12/28/2025
"Hallelujah! Yes, praise the Lord!
How good it is to sing His praises!
How delightful, and how right!
Psalm 147:1
Tonight as I sit here, thinking back over my day, my mind goes blank, as it often does at the end of the day. Not from weariness from a day of activity or festivity, but something that goes against the grain. I have been fighting against the enemies of discouragement, guilt, loneliness, and those evil spirits that enjoy stirring up memories that are so traumatic to remember, those that make us feel of little value. Watching Christmas movies doesn't really help sometimes, because they are either rags to riches or riches to more riches, but with a Christian spin. I love movies where wrongs are made right, and where sickness does not lead to death, or where the destitute are given a miraculous turn around. They are all good, and so wonderful, as I know miracles happen every day, but most people, even pastors who pray for all these things and read the word of God proclaiming the miraculous, simply do not think that they exist today. I think that more than any circumstances surrounding my life or decisions I must make, that it is the lack of faith I see in church leaders that discourages me the most.
My son tells me that the reason he doesn't want me involved in his health decisions as an advocate - a job for which I was trained as a case manager and helped so many clients and their families who cared for them for years - is because I think Jesus is the answer to everything. Well, for me, I know this is true, but I also know that we live in a world that trusts in medicine and doctors who treat them. I also know very well that God has given doctors the knowledge to do what they do. He provides the means for their education and the endurance and stamina needed to complete the studies and do the work. He gives us mamas and dads who work extra hard to help them accomplish their goals. Most people don't give God the glory for these blessings, because they don't really know Him. Perhaps they know about Him, and they may be faithful church attendees, but they never made Him Lord of their lives, or they didn't need His help. They never thanked Him for the good things in their lives. Not as He deserves. Do any of us give Him the thanks and honor that He deserves? Not really. In our humanity, our flesh, we fall so short. Once we realize it, we repent and ask Him to forgive us, and He does. He so longs to walk with us each day, but we don't invite Him in.
Today Pastor Greg's message was about finishing the year well. To quote him exactly, he said: "Starting well is good, but finishing well is better." Paul the Apostle said in 2 Timothy 4:7, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award me on that day - and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing." I believe that scripture tells us that we each have a special work we are meant to do, as we each have gifts that support those of all God's children, working together as one in the Body of Christ, but there's more. We have a book with our name on it, and in it is written our special purpose. I believe that in spite of hindrances that block our way, that God makes a way where no one else can, and we have the grace to complete it, if we press on. I want to press on, and I believe that God calls us out of our safety zones to complete these works. Look at Moses, Joseph, Aaron, and so many others. He makes a way, and only He can say when it's too late, and I believe with Him time is not a factor nor is age. So I say, "Go for it! Run after your dreams!"
My son wanted more than anything to be a classical guitarist. He was even awarded an opportunity to attend a prestigious school in Boston, but his dreams were disregarded for a flimsy reason - lack of money. I never knew about this at the time, only in recent years when my older son mentioned it. Many years have passed, and my son's fingers are not as limber as they used to be, but I reminded him that the gifts and callings of God are without repentance, and that means the gift remains inside him. I know he thinks that he'll never play again, but I've heard him messing around on the guitar, as he calls it, and it is beautiful. He has a gift, and that gift needs to be used. So I'm praying for another miracle. My dream as a much younger young lady was blown out of the water too, but I am way too old at 75 to enter medical school. God gifted me with the precious gift of serving so many people and their families as I noted above, and that is enough. But He also gave me a second love - writing. Now I don't know if I'll ever get it together enough to write the story, but I'm going to give it my best to complete what He has asked me to do. This year I have written every day, and although the posts are often late, I have written the notes, but I do get behind finishing up. The point is that I do finish them, and I do post them. This particular installment will be a day after tomorrow's, because it needs to be. I needed time to think about anything I write today. It's been particularly rough, and tomorrow may prove no better. I'm struggling, but I have faith for a brighter day.
Until then, it is early to bed, but not too early to rise. Tomorrow my sister comes to take me to pick up my one three month supply of medication. Only one for three months, not paid for by insurance, increasing in cost as we speak...or as I write. I sure hope that changes soon! So goodnight, and remember to dream, and dream big! With God all things are possible!
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