Ahhhh, Yes!

For the past two hours I have been piling through endless pages of blogs and ravings trying NOT to reinvent the wheel. The task is dauntless, but I am overwhelmed to realize that some of the "stuff" I have written is actually quite interesting and inspirational. But the overwhelming question is, "How do I gather all of this information together to pool it into my book?!" Perhaps reinventing the wheel IS the way to go. I have certainly tried that approach, but I often become sidetracked, as I am only capable of thinking in the moment. I guess this is why it takes authors so long to write a book, then have it published by relentless editors who scrutinize every syllable.

What makes the task that much more difficult is that I have been given the wonderful "gift" of a four day holiday weekend, and I feel like I am wasting time, spinning my wheels when I want to get outside and play in the dirt or ride my bike! But the problem is that I have no one with whom to "play," and I am lonely for my friend who moved away. Knowing she's going through her own woes doesn't make it easy either, but we will each make it through. Of this, I am certain.

Saturday I spent some time outside sweeping the patio, gathering trash, and riding my bike. I played well into the evening, and I felt better until I realized I had succumbed to the gnawing effects of voracious mosquitoes sucking the blood from my neck, head, and arms. Being allergic to just about everything makes it worse. So yesterday and this morning I have been making every effort not to scratch the whelps in my head, on my neck and arms. These are not just "bites," they are enormous miscarriages of justice! And I am suffering the poisonous pangs of distress, so pray for me. I realize that things could be worse, but for now this is my misery.

This is a somewhat laughable situation I must admit. Being chemically sensitive as I am blessed to be, I tend to seek the "natural" ways of healing, so I decided to "draw out" the poison by using natural "clay" on the whelps. It seemed like a great idea for relief at the moment, but I must say that removing the clumps of dried clay from my scalp and hair was not as easy as applying the stuff! So now I am looking for another alternative. If all else fails I may have to forget the sensitivities and just look for a "chemical" to relieve this vicious itching and clawing.

As I lay my head back on my pillow and gaze up at the ceiling I see that my bedroom light has amassed a few visitors. Perhaps if I "do" something other than scratch, I can get my mind off of the discomfort. Seems like a viable solution. There are certainly many choices of things to be done in this house beginning with getting off my backsides and making this bed. But, first things first...the list!
I have to finish my "to do" list perchance my efforts to be useful prove fruitless. Nonetheless, I am ready now to throw caution to the wind and begin my day! May yours be dauntless!

Sunday Afternoon ZZZZZZ's

Sunday afternoons are my special "no plans" days, nothing except resting in God's arms. Following  church this morning I was invited to lunch by a friend, and now I am home, with a full belly, relaxing and watching a good friend movie. To translate "a good friend movie" I mean a favorite enjoyed many times either to glean some insight from a "friend" or just to have the companionship of "noise" as I drift serendipitously off to sleep. I'm not sure in which category the movie today falls, nonetheless, I am contentedly hanging out.

This morning I was asked to present the message in Pastor's absence. Now don't laugh! Whereas I am as far away from being a pastor or minister in any shape or size of the imagination, I am a teacher, or better yet, a "sharer." When I was first asked I thought, "oh no, I can't do this! I'm too off the deep end and crazy." Then after Abba calmed me down, as only He can do, I realized, "Well yes, I can do it. I've taught at risk children before!"

I believe we all have a story to tell, relative to scripture from the perspective of someone who has endured hardships and trials of faith. Thankfully, after a Saturday afternoon of seeking and not totally finding, I awakened this morning from a good night's rest to receive the confirmation I so desperately needed about what He wanted me to share.  I guess He felt I needed a little more encouragement, so again I received the go ahead leading up to the time I was to be "center stage."

