Necessary Endings - What's Holding You Back?

For the past four weeks I have been going to physical therapy every afternoon, then returning home and getting back to my work.  Consequently, I am exhausted by rising early and going to bed late.  Still working in the quiet hours is a kind of peace in itself when I can relax and take my time without the time constraints I impose on myself hindering my work. At least I can say my time has been productive.  Still there are so many times I feel as if my best is not good enough.

This morning as I muse about my life I find that all the enthusiasm I have had in past weeks, all the courage, strength and determination have somehow dimmed or perhaps even disappeared.  I do not know how I feel about anything, but I certainly would not say I have resigned myself to a conclusion or have become indifferent or non-caring.  I am simply in a place where I feel helpless, yet I continue to stand on my scripture in 2 Timothy 1:12, "for I know in whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed to Him against that day." On this truth I tenaciously make my stand!

A feeling of helplessness, nonetheless, can be crippling, even paralyzing.  As I have honestly admitted in my writings and in personal conversations with others, I am not a stranger to depression and the stronghold it places on your life.  All of us experience this type of bondage in one form or another, albeit confusion, feelings of guilt or shame, not being a part of what is going on around us, and simply not fitting into a circle.  All of it leads to feelings of inadequacy, isolation, and ultimate withdrawal. Keeping one's distance is safe, avoids conflict and further hurt or failure.  Not complacency, as I feel that stems with having a "whatever" sort of mind set, as in apathy and not really caring any more. The former feelings are survival modes taken to avoid further hurt.

As I am approaching my 64th birthday, I don't want to be any of these things, mostly helplessness.  I am always reminded that God wants us to be happy, because happiness leads to productivity in our lives emotionally, physically, and even spiritually.  I prefer to use the word "content" as opposed to "happy" as I believe happiness is momentary and fleeting, whereas "contentment" is a more permanent state of being joyful, kept by God regardless of what unfolds in life.  I guess it has a better "ring" to it, spiritually.  Yet, words can become superficial, and I do not want superficiality in my life.  I want intentional living.

Each day of my journey, this present path I am on, I am faced with a choice of how I am going to view a certain thing. I must say that God keeps me on my toes with reminders of how others may feel about things, so I am to be ready at all times to give the reason of hope that is within me to all who ask.  I am to make a difference.  So if I am disgruntled about something, I need to adjust my attitude and my way of thinking, realizing who is behind all the complexities I face on a day-to-day basis.  We all have them.  Admit it, don't you have days when your attitude stinks?!  Well I want my attitude to be fragrant, sweet-smelling, having the mind of Christ.

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal

procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance

of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ 

among those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; 

to the other the fragrance of life.

2 Corinthians 2: 15-16

Not always easy, I admit, but it is something we reach to achieve, the goal we press forward to attain through strength in Christ Jesus our Lord.

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward

what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the 

prize for which God has called me

heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14

We have to stay focused on the prize.  These things that are happening cannot distract us or detour us on our journey with God, Christ-centered thinking our focus.  Honestly, I am so tired of the cycle of being "stuck", moving forward, and then being pushed back.  It is dizzying, nauseating, and I am tired of wasting time.  

There are things I cannot change, many in fact, but what I can do is stand determined in what God can do, does do, and will do on my behalf and on behalf of those I entrust to His care and provision.  I need to break this stronghold, and perhaps that means choosing to make some necessary endings to some otherwise good things that are holding me back.  So my prayer for myself, and for each of you, is that we center our minds on what God has for us to do.  He speaks to our hearts, gives us dreams, passion, gifts and callings which are not to be taken lightly.  What is important in life is not necessarily what we do well, but what we enjoy doing that brings life not only to ourselves, but to each other and ultimately to God.  That is the high calling to which I want to attain.  What about you?  What's holding you back to living the abundant life God has for you?

So in the weeks ahead I want to ask each of you who happens to follow my blog to help me be accountable to making necessary endings in my life and taking risks.  I have set for myself some goals for each day, and with your help and support, perhaps I can finally make some tough, but necessary changes in my life.  It's about time, wouldn't you agree?

May God continue to bless you day and direct your path!