Day 263 Our Stories

 

9/20/2025 

"Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet

to the soul and healing to the bones."  

Proverbs 16:24

 

How to begin...it hasn't been a gentle week or two, or even three or four weeks, as the light of God's presence shines a lamp on my soul. I am always asking Him to "...search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my ways; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24)." Sometimes it feels as if a huge search light is moving back and forth  over me, and other times, a tiny pin prick of light, but the effect is the same. Today's Shabbat message was about self-examination and repentance, the same subject, but for me it is a call to consider the "motives of my heart." In these latter days we can expect no less from our Father, than a total redo of anything left in our old self that may be hindering our move forward in completing the work we were put here to do. Those words may seem ominous or despairing, but they are neither, they are just words, apt descriptions.

Tomorrow is the funeral service for Charlie Kirk, and although I cannot be there in person, I will be here watching with so many others across the globe, paying our respects to a young man who lived his life well. But, for Erika, it will be another reality of what she already knows to be true, Charlie is with Jesus, and although he is waiting for her, she still has to face each day of his not returning home. Her children, although very small, will know. His closest friends and family will be gathered around, and we who had connections with him on prayer calls or within ministries overlapping, but who never had the privilege of meeting him one on one, will also be present. Where else would we be?! 

Sabbath rests are supposed to be times of rest and refreshment, but today has not been a particularly restful day. My cat has gone missing...again...and that is unsettling. As I write these words another ambulance is screaming down the road. It is becoming almost a daily routine, and this is considered a rural area. I call it the edge of country. I awakened early this morning, very early, and although I was happy for the earlier wake up call, I found it difficult to focus. It reminded me of earlier days, when I was married, living here, before the move to New Mexico. I began to remember, but if I allow my eyes to close, just for a moment, I have dreams. Memories. Thoughts. Sometimes the search light comes back on, but most of the time the thoughts come and go. No longer painful, or the sting is not so great a pain.

This week I attended a class get together with high school friends. We do this every three months or so, just to keep in touch. It's a small group, as a few have already passed away, and others are busy or live away. We are the local ones who either never moved away or who have returned, like me. It was quite enjoyable, but sometimes I feel as if I say too much when asked questions about my life. I had to pull out my year book for my senior year when I returned home, so I could remember who was who. Head trauma gives me a unique ability to learn how to remember people whose faces have changed or who are not in the place where I last saw them. So I have to compartmentalize them in my memory by first seeing them as they were in 1968 and how they appear now in 2025. That's a lot of years, but I am managing. I wish now that I had taken photos, but that's a difficult thing for me to do. Another quirk of being me, I suppose. At our 50th reunion there were more people, and we had our senior photos to wear as identification. Everyone says I look the same, but my sagging face says otherwise. Still it was a nice compliment, but it made me think about the person I was then and the one I am now. In many ways there have been lots of changes, but time and socializing didn't allow for in depth conversations, which I generally avoid. I really enjoyed seeing everyone, and I ate well. If you ever make it to North Dinwiddie, Virginia, be sure to check out Joe's Steak and Seafood, for an exceptional lunch special - Stuffed Potato - described as "Large Idaho potato stuffed with your choice of grilled seasoned chicken, steak or shrimp with sour cream and pico de gallo." Of course, I had chicken and asked to hold the sour cream, and I think butter was added, but it was a HUGE potato and delicious! Joe's is a stone's throw from my home, which I eventually hope to convert into a home away from home. Just don't tell my son! He loves it here.

It's been a lovely day, cooler and fresh, and the leaves are beginning to change and fall away. Oh, how I love this time of year when the season changes from summer to autumn. Even the name sings of color change and evenings enjoyed by camp fires and mountain sunsets. But then, I'm in Virginia now, so I won't see those sights, unless of course my plans to visit New Mexico pan out. I hope they do, but sometimes things happen and plans change. Perhaps that is why I am feeling so nostalgic at the moment. It's a long trip, especially driving alone, but I've done it before. A lot has changed, but I am not really afraid to travel alone. If I had been I never would have gone as many places as I have alone. I've had some interesting solo adventures, and I hope I will have many more before the last sunset.

The day is ending, but I still have some Saturday evening things to do. This is my late night, on the wall, so I have to prepare my heart. I'd say a funny movie is needed or Little House on the Prairie. Plus now that Shabbat has ended I have dishes to do. The fun is never ending in this little abode. 

Blessings and Shabbat Shalom from my house to yours.