have the MRI which is over a week from when it was ordered on 6/6/14. Are you counting the days? So on 6/17/14 I have the MRI, and on 6/18/14 I get "the call". I have a fractured arm!! More specifically the proximal humerus which, folks, is not so humorous! Unless pain makes you laugh hysterically! Even I have my limits. I also had some tears to the rotator cuff...yet another fun time! So I am sent packing to the orthopedic surgeon. He was a young guy, pretty great actually, and definitely down to earth. He congratulated me on the good job I did at injuring my arm, and of course, being the cynic I am, I remarked that "anything worth doing is worth doing well!" He agreed!
So here I am....! Moment of truth. The decision is that since I still have quite a bit of edema and inflammation after all this time ( I wonder why?!), he will let me continue my self treatment, using my "head" to not over use the arm and not lift anything. Now there is the rub! He isn't ruling out surgery, but for now I have until 8/6/14 to heal. No more physical therapy, obviously.
So that is my exciting tale of woes. Actually, not so, as throughout this ordeal I have maintained my sense of humor...or perhaps I have finally lost my feeble mind and am, in fact, ready for the "rubber room"! Whatever my mental state I am continuing to go through the motions of life, avoiding sudden moves or raising windows. Actually that is not quite accurate, as I was forced to raise my window tonight, as this morning I discovered a leak in the water line to my swamp cooler, so that has to be repaired. Another wake up call I had this morning at 6 am! Fortunately, I have a sympathetic handy man who is also a good friend who didn't mind his 6 am wake up call to rush over to save me from water shortage.
So now we wait...! What will the verdict be in two months? We shall see, shall we not?
For now, stay on your own two feet, and by all means, do not listen to inspiration in the early morning hours. You could be in for a fall!
Read My Lips Moments
A funny thing happened on the way to Santa Fe Imaging Center this morning. Sounds like a line from an old movie, or rather a portion of a title of an old movie. Anyway, I awakened at the crack of dawn (I call it a much more descriptive name gleaned from watching the movie "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter Is Dead." One of the greats!) so I could get to Santa Fe by 8:20 am. As I trailed into the city proper half asleep yet cognizant of the ridiculous back up of traffic, my senses were enlivened by the aroma of a distinctly different scent, howbeit recognizable. Ah, yes, dead skunk in the middle of the road. Now that's a definite wake up call. Good Morning, Santa Fe!
My children always hated my wake up calls. I used to sing to them each morning which I felt was much more agreeable than my mama's "Rise and shine!" I never wanted to rise, and I did not know what it meant to shine. As a child I doubt it ever entered my mind, the idea of "shining", but I know of at least one person who thought I shined in the 7th grade! The song I sang to my children was from Red Red Robin. It goes...
"Wake up, wake up you sleepy heads. Get up, get up, the sun is shining red. Live, love, laugh and be happy!!"
Isn't that a delightful way to get awakened each day for school? And you thought your life was interesting!
So back to my morning in Santa Fe.... I finally arrived at the designated location at my appointed hour. Waiting for my turn has never been my forte. But it can be an interesting time, watching people come and go. Generally diagnostic screenings make people a little nervous, especially men. They don't hold up as well as we women tend to do. So there was a bit of anxiety hanging in the atmosphere, along with upset tummies, and another "Good Morning to you!".
As I think back over the past few weeks that brought me to this place in time, I go back over the questions I am asked in response to my functional test prior to starting physical therapy. Questions like "Does it hurt to reach up to get something out of the cabinet?" So I say,"Well I don't have to reach up, everything is pretty much down low, as I live alone, so I make it easy on myself." Next question, "Do you have a hard time carrying your laundry basket?" Another caustic quickie, "Well, it's only me, so I don't have that much laundry to do at one time, so I really don't have to use a basket." Ummmm....! "Do you need help getting dressed in the morning?" By this time I am thinking he's not hearing me, so I quip, "Well gee, if I did need help, I'd be out of luck, as I live alone, and my teddy bear isn't much help." So more questions and quips, and caustic remarks, until I want to scream, "What do you not understand....I LIVE ALONE! What part of "LIVE ALONE" do you not understand?!" Poor guy, if looks could kill...!
