Days 201-203 Yet, I Will Praise You

"That is God's call to us - simply to be people

who are content to live close to Him and

to renew the kind of life in which the closeness

is felt and experienced.

Thomas Merton

Getting over insults is often hard. People assume things, have a difficult day, or simply do not understand the choices one makes in life, then the words come, the arrows of satan, and we are left injured and alone. Jesus speaks of persecution and the correct response, and I try to obey. His are the only ones I care to follow. Even that is a great misunderstanding, and again, the words come.

Listening to portions of the story of Mother Teresa is like listening to my heart cry. There is an emptiness inside of me that cannot be filled unless I am doing the will of God. If she were alive she would know what it is that is so difficult for mere words to express. Yet she states it simply,

 “Hearts to love and hands to serve!”
(Mother Teresa)

Her focus,

 "The hungry, the naked, the homeless, the crippled, the blind, the lepers, all those people who feel unwanted, unloved, uncared for throughout society, people that have become a burden to the society and are shunned by everyone." --- Mother Teresa

I am not Mother Teresa, but I too feel the pain of others. All I want is to be His hands and feet. For decades, prior to her beginning Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, she experienced a emptiness, a  longing deep within her soul. I know the ache of wanting to help those who feel they have no hope, even here. Yesterday I heard someone say, "if I could just get that one back month on my mortgage paid, I could relax a bit." This comes from someone who has worked her entire life, taken care of others and her parents, gone without so others could have what they needed. Now she needs help. Whenever it is within our ability to help another, we need to do it. I need to do it.

No one wants to be alone, but sometimes that is where God places you, even if for a season. I think this is where He wants me, with my focus, my total dependence on Him. Scripture says "He sets the lonely in families...." Psalms 66:6 He has placed me among people who not only love me but who look forward to my visiting. Monday, on a day I was so discouraged, feeling alone, I set out on my busy day, smile on my face. How can one not smile when driving around the area in which I live. The colors so vibrant, even in rain and mud, sleet and snow, it is a slice of heaven. 

First stop, Ojo Caliente, a friend I have known for many, many years was my first stop. As I was leaving she hugged me and said, "I always love it when you come!" This was after sharing some pretty serious realities, yet throughout the visit we reminisced about her mother who has now passed, we cried about her concerns, and we giggled and outright laughed over silly things. I felt such love in her warm embrace.

Next stop was way, way to the end of the earth almost, as I spiraled down a maze of roads deep in the mountains of Coyote. I was once again welcomed with hugs, laughter, sharing the love of Christ, and for some reason as I was leaving, knowing I had a long, busy day, she said "Don't give up! We're on the verge of a miracle!" Maybe it was God's words to me, as although we shared much about Jesus and the affect He has on our lives, she did not know those words came from a song written by Rich Mullins, "Verge of a Miracle," that he wrote in response to a young boy sharing his hurts, broken life, attempted suicide with him at a retreat. How like God -  out of the blue He has someone tell me she was reminded of that song. Let me share them with you,

"Verge of a Miracle"

by Rich Mullins

Clung to a ball
That was hung in the sky
Hurled into orbit
There You are
Whether you fall down
Or whether you fly
Seems you can never get too far
Someone's waiting to put wings
Upon your flightless heart
You're on the verge of a miracle
Standing there
Oh you're on the verge of a miracle
Just waiting to be believed in
Open your eyes and see
You're on the verge of a miracle
Here in your room
Where nobody can see
Voices are loud
But seldom clear
But beneath the confusion
That's running so deep
There is a promise you must hear
The love that seems so far away
Is standing very near
You're on the verge of a miracle
Standing there
Oh you're on the verge of a miracle
Just waiting to be believed in
Open your eyes and see
When you've played out
Your last chance
And your directions
Have all been lost
When the roads that you look down
Are all dead ends
Look up
You could see if you'd just look up
You're on the verge of a miracle
Standing there
Oh you're on the verge of a miracle
Just waiting to be believed in
Open your eyes and see
You're on the verge of a miracle

In the midst of my discouragement I receive encouragement from people I am sent to encourage, yet their courage strengthens me. And although I do encourage them, in ways they do not understand, they touch my soul. How wonderful is that! I give, and it is returned to me, pressed down, running over and over. That is how God rolls!

My final step of Monday's journey took me to Youngsville to the home of a young man whom I've known for years. He shared his hopes and dreams, and I felt like a proud parent! Again, glory given to God, the author of our hopes and dreams. This young man shared with me openly his failures and his great victories. As I left he spoke again, saying that although he had been anxious about his health, he wasn't anxious that day, because he knew I was coming, "a breath of fresh air!" That really made my day. I'm a breath of fresh air to someone! Imagine that! I can only pray, and I thank Jesus, because He is my breath of fresh air, the very air I breathe.

On the way home it began to rain furiously for a short distance, but as it slowed, I crested the hill to see a rainbow across the vast, open sky. Heaven speaks so loudly at times! Today in writing this blog I was so depressed, down-trodden, not knowing what to do, but in sharing the love of God and of those who touch my life, a smile comes across my face, and I know...I can do this...I am on the verge of a miracle!

