A Little Crazy

"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Chili Davis

When I was I kid there were a few things I loved to do to while away the minutes or to escape difficult places of the heart. I have always been an adventuresome person so following railroad tracks deep in the woods and climbing trees in wait for hobos to disembark the train, as my mama warned would happen, was a risk I dared to take. Since I loved to be outdoors I loved to go bike riding and roller skating to escape the confines of my heart. Coloring has always been a way to soothe my frustrations and drawing or writing so my imagination could be released on paper! When I consider it now I realize that I really haven't changed that much. My child still lurks within.

Creative people are generally pretty sensitive beings. Being poetic in nature and dauntless in spirit present a dangerous pair. Riddle it with compassion and humility and it takes another twist in the plot of how life pans out in the end. I'm learning that I love color, vibrant and melodious at the same time, the unspoken love songs ripple across the skies and all creation.

I've made mention before that I am a dreamer, and I have set high hopes for the things that I want to do or feel called to do with the life that remains. I've been reading my Chicken Soup for the Soul Guided Journal again. Today my activity was to Color Your Feelings. I was given words with boxes, and I had to color each one box the color expressed by the feelings I was experiencing. I found that as I colored each box, there was a mixture of feelings within the feeling except for one.  So, let me explain my boxes:

The original box for "Focused" I colored a lime green which I later bordered with a deeper green. I figured that I needed a strong boundary drawn around my perimeters to ensure I remained focused. The next one was "Empowered," and I colored a rich deep blue in that box with shades of deeper blue for energy. "Joyous" was not a problem as there was no contest...it had to be bright yellow, bursting with life. Next, "Calm" I colored a maroon red, as I did not have a brighter pencil, but the idea is color radiates and enlivens bringing tranquillity. "Inspired" was colored purple, then I added a little empowerment or blue spikes. "Hopeful" was another shade of blue, more subdued in color than "Empowered" with bits of "Focused" and "Calm" splattered around the edges.

The less optimistic of feelings were more difficult for me, as I have not totally succumb to these feelings. "Nervous" I colored half and half with an orange-yellow and the other half brown. The idea was that whereas my Joy was being stolen it could not be completely ripped away. The brown was just a deeper shade of the orange-yellow. I imagine I could have added the remaining bits of "Calm" to indicate that my peace was in jeopardy but not completed stolen. Then "Depressed," a feeling I understand. This should have been colored a cacophony of blends of feelings, but I simply chose gray with black borders and spikes. I think the colors speak for themselves, obviously. Although there's definitely a struggle to give in, the color never darkens to black.

The last feeling is "Apathetic," and although I am challenged to give sway to this feeling all the time, the truth is that I never can. To become apathetic one would become uncaring, and this simply is not who I am. I care deeply about everything. I colored it a pale shade of brownish-yellow with some gray along one corner. I imagine I colored it like that to indicate feelings of wilted joy with depression could lead to a state of apathy if allowed to remain in one's heart. I hope I never cross that color line.

So you get the idea of feelings and color? I thought it was an interesting exercise that helped me to see where my perspective on things rests today. I'm glad I'm not a solid color sort of character, that my life has sparks of boldness and creativity. And the thing I liked about the idea is that I find my life has purpose and life. So many people succumb to the dark areas of there lives, when we should always reach out to embrace the color.

I was explaining yesterday to someone that in my personal research I have found the power in bright colors and brain stimulation. Colors that are bright and alive like the sun bursting through clouds of impending storms offering the promise of fairer weather on the horizon. Using our eyes as pilots to steer us through the darkness of the storm into the colors of day cause us to break through with laughter and smiles into hope. Hope then leads to a joyous arrival on the other side. Making it through safely to the light of a new day of hope.

It's just an exercise, but it makes sense to consider the possibilities in impossibilities. At least I think so, but then I am the dreamer of crazy ideas!  Ideas that just may bear fruit for the day!