What a concept...living alone. I have this great friend who...you guessed it!...lives alone. We were giggling over my cynical comments regarding my inquisition, and she shared a time in her life. She fell, and she was unable to get up on her feet or knees, so she literally had to crawl over to her neighbor's house for help. She knocked on the bottom of the door, the person opened it all the while looking around for someone, never glancing down, until my friend says, "Hey, I'm down here!" True story. I had to chuckle as this particular friend is not one to grovel in the dust for anyone. Plus to make matters worse she'd never met the neighbor. Pride does indeed go before a fall, or perhaps after a fall. We've decided after hashing over our adventure tales that we are dyed in the wool survivors. We can overcome anything. Or at least laugh it away.
Laughter is indeed good medicine. Much more I could share, but for today, this is it! Time to dream up new adventures and new ways to get my point home to those who have no clue.
'Night guys!
My children always hated my wake up calls. I used to sing to them each morning which I felt was much more agreeable than my mama's "Rise and shine!" I never wanted to rise, and I did not know what it meant to shine. As a child I doubt it ever entered my mind, the idea of "shining", but I know of at least one person who thought I shined in the 7th grade! The song I sang to my children was from Red Red Robin. It goes...
"Wake up, wake up you sleepy heads. Get up, get up, the sun is shining red. Live, love, laugh and be happy!!"
Isn't that a delightful way to get awakened each day for school? And you thought your life was interesting!
So back to my morning in Santa Fe.... I finally arrived at the designated location at my appointed hour. Waiting for my turn has never been my forte. But it can be an interesting time, watching people come and go. Generally diagnostic screenings make people a little nervous, especially men. They don't hold up as well as we women tend to do. So there was a bit of anxiety hanging in the atmosphere, along with upset tummies, and another "Good Morning to you!".
As I think back over the past few weeks that brought me to this place in time, I go back over the questions I am asked in response to my functional test prior to starting physical therapy. Questions like "Does it hurt to reach up to get something out of the cabinet?" So I say,"Well I don't have to reach up, everything is pretty much down low, as I live alone, so I make it easy on myself." Next question, "Do you have a hard time carrying your laundry basket?" Another caustic quickie, "Well, it's only me, so I don't have that much laundry to do at one time, so I really don't have to use a basket." Ummmm....! "Do you need help getting dressed in the morning?" By this time I am thinking he's not hearing me, so I quip, "Well gee, if I did need help, I'd be out of luck, as I live alone, and my teddy bear isn't much help." So more questions and quips, and caustic remarks, until I want to scream, "What do you not understand....I LIVE ALONE! What part of "LIVE ALONE" do you not understand?!" Poor guy, if looks could kill...!
What a concept...living alone. I have this great friend who...you guessed it!...lives alone. We were giggling over my cynical comments regarding my inquisition, and she shared a time in her life. She fell, and she was unable to get up on her feet or knees, so she literally had to crawl over to her neighbor's house for help. She knocked on the bottom of the door, the person opened it all the while looking around for someone, never glancing down, until my friend says, "Hey, I'm down here!" True story. I had to chuckle as this particular friend is not one to grovel in the dust for anyone. Plus to make matters worse she'd never met the neighbor. Pride does indeed go before a fall, or perhaps after a fall. We've decided after hashing over our adventure tales that we are dyed in the wool survivors. We can overcome anything. Or at least laugh it away.
Laughter is indeed good medicine. Much more I could share, but for today, this is it! Time to dream up new adventures and new ways to get my point home to those who have no clue.
'Night guys!