Because I had been lazy, not wanting to go out yesterday, completely forgetting my printer cartridge was empty, I had to lug my computer to church, as contained therein was my security blanket...my notes! It's a good thing people love me at this little village church and accept me as the spazezoid (my word) I am. So I humbly confessed my slothfulness regarding the computer, and I set up shop as if I was confidently in my home facing the familiar smiling faces of my little Bible study group. The only safety net missing was a puppet attached to one arm and a rod arm in the other hand. This is my life. No wonder my son told me I warped his childhood. He said this with a smile on his face and laughter in his voice. He's as bad as I am. We're a family of nut cases and personality disorders!

But I did it, and I survived; better still, so did the church members!

So here I am lounging around, making every attempt not to think about anything or most definitely not to do anything. Just another one of those "sweetness days," remember..."Il dolce far niente?" Tomorrow is soon enough to consider any serious thoughts, and besides that I am mind traveling, on a new adventure, and having the time of my life. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon in paradise!

Schlep On, Linda!

Waking up at 6:57 am on a Saturday was not what I had in mind to do today, especially after staying up way after midnight, so I turned over and instantly fell back into a delightful slumber. Pues, not as easily as that, and my slumber not generally that exciting, and turning over can be a literal pain. But, the point is I did not get up, rather, I laid there, wasting my day until I finally woke up again at 9 am. Much better! I stretched, thanked Abba for the beautiful gift of rest, flipped off the quilt and my day began!

I wagered that pancakes sounded so yummy...and fattening...but I dutifully bartered with myself and pulled out the cast iron frying pan. As is my way...while the first one lay sizzling in hot butter I eased  around the corner to fold last week's laundry. Momentarily, I smelled the aroma aka stench of a burning pancake. I quickly tucked my sheet under my arm and salvaged the first one. Not too bad...a little more butter...another plop into the frying pan. Again, I step away, finish folding the sheets, bend to pick up something else when YIKES a worse smell. I did it again!!!  I must have a defunct smeller! As I stood there lamenting the loss of my inedible feast I began to wonder if my life was comparable  to a stack of burned out pancakes...that perhaps there's a pun or metaphor in the thought.

Then all these words come filtering through my brain, creative juices flowing, with every ebb and flow of the coffee I am carrying quickly into my room so I can capture the thoughts on paper. I literally have pages and scraps of paper of all varieties to include "toilet" filled with words of inspiration, humor, sarcasm. Having been hit on the head so many times in my life does not give me the luxury of having the capability of "memory" when it comes to my emotions, so I have had to find a way to recall the insight regardless of where I am or what I am doing. Get the idea?!

The first thoughts resonating in my mind this morning as I gazed down at the floor at the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert were about my first sense of loss. These thoughts came prior to my breakfast fiasco I might add. I picked the book from the shelf Thursday night after watching the movie version over and over for days. I was traveling when it was first published and picked it up at the airport. I needed to remember something about myself  hidden in those pages. Liz shares about being in her twenties, with a great career, married with a great house with all the "things" young women dream of having, and being frightened of turning thirty, not for the reason most people dread it...as the end of youth! Rather, she feared it as the beginning of motherhood, and she just did not share that dream of quilts and babies as part of her ideology.  She was a writer, and she had traveled extensively, and she just wasn't ready to give it up...ever! So this book is a story of her spiritual journey of self discovery.

A smile spread mischievously across my face as I recalled my first huge "NO" from my mother. Naturally, it wasn't the first "no" I had gotten in response to dreams and fantasies. You may remember me sharing previously that as an avid reader early in life, on a sunny Saturday or Sunday I hibernated on the big rock in the woods at my grandparents' home reading of adventures in distant worlds. Real or imagined I journeyed on into the depths of dreams. But my fantasies were never about eating rich, Italian dishes or going to exotic cities, mine were more humanitarian, save the world dreams. Kind of like I am living now. Amazing! That day of the "NO," long, long ago, as I was about to graduate from high school, I had decided if we couldn't afford for me to go to college, if girls weren't meant to be doctors, especially "sick" ones, then I wanted to join the Peace Corp. Again I was reminded of my "sickness," so within minutes all hopes were, once again, dashed. She had dreams of me being an artist, and she went to great lengths for me to have the same desire, but I just couldn't grasp that concept of being "good enough." So, she decided nursing school was the right choice for me as a couple of my friends were entering the profession. Turns out that my illness got the better of me again, so another dream, though not my own, was dashed on the brokenness of my heart.

