6/27/2026
"Just tell me what to do and I will do it, Lord. As long as I live
I'll wholeheartedly obey. Make me walk along the right paths
for I know how delightful they really are."
Psalm 119:33-35
Before moving back home to Virginia I was reassured by friends that I would have all the help I needed, especially moral support. "I'll be there for you. Don't worry." Famous last words. Literally spoken by a friend who has since passed away.
Moving back after 35 years was scary, and I needed to make certain that God was sending me back. I was literally being held by God in New Mexico, and blessed by Him, all needs met, surrounded by people who loved me, many of whom I'd been able to help and support. When I surrendered my needs for anyone other than God, my life changed. Serving Him is always the best, and for me, the only way to live, but it comes at a high cost.
My parents' home was in great need of love and repair. I don't know if it happened over time, or if it was helped along the way by people used it as a place to crash, among other things. Perhaps a bit of both. The impact of the extreme need of repairing this home has been a devastating experience to me. All the years of abuse and betrayal in my life by others did not age me as quickly as this change of address has. Friends who see the work needed assure me it isn't that bad, but would they want to live this way? I have tried to soften the hurt with being grateful for owning a home and being able to have a place for my children to come if they need it or want to visit. But that's another area of concern.
I am usually extremely positive and optimistic, but today I want to be real. People disappoint, especially family. Children can blame others and lie and manipulate so they appear to be victims. This is what the world and culture teaches people these days. The enemy works overtime to twist truth into a vicious ugly lie that others are quick to believe and accept as truth, because they choose to believe things that are not true, rather than simply ask. My absence, for instance, suddenly became abandonment when I had spent years of providing for the needs of my family without asking for anything in return, happy that I was able to help and wanting to do so much more. After my divorce in 2002 God blessed me with wonderful jobs that increasingly paid more and gave me greater and varied education. The experience I gleaned as I went from place to place, job to job, was all orchestrated by God for my good. I just had to get to the place where I saw the folly of my ways in trusting man, or "a man" instead of Him as my sole Provider. But the truth of who I am was conveniently covered up, and I have been looked down upon as the bad guy. The only explanation I have for it is that Jesus warns about a great falling away in the last days. He also speaks of children turning against parents. The enemy is very cunning, and he wants to kill, steal and destroy. Whatever the enemy attempts to do, and regardless of however he hopes to smear my name, I don't worry, because God always vindicates me. He watches over those who love Him and who are called according to His purpose.
This week I had some work done at my home, and today the work was completed according to the make shift contract that we drafted. I chose to trust someone to do some work, because he showed up when others - many others - including church members - did not. Perhaps I expect too much of people?! The work took longer than initially planned, partly because of the weather, and partly because of other factors. The area that was repaired is safe and looks somewhat better, but it came at a huge price which I feel was way too much for what I got. Still, I hope that in some small way I was able to help the workman, and I pray that his time management skills improve, and his business flourishes. The other details I can work out on my own. I still have many other tasks to complete, and this adventure gave me the courage to try to complete the tasks myself along with my son's help. I feel confident that together we can accomplish many things on our own. The gutter needs cleaning, so I'll be the one on the ladder, so I hope that works out well.
Life can be challenging, especially for women who are living alone, and even more so for those of us who are advancing in age. It is nice when the church steps up and shows up, but I am no longer officially attached to a church any longer, because...well it just didn't work out. Sometimes I wonder if I was even meant for this world. I talk about Jesus so much, because my life is ALL about Him, and He is my everything, but it makes people uncomfortable. But when I am asked about my life, education, work, family - what I've done for all these years - Jesus has been my constant companion, even when I wasn't thinking about Him. He thought about me...since my birth! He also has a strong hold on my children's lives, so when they get over whatever "spell" they are under, then He'll be right here waiting! He told me so!
So when things go south, especially when we're walking the path God has put us on, then we look to Him as our true North, and we trust Him to make the crooked places straight in our lives. People will disappoint us. That's a given, but dare to trust again! It's like when someone breaks your heart, we're told to dare to love again. My heart's been broken over and over, and I will always walk in love towards all people, forgiving any offenses, because HE forgave me of so much more! Freely we have been given, so freely we forgive!
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