 

Day 200 - Thoughts/Praise/Practice

My purpose in sharing my passion, prayers, highs/lows, and school of thought is to encourage, uplift, and point others to Jesus Christ, the Author and Finisher of our faith. In doing so I make every attempt to remain transparent. as I have failed Him miserably in my lifetime, regardless of the fact that my childhood relationship with Him was so immediate and binding. Although I strayed, He never. My life is actually quite remarkable, or amazing as I love to describe it. The plans He had for me from the beginning may have deviated a bit, but finally I was steered back on course. The experience I have acquired and the wisdom I have gleaned in the course of my life journey are nothing short of astounding, and I remain forever indebted to God and humbled that He loves me so much in all my unworthiness.

I listened to a sermon by Charles Stanley this morning called "God's Stress Remover." It had several good points, as his teachings generally do. This pastor has always tried to be honest and transparent about his shortcomings, so when he asks a pointed question it comes across from a man who's been there. He talked about the difference between loneliness and solitude, whereas one is intentional and the other is not. Solitude is time away from distractions that hinder our ability to remain at rest, without stress, that we all have living in the world today. That is just a simple truth. He shared about his path to finding solitude with God that he has used since an early age. He would go to a place where it was dark and without any detectable noises thereby removing any distractions so he could hear the voice of God clearly.

Good idea, as then you can't be distracted by what you see or hear making it better to hear God's still, small voice. So I decided I'd give that a try using my closet in my bedroom. After making all the adjustments I could to include taking a hammer out and trying to force the door to close, I moved on to the next place that was much smaller. I cleared the way, set my little rug down with my knees crammed up to my chest in this small closet, and closed the door. After a few minutes I realized that this would not work, as I could not breathe! So I moved to plan C.

I took my rather large teddy bear, Brutus, given to me by a friend, out of my rocking chair in the living room, put a scarf around my head to block my vision, and settled myself in the rocker. As I was sitting there I could hear the clock ticking (I have acute hearing), refrigerator running, and birds singing sweetly outside the window. This is where I started to giggle. I also visualized Jesus alone by Himself in the forest praying, as this was how He separated Himself to spend time alone with God. I giggled again, because, really now, do you think there was perfect quiet in the woods?!

The point to this ridiculous exercise was to realize what I already know...we each have our places we go to feel solace and to hear the voice of the Lord. Mine is going to my "thinking spot" which is in the hills above me, by the river. Although being beside the "still waters" doesn't literally mean the absence of sound, it can be soothing and peaceful. It's a matter of perspective. Nature is where I can get alone with God, and I retreat there often. But there are other ways I can hear His voice without distractions just being here at home. I turn off the phones for one thing, and I dull as many of the "sounds" around me as I can. And it works!

The important thing about this little "exercise" is that I know how to relieve stress, and thank God I have had a rather good week, regardless of the little challenges that seem to arise. I'm making progress, but in saying that I am opening myself up to the one who says, "Well we'll see about that!" But then, it's not as if he's never tried or will ever stop trying to bring us down. It's just not working as often these days. Thank God for that!

Now as I get myself back on my original course of the day...back from my momentary distraction...I can once more focus on the subject of this blog. See how that works! Go ahead and laugh! I have!

I began my day studying my Bible reading for the day and looking for connections with other things I read and glean along the way as I study. I keep my journal close and I jot things down as I read or inspirations that come. Sometimes I move past a point to a connecting thought from God, something He's shown me that the author may not have understood or perceived as a correlation. Or perhaps it is just God's way of speaking to me through a scripture. It's a relationship, and it works!

"There are some who position themselves between you and God.

There are some who suggest that the only way to get to God is

through them.... Jesus' message for complicated religion is to 

remove these middlemen.... We are all brothers and sisters and

have equal access to the Father. 

And the Angels Were Silent

Max Lucado

"You are not to be called 'Rabbi,' for you have only one

Master and you are all brothers."

Matthew 23:3

"For there is one God and one mediator, the man Christ Jesus,

who gave himself as a ransom for all men - the testimony

given in its proper time."

1 Timothy 2:5,6


 

  

Sadly, some folks don't understand that they can have this type of friendship with God, that He so longs to hear from us daily. I recently attended a church service at a small church in my area comprised of brand new Christian families. It is so refreshing to experience the warmth and acceptance of new believers in Christ, because their faces shine with the love of God, unconditionally welcoming you into the house of praise. The pastor has initiated a program of memorizing a new scripture each week, and I know the value of this practice very well, as the word lights our path in our daily walk with Jesus.

The small hamlet in which I live has great need, and giving back to the community is the heart of the gospel. Imagine the impact if each church would incorporate this practice into their ministry.

"It's a sad but true fact of the faith: religion is used for profit and 

prestige. And when it is, there are two results: people are

exploited and God is infuriated."

And the Angels Were Silent

Max Lucado

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:

to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep

oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:27

"Love means to love that which is unlovable, or it is no virtue at all;

forgiving means to pardon that which is unpardonable, or it is not virtue at all -

and to hope means hoping when things are hopeless, or it is not virtue at all."

G.K. Chesterton

"There is not a heart but has its moments of longing, yearning

for something better, nobler, holier than it knows now."