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Step 1 - Taking Note
As a case manager I learned that in dealing with goals in life we must first identify the problems. So we look at what changes are necessary in order to accomplish goals, such as health oriented, emotional, relational, and identify those areas of life creating the Problem. So if a person determines that his medical diagnosis of diabetes is the problem area, goals need to be set in order to overcome the problems associated with said disease. He may decide that he wants to work on maintaining healthy glucose levels by watching his diet, following the physician's prescribed care, and exercising regularly. So he has established three goals. Get the idea. Next he has to determine if any Barriers exist that hinder him in meeting these goals. For instance with regard to regular exercise, a person may have something that hinders him from working out or even taking a daily walk. Maybe the neighborhood is infested with ankle nipping attack geese which prevent him from enjoying a nice brisk walk down the road? I guess it truly would be a brisk walk if attack geese were fast on your heels! So he has now identified a Barrier to walking daily. So, next he looks at...can you guess it......how can he get rid of the geese? So we put our heads together, and we come up with an appropriate Interaction. Since this is a hypothetical scenario I am not going to tell you how to get rid of these annoying geese. If it were me I'd take a different route, as I have encountered a goose honking ankle nipper, and it was not pleasant. Plus the rascal was persistent. If you're nipped enough times you'll soon appreciate allowing the little guy his space. But now you get the picture and a little deeper glimpse of what I do for a living. I am a problem solver, and a pretty good one actually. For other people, that is!
So here we go. We are thinking about Necessary Endings in our life. Things that get in the way of our accomplishing better goals. Setting priorities, making better choices for our life. Ones that produce fruit, opportunities for growth, and the anticipated happy endings. As I go through this exercise I hope you'll not be so intent on studying my crazy life, and the changes I want to make. My purpose is to help you as I am learning and putting into practice what I am gleaning and applying for myself. I don't know, maybe you are content exactly where you are, and I am glad you are! My older son told me once he was full of "wanderlust"; perhaps he got a bit of that from me. Always wanting to see what is around the bend in the road, discovering new things, places, people, life in its entirety. Nothing wrong with that as long as it doesn't interfere with other people along for the ride.
So, what is holding you back, if anything? What do you need to change in your life so you can start to get going on your dreams, ambitions? For me my number one Problem is Relationships. I need to start focusing on myself and allow others to wallow in their own stew. We all have to get to a place where we are broken, dead to ourselves, and willing to grab God's hand in faith, entrusting our lives to doing things His way. Sometimes, even though our focus is on doing the right thing, outside drama pulls us in, sucking the life out of us, draining our emotions, flooding our time, until we find ourselves back where we started again. For me it has to end. Enough already!
I am a survivor! I love people, but I value alone time. It's my think time. My time to listen and know I can be heard. Without a word, without a whisper, to know. It's a great feeling,, and I have learned to value this time. Does that mean I won't have time for people? Absolutely and emphatically not! I will always be an advocate for the ones I love. I will always have time to help others along the way. The difference is knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no". In that I need to develop a thicker hide.
So here we go. We are thinking about Necessary Endings in our life. Things that get in the way of our accomplishing better goals. Setting priorities, making better choices for our life. Ones that produce fruit, opportunities for growth, and the anticipated happy endings. As I go through this exercise I hope you'll not be so intent on studying my crazy life, and the changes I want to make. My purpose is to help you as I am learning and putting into practice what I am gleaning and applying for myself. I don't know, maybe you are content exactly where you are, and I am glad you are! My older son told me once he was full of "wanderlust"; perhaps he got a bit of that from me. Always wanting to see what is around the bend in the road, discovering new things, places, people, life in its entirety. Nothing wrong with that as long as it doesn't interfere with other people along for the ride.
So, what is holding you back, if anything? What do you need to change in your life so you can start to get going on your dreams, ambitions? For me my number one Problem is Relationships. I need to start focusing on myself and allow others to wallow in their own stew. We all have to get to a place where we are broken, dead to ourselves, and willing to grab God's hand in faith, entrusting our lives to doing things His way. Sometimes, even though our focus is on doing the right thing, outside drama pulls us in, sucking the life out of us, draining our emotions, flooding our time, until we find ourselves back where we started again. For me it has to end. Enough already!
