Real conversations with my daughter have become very rare over the years. There have always been hurdles to jump or mountains to climb. How I have prayed to close the distance between us and have longed for her to see past her hurts and see my heart. Last night we shared future hopes. I have always believed that God has a special man hand-picked for her. I still do. I don't know when or how He will close this impossible gap, but I know His plan is perfect.
As I shared with her about my recent conversation with the Lord, I told her how I had been struggling with my desires. I confided to her that while talking to God I had said, "Lord, You know my heart and the plans you have for me. I want...I want...above all I want...." The words seems to fail, and my mind was blank. Finally, I confessed, "Lord, I no longer know my wants except one, I want Your perfect will for my life. You gave me three children when it was impossible for my broken body to bear children. And each is struggling, isolated, and alone. Father, I don't know how You'll do it, but I know You will. I trust You for our future. I have no other "want" in my life, but You."
As I finished the words, my daughter acknowledged her understanding, as she also had a similar talk with our Lord. She then shared that if she never had a husband, if it isn't in God's plan for her to marry and have children, it was enough to know someone loved her, even if it could never be. Perhaps this will be our road to healing as each of us - sons included - come to that fork in the road and say, "Nevertheless, Father, Your will, not mine, be done."
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