I recently remarked to a friend that as I shower in the morning I talk to God. I guess you could call it my "prayer closet" these days. After all the water drowns out the outside distractions and noises, and as I am washing the outside, prayer cleanses the inside....right?! Well, regardless, it is a time of great inspiration, a time when I receive the most wonderful songs, melodies, prophetic words, which require me to stop everything so I can write them down! Sometimes I am in and out of there so much there's a puddle! I reminded the Lord that writing something down while I was getting ready for work on Good Friday was the reason I now have a busted shoulder! My friend suggested I buy a waterproof notebook. Well, I wish it were that simple. I tried a tape recorder, but the water drowns out my soft voice. Yes, I do have a soft voice, albeit a sharp tongue! Not so, folks, I am making sport of myself. I am allowed to do that. But then, if anyone has ever been on the receiving end of one of my retorts, I may well be considered as having a sharp tongue! My friend says I'm sweet, so I prefer to think of myself as such. Who is my "friend" I keep mentioning? That's for another blog!
I'm not sure why I even started out talking about this, but the point I was trying to make is that I get good ideas at inopportune moments. For instance, in the morning after I am ready to head to my office across the living room, I take a few minutes to pray again before the insanity begins. Invariably in those moments without fail I receive some of my greatest insight into the heart of the person for whom I am praying. I want to stay there interceding for as long as it takes to break through for that dear heart, but I have to start my day. Nights, like tonight, I cannot seem to get to sleep, because my mind is wide awake with things the Lord is teaching me, ways He is pruning me, preparing me, instructing me. But since it is nearing the 2 am hour I feel the need to get some rest, as tomorrow I have made plans with my friend to go into Santa Fe. Got to be alert for the drive!
God has really been opening my eyes to some things. Most of it isn't new, but the amazing part is that it is coming at a time when I am so burdened down with physical limitations, family concerns, work issues, and personal relationships. I have surgery in a week, and my arm is broken with intense pain increasing daily. It is at this time I choose to do something I have put aside for years like taking a course which will require time, focus, preparation, accountability, but it is energizing me in ways I cannot explain. Same thing goes for my personal life, things I have been putting off doing, like sewing, crafting, designing jewelry. Not only that but a recent required course for my work encouraged me to take more interest in volunteering. Actually, I volunteer time for the church and even in assisting and supporting my clients in the off hours, on my own time. But I am setting goals at a time when I am so stretched to the limit, but then I remember that is who I am, who Linda really is! I am always thinking! It can become exhausting at times, but it keeps me young at heart and full of energy. Quite honestly, I need some energy at this time. Today I slept all afternoon. I think the pain has finally worn me out. Each day as I am working I don't have time to focus on the pain. By evening I crash, but the pain doesn't allow the full night of rest. So my Independence Day brought me freedom from lack of sleep! Thank you, Father, for the relief!
This morning as I wrote my blog "As I Journey On" I referenced my study of Proverbs, and as I was continuing on this afternoon I again recognized traits of good leadership, qualities of being a good friend, parent, child. More focus on working with others in business or interpersonal relationships whether private or otherwise. Character building truths. Then I picked up my book "Necessary Endings" to continue on in similar fashion learning, gleaning like minded truths needed for making changes in dealing with people, relationships, areas that need some work. Again, necessary endings, as Dr Cloud calls them. God is really underscoring things He expects from those He calls His own in every walk of life! And I am listening. I want to change where change is needed, because I want to be a living testament of His goodness and walk in Christ's image!
Whereas I do not see myself as a leader, plus I do not possess the necessary credentials to serve in a leadership position, I am very much a leader in the field of my expertise, in areas of experience which often go beyond mere book knowledge. I am fortunate to have worked in two companies who consider age a benefit, who value employees who are older and consider them still viable in the work field. We as older employees feel that we have something to bring to the table, and we feel appreciated, so I say thank you from all of us who stand in these honored places as esteemed colleagues! I never want to let you down.
