Humbly, I Come

I've had a lull in my blogging as you have noticed if you have been following me.  It's interesting, not surprising at all, yet it hits me hard each time I am tested, that when I praise God or reveal a truth He has spoken to me, I get hit in several areas of my life.  I say that it is not surprising as I realize where my attack comes from, or rather, from whom.  The interesting part is that whereas I am not surprised by the attack, the area of the attack is one that is re-visited over and over again.  The minute I feel that I have finally gained victory in this area or areas of my life, and I openly praise God, then WHAM I get slammed harder.

So, do I give up?  Not really, but I often do retreat, because the same reaction follows the attack...unworthiness!  There are several reactions actually, but they all boil down to one lie that keeps me bound...or so it may appear, because it is in those times that I do not retreat to cower in self-loathing or self-pity but to understand.  Well, I already know who is behind it, right?  Then I should already understand why!  The "why" is that I am stepping on his toes, getting in his face, and messing with his plans.

My only goal is to be like Jesus and to do what I am called to do in this life.  Over and over God is bringing me back to the same place again and again.  I begin to "see", but then my vision is clouded by tests that are allowed to come into my life, because my focus is not where it needs to be.  I think it is, but it is not!

I finally decided to take the course "In Christ's Image" after literally years of waiting for the "right time", because in the human perspective, there will never be a "right time".  We are not called to operate in our time, but in God's good and perfect timing.  I chose the right time, as it is right in the middle of the biggest tug of war of my heart as I have ever endured.

This week I was once more tested in an area where I have succumbed in the past but risen victorious through the vindication of my God, as He promises to those who trust in Him.  I am waiting now, and I know I shall once more be victorious as the truth always wins. We may not think that given the situations in this life and certainly in what we see in the world affairs, yet in the end, the end that we are awaiting in expectation, Truth wins and the righteous prevail.  Read "The Book"!

Besides my class which I believe is 6 months long in the first phase...whew, hand on to your hats!...I began a Bible study in my home.  The Lord revealed another thing to me about this study which "I" felt should be about prayer.  We pray for "HIS" will not "ours", yet we walk in "ours" most of the time, true?  While the study will always have the beginning as prayer, He said that this study will be the beginning of my first "Island of Misfit Toys" vision which He birthed in my heart.  Now for you who do not recall, I launched my public blog on Facebook, Home Again, with a blog about this subject.  To remind you, it reads:


"There is a place where I can go and not feel alone. A place of wonder, beauty, laughter, acceptance and new beginnings.  A place where trust and respect are not earned but granted freely. Where I can go without the guilt and shame of past regrets imprisoning me.  To a place where I feel worthy, believed in, accepted for who I am, capable of accomplishing the impossible, helped when I am weak, forgiven when I am wrong. A place where I can forgive myself and others, realizing we are all fragile and capable of wrong thoughts and deeds, but where we can rise above anything on the wings of faith. To begin again, to be made brand new, with the strength of others, who are just like me, just like you. No longer alone, no longer excluded, living together in harmony, love and faith. Where the impossible dreams become possibilities and realities!"


My first night of Bible study only one person, other than myself, was here.  I believe that was as it was supposed to be, because God is in control.  To be honest with y'all, as I was with her, I was so relieved no one else came, because I have been so beaten down lately with physical illness, recovery from surgery, and persecution in every direction that I didn't want to teach anything!  I was tired!  I was beaten, bruised and bleeding spiritually.  But I was faithful, and I did what God said do by being there regardless of how I felt!  Of course, it is in my home, so where else would I be?!  But I opened the door, and I shared what God had laid on my heart, and I pray He uses His Word spoken through me, unwilling as I was at the moment, sort of like Jonah, to touch an area in her heart where she is being tested, so she will rise victorious in Christ Jesus her Lord.

The focus of my island is to destroy the lies, be set free, and live a life of victory!  So we begin...! 

A fervent prayer rose up to heaven, a fragile soul is losing ground
Sorting through this earthly babble, heaven heard the sound

This was a life with no distinction, no successes, only tries
Yet gazing down on this unlovely one, there was love in heaven's eyes
 
Chorus
In heaven's eyes, there are no losers, in heaven's eyes no hopeless cause
Only people like you with feelings like me 
amazed by the grace we can find
In heaven's eyes
 

A restless child, a wayward father, a lonely traveler in the rain
When life goes on and no one bothers heaven feels the pain
Looking down, He sees each heart ache, knows each sorrow, hears each cry  
And looking up, we see compassion's fire ablaze in heaven's eyes
 

Chorus

In heaven's eyes, there are no losers, in heaven's eyes no hopeless cause
Only people like you with feelings like me
And we're amazed by the grace we can find
In heaven's eyes!

  "In Heaven's Eyes"

by

Sandi Patty