I am a survivor! I love people, but I value alone time. It's my think time. My time to listen and know I can be heard. Without a word, without a whisper, to know. It's a great feeling,, and I have learned to value this time. Does that mean I won't have time for people? Absolutely and emphatically not! I will always be an advocate for the ones I love. I will always have time to help others along the way. The difference is knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no". In that I need to develop a thicker hide.
Respect or Game?
Life is so fragile, and we live it so carelessly, even recklessly. I have a dream that has spanned my entire lifetime and continues to live inside of me. I am so close to breaking free. Some things need to happen first, and I am sensing glimpses of change.
This afternoon I picked up an old friend and popped it in the VHS player, "Instinct" with Anthony Hopkins and Cuba Gooding, Jr. Both phenomenal performers, in my humble opinion. It's the story of an anthropologist who lived among the gorillas, who was accepted as part of the family as a man living in harmony with nature. Gooding plays the psychiatrist who is assigned to Hopkins' case when he is sent back to the states and jailed with the criminally insane for protecting his family as they are being senselessly slaughtered. In one poignant scene, the psychiatrist says to the Nathan (Hopkins):
"You asked me a question once, "What has you all tied up in knots when you wake up sweating in the middle of the night." You still want to know? I've been thinking about it. I've been thinking about it a lot. It's not the work. I love the work. I've always loved the work. It's the game...and I was so good at it. I made sure all the right people liked me. At night I'd do a check list in my mind. Am I cool with Ben Hillard? Am I cool with Dr. Josephson? Am I cool with all the people who can help me? Am I cool with all the people who can hurt me? Nobody thought I was weak or a loser. (He pauses and begins again) There was nobody I was defending. Nobody I loved. Bad game. But guess what. You taught me how to live outside of the game. You taught me how to live."
There's much more to the story. It was at this point that the anthropologist, Nathan, had withdrawn within himself, had given up, after Theo, the psychiatrist, had managed to have him open up and share his story. Had he succeeded, his fame as a psychiatrist would have been sealed, yet, because of Nathan's story, he learned to truly open his eyes and "see" life and value it. He learned that the idea of "control" was merely an illusion.
Of course this story deals with my beloved Africa, and with gorillas with whom I have a fondness. Protecting our environment and animals is high on my list of priorities, as is advocating for all endangered species, including the two legged variety. The thought that beautiful wildlife is captured and caged or otherwise poached and killed for their body parts as trophies on someone's wall makes me sick to my stomach. I believe as the indigenous people of our earth do that we kill only when we must, only to survive. When necessary to kill for food and survival, then do so with consideration and dignity.
My health mandates a lifestyle different from most in that my diet must be strict and unyielding as my life is at stake. What most people do not realize is that all life is dependent on our diets and daily habits including exercise, rest, proper hydration and nutrition. The food we grow today does not hold the same nutritional value as it once did, because our earth has been raped of its nutrients by misuse and neglect. The rules of allowing the ground to lay fallow on the seventh year is seldom if ever obeyed. Everything has changed. Nothing holds value.
How can we expect to value the life of an animal when we do not value the lives of human beings? Each year countless numbers of children are murdered in their mothers' wombs all for the sake of the right to choose. These poor girls, most innocent in their actions, are pushed to make a decision that will change the entirety of their lives as they live with the consequences, the guilt. I am a biologist, and I have witnessed first hand the fertilization of an egg in vitro and the firing of the neutrons, the formation of the spinal cord and the heart. It boggles my mind as to how any scientist after observing the formation of life in this basic way can ever deny the sanctity of human life. I'm certain those with more learned knowledge than I would refute my statements, but I know the truth, and one day I pray their eyes, all eyes will be open to know this wonderful truth.
Whether gorillas or human life, infants to advanced elderly all life is priceless and precious. So protecting life is our responsibility, our service, our response - always. God created all life, so we need to treat it and our earth with respect.