Henry Ward Beecher

Vacation Bible Schools bring children to the church every summer looking for ways to occupy their time, and perhaps their parents are just hoping to find a place to attend as their home church. The week ends, hearts are touched, but then contact is lost...until the next year. But what happens in between in small towns where there's nothing for children to do to occupy their time other than look at tv, eat fast food and snack on sugar, play videos games which offer no creativity, and a lot of free time to get into mischief, because there's always someone waiting to trap a lonely youth into the wrong type of lifestyle promising a fast buck. Deception.

What's the response? We have a choice. I must admit some days I want to give up, because although I have the know how to help, no one seems to want it. People speak about growth, but they don't want to change the way things are now. It's a catch 22, and I honestly feel confused at times which way I am to go. But, I roll up my sleeves, and I try again, hoping someone, somewhere will "catch the vision" and meet the need. Who knows what can happen...perhaps a future and a hope!

 

Days 194 - 199 Messages from God

My time alone with God in the mornings is such a sweet refreshing, especially on Wednesdays and weekends when I can sit and focus more clearly without distractions. I have been trying to find that same sweetness in the evenings, but I have yet to learn to separate myself from the commotion of my days. Life becomes too "real" for me at times when so many needs scream despair, rejection, desolation, and poverty. The evil that pervades this world seeps into every home, every heart, and in every situation, and the enemy must be exposed and removed less hope fade away. I try to be that emissary of peace, hope, and love, yet I fail so desperately. Thank God for His strength in weakness.

It's better to share my thoughts of the week in one blog, I think, because I have a perspective my entire week in one broad view. I don't know who really reads my thoughts, but the only thing that matters is I share my heart transparently, and hopefully someone's life is touched, perhaps changed for the better.

"Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed.

Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows."

Isaiah 1:17

So I being with Monday morning, Day 194....

I have been determined to keep my focus on Jesus, staying positive in the midst of changing "the game" over and over again.  I am becoming immune to the phobia that accompanies each radical shift of gears by the hierarchy in which I am a small fish in a huge pond. I have mentioned my "Keep on Track Bracelet" I have been faithful to slap on my wrist each day and to share with all in whom I encounter on my road to mental health and healing, aka mental stability. I have been encouraged by the response to my story about the bracelet and why I wear it in my sharing with the vast numbers of people I encounter daily in my weekly challenge.  The positive response has been overwhelming!

Monday began with an email...nothing new under the sun with that one! Yet, although it did not bother me, it caused immediate panic in the heart of one of my colleagues. Because of my "peace" I was able to divert the enemy's plan to beat down my friend's strength and emotional stamina and bring harmony back into her life with one thought...we work for one Master, and when we strive to do our best in every situation, then we leave the results up to Him. This applies to every area of our lives. My message of hope worked, and my friend found new strength not only for the day but for the entire week as well. Remember...it's the little things we do and share that bring the greatest rewards.

Later on in the day I was relieved to hear that my friend's son was out of his coma, and although he still was very ill and not quite out of the woods, he was on his way to recovery. At this writing he should be home in his own bed. Thanks be to God!

That evening I relaxed and shared a simple meal at a friend's home, and I was able to shut down the computer and relax after a rewarding beginning of the week.  God is faithful when we are willing to trust Him with every part of our lives.

Day 195.... another dawn of day...each with its own rewards!

A brief pause in my study of Isaiah focused on our search of significance in our lives. The author of Our Daily Walk puts it this way:  "Most people don't know what they want, but it is something different from what they have." Again, the author smacks us right between the eyes with a reality check for the day! Again I read, "Seeing God for who He is will open your eyes to who you are."
That's pretty much it, isn't it?! We relentlessly try to "find ourselves" in every walk of life, turning one way, then another, and never quite finding what it is we are so desperately trying to discover. Not a good use of time which means it is time wasted on an endless, fruitless pursuit for happiness. How many times have I been down that road! We all have if we are honest, but few really want to wear their hearts on their sleeves. It exposes too much, and we may appear weak. Well, friends, I am weak but with Jesus I am strong! And so are you!

 Day 196...my day off!

As Wednesday morning dawned I awakened with poison running through the veins in my legs, with aching muscles and exhausted to the point of no relief! Simply put...I stayed up way too late on Tuesday night...you guessed it!...working!  I was determined to get my work done even if it took all night, which it did, because the computer system and the programs are so relentlessly slow and forever timing out. What should take a few minutes ends up taking an hour. But no wanting to succumb to irritability that would ruin my otherwise productive day, I focused on doing what I could do rather than what I could not. A daunting effort under such horrendous of circumstances. Nonetheless I survived, overcame, and pressed onward!

Consequently, Wednesday was not as productive as I had hoped, but then I try not to load myself down with activities on a day intended for my mental release and relaxation. I am finding that my trampoline is a mix of wellness and discomfort, as I learned not to jump when my legs were already so tired, when I had already reached my level of endurance. Hence I took a nice, long, relaxing soak in the tub to quiet the further spread of exhaustion through my blood stream. Then I took another nap.
Hint: Never answer the phone when you are tuckered out, as the caller may find it insulting should you fall asleep mid-conversation. Not a cool thing to do to one's daughter! Sorry, honey!

I braved my day, salvaging some quality moments once I was better rested, and I gleaned some nuggets of truth in the process. "You cannot give to others what you do not possess." God calls us to rest from our weariness and trust in Him.

