In His Time

I almost didn't answer the phone as it was ringing this morning. I looked at the caller id, and I just didn't have the strength to deal with another prayer request, not after the week I'd just endured.  I woke up in so much pain this morning after my self-session of physical therapy last night trying to overwork cold muscles after a day of being on the road all day.  After all my training I know better.  I had gotten up at 10 am this morning, determined to "sleep in" and rest, as I have nothing special to do today, no great demands on my life.  Kind of nice for a change.  But, as I sat here reading my Bible, writing in my journal I began to mull over in my mind some things that had happened over the last two weeks, and this feeling of sadness and a cloud of doom came over me as I thought about my family, and as I began to count the cost for the life I have chosen. Regardless of what memories come my way or present situations present themselves, I still remain determined to stand by the voice I have heard saying, "Do you trust Me?" and "Your family will be okay." The same voice who was speaking to me again before the phone began to ring.

When I reached over and picked up the phone I was greeted with the warmth and happy "smile" of my older neighbor who is always so energetic, even on days when she feels poorly like this morning.  She had fallen and injured her right wrist. She laughingly cited the experience and after effects, but she was still grateful she had not broken any bones.  She had called to thank me for a card I had sent to her daughter who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. This little lady is such a beautiful person, and I love to be around her, because even when she is cantankerous or complaining, she is always lovely, always giggly, a kindred spirit of sorts.  Perhaps I understand her a bit more than others do, because she is one of my favorite people.  I had forgotten about the card, as I had mustered the courage one day to write to several people, and she was one of them.  I am still old-fashioned when it comes to writing letters and sending cards, even though my life is quite full with this overly full time job. I have a habit of writing what I feel God wants me to share when I write, but then I forget the words or that I have written. The needs of others are so many, and this is one ministry the Lord has given me to do, one I enjoy.  And now and then I will get a response from a stranger about how much the words written spoke to their hearts or confirmed what they felt God was showing them.  Today was such a day, and quite honestly, I needed to hear it at the moment.  But much more than that this wonderful lady who grieves so over her daughter's plight needed to hear the words God had given to me to share with her today about her daughter's journey.  Proverbs 25:11 says "Words aptly spoken are like apples of gold in settings of silver."  I had been reluctant to share what God has been speaking to me, afraid someone would think I was just another Jesus freak trying to speak prophetic words meaning nothing except listening to the sound of my voice saying "Dost sayeth the Lord!"  Well, it wasn't like that at all.  I just told her what I felt He was wanting me to say to encourage her that her daughter, like my family, was going to be okay, not in those words, but ones specific to her need.  She was overwhelmed with joy, as it confirmed what she has felt in her heart after so many years of listening to prophets of doom and battling her family saying she was in denial, yet getting no concrete prognosis from countless physicians.  These words gave her hope at a time when she needed to hear it the most. So now she knows someone is praying, really praying and standing with her in agreement.

Other things were shared during that brief time on the phone this morning, but the best part of it was because I was faithful to say what God had been laying on my heart to say, I brought laughter and hope to another soul dancing on the precipice of doubt and despair.  Sometimes we have to risk taking a step of faith and launch out into that great unknown, daring to speak words of hope and comfort, trusting the messenger even if the words are not immediately received as we may want.  Trusting God to bring the harvest of seeds planted on good soil.

I still have much to learn about His timing or His often misunderstood ways, like Daniel in the lion's den and Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fiery furnace, but I will trust Him even if my end is not as welcomed as those referenced. I have often been misunderstood, criticized, accused, and I can't "see" or don't understand how things will get better, but for me trust is the only response for myself and for others.  Truly trusting that our God, who never changes, will bring it to pass.

 

Alone in the Garden

I received some sad news this morning from a friend.  Her mother-in-law, a very dear lady to me has been in the hospital and is now receiving palliative care. Even though I work in health care the words "palliative care" are loathing to my ears.  I literally cringe at the words, although I realize that hospice care is a good thing, and the ones who dedicate their lives to this service are angels. But I have seen so much death, often needless, so I often find myself despairing at the mention of it.