This afternoon I picked up an old friend and popped it in the VHS player, "Instinct" with Anthony Hopkins and Cuba Gooding, Jr. Both phenomenal performers, in my humble opinion. It's the story of an anthropologist who lived among the gorillas, who was accepted as part of the family as a man living in harmony with nature. Gooding plays the psychiatrist who is assigned to Hopkins' case when he is sent back to the states and jailed with the criminally insane for protecting his family as they are being senselessly slaughtered. In one poignant scene, the psychiatrist says to the Nathan (Hopkins):
"You asked me a question once, "What has you all tied up in knots when you wake up sweating in the middle of the night." You still want to know? I've been thinking about it. I've been thinking about it a lot. It's not the work. I love the work. I've always loved the work. It's the game...and I was so good at it. I made sure all the right people liked me. At night I'd do a check list in my mind. Am I cool with Ben Hillard? Am I cool with Dr. Josephson? Am I cool with all the people who can help me? Am I cool with all the people who can hurt me? Nobody thought I was weak or a loser. (He pauses and begins again) There was nobody I was defending. Nobody I loved. Bad game. But guess what. You taught me how to live outside of the game. You taught me how to live."
There's much more to the story. It was at this point that the anthropologist, Nathan, had withdrawn within himself, had given up, after Theo, the psychiatrist, had managed to have him open up and share his story. Had he succeeded, his fame as a psychiatrist would have been sealed, yet, because of Nathan's story, he learned to truly open his eyes and "see" life and value it. He learned that the idea of "control" was merely an illusion.
Of course this story deals with my beloved Africa, and with gorillas with whom I have a fondness. Protecting our environment and animals is high on my list of priorities, as is advocating for all endangered species, including the two legged variety. The thought that beautiful wildlife is captured and caged or otherwise poached and killed for their body parts as trophies on someone's wall makes me sick to my stomach. I believe as the indigenous people of our earth do that we kill only when we must, only to survive. When necessary to kill for food and survival, then do so with consideration and dignity.
My health mandates a lifestyle different from most in that my diet must be strict and unyielding as my life is at stake. What most people do not realize is that all life is dependent on our diets and daily habits including exercise, rest, proper hydration and nutrition. The food we grow today does not hold the same nutritional value as it once did, because our earth has been raped of its nutrients by misuse and neglect. The rules of allowing the ground to lay fallow on the seventh year is seldom if ever obeyed. Everything has changed. Nothing holds value.
How can we expect to value the life of an animal when we do not value the lives of human beings? Each year countless numbers of children are murdered in their mothers' wombs all for the sake of the right to choose. These poor girls, most innocent in their actions, are pushed to make a decision that will change the entirety of their lives as they live with the consequences, the guilt. I am a biologist, and I have witnessed first hand the fertilization of an egg in vitro and the firing of the neutrons, the formation of the spinal cord and the heart. It boggles my mind as to how any scientist after observing the formation of life in this basic way can ever deny the sanctity of human life. I'm certain those with more learned knowledge than I would refute my statements, but I know the truth, and one day I pray their eyes, all eyes will be open to know this wonderful truth.
Whether gorillas or human life, infants to advanced elderly all life is priceless and precious. So protecting life is our responsibility, our service, our response - always. God created all life, so we need to treat it and our earth with respect.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
A Home Without a Home
"Thank God we can't tell the future or
we'd never get out of bed."
line from August Osage County
I have a habit of selecting movies with interesting studies into the lives of dysfunctional families; some parallel southern style living I've personally encountered. But I can never understand the degree of cruelty some people inflict on themselves and each other, all the while saying they love each other. In times of true crisis when they should be clinging to each other, offering comfort, find solace, the knives and poisonous darts of insults and accusations hurl freely, loosely cutting and piercing deeply. Once more lives are changed but not for the better.
Is there any end to the torment others impose on each other? When does this sickness end? Is there a way to right the terrible wrongs done against each other? Hidden secrets, lies? Tongues so acidic it sears the flesh off your bones; language so vile it destroys the purity of a mind. And what is left of the soul standing except an empty life and a broken heart?
How do you help people like this? What becomes of the children who have to grow up daily encountering such torment, such shame, such guilt, because that's what happens. The children absorb all of the dysfunctionality into their precious, innocent beings, seldom able to escape it or live normal lives. Living amidst drug addiction, alcoholism, sexual depravity and foul language. Escaping only to go to school if they are allowed to leave for the day. Only to return once the school bell rings at the end of the day to once more descend into the bowels of hell on earth.