 

Day 197 Back to the fight!

Enjoying a good night's rest enabled me to face my extremely busy Thursday with confidence and peace. I awakened with renewed strength, mind fixed on the day ahead. Beginning my day in prayer God reminded me of the scripture verse for the week: "The Lord delights in those who fear him; who put their hope in his unfailing love."

"Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes 

a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened."

Billy Graham

For every each new day there comes a fight, a battle that is not our own. People watch to see if professing believers in Christ become weak-kneed or stalwart when trouble hits the fan. They watch all the time no matter where we are or what we are doing, so remember we are under the microscope being dissected and evaluated. Under surveillance! So make your actions speak louder than words.

 "The life we have been given can't be bought or bargained for.

It is a gift. Every good and perfect gift comes from above...coming 

down from the Father of lights in whom there is no variation

or shifting shadow (James 1:17). If our day is indeed a gift from God, 

something of the Giver should be evident within the gift."

Ken Gire

 

Day 198 - End of day, end of week, oh what bliss awaits! 

Simply put - Friday was a good day, and I was able to share the love of Christ with people whom I enjoy spending time. Friends who know with God all things are possible. Those who have overcome great struggles by trusting in the Lord, sharing their faith, spreading love and good cheer. Victory certain! And in the process they hear my name mentioned in the community favorably, lovingly, and I am humbled once more. Thank You, Jesus that the light of Your love shines through me. 

Friday evening the system was shut down for "repairs" and "upgrade," so I was able to end the day comforted that I had given my all!

Day 199 - In His Presence

Saturday at last! I was talking to Abba this morning about how quickly times passes by. I'm always so anxious for Wednesdays and weekends, because I am always so tired. Days come and go, and it seems I accomplish less and less, because I am burned out. I'm praying for a change, and I am eagerly awaiting my upcoming vacation, praying the days will linger on, allowing me quality time with my sons and my Lord.

Today I felt inspired to turn on music as I waited on the Lord, and "Oceans" by Hillsong United provided the inspiration I so badly needed. Praise music always has such an affect on me. I shared
with my friend that I told God I hope I never get too old to weep before Him in praise and worship. Something happens to people when they age sometimes, and they lose the ability to be who they are. I never want to lose sensitivity, and I don't care who doesn't understand or what others may say, think or feel. I don't have anything to lose in my devotion to God, and I have everything to gain.

The words of this great song have such meaning to me and are so to my heart, "You called me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail..." But the real grip of His hand on my heart comes when I sing from the depth of my soul, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever You may lead me...." Anyone who is truly waiting on God, trusting for a move, cannot kneel in His presence and be untouched by such words.

 

All I want for my life is what He wants, and the reality of the fact that I am going to be 65 years old in a couple of weeks does not dull this desire. I feel more alive in Christ than I have ever felt in my life, and I am ready to go where He says and do as He directs without hesitation, even it it continues to be a difficult walk. Nothing else satisfies like Jesus. I'm so glad He brings me back to the Sermon n the Mount, and I am so grateful for His continued love, mercy, and outpouring of grace on my life. I am so unworthy, but He loves me still.

I watched a movie this evening called "Second Chance" about a church in the projects of the inner city, and it reminds me of the need for Spirit-filled believers to reach out to help where help is needed most. Not fire and brimstone style condemnation, but tangible proof of the love of the Christ we serve. A people who are so called with love and compassion to be the "nuts and bolts of Christianity" for others. Ragamuffins one and all serving others uncompromisingly in their faith, trust, and love for God and all mankind. We understand what it means to be a sinner saved by grace, and we count it a privilege to encourage another struggling ragamuffin to grow in this grace and love.

My heart is full of joy this evening as I close out my day, and I can't think of a better way to end this day than by sharing my hope with anyone who happens to read my blog. I cranked up the DVD player so I can revel in the truth "God's Not Dead!" There's no better way to wind up my day in preparation for tomorrow and the week to come! As "Second Chance" ends the familiar cords of a childhood favorite rings..."On Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand. All other ground is sinking sand."

Day 193 - Still Waiting

 

"Happiness turns up more or less where you'd expect

it to be - a good marriage, a rewarding job, a pleasant

vacation. Joy, on the other hand, is as notoriously

unpredictable as the One who bequeaths it."

Frederick Buechner

Sunday rolled in and rolled out in a blink of an eye. I've been so tired this weekend, not really accomplishing much, but in a strange way I have found rest for my soul. I still have so many questions that need answers, but for tonight I can rest my head, content to wait for what comes next.  I have to believe that God is holding my "future and hope" in the palm of His hand, so I need to relax and wait, confident that He, who is not a man, will do what He says He will do. He hasn't failed me yet, and I know He never will.

Tomorrow I get my windshield repaired, as it has spread quite a bit over the weekend. No me importa, as I know there's a reason for everything. Perhaps God wanted to remind me who is in charge of my life, that is, if I want Him to be! The answer to that is a wholehearted AMEN!

It is amazing how a tiny, tiny speck of a rock can cause so much damage, and yet, that is the way it is with all things. It doesn't take much to turn things upside down or to right themselves again if we just have faith. I'm counting on that little piece of wisdom, as I need to figure out the response God wants me to have regarding some open-ended questions.