It is interesting to me that only yesterday morning satan whispered in my ear again, as he has done so often since my mother died on December 20, 2009, the words "You let your mother die."  Immediately, as I have done so often in the past, I began to cry and tell God I was sorry, but then, I caught myself, and I said, "NO MORE!"  That is all it took to silence the lying tongue of the enemy!  I shared this victory in the Bible study at my home last night. After so many times of hearing this same lie I finally put it to rest...at least for the time being, as I fully realize that satan will ease his talons into our flesh as often as he can to inflict more torment.  When I received my friend's email this morning it was as if the enemy said, "See! I got ya!" as I immediately began to descend into that abyss again at the sound of the words "palliative care."

Each of us struggles with grief or heartache in our own way.  I was devastated to learn of Robin Williams' death, his suicide, because when I am down, and I need cheering up, I stick in one of his movies, and I laugh so hard, and I become lost in the humor, a much needed escape. I feel like I have lost another cherished friend, as I am certain all who loved this man are feeling.  There will be many who want to judge him, because it appears he took his own life, knowing he battled depression probably all of his life.  I am beginning to understand that personal battle more and more as I struggle with my own lifelong demons. On the outside I am Little Miss Sunshine, but on the inside, I have moments when I am almost despairing of my life.  I can almost hear the criticism as I pen these words, "But you're a Christian!" and then the scripture rolls off their tongues.  Well, I know what the scriptures say very well, as I have memorized it, lived it, breathed it, and written about the strength and power of it all my life.  Each blog I pen is full of nothing but the testimony of God's mighty power in and through my life, but, friends, I still have days that I struggle.  And if everyone would be honest they would admit to nothing different about their lives. At some time along the way depression comes along to try to break our spirits, but it does not have to have the last say.

We all struggle at times, some more than others. Does this mean that I do not trust God? No! Absolutely not, as He is indeed the anchor of my soul.  Jesus is the air I breathe, and I choose Him over anything else, but even Jesus, in His humanity struggled and despaired.  If you don't believe me, read the word!  Open it to the Garden of Gethsemane where he struggled ALONE, before His Father while his closest friends slept.  Then when He is taken by the soldiers, the very friends he shared his life with for three years ran off!  The people who praised Him days before were shouting "Crucify Him!" The very ones He loved, healed, fed, comforted wanted Him put to death!  And as He hung on the cross God, the Father, turned away from Him.  Yet...after all of this, Jesus, who could have said "no way" am I dying for these ungrateful people, said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!"  So I ask you, should we do any less?  He is our example, He is my focus in life.

We all suffer emotionally, in our own ways, but we are individuals, and there is no "pat" answer or no "pet scripture" as to how we overcome.  Of course as followers of Christ we know that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, but we go through a process of grief.  I find comfort in reading, and I have dear friends who send me books they've read that are helping them, but I have found that I am unable to read a book until it is the right time for me. God has His timing, and it is not the same as ours. We are told "read this" or "do this" because it has helped the one offering it, but that doesn't mean it will do the same for another. We mean well, but please think and pray before speaking or trying to help God.

Not too long ago I was at a critical place in my life where I simply wanted to die.  Does this mean I would have taken my own life? No, certainly not, because I know God has a plan, and although I am emotionally depleted, He knows what He is doing. I don't share with just anyone these deepest feelings, but I shared with someone I felt may understand, as she had been struggling herself.  I shared my battle while her husband was present, and he said something to me about others having it worse. How inappropriate his well-intentioned words were at that moment.  Understand this... there is a very fine line for a person who looks normal on the outside, but struggles on the inside, where one well-intentioned word may be the one that tips the scale and causes that one to lose hope momentarily, go off the deep end, and do the deed.  Someone spouting scripture at me at the wrong time has the same effect.  I know the word, probably better than the one who is hurling the words in my face as if to say "You know better! Suicide is a sin!".  But who are we to judge?  All I asked for was prayer.  Perhaps all I needed was a listening heart or a hug to let me know I am loved and supported.  Not judgment. Not condemnation.  There is only one accuser of the brethren.  So either you are God's or the other guy's voice.  The only person we have to right to judge is ourselves. Please hear me.  I say this in all the love I have within me, please open your hearts, not your mouths, and think first. We go through our personal Gethsemane where we come before our Father alone,  as only He is the answer, our source of strength, and it is at these times all we need is your diligence to stand with us in prayer and love us unconditionally.

My prayer in having this Bible study is to share my heart with others who hurt, who feel as misfit in this world as I do. God says that this is my first "island" for those who need to know they are not alone.  Here in my home, dedicated to God's service, they have a family who will help them feel worthy, supported and loved, and together we will work in God's power to find peace and the strength to live our lives, reaching out to others in kind to heal their broken hearts and lives.

At the beginning I asked "If you had one word to describe your life at this moment, what would you say?"  My own response was "broken".  And I said "If you had one word to describe your life thus far, what would you say?" My response, as you have heard before, "amazing". God has and is doing amazing things in and through my life, and regardless of the things I have endured or have yet to battle, I know one thing that keeps me going.  It is this scripture..."for I know in Whom I have believed, and I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed to Him against that day!"  This is my anchor. "HE" is my Anchor.  Come what may I will trust Him alone in the garden.

Lyrics - "You're the Only Jesus"

You're The Only Jesus


If not in you, I wonder where will they ever see the One who really cares?
If not from you, how will they find
There's One who heals the broken heart, and gives sight to the blind?

You're the only Jesus that some will ever see
And you're the only words of life, some will ever read
So let them see in you the One in whom is all they'll ever need
'Cause you're the only Jesus, some will ever see

And if not you, I wonder who, will show them love, and love alone can make things new?
If not from you, how will they learn
There's one who'll trade their hopelessness and give joy in return?


You're the only Jesus that some will ever see
And you're the only words of life, some will ever read
So let them see in you the One in whom is all they'll ever need
'Cause you're the only Jesus, some will ever see

So let Him shine, let Him show
Let them see Him in you, we've gotta let them know

You're the only Jesus that some will ever see
And you're the only words of life, some will ever read
So let them see in you the One in whom is all they'll ever need.....

'Cause you're the only Jesus (you're the only Jesus)
You're the only Jesus, some will ever see!


 

Setting Boundaries

 "Always embrace the common humanity that lies at the heart of us all." - Dalai Lama

Not a day goes by that a word spoken or action done against a person does not touch our lives. Whether it be something done to us or to another, inconsiderate actions and unkind words affect us all each day.  Listening to the evening news on television or radio, reading the headlines in the newspaper or on the internet home page, life cuts to the heart of a man, woman, or child. Words spoken in disapproval, criticism, or just because we are having a bad day and want to "vent" or kick the dog are improper responses. We who are called by His Name have a higher obligation to ourselves and each other, because we know better.  Even so we each still fail miserably.  When we experience hardship and struggles it is so easy to take out our feelings on someone else, justifying our deeds by saying "I'm only human."  Yes, we are human, and God knows that, but should it be the pat response for our inconsiderate actions or condescending words?  We each have opinions, but should we pronounce judgment on another or make harsh remarks about another or ask why this or why that, as if we are perfect in all our ways? We each have a responsibility in this world to be understanding, considerate of another's feelings, customs, beliefs, or cultural upbringing. We as believers and followers of Christ need to focus our attention less on what is right or wrong in our own eyes, and set a watch on the words of our mouths that hurl insult, judgment, criticism, mockery, or unkindness, and to consider that what may be funny or amusing to one person is not necessarily how another person may conceive it. Paul expresses the rules for holy living as this:

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, 

clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. 

Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, 

which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Colossians 3:12-14

Recently I have encountered situations where the unintentional words of another severely crushed the spirit of a very lovely person with whom I am acquainted. A person who daily listened to inconsiderate remarks hurled against others who then justified the cruel, insensitive remarks and critical behavior because of her own personal needs she felt were being neglected.  I cannot tell you the number of times I hear the words, "It just isn't fair!"  Quite honestly those words sicken me to my core, because if life were fair we would all be sitting in hell without a chance of redemption. Things that happen in life may not be "fair" or "just," but God is not a puppet master, or to quote my son (without the expletive) "God is not a vending machine."  We are to rejoice when good things happen to others, cry with them when they are hurting. We are becoming so desensitized to the feelings, the hopes and the dreams of others, because we are too preoccupied with the "I" factor. The word, "Sin" has the middle letter "i" which pretty much shows us how God views things. Sometimes I think blaming others feeds some sick need in the accuser, so he can survive the issues not being dealt with in his own life.  We have to see past ourselves, deciding to trust God, truly trust Him, not with lip service but with true actions and deeds, not focusing so much on ourselves but on the feelings of others.  And, if when we fail, as we surely will all do, we can have the accountability to seek forgiveness of the one whom we have hurt or offended, owning up to our mistake, taking responsibility, and in so doing saving the life of another and ultimately our own.  I don't know how you want to live your life, but I want to live a life of Christ-likeness, letting the world see that the prayer of my heart is this:  "Lord, may the words of my heart and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, oh Lord, my strength and my Redeemer." (Psalm 19:14) The choice is ours.

