Several weeks ago I had a dream. I've been struggling with fear, guilt, shame for a long, long time. My counselor has been interested in my crazy dreams in an attempt to find a pattern. This dream, however, was different. I was in a store, and there were several circles on the floor. Children were coming up and placing things into the circles. I could not see any tangible objects in their hands. One boy needed to leave, as he had someone waiting outside. I told him he still had something left to do. So he put what appeared to be a stuffed animal on the door as a sign to the one who was waiting that he was still inside. It was at that time my alarm clock went off, so I woke up. The first words from my mouth were, "Lord, what was that all about!!" I closed my eyes, and I saw the store door open and I saw a child holding the hand of an adult leave the store. I opened my eyes, got up to walk to the kitchen, and I heard God clearly say, "Fear no more!" I was reminded of Psalm 23 and the words, "Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me...." Since that time I have been abnormally fearless and at peace. Over the past two weeks it has been as if God has been telling me that I needed to get rid of the garbage I have been holding on to and do what I have been called to do at "such a time as this."
I have been part of an intercessory prayer group for many years. Assignments arrive about every three months, and I must say that I feel very inadequate when it comes to prayer these days. But as Max Lucado reminded me in a recent quotation, "All of us have a donkey." I am also reminded that God used a donkey to speak to Balaam when he was doing something contrary to God's command.
Many times in my life I have felt so inadequate, fearful of not being "good enough," or not measuring up to a challenge. Gideon, whom God called "a mighty man of God" was cowering in a winepress stomping down his grain, hiding from the Midianites, at the time the angel of the Lord said those words. After Elijah had killed all the prophets of Baal in a mighty show of God's power, he bailed, depressed, afraid, and feeling forsaken, when he learned that Queen Jezebel had a contract out on his life, so to speak. Fear is a natural response to danger and feelings of inadequacy. But God said, "Fear no more!"
I feel that God is personally saying to me, "Linda, get your act together, I need you to do something." So, that is exactly what I have been trying to do. These are difficult days, with many people sick and afraid. I believe that fear is a greater threat than the virus itself. Fear is exhausting. I believe in caution, but panic is never the correct response, and there has been widespread panic, hoarding, and unnecessary fear.
My daughter has a compromised immune system, so her exposure to anyone is limited routinely. She also has a very limited list of foods she is able to eat. So, imagine how difficult it has been to attempt to find food and chemically free personal items for her at this time. I have had to shop almost every day just to find dry beans, rice, and hydrogen peroxide. Thankfully, the vegetables she can eat have been abundant. Plus, I am making it a point to shop sensibly, rather than hoarding food. Since she lives about 100 miles from me, and only one person in her town is able to help her now, I will have to make the trek more often to ensure she has adequate food on hand. If the lady loses her job, then she has no reason to leave her home to go into town. Life may become more interesting, if that happens. I am also working part-time with two older seniors four days a week, so they are counting on me. Whereas I have always followed safe hygiene practices on the job and as part of my daily routine, the additional safety precautions, plus my daily foraging, have made life more challenging. But it hasn't been all that bad, and I limit public exposure to after hours. Although I have felt the stress, I have been trying to remain cheerful and courteous, and I must say that the people in my neck of the woods have reciprocated in kind. Whereas life is sometimes seemingly not so good, life is still good, we just have to pay attention.
What's our real part of all of this? Well, I'd say prayer. One thing I know and am reminded of each day is that God IS in control. Always. So, we need to stand in prayer together, knowing that this will pass. When Abraham and Moses prayed and cried out to God on behalf of His people, He answered. And He will respond to our prayers as well. This is our call to arms. Pray! Believe! Trust! God is faithful. Always!!
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