I realize that there are people who look to me for answers, encouragement, and I do give it, but lately I am disappointed in my attitude which I have openly admitted. Dr. Cloud speaks of wise, foolish and evil persons. Although I know I am not the latter I do feel that at times I can be rather foolish in ways when I try to rationalize my bad attitude. I don't really feel I do that all that often, as I don't like ugly, and I am striving to keep it out of my life. I have said over and over, and I truly mean it when I say I want to be part of the solution, never part of the problem when it comes to any area of my life, but especially when it involves my work relationships. And I want to change in order to be wise in God's eyes - foolishness is folly, and I want no part of that life!
Each year when we have to set goals, I find it difficult to focus on what goals I want to set. To be honest the job is so challenging my goal is just to make it through the day. But in truth I love setting goals, when I understand what goals are attainable and appropriate for the area in which I am engaged. I often need help when it comes to pointing me in the right direction, but in recent days in my quiet times I am even getting some insight into things I want to do with respect to the job I do for others and in service to others. Then, as mentioned above, I have set some pretty high goals for myself in the midst of my limitations. So it will be an interesting time as I chronicle my ups and downs and in betweens as I struggle on in meeting these expectations I have set for myself personally, as well as the ones set by my employer.
I mentioned volunteering above, and the fact that I used to be a hard and fast volunteer. You name it, and I've probably done it! In fact I helped to spear head the literacy program in a town I previously lived in while working in two areas associated with helping transient people find assistance. Sometimes I think I should have been a therapist or a school counselor! I still like to send cards and letters to encourage the sick, grieving, struggling people who need love, support and encouragement, plus recognize birthdays, anniversaries, and just along so days! I love "Really Woolly" and "Maxine" cards, but sometimes Maxine is a bit too caustic for even me! I enjoy visiting people, but since I do that nearly on a daily basis in my job, I seldom find the time to visit off the clock, and it bothers me, as people need this type of interaction. We all need each other, as life is busy and hard. So I want to make the effort to take the time to give more of myself. This will require God's strength, as I admit I lack the enthusiasm after a hard, long day on the job. I'm sure you understand the duplicity of this desire. But we are called to "Do Something," not just talk about it.
When my previous company was closing in this area, and I was applying for my current position, we were encouraged to consider our strengths and weaknesses as we were readying ourselves to be interviewed. Now I am not a person who looks at strengths in myself, as I tend only to see my weaknesses. So I decided to ask my son, who can be quite straight forward, even cynical, a trait, I am told by my other son, he learned from me. Although in my defense, Chandler from the sitcom "Friends" has a better reputation than I in that regard, as come backs are not my forte! I am more of a "Ya think?" person. Nonetheless the comment made by my son in jest was meant to be humorous, not hurtful, and it was taken as such!
So my older son sends me this email that reads, "Okay, so you want me to tell you your strengths and weaknesses as I perceive them? Ha ha...are you sure you want to do this?" After a bit more jesting he continues, "Anyway...I'm only half awake right now so I doubt I'm giving this my full effort. Plus like most things I'll lose interest after a few minutes and go off to do something else." After that statement I am baffled, amused, yet dumbfounded as he begins, after a few more side jokes and punches, to describe my weaknesses. Now, I had been bracing myself for what may come next, as my son has been quite disgruntled over some issues so I was taking a huge risk in asking him for his opinion. I had asked him in the first place, because I felt he'd be truthful, even if it hurt, as I want anyone I ask to tell me the truth, not a sugar-coated, what you think I want to hear response. I want truth! I want ugliness exposed like a flashlight bringing my imperfections to bare type honesty. Come on, if we want to live openly for Christ how can we want it any other way? It's just that children, especially adult children, can sometimes be a bit too direct at times. But then I asked for it, right? But he wasn't. Even when he outlined a page of weaknesses, he identified himself in the similarities, and he otherwise called them strengths. The same came later with his page of strengths! My immediate response as I flipped three typewritten pages was, "Wow, I didn't know he thought about me so much!"
I'm not going to quote everything he told me, but I do want to share some points he made, some which provoke thought and wonder. So, as my son puts it..."Without further ado", but wait! Perhaps this is best left for another day. Let you think a bit about it. So, until then, I'll say "to be continued in the following edition....!"
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