For now I want to get back to the simple life I have been living, although it is less than simple at times. At least the vision is simple, clear, and in the works. Obedience is better than sacrifice, and I just need to keep my eyes on the One who holds my future, ya know, the plan with a future and a hope! It's all about focus.

My prayer for today is simply this, "To God be the glory!"  Thank You, Lord, for bringing me back to a place of good memories today, and for allowing me to take another step of faith. May Your word continually light my path!

"Bless every humble soul who, in these days

of stress and strain, preaches sermons

without words."

Peter Marshall 

 

Day 187 - Day 192 Catching Up, Trusting God

 

It's been an inordinately busy week as well as a confusing one for me. During this time of the year I am always busier, that's just the way it goes. There's no way to adequately prepare for it, simply because this is the nature of the beast, as I call it, the way the game is played.

After working until midnight and still not being caught up, I ended up going to bed just before three o'clock. Now that I recall it I didn't exercise for the first time this week prior to going to bed. I kind of "fell" into bed exhausted. When I think I have come to the proverbial fork in the road I still tend to take the road that is laden with regret, leading only to sorrow and risking my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. In short - death! And yet, God sustains me. Who am I that He would consider me so?! (Psalm 8:4)

Monday, July 6 began with a funeral - a dear friend blazing a path to glory after great physical battles. It was a wonderful tribute for his journey home and a salute to a life well-lived, yet I cannot imagine how one goes on after such a huge loss of an exemplary man who I find I did not know as well as I thought. Life is so fleeting, and I need to take more time to sit and listen to stories of those I meet on this journey of life. Still the priest honestly spoke the truth about our lives...he said  that our friend  never belonged to us, he belonged to God. He also reminded us of the true purpose of our lives...to spread the Good News of Jesus Christ, His love and His grace. All memorial services should speak of life eternal, "in Him we live and move and have our being!" (Acts 17:28)

It was a bittersweet day that ended in torrents of rain...and so the season begins!

The monsoon season is here, and we are enjoying much-needed rain, although we have had plentiful rains this year after such a long, dry spell. The rivers are extremely high and muddy, arroyos are flooding over, spilling mud onto the roadways causing road crews indeterminate amounts of time clearing the way. Rocks are loosening in the canyon, so the threat is once more active for accidents and loss of life. But I love Northern New Mexico in spite of the dangers and inconveniences.

July began my walk through Proverbs written by King Solomon gifted by God with incredible wisdom to rule his people justly. The orator of the Our Daily Walk Bible aptly states,

"A good learner is one whose ears get more use

than his or her mouth."

Listening is a lost art, or rather, opening one's mouth at the wrong time, is a disrespectful and often harmful habit. For myself when I speak it is not so much to be "heard" as to be understood, to share the depth of my passion, the intensity of my soul, the deep longing or hurts. Unfortunately, because I have had so many blows to my head, during these times of attempting to pour out my heart, if I am interrupted I lose my train of thought, and I am once more wounded becoming "shut off" from my supposed listener and my need for understanding and acceptance. This is why I often withdraw to my only source of safety - Abba.

 

Regardless of heaviness of heart with which I began my week, Monday was a full day of visiting some pretty amazing, loving, welcoming, and accepting people. In this area of New Mexico I am considered the minority, yet I have always been accepted for who I am rather than the color of my skin or judged by the southern twang in my voice. Love transcends all man-made boundaries and labels - cliches and stigmas. We are not specimens to be classified, "only people like you with feelings like me amazed at the grace we can find in Heaven's eyes." 

"A wise person will desire no more than he or she may get

justly, use soberly, distribute cheerfully, and leave contentedly." 

 Our Daily Walk Bible

 

My second day was one of small accomplishments, but it became another all-nighter for me as I tried unsuccessfully to complete the work of two days and several visits. Still it was a pleasant day beginning with a smile and ending exhausted but satisfied. It was a day of reflection and encouraging others instead of a day griping and complaining which only brings the spirit low and accomplishes  nothing save emptiness, shallow faith, and ungodly counsel.

"I expect to pass through this life but once. If, therefore, there

be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to 

any fellow being, let me do it now, and not deter or 

neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again."

William Penn

Wednesday was my day off, but once more, beginning at the rise of the sun, my phone jingled and jangled to attention. At first I ignored the sound as first one phone, then the second, then the third rang over and over throughout the morning until I had to turn them off just so I could have peace as I readied myself for the new day. Finally, I relented and picked up the phone, dialed the message center to retrieve the message from my persistent caller. This one call changed the course of the rest of my week!  The lesson learned - do not pick up the phone on a day off unless you do not want to work. Consequently, I was late getting to Santa Fe not accomplishing any of the tasks I had energetically and enthusiastically set for myself. In fact I did very little except eat lunch with a friend, get my oil changed, and picked up some gluten free bread, my staple food. Cannot go a day without my toast even if I manage to burn it! Nonetheless there is an old cliche that fits my day perfectly,

 

"Knowing that forewarned is forearmed." 