Did anyone notice within the lengthy paragraph above the words, "like I am living now...?" So it seems God in His infinite mercy and grace salvaged the dreams of medical missionary and humanitarianism, and here I am waiting for my next great push to save mankind! As I was ruminating these memories, another whimsical jaunt into my psyche, I questioned my life as a veritable play on words. Here I am being asked to write "the story" when maybe blogging is what I am supposed to do to bring inspiration to those who have nothing better to do than hang onto every adverbial, conjunctive phrase I spout! To search into all life's question looking for answers that are staring them right in the face. A 2016 replay of Dear Abby! Abba Father, tell me, please, this is not what You meant!

Kindly, patiently I can see Him smiling, bending down to embrace me, saying "You've got it!" I quickly recall the last time I asked Him a question about this adventure in scribbling down thoughts when I asked about the vision. That time He spoke..."Child the vision is the same, nothing has changed." So why can't I get it! Honestly though, I do get it, and I have gotten it, and I know that all these attempts to write are not exercises in futility but word studies into the depths of what's lurking in the crevices of my damaged brain cells. I need to draw them out, because "the story" is in the journey of my lifetime and the wonderful people I have met along the way. In retelling "the story" I will give hope to those with dreams that seem impossible, because someone has made them feel insignificant in small ways, not good enough, or smart enough, or rich enough to do this or that. In reliving my amazing journey that's still in progress, someone who needs to hear it may pick up "the story" and find peace.

So begins "the story" as I travel the pages of my countless journals and blogs, as I remember what God wants me to share. Pray for me that I can embrace the world with hope that inspires action, as I am obedient to the One True Love of my life, as we schlep or journey on together.

My Sweet Life

 

Sometimes I find myself seemingly at the opposite end of the spectrum, a contradiction in terms, and yet, isn't that how people view the Bible or see God? I often wonder where I'd be or who I'd be had I not listened to anyone's opinion about what I could or could not do or should or should not do. What if I had just lived my life? I am known as a "free spirit" in my small circle of friends, past the place of having anyone tell me how to live my life or lead me around on a leash. I have no entanglements, and am simply free to be "me." I find that refreshing. I'm not trying to be anyone particularly except who I am. Some think that being me is a good thing, or at least being the person I am is a good thing. Whatever I "am."

Okay, so what brought on this train of thought? I think it started yesterday while speaking with someone about what God could and could not do. As far as I feel about the subject God can do whatever He wants to do any way He wants to do it. He is not defined by any human laws or limited by circumstances, so anything is possible! I love that! He doesn't have to prove Himself to me, He already has!

This morning after coming home from church I started thinking about what I need to be doing along the lines of living out my faith and trusting God. He is after all a God of His Word, so I don't have to worry about being left in limbo. I'm just finding it hard to do what He asked without a bit more information. I seem to be spinning my wheels, going in circles, not making any real progress. So I am stuck!

This afternoon I am watching movies that make me think about things I want to do, places I want to see, people I want to meet. I am surrounding myself with positive vibes, and I love it! There's also a little sadness, but I think that goes along with life and living. It also helps me keep things in proper perspective. After all life isn't always perfect. In fact perfection is nearly impossible...there is just living! And yet, I do think there are glimpses of heaven, as God says we can have heaven on earth. It certainly is part of my way of praying.

So where do I go from here and now, and being in this moment? How do I do what I am being asked to do when I don't know how to begin? Just do it! That is what I have been doing, and as I review what I have written it seems like empty words. Same with my blogging abilities...sometimes they are reasonable, other times...well lacking in quality. Still I am doing it, and that is satisfying.

