Truth and Beauty

 

  "Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all

                Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."

 John Keats 

1795–1821

   

    This is not another musing about the verses of a dead poet, or a consideration of the literary rhyme and meter of iambic pentameter.  It's interesting the things we remember from our childhood. Literature has always been a great escape for me as much as music can carry me away to a world of my own imaginings.  A wise man once suggested that I am a figment of my own imagination, and perhaps he was correct.  But of one thing I do stand firm, and that is I do know what is true and what is not. And I hope I know the difference between the truth and a lie.  Decipher that!

    
    My purpose for this rendering is to examine the truth, because above all I want to be found humble, honest, seeking my Master's will.  In order to address truth I need to examine my heart, my motives, my purpose, who I truly am or aspire to be.  In so doing I can make resolutions for change or steadfastness. 

     
    I stayed up late last night working, then reading, and the last thing I remember when I laid my head on my pillow and pulled up the quilts and comforter around my neck was the opening scores of "Close Encounters of the Third Kind".  Nothing like a good Spielberg movie to carry me away to slumber!  My awakening this morning was not as pleasant, sad to say, as I was rudely driven from my peaceful sleep by the annoying ringing of my land line, then my cell phone. Needless to say, I did not pick up, either line, and I have not called back.  Wide awake at this unacceptable hour of the morning on the only day I can sleep in, I decided to open up my computer.  Generally that is not my first thought when I awaken daily, and I can assure you, I will not make it a daily habit from this day forward.

    I am very selfish when it comes to my Saturdays.  These are days I like to devote to Bible study, prayer and blogging, on a perfect day, that is, of which I don't have many.  But the mornings at least are devoted to these quiet endeavors and a hot bath with more reading. I need these times to relax and figure things out.  I try to keep focused, at least to have a handle on something in my life. There's so much in life over which we have no control, but at the very least I must be clear on my own.  I'm not one who likes to waste time, and I have little tolerance for those who do.  I guess I am an old Fuddie Duddie when it comes to life these days and the importance of making it count!

    Last night a friend and I went to the little cafe at the gas station near home just to have a simple fare and quiet conversation.  When we went out, as I was getting into the passenger side of my friend's truck I noticed a baby alone in the back seat looking back at me.  The car seat was situated behind the driver's seat, and the child looked to be a year old or younger.  It was chilly last night, and there was no one else in the car.  I mentioned it to my friend, so we sat there a moment and out came a young man...a young man who had been sitting in that same cafe for a lengthy amount of time flirting with a female employee.  He got into the car with the baby without a word or a look at the child and drove off.

    This is the world in which we live.  Where little matters except the gratification of our own egos.  My work carries me into different scenes, encountering different walks in life, often places I cringe to imagine how the people have survived such dysfunction. This week I had to mediate different scenarios, none of which came to a happy ending.  And I wonder after a week such as this why at my age I want to continue this relentless pursuit of caring so much about another person's life who gives little regard for his own life much less the life of another.  What am I doing here?!

    I dream of retirement, but not like most people.  If I asked what you what you like about retirement, what would you say?  I can get up when I want, do what I want, go where I want, when I want.  I can travel, and I can buy what I want.  Not bad things, staying busy, doing things together as husband and wife.  All nice endeavors.  Most people who retire have their homes paid for, so they don't have to worry about a place to live.  I decided I wouldn't go that route, because after having to start over so many times, I finally got out of debt, and I didn't want to be in debt at my age.  I wanted to be free to go wherever I felt led to lead the next adventure.  But now there are times when I think how nice it would be to have a place of my own, closer to my sons at least, but I still cannot wrap myself around incurring debt at age 64.  Most people die in indebtedness, but my daddy didn't teach me that way of living. But let's say I retire..what is my view on how I want to live the life?!  My thoughts, interestingly enough, are similar to the way I live my life now.  I'd say to myself "who can I visit," or "who can I invite over?" "Who needs my help?"  If I could travel anywhere I'd be in Africa deep in the heart of the jungle living my life along side the people, fighting the ebola virus or AIDs epidemics, bandaging the feet of the crippled and maimed, and teaching them how to eat healthy and grow good crops.  Or for fun I'd travel by foot the Pyrenees Mountains of Spain traversing The Way of St James with other pilgrims in the faith.  Or I'd backpack or ride my bike across Europe visiting with the simple people carving out a living from the dirt.  Plus I'd write about everything I see and feel and think! That's my idea of retirement!

    
    Sometimes I wonder if God put me in the wrong century or country, but then there's so much I love about the simple cultures of the people I have come to know and love not just here in New Mexico but in my many travels throughout these years.  I love people, even the most reckless and confused ones, who seem to choose the wrong path at every turn, always seeking, never finding. So lost. There must be a story in this life I've lived and am living.  A ending I do not yet understand.  So regardless of my desires, misgivings I continue to do what I can do by each day, getting up, getting bathed and dressed, and putting one foot in front of the other.  In my relentless search for a life of truth, I find life worth living.  And while it may not seem to be the life I seek, for now it is enough, because I believe in truth seeking.  If God's way is all I seek, and I devote my life to His truth, I accept Him who is the Truth, the Way, the Life, who gives me the Comforter who is the Bearer of all Truth, then I cannot go wrong.  If I have eyes to see and ears to hear, then I listen for the One True Shepherd to guide me along the path. And in so doing I may stumble and fall and skin my  knees, but I have a Friend who'll pick me up, heal my wounds, and walk along the way with me.  What a comfort! 

    I recently shared with a friend that I have lived in New Mexico for 27 years, 14 or 15 of them on my own. I've watched as my life has turned around, from being on the bottom, to rising up a little bit at a time.  The life I thought was dead to me was strangely resurrected, in a different light.  Although I have not lived the original dream, I am living it in a modified way, and although I did not advance in my college goals, I am far wiser and more intelligent in things that truly matter than those who hold higher degrees than my own. In my failures I have come to discover my value as a human being and my responsibility for what I have learned and been given. I have found amazing kinship with loving, giving people who have returned more love and friendship to me than I ever gave to them.  I get thanked every day for caring and helping, when I don't see that I made any difference.  So, I go on "doing", until I cannot "do" any more or God tells me it is enough, then I'll go to the next adventure He has for me.  I just don't want to fail Him.  Ya know!  He's so good this Father of mine.

    
    That's my truth.  And there's beauty in it!