What is our response? What is our reply? Do we dare attempt to reach out to rescue the endangered, helpless children or offer support to the adults who make their lives a living nightmare? Or do we simply turn our backs and walk away?
I have lived my life with physical pain becoming "normal", having to continue to live through each day with success or failure, but doing it, because I had no other choice. I understand emotional abuse which in many ways is worse than physical, because the pain never goes away. I understand how people do menial work to put food on the table, often working more than one job to make ends meet, but still having enough room in their hearts to love each other, making time for their children. I'm glad I lived in my little world I created for myself to survive, the place I still go when life is too overwhelming, too much for my simple mind to handle.
Maybe that's what survival is...finding an escape where the words and actions can't reach you, where you can no longer hear, see or feel. Life is safe, calm, accepting.
All I know is that Jesus can make sense even when things seem hopeless. And I know for a fact that He can turn things around and set the captives free. Like anything else, it's a choice we make. A hand extended that we grab hold to and allow Him to pull us from the muck and mire, the social depravity into which we were either thrown or stumbled into ourselves. He does that for us. And I for one am so glad, so very grateful that I have Jesus in my life today, every day, and for always.
I see and hear so much today I cannot understand, cannot explain or give words to, but I hope somehow by listening, trying to offer solace, loving even when I cannot fathom the disparity, that somehow I can be that testimony of the love of a Savior who can wash us and make us whiter than snow. One who can restore the years the locusts and the cankerworms have eaten away. One who can mend the broken heart and bring new meaning, new direction and purpose for His glory. It is never too late to begin again to be made brand new. This is the message of hope.
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Necessary Endings - What's Holding You Back?
For the past four weeks I have been going to physical therapy every afternoon, then returning home and getting back to my work. Consequently, I am exhausted by rising early and going to bed late. Still working in the quiet hours is a kind of peace in itself when I can relax and take my time without the time constraints I impose on myself hindering my work. At least I can say my time has been productive. Still there are so many times I feel as if my best is not good enough.
This morning as I muse about my life I find that all the enthusiasm I have had in past weeks, all the courage, strength and determination have somehow dimmed or perhaps even disappeared. I do not know how I feel about anything, but I certainly would not say I have resigned myself to a conclusion or have become indifferent or non-caring. I am simply in a place where I feel helpless, yet I continue to stand on my scripture in 2 Timothy 1:12, "for I know in whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed to Him against that day." On this truth I tenaciously make my stand!
A feeling of helplessness, nonetheless, can be crippling, even paralyzing. As I have honestly admitted in my writings and in personal conversations with others, I am not a stranger to depression and the stronghold it places on your life. All of us experience this type of bondage in one form or another, albeit confusion, feelings of guilt or shame, not being a part of what is going on around us, and simply not fitting into a circle. All of it leads to feelings of inadequacy, isolation, and ultimate withdrawal. Keeping one's distance is safe, avoids conflict and further hurt or failure. Not complacency, as I feel that stems with having a "whatever" sort of mind set, as in apathy and not really caring any more. The former feelings are survival modes taken to avoid further hurt.
As I am approaching my 64th birthday, I don't want to be any of these things, mostly helplessness. I am always reminded that God wants us to be happy, because happiness leads to productivity in our lives emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. I prefer to use the word "content" as opposed to "happy" as I believe happiness is momentary and fleeting, whereas "contentment" is a more permanent state of being joyful, kept by God regardless of what unfolds in life. I guess it has a better "ring" to it, spiritually. Yet, words can become superficial, and I do not want superficiality in my life. I want intentional living.