My weekly schedule is so hurried and complex that on weekends or my Wednesdays off all I want to do absolutely nothing except enjoy the days! The Italians call it " the sweetness of doing nothing." I learned that from one of my "feel good" movies! Still, it's the way I feel, and there are times I indulge myself in that sense of laziness. I have a habit of setting daily tasks to keep myself on track, however.
Sometimes the list is very short, other times I get carried away with expectations. Naturally I fail in accomplishing my set goals, so it is better to list a few things, adding on others if time or inclination allows. Yesterday I almost completed my list, but regardless I still feel happy for the success I made. I can walk safely in my bedroom now, as I picked up all the stacks of mail, magazines, DVDs, and other clutter from my floor. I washed all my laundry, and I changed my sheets. I had hopes of cleaning windows, but I dusted off my bedroom window and screen outside, so that is a step forward!

I heard it said one time, from another movie set in Italy, that it is important to take small steps daily, when repairing a home, or cleaning in my case, one room at a time and make it mine. That would be my bedroom, as I literally do everything in this room. It could be considered my prison, and it has in the past, but not now. I just love this room! I still have a way to go on completing my "spring cleaning" as I started late in the day, but the important thing is that I DID SOMETHING, and it felt good.

Tomorrow is Monday, and I will be traveling all day, so it will be busy, and more than likely I will be working late. Tuesday is a bit easier, and then comes WEDNESDAY, my day of doing absolutely zip squat if that is what I feel like doing. To interpret the words "zip squat," I mean doing nada! Not a blessed thing! A friend calls it "Linda Day," and I try to make it just that! I do have a few plans this week, but I intend to make a trip to Hobby Lobby where I plan to pick up some art supplies so I can begin another of my projects. I purchased some canvases awhile back, so I want to try my hand at painting again. I may even take a drawing class one Saturday. In fact I have decided that I am going to start doing some of the things on my "Bucket List" even though I don't really have anyone who'd be interested in doing the crazy things I want to do! But then that's okay! I am learning how to do things alone again, since my best friend moved back to El Paso. In fact sometimes doing things alone is preferable. For Mother's Day I treated myself to the movies, Captain America: Civil War, and it was GREAT! I ate a whole bucket of popcorn by myself! No Junior Mints this trip, but that is something to look forward to the next time!

I have eight months to accomplish some things, to make some changes in my life, before I make a HUGE change, the proverbial leap of faith! These are exciting times, and it is wonderful! I can hardly wait to see how God is going to make everything happen. All I have to do is what He told me to do, and I feel that I am on the way to doing it! At least I am making every attempt to be obedient, and since He knows my heart, that is all that matters. For today..."Il dolce far niente." The sweetness of doing nothing!

What I Learned

Each day brings its own set of challenges, yet it also teaches us new things, enlightens, strengthens, encourages, and hopefully we gain appreciation for having lived a moment at time. Today as I rest from a busy week of "to dos," I thank God for what I have learned this week, for the revitalization of my soul, and the strengthening of my character. 

As I was cleaning my office I noticed an article I had posted on my bulletin board years ago called, "Don't Break the Elastic," by Maya Angelou:

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Maya really is a marvel who 
has led quite an interesting and exciting life. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. 
And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were 
many, occurring everyday...like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach 
her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried.

Don’t Break the Elastic

by Maya Angelou                                                                          


When I was in my younger days,

I weighed a few pounds less,

I needn't hold my tummy in

to wear a belted dress.

But now that I am older,

I've set my body free;

There's the comfort of elastic

Where once my waist would be.

Inventor of those high-heeled shoes

My feet have not forgiven;

I have to wear a nine now,

But used to wear a seven.

And how about those pantyhose-

They're sized by weight, you see,

So how come when I put them on

The crotch is at my knee?

I need to wear these glasses

As the print's been getting smaller;

And it wasn't very long ago

I know that I was taller.

Though my hair has turned to grey

and my skin no longer fits,

On the inside, I'm the same old me,

It's the outside's changed a bit.

But, on a positive note...

I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be 

better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these 

three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless 

of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned 

that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives 

you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both 

hands. You need to be able to throw something back.

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. 