Everything Will Be Okay

" Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial,

because when he has stood the test, he will

receive the crown of life that God has

promised to those who love him."

James 1:12

This week has been another painful one in the continuing saga of my fractured shoulder and torn rotator cuff and whatever else is torn in there. Seems the good doctor wants to wait another eight weeks to take an MRI, as I still have problems from the fracture.  I've been experiencing horrendous muscle spasms which at this writing have significantly lessened; however, my shoulder remains "frozen" which is hindering the healing process. To have surgery now to restore the tears would complicate things more, since I have not "recovered" from the initial concern.  Ugh...all so perplexing and discouraging. Throughout this "adventure" I have tried to remain optimistic and cheerful, even on the worst of days...or nights when I could not sleep.  I have been sleeping better, thanks to God and Him alone.

There's a movie I love called "Beyond Borders" which is actually a love story spanning over a period of years and geography.  It's about a doctor who is trying to save the world one person, one village, in one remote area of a country at a time.  His methods are often questionable, but his heart and the desire to help others in the worst of situations is sincere. It shows the incredible hardships the people in these countries must endure to survive life much less illness and injury inflicted on them by their own people who seek to destroy them with pillaging, destruction, mine fields, rape and all forms of torture.  It seems like sport to them to see their own maimed, murdered, and destroyed.  Places like Cambodia, Vietnam, Chechnya where horrible cruelty takes place daily.  It is such an abomination, so deplorable to my senses that it sickens me to think human beings can be so repulsive and demeaning to their own people, regardless of age. I guess I have always found myself drawn to such movies, because I dream of making a difference in lives. I walked away from my chance to become a doctor. It was a hard choice, but at the time it seemed right. And now, God has brought me full circle to where I am once more given an opportunity to be  his "medical missionary" helping in a different way. And yet in my circling approach to this day I  have been an EMT and a research biologist as part of a surgical team.  God never forgot me, and He never allowed me to stray too far from the call.

But the point of the "Beyond Borders" analogy is this, the doctor asks the visiting emissary from the relief organization what she does when she has a cold.  She tells him she takes aspirin, eats chicken soup, drinks scotch. He says, "You never just have the cold?"  So what he explains to her is that in countries like this where they are offering "relief" these people have had to endure all kinds of hideous illness, torment and pain without the advantage of having medication available to them. They had learned to suffer and endure, and his point was that we, in our sheltered, pampered worlds can never begin to understand what true suffering is, but these courageous people do.  It is a way of life we choose to ignore unless it slaps us in the face.  This is the world to which I am always drawn wherever my path and the ache of my heart takes me.

Why am I sharing this with  you?  I don't know...maybe because I want you to know that chronic pain, unhealed wounds, inner torment are real, and there are few Americans who understand it.  The closer I walk with the Lord the more I see that all things are for a purpose.  And when things happen that change our ability to function as we are accustomed it gives us insight into another realm of understanding if we allow God to take us to a place of understanding.  So I know that everything that happens to me can be used for a deeper, closer walk with Him, IF I choose to count it all joy.

This may not make sense to you, but the important thing is that it makes wonderfully perfect sense to me.  In James he tells us, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."(James 1:2-4)  In each area of our lives where we encounter testing, areas which stretch our abilities, and bring us to the depths of despair or the end of ourselves, we can choose to see defeat or use this time as an opportunity to see God work in our lives.  For the child of God these are times He uses to perfect our character, and by "submitting ourselves therefore to God, resisting the devil, he will flee!"  It doesn't seem that way at the time, but there is truth and power in those words.

I may not be involved in a conflict that involves life and death in the physical sense as some who are facing graver consequences such as the ebola victims in Africa, victims of genocide, or even those in this country to are prey to slavery, being sold for sickening fleshly pleasure at the expense of perverted minds, but I am suffering my own kind of physical, emotional, mental, and yes spiritual battle without the advantage of pain killers in the physical, emotional and mental sense of the word.  But I do have the joy of the Lord as my strength, and I am striving, at times struggling, to keep my faith alive, my hand in His, and my eyes seeking what He has for me to "see" and to learn in this great test.

