"God loves you as you are, not as you should be."
Brennan Manning
Sometimes I just like to sit and marvel at the true awesomeness of God and the simplicity of my faith based solely on His great love for me. Have you ever doubted the love He has for you? Do you wonder how God the Father could ever love you? Why Jesus would go to such great lengths just to please His Father by dying on the cross for you? If it had been only you? I do.
I say I know He loves me, and I can feel His Presence, and while that it is true, at the same time I just don't understand it. But then in truth, who can? To say you do makes you a liar. He clearly says we see through a glass darkly. Truth is, only in perfection can the truth be known. And there is only one Perfect One.
I have been struggling for so long with things I know I need to do, things I know He wants me to do. I often speak of my personal demons, because I am not afraid to let others know that I suffer, that I doubt, that I am broken, and that I am imperfect. Sometimes I wish God would simply let me go home to be with him, but then that is somewhat selfish. You see, I know He's not finished with me yet, and there's a good reason I am here in New Mexico for as long as He needs me here. He has a plan, and His purpose has not had its perfect work in my life, not yet anyway.
Since my return to New Mexico I have time to reflect about a great many things, as He's been showing me things I haven't done yet, visions not yet come to pass. While in Virginia I literally experienced the hounds of hell give it their best shot in trying to destroy me, but through prayers of my brothers and sisters in Christ, God dispatched His warring angels to break me free from this demonic grasp. Sometimes it gets a bit scary as I think about the scope of the life I have set before me. I'm not afraid. No, never afraid, because I know He's right here with me as I stumble along my way. He proved that to me so vividly recently that there's no denying He holds me in the palm of His hand.
I've loved Jesus all my life, and I am seeing He just how much he does love me. As broken and helpless as I am He still wants to spend time with me and wrap His arms of love around me. I can feel His strength, His power, His gentle touch, and see the twinkle in His eye as He looks at me. To Him I am beautiful, and that is all that really matters to me. I hear my Father's laugh, and I know He is well pleased with me.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you actually ached if you were out of their sight for just a few moments? That's how much Jesus loves us. He can hardly wait until we wake up each morning, so He can he can spend the day with us again. As He tucks us into bed each night, His voice sings "I'll see you in the morning, child."
I just spent a couple hours watching a movie, Ragamuffin, based on the life of Rich Mullins, a Christian artist and writer best known for the song "Awesome God". I immediately had to call my younger son to tell him about the movie, as I saw glimpses of his life and mine in the essence of the message Rich brought through his music and his transparency about his life. He wasn't afraid to tell the truth about his life, his struggles, his doubts.
During his career he came to know Brennan Manning, a writer, priest who wrote The Ragamuffin Gospel, a book that touched my life when I read it years ago. It's an old friend I run to remind me of
the love Jesus has for me. I'm picking my old friend up again tonight, because I need a fresh reminder of my place in this world of Ragamuffins and Misfit Toys. Rich asked Brennan once what he meant by the word "ragamuffins", to which Brennan says: "the unsung assembly of saved sinners who are little in their own sight and aware of their brokenness and powerlessness before God." I'm a ragamuffin, but I come humbly in all my need accepting the gift of grace as a little child. It is all He asks. It's all I need. It's all I've ever wanted.
Right now as I sit here sharing with you about his great love I know He's smiling, but He's waiting for me, so I'll close for now. Watch the movie, read the book - you'll see it's not so hard. You have nothing to lose, all to gain. It will set you free. I leave you with these thoughts:
“My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.”
― Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
― Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel
To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, "A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God."
The gospel of grace nullifies our adulation of televangelists, charismatic superstars, and local church heroes. It obliterates the two-class citizenship theory operative in many American churches. For grace proclaims the awesome truth that all is gift. All that is good is ours not by right but by the sheer bounty of a gracious God. While there is much we may have earned--our degree and our salary, our home and garden, a Miller Lite and a good night's sleep--all this is possible only because we have been given so much: life itself, eyes to see and hands to touch, a mind to shape ideas, and a heart to beat with love. We have been given God in our souls and Christ in our flesh. We have the power to believe where others deny, to hope where others despair, to love where others hurt. This and so much more is sheer gift; it is not reward for our faithfulness, our generous disposition, or our heroic life of prayer. Even our fidelity is a gift, "If we but turn to God," said St. Augustine, "that itself is a gift of God."
My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.”
― Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up, and Burnt Out
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