Each day of my journey, this present path I am on, I am faced with a choice of how I am going to view a certain thing. I must say that God keeps me on my toes with reminders of how others may feel about things, so I am to be ready at all times to give the reason of hope that is within me to all who ask. I am to make a difference. So if I am disgruntled about something, I need to adjust my attitude and my way of thinking, realizing who is behind all the complexities I face on a day-to-day basis. We all have them. Admit it, don't you have days when your attitude stinks?! Well I want my attitude to be fragrant, sweet-smelling, having the mind of Christ.
Not always easy, I admit, but it is something we reach to achieve, the goal we press forward to attain through strength in Christ Jesus our Lord.
This morning as I muse about my life I find that all the enthusiasm I have had in past weeks, all the courage, strength and determination have somehow dimmed or perhaps even disappeared. I do not know how I feel about anything, but I certainly would not say I have resigned myself to a conclusion or have become indifferent or non-caring. I am simply in a place where I feel helpless, yet I continue to stand on my scripture in 2 Timothy 1:12, "for I know in whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed to Him against that day." On this truth I tenaciously make my stand!
A feeling of helplessness, nonetheless, can be crippling, even paralyzing. As I have honestly admitted in my writings and in personal conversations with others, I am not a stranger to depression and the stronghold it places on your life. All of us experience this type of bondage in one form or another, albeit confusion, feelings of guilt or shame, not being a part of what is going on around us, and simply not fitting into a circle. All of it leads to feelings of inadequacy, isolation, and ultimate withdrawal. Keeping one's distance is safe, avoids conflict and further hurt or failure. Not complacency, as I feel that stems with having a "whatever" sort of mind set, as in apathy and not really caring any more. The former feelings are survival modes taken to avoid further hurt.
As I am approaching my 64th birthday, I don't want to be any of these things, mostly helplessness. I am always reminded that God wants us to be happy, because happiness leads to productivity in our lives emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. I prefer to use the word "content" as opposed to "happy" as I believe happiness is momentary and fleeting, whereas "contentment" is a more permanent state of being joyful, kept by God regardless of what unfolds in life. I guess it has a better "ring" to it, spiritually. Yet, words can become superficial, and I do not want superficiality in my life. I want intentional living.
Each day of my journey, this present path I am on, I am faced with a choice of how I am going to view a certain thing. I must say that God keeps me on my toes with reminders of how others may feel about things, so I am to be ready at all times to give the reason of hope that is within me to all who ask. I am to make a difference. So if I am disgruntled about something, I need to adjust my attitude and my way of thinking, realizing who is behind all the complexities I face on a day-to-day basis. We all have them. Admit it, don't you have days when your attitude stinks?! Well I want my attitude to be fragrant, sweet-smelling, having the mind of Christ.
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal
procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance
of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ
among those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death;
to the other the fragrance of life.
2 Corinthians 2: 15-16
Not always easy, I admit, but it is something we reach to achieve, the goal we press forward to attain through strength in Christ Jesus our Lord.
"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward
what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the
prize for which God has called me
heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14
We have to stay focused on the prize. These things that are happening cannot distract us or detour us on our journey with God, Christ-centered thinking our focus. Honestly, I am so tired of the cycle of being "stuck", moving forward, and then being pushed back. It is dizzying, nauseating, and I am tired of wasting time.
There are things I cannot change, many in fact, but what I can do is stand determined in what God can do, does do, and will do on my behalf and on behalf of those I entrust to His care and provision. I need to break this stronghold, and perhaps that means choosing to make some necessary endings to some otherwise good things that are holding me back. So my prayer for myself, and for each of you, is that we center our minds on what God has for us to do. He speaks to our hearts, gives us dreams, passion, gifts and callings which are not to be taken lightly. What is important in life is not necessarily what we do well, but what we enjoy doing that brings life not only to ourselves, but to each other and ultimately to God. That is the high calling to which I want to attain. What about you? What's holding you back to living the abundant life God has for you?
So in the weeks ahead I want to ask each of you who happens to follow my blog to help me be accountable to making necessary endings in my life and taking risks. I have set for myself some goals for each day, and with your help and support, perhaps I can finally make some tough, but necessary changes in my life. It's about time, wouldn't you agree?
May God continue to bless you day and direct your path!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)