Today I read in the scripture a promise to Israel, but I feel God was reminding me of a promise He have to me two years ago..."So don't be afraid, O Jacob my servant; don't be dismayed, O Israel; for I will bring you home again from distant lands, and your children from their exile. They shall have rest and quiet in their own land, and no one shall make them afraid. For I am with you and I will save you, says the Lord." (Jeremiah 30:10-11)  And I trust Him.  I have never stopped trusting Him from the first moment I had an awareness of Him as a child. Many people do not understand that God dwells in us. When He says, "I will never leave you..." He means it.  He's not way off in heaven, above the clouds, He is here in me, and if you know Jesus as Savior and Lord, then He is in you, in the person of Holy Spirit.  And God goes to great lengths to restore His people...to bring them unto His own. I trust in that, and it is not naive faith in an unseen God, because I see Him in everything!  So I can rest in confidence that whatever trials come my way, whatever hardship and pain I must endure, He is right here with me.  So I am never alone.  I may think I am feeling this sometimes ridiculous pain alone, but I am never alone.  When I wake up in the night, He is here with me. When I go, when I stay, when I sit, when I stand...always, always with me.  Sometimes I talk His ear off, I think, but I sense His beautiful, adoring smile.

As I continue on with the new "plan" my surgeon has laid out for me, come what may, I will endure it.  He says my recovery will be long and hard, but I am determined to show him victory on each step of the way.  And so we all must do, in every area of our lives, whatever trial you may be facing, persecution, storm, you can weather it all with Him by your side, inside, outside, He is there for you as He is with me.  We simply have to trust Him.  Now is that so hard?

"Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting

away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. for our lilght and 

momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs

them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.

 For what  is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Daily Chuckle

Ah, the circus of life.  It's always a high wire act, juggling appointments, fighting the lions of injustice, riding the dancing ponies each day regardless of whether we muddle through or seize the moment!  What a blessing of chaos and serendipity!

Our lives are filled with pleasant moments, especially with the endearing friends God gifts to us each day.  Over the years I have made many friends, and I am taking the time to enjoy them in  my special way.  I am an animal lover, so I enjoy watching the antics of dogs chasing their tails, barking at their own shadows, chasing jack rabbits that outsmart them in the chase, or kittens stumbling as they take their first few steps, cats performing catnip inspired circus tricks, and yes one special woodchuck outsmarting the feline gang at Wayne's house!  I don't what he enjoys watching more, Wally Woodchuck or his humming birds daring the entourage of cats to try to make their day!

I love receiving animal photos with funny quips inspired by the action or the looks on their faces when the camera flashes.  The one below is one of the best of the week, and it comes to us from my second "cat loving friend" Atocha.  It's been a long time since I've heard her laugh in person or over the phone, but I can almost visualize the curl of her lips and the nod of her head as she posted this priceless photo. She knows, as the cynic in me knows, that it's the "look" that speaks the loudest!

So thank you Wayne and Atocha for the fun you've been bringing into my life!  Keep the photos and posts coming!

Who or Whose? You Choose!

As you all know I am a movie buff, a connoisseur, if you will, of listening for good lines. I am highly selective, as is right and fitting, I do believe.  We have to be wise about what we say, do, see, especially since God sees everything, Jesus is beside us, and Holy Spirit is inside. Personally there are some things I don't want to see and definitely know Jesus wouldn't want to see. But yet, He sees all. 

I love Pinterest, because not only can it be creative and inspiring, it is fun and relaxing...at times!  The more following you have, the more emails come, and that can become a bit overwhelming, but I have learned to glean and trash!  I love my beautiful boards and the group boards I follow.  This may sound foreign to many of you who do not know what Pinterest is, so I say to you, it is a friendly escape.  Like anything you do, it can become addictive, so be forewarned. This is why I am not really a Facebook follower, as I simply do not have the time. Even if I didn't work a full time job, I would not linger on the page visiting too long.  Got too many other irons in the fire, too many priorities. 

The blog suffers for days sometimes, but it is only because my thoughts are so focused on my prime objective, being In Christ's Image course work. Then, too, I have my "list" of things I need to do in order to "take back my life".  Become "me" again.  Regardless of my disability at this time I am going forward, full gear to line it up, my focus true and non-negoitiable, even when it hurts. Contrary to others' beliefs or concerns, I do not need any person to help me stay focused, only One.  My constant, my one "True North" to quote from another movie. Hey! If people can flop around Bible verses at will, gimme a break! These are only movie quotes, and they're good ones!  We can glean, can we not?! Scripture, however, is another matter, take it in context!

So here we go with the "quotation of meaning" for this blog:


"There will always be those who mean to do us harm. To stop them, we risk awakening the same evil within ourselves. Our first instinct is to seek revenge when those we love are taken from us. But that's not who we are. When Christopher Pike first gave me his ship, he had me recite the Captain's Oath. Words I didn't appreciate at the time. But now I see them as a call for us to remember who we once were and who we must be again. And those words: Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Her five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before."

James T. Kirk - Star Trek Into Darkness


 Okay, first let me say this, I do not live in Roswell, and I am not a proponent of aliens in space, but we do have a mission, a Captain,  and we do need to go boldly.  It is the beginning of this quotation that bears meaning and purpose, "There will always be those who mean to do us harm. To stop them, we risk awakening the same evil within ourselves. Our first instinct is to seek revenge.... But that's not who we are."  Now, don't you think those are some pretty awe-inspiring truths?

Each day hurts will come from several directions, at once sometimes. We become offended, depressed, undaunted, paralyzed, and crawl down into our pits of despair, self-pity, rejection. I know, I've been there. Not a happy place and subject to even more condemnation or self-loathing. So how are we called to respond? In kind? For me, I have already lived through so much judgment, condemnation, misunderstanding, stupidity and pointlessness that I do not want to waste any more precious time.  My focus is on responding in love, in prayer. I shared last night that Jesus didn't have to take any of the abuse He received while here on earth.  After spending this three year ministry loving others, setting them free from sickness, demon possession, forgiving them, accepting them, changing them, these same people, these very same friends fell asleep, ran away, or stood in a crowd hurling sticks and stones and crying "crucify him".  His human suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane was so intense his capillaries burst!  After everything He endured so that we could have life, He died alone, the face of God, His Father, tuned away, and yet His last words were, "Forgive them for they know not what they do."

I see and hear so much. My chosen vocation is not an cake walk, but it is becoming easier, my part in it clearer, more in tune these days. God is using and has been using the things in my life and the people to perfect me, to bring me back around to being who He called me to be.  I still slip and stumble a bit over the same issues, but my response is improving.  Many times pain, as hideous as it can become, can become a reason to complain, to lie down and give up.  But for me, it has been a time where I can focus on the concerns I see around me, to focus on praying for the needs of others. I make the choice to focus on prayer rather than myself. It is often difficult, especially with all this rain increasing the agony, but we need the rain, so why complain?!  Through it all I have not yet missed a day of work, and my work remains current.  My ability to endure is thanks to God!  Thank You, Father!

My "bucket list for summer" has been re-directed, although it has been disappointing. I was so looking forward to white water rafting!  But because of the crises in my life, the taffee pulls, I have chosen to stop putting off certain goals, and brought to rest the necessary endings.  I have started "doing something!" I have stopped wasting time!  After my appointment on Monday, I will have a clearer picture of my "next step" in this road less travelled. Regardless of the verdict, I will continue forward. This misfit toy is rediscovering myself.

My Bible study I began is my first installment of the Island of Misfit Toys.  The goals are simple:

1. To destroy the lies
2. To be set free
3. To live a life of victory
4. To "pay it forward"

To those in the study who read my blog, I added the 4th one just now, but I did mention our spiritual purpose which, once more, is similar to the above movie quotation: 
 

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations...."

Matthew 28:19

So, tell me...using one adjective, how do you describe yourself?  Using one adjective how would you describe your life?  And finally, using one adjective, how would you define your focus?  This is a different way of seeing yourself, other than searching for a word within a puzzle, as those I have shared on Facebook.  It is a better way to "focus".  I'm not great on "processes" as those who work alongside me can attest, but I am a great proponent of "the game".  That is my more accurate synonym for "the process".

Okay, enough of the cynical me. See I told you I need work and focus.  But I am committed to seeing change in my life!  Care to join?