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should 

reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will 

forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

As I re-read these words spoken by the wonderful peace-loving, humanitarian this lady represented, I 

giggled to myself, but her words rang true. So in my journal this morning, as part of my personal daily 

walk, I wrote what I learned this week:

1. I learned it is important to spread the love of the Lord to everyone each day. By giving them encouragement in the form of a word, a smile, or a "pass it on" card, it brings a smile, hope, and love.
2.  I learned to trust God in all things, even little decisions, and to share truth with everyone, especially those who are standing in prayer. I cannot believe for miracles for someone else or for a nation unless I first trust God for my own life.
3.  I learned that while I want to go home to Virginia, that my heart still aches to be in New Mexico. I know that by trusting God the impossibility of this situation will become possible.
4.  I learned the importance of friendships, caring more about the needs of another, even if it means my life may change.
5.  I learned the importance of working together as a team to establish credibility by doing our jobs and equipping others to do theirs. Positive "can do" attitudes spark creativity which leads to accomplishing the impossible.
6.  I learned that I CAN do all things through Christ who gives me strength, no matter how many times I am told I cannot.
7.  I learned that taking the time to help someone who is struggling or who doesn't know which way to turn gives a person the strength to not give up, but to keep their dreams alive.
8.  I learned that it doesn't take that long to eat a meal, refresh your soul, then continue on your way.
9.  I learned how to say "no" when I needed to do so without discouraging the one on the other end of the conservation.
10.  I learned that people appreciate when you truly listen to what they have to say without interrupting.  

I admit that my insight was nothing out of the ordinary, but little things often mean the most! I hope I can make this a daily challenge each evening to really look at my day, reflecting and asking myself if I truly made a difference in someone's life or did something happen to change my life for the better.
Little steps leader to greater things. It is a matter of having a grateful heart for all the little blessings. Smile and make someone happier this week.                                                                         

Answers Do Come

"Death comes unexpectedly!"

- Pollyanna 

How easy it is to become sidetracked in the midst of trying to find out useful information. This happens to me quite often, and it needs to stop. This is the time for focusing on the important matters at hand. Well...perhaps, I should back track!

So often we pray well-meaning prayers, and then we "put the matter into God's hands." Yet, when prayers are not answered in the way we feel they should be, the way we are trusting, standing, believing will happen, well then, has God failed to answer our prayers? Not really. I have been asking only one thing of God for my life, and that is "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven only in my life." He has asked me only to trust Him. Then when my perception of things becomes a bit skewed, I panic, and I do not consult Him first. When I do finally get around to asking Him to "explain Himself," which is rather bold, wouldn't you say, He responds. And His responses often come in the form of words from a song/hymn, a verse from scripture, or loudly in my heart. The veil is removed, and I "see."

This time...I heard these words..."In quietness and confidence (trust) shall be your strength." I quickly recognized this portion of scripture taken from Isaiah 35:15, spoken very loudly to my disappointed, rather frightened heart. After all, He had answered the first part of my prayer for His will to be done...! But, there was a second part of my prayer... that the thing to be accomplished would be a display of His presence in my life as Abba Father and His Sovereign power so that no man could dispute that what happened was not the act of a loving Father who can do the impossible when we put our trust in Him! Basically, He once more reminded me that He doesn't need mine or anyone's help. So, what happened in this situation was that I received a marvelous reprieve from what would have  become my self-imposed "sentence."

I know I am being somewhat vague in relating this situation to you, but if you follow my blogs, I believe it will become quite obvious to the inquiring minds who may be reading. I am ecstatic about the HUMONGOUS answer to my prayer, and I have received further instruction, as has the one other person praying, as to what is required of each of us. I was given three reminders of what is required of me, and I was once more reminded that following will cost me everything. As for the other one, he is on his own adventure to discovering the wonderful mysteries of a loving Father, and believe me, if he follows, he will be blown away.

As for me, few understand this call, although they feel they understand, but that's okay, because I've been in this place before. The arrows will fly, and the darkness is sure to come, but my stand remains, as my focus, always the same.