Abraham Tucker

Freewill, Foreknowledge and Fate

 

And so Thursday dawned, and the schedule already set had to be rearranged in order to meet the forewarned need. Prayers went up to heaven on my behalf for the wisdom to bring peace in a downhill battle spiraling out of control. God is faithful, as you already know, and the encounter ended on a positive turn. Nonetheless satan hates victories, especially when his prize men or women are being turned towards life rather than death, so he sent me a little message in the way of a tiny rock, forcefully hurled by a speeding vehicle into my windshield. It embedded deeply into the windshield and slowly a crack splintered across. I imagine this was meant to upset and ultimately defeat me, but I simply laughed. I felt peaceful, as in all my daily travels over these long years of long miles, this is the first windshield I have had to replace in several years. I feel blessed, because I am. I am also protected each day as I travel far distances, over uncertain terrain, walking into strangers' homes, in very rural areas in Northern New Mexico. A map does not adequately portray the isolation and potential hazards I face daily. So I know firsthand the faithfulness of my Abba Father, and I say once again, "Thank You, Father, for keeping me safe and guiding my hands, my feet, and my voice."

 

 

"By love is God enjoyed; by love alone delighted in,

by love alone approached and admired.

His nature requires love."

Thomas Traherne

After a bit of aggravation as I considered my situation...needing to repair my windshield, yet having an overly extended calendar, I relaxed again and made the decision that I would do what needed to be done and everything else could wait.  Consequently, Friday morning I scheduled my glass repair for Monday and began the process of rearranging my day. The upswing, of sorts, is that I will be able to work while I am waiting for the repairs to be completed, plus I will have made my hectic life less so  while salvaging lost time. God has a way of "cooling our heels," does He not?!

 

 

Proverbs ends with the characteristics of a "virtuous woman" in Chapter 31, written by King Lemuel. A cross stitch of this Proverbs can be found hanging on the wall of my daughter's home where I left it when I escaped my life in Las Vegas in hope of finding sanity and peace yet finding more sorrow, regret, and despair. I always hoped to aspire to this wonderful description of true womanhood, which is quite the contrary of the descriptions found throughout the book of Proverbs, interestingly enough penned by the hand of King Solomon who had 700 wives and 300 concubines, who labeled women quite the opposite of virtuous in preceding chapters. After years of soul searching I realize many things about myself, not all bad, as I consider what my elder son had shared about my strengths and weaknesses. It is quite flattering to me that he had given so much thought to my character at all, and to have written his thoughts so quickly with the final thought after three type-written pages was that he was certain there was much more to say.  I was instantly and irrevocably humbled by my son's obvious love for me and hope for my well-being.

 "Sure you can have a second chance. Just ask Peter. One minute

he felt lower than a snake's belly and the next minute he was the high

hog at the trough. Even the angels wanted this distraught netcaster

to know that it wasn't over. The message came loud and clear from

the celestial Throne Room through the divine courier. 

'Be sure and tell Peter that he gets to bat again.'"

Max Lucado

No Wonder They Call Him The Savior

"Don't be alarmed," he said.... "He has risen.... Go tell

his disciples and Peter."

Mark 16:6,7

   "A repentant heart is all He demands. Come out of the

shadows! Be done with your hiding! A repentant heart is

enough to summon the Son of God himself to walk

through our walls of guilt and shame. He who forgave

Peter stands ready to forgive the rest of us. All we have

to do is come back. No wonder they call Him the Savior."

Max Lucado

No Wonder They Call Him The Savior

When the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews,

Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!"

John 20:19

This brings me to Saturday, today, Day 192 of my adventures in loving Jesus and thanking Him for each day, whether my experiences are good or bad, because a "day" can be neither. It simply "is" or "exists" in the great cosmos, and we "experience" the virtues or dilemmas therein. Hmmm...that statement may just become "quote-worthy!"

I began this new day with God singing to me, as you know is His habit. The resounding ring in my ears this day comes from a song I've mentioned before by MercyMe:

Flawless

by

MercyMe

There's got to be more
Than going back and forth
From doing right to doing wrong
‘Cause we were taught that's who we are
Come on get in line right behind me
You along with everybody
Thinking there's worth in what you do

Then like a hero who takes the stage when
We're on the edge of our seats saying it's too late
Well let me introduce you to amazing grace

No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
No matter the hurt
Or how deep the wound is
No matter the pain
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless

Could it possibly be
That we simply can't believe
That this unconditional
Kind of love would be enough
To take a filthy wretch like this
And wrap him up in righteousness
But that's exactly what He did

Take a breath smile and say
Right here right now I'm ok because
The cross was enough

Then like a hero who takes the stage when
We're on the edge of our seats saying it's too late
Well let me introduce you to grace grace
God's grace

No matter what they say
Or what you think you are
The day you called His name
He made you flawless

And if that wasn't enough, as the morning progressed, as I was reading the word, and as I was thinking about the end of Proverbs and beginning of Ecclesiastes, God once more reminded me of who I am in Christ and that He sees my heart and desire within. He never fails to lift my spirit and calm my fears, my self-doubts with incredible messages of hope:

Touch the Sky

by 

Hillsong United

What fortune lies beyond the stars
Those dazzling heights too vast to climb
I got so high to fall so far
But I found heaven as love swept low

My heart beating
My soul breathing
I found my life
When I laid it down
Upward falling
Spirit soaring
I touch the sky
When my knees hit the ground

What treasure waits within Your scars
The gift of freedom gold can't buy
I bought the world and sold my heart
You traded heaven to have me again

My heart beating
My soul breathing
I found my life
When I laid it down
Upward falling
Spirit soaring
I touch the sky
When my knees hit the ground

Find me here at your feet again
Everything I am
Reaching out
I surrender come sweep me up in
Your love again and my soul will dance on the
Wings of Forever

Find me here at your feet again
Everything I am
Reaching out
I surrender come sweep me up in
Your love again and my soul will dance on the
Wings of Forever

My heart beating
My soul breathing
I found my life
When I laid it down
Upward falling
Spirit soaring
I touch the sky
When my knees hit the ground

My heart beating
My soul breathing
I found my life
When I laid it down
Upward falling
Spirit soaring
I touch the sky
When my knees hit the ground

Find me here at your feet again
Everything I am
Reaching out
I surrender come sweep me up in
Your love again and my soul will dance on the
Wings of Forever

Upward falling
Spirit soaring
I touch the sky
When my knees hit the ground

This song is about surrender to His will, and this is my heartthrob, my sole desire. My life really is very simple, and over the course of the many years, through fair weather and foul, my love of God and my desire to serve Him has not changed. I remain relentless in my hunger and thirst for a life of service to my Savior. I don't know what my future holds, and I have no great wish to travel the world for the sake of storing up grandiose adventures of high dollar games. My simple faith leads me to seek only the path He has destined for my life and to see the vision He has entrusted to me come to fruition in His time and by His means. He doesn't require my assistance, only my obedience, and I fully offer myself to Him. I pray He continues to humble me, bringing me to my knees as the lyrics go..."Upward falling, spirit soaring, I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground." My prayer can be your prayer, and it is simply this, "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth, as it is in Heaven."

Day 186b - Singin' and Dancin'

 

Being the sap that I am today I have comforted myself by re-watching an old time favorite movie. Yes, Ragamuffin, of course, for the umpteenth time, but Anna and the King is another I find irresistible on days when I am reminiscing about my vision and my hope. No doubt God understands, and He must enjoy these respectable movies as well. I wonder what His all time favorite movie would be? I guess that's another question I have for Him when I see Him face to face.

 

I just awakened from a short afternoon nap. I almost turned over and went back to sleep, but I feared I may not rest as well if I did not complete my tasks. Simple things like pay an insurance bill, write some sympathy cards, and make my airline reservation. I am always putting things off until tomorrow, something I just cannot stop myself from doing. At least they are not earth shattering tasks, or we'd all suffer for my procrastination. 

Okay, one thing down...airline flight ticketing in process! Leaving New Mexico on 8/5/15 and returning after I have aged to my 65th year! In layman's terms, returning to New Mexico 8/15/15 unless I decide to do something out of the ordinary, but then, I always do things out of the ordinary! So we shall see!

I have two more tasks to complete before calling it a night so I best get at it. I decided that while I am finishing up for the night I'd pop in a favorite CD, The Sound of Music with Julie Andrews.  I love singing along, and hopefully, Kenya won't start her usual howl along with the music. I haven't seen much of her and her two sidekicks whom I have lovingly named Brownie and Ruffy, but I'm sure they'll bring me some offerings in the morning, such as an old shoe or torn up paper trash. Ugh. Cleaning up after puppies brings back memories!

My movie is starting, so good night, dear ones.

Day 186 - The Gifts & Callings

I will rejoice in doing good to 

them, and I will plant them in

this land in faithfulness, with all.

My heart and all My soul.

Jeremiah 32:41

Today I wrote the Preface of the collaborative work between God and myself. It's basically His idea, but for some reason He has enlisted me to write it all down and share it with the world. Pretty huge undertaking, but He has faith in me as His child. 

As I was sitting in Abba's lap one day, feeling particularly vulnerable, He began to share with me His ideas of how the book should begin. "What book?" I asked. "The one I've chosen to begin it all...about the farm."  I scratched my head and twisted my mouth saying, "You mean 'island,' don't You, Lord?" "No," He responded. "That's the movie. We're going to buy the farm!"

"An infinite God can give all of

Himself to each of His children. He

does not distribute Himself that each may

have a part, but to each He gives all of

Himself as fully as if there were no others."

A. W. Tozer

It always bring a smile to my face and a lift to my spirit when God begins to share His plans for me with me. I should never doubt He'll guide my way, especially if He's the One doing the dreaming and vision casting. I have an unbelievable imagination, but nothing compares to His! I agree with Rich Mullins when he said, "God's a wild man!" Hence, the song from Rich that rocked the contemporary Christian world, Awesome God.

This morning was a day God also gave me some pretty great songs, but unfortunately I don't think of writing things down, as it breaks the spontaneity of the blessing. Some things are not meant to be written down and shared with others. They are meant only to be shared between Abba and me. If He has a mind to want things differently, I know He'll let me know, as He always does. Wild, indeed!

He's also so trusting of me. Imagine it, God trusts us too! He entrusts us with gifts and talents, dreams and visions, fully knowing whether we'll accept them in gratitude or squander them. He always wants the best for His children, and He knows how to give the best gifts. So be sure to thank Him! Scriptures says, "...for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable." (Romans 11:29)

"I dare say that all of us have witnessed our sandcastle promises

swept away by the pounding waves of panic and insecurity.

I imagine that all of us have seen our words of promise and 

obedience ripped into ribbons by the chainsaw of fear and fright.

And I haven't met a person yet who hasn't done the very thing

he swore he would never do."

No Wonder They Call Him The Savior

 

Day 185 - Let Freedom Ring

 

"He's one of the underground's slyest agents - the agent of

familiarity. His commission from the black throne room is clear

and fatal: 'Take nothing from your victim; cause him only to take

everything for granted.' ...Hence, books will go unread, games

 will go unplayed, hearts will go unnurtured, and opportunities 

will go ignored. All because the poison of the ordinary has 

deadened your senses to the magic of the moment."

God Came Near

Max Lucado

Today is the 4th of July, a day to remember the birth of our nation and liberty for all. It should also be a time to think about the price that has been paid for said freedom, yet many merely recognize it as a day for picnics and fireworks, cookouts and bonfires, never giving a thought to the song "bombs bursting in air." It's become a cliche almost.

I'm from the baby boomer generation, Vietnam, a war where Americans did not thank returning soldiers for their service to America. Countless wars have been fought on foreign soil and continue to this day for freedom, and it will continue until the end of time. Today I watched Rambo, the last installment, where he returns to a Burmese jungle to save the lives of missionaries who had tried to help the people of Burma who were being brutally and savagely annihilated by their own people. This is a horrific thought to me, and yet history repeats itself.

The Civil War was a battle fought brother against brother, a battle that never would have been waged had man been respectful of all people. Why can't we just get along?! I will never understand how satan has twisted the hearts and minds of people who claim to have Jesus as their Savior. Each day we send men and women off to war against the evil raging across the world, a war that has trespassed against this nation, a "holy" war. All the while we continue to wage our own "holy wars" against brothers and sisters who look to the church for answers, acceptance love, but who are turned away judged and rejected. No unconditional love given here!

Love is the only true weapon against the evil wickedness in high places. Jesus gave His life for us so we could have eternal life, because God loves us that much.  It staggers my imagination. I am humbled and so thankful for this gift of life and love. Rather than fight each other with protects and rallies, consider bending a knee and laying it all at the feet of the Only One who can make the difference in our lives. Start being His hands and feet...love covers a multitude of sins. None of us are immune to that sickness. We each sin daily. Let's give each other a chance, shall we? 

Hum on this old favorite song...or better yet...walk it out:

"Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water
Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the sea
Take a look at yourself and you can look at others differently
By puttin' your hand in the hand of the man from-a Gallilee." 

 

 

Day 184 - Freedom

"Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do

today, because if you enjoy it today, you 

can do it again tomorrow."
James Michener

Life is a mixed bag of delays, delights, and disharmony. Today was the recognized holiday in observance of the Fourth of July for working class folks. It was difficult for me not having my usual Wednesday off, so today was a bit confusing to me as well, as I am not generally one who adapts to change readily. I'm also trying to figure out when I am going to take my vacation, and I keep pushing it further into the distance. This always happens when I plan to go to Virginia. I get "stuck" when it comes to actually getting the flight booked. 

I can't truly understand my hesitation or why it tends to be a repeated episode in my life. Once all is said and done, and I've clicked the button and paid the fees, I'm relieved. This year the resistance seems to have a greater hold on my capability to move past it. I've gone to flights, selected the one I want, gone through the steps only to cancel. Go figure.

I seem to put many things off, especially making decisions, concerned they may prove too life-changing and not in a good way. I'm all for advancing the cause, but I have some concerns for the future. A friend gave me a little card that read:

Thinking of you

 If looking back brings you sadness and

looking ahead gives you uncertainty,

then look to the side...

I will be there for you.

Quite fitting for my particular state of mind these days. Whereas some may feel it is a result of my upcoming 65th birthday or perhaps the extraordinary amount of stress I endure in my day-to-day career, I feel it is much more than either. It has to do with past events in my life that changed my thinking on going back to the place of birth, although I would love to be closer to my family and wonderful friends. It's a bittersweet blended with mixed feelings sort of thing. Moving on is something I've not completely been able to do, but I'm working on it.

Besides that things are changing rapidly here, and I feel a breakthrough is coming in my personal life. I may be returning to my beloved village of Chimayo or on to another adventure. I have a new direction for my book, a complete change of focus, but it will be worth the effort. So I need to buckle down, bite the bullet, and plow on!

Today was a restful day, and I was able to do a task or two, so I am one step ahead on tomorrow's goals. Although it's the 4th I plan to stay close to home, visit with my children on the phone, and do some writing. I may even clean the windows and vacuum my car. You could grow potatoes in the floor board, a result of driving on dirt roads with the windows down! Ah, but I love the wind in my hair, the breeze in my face, and the grit in my teeth! 

Hopefully the day will prove to be safe, happy, and enjoyed in the spirit of gratitude for our country, one nation under God! Freedom never to be taken for granted - shared by all!

Day 183 - Renovation

"If you can learn to laugh in spite of

the circumstances that surround you, you

will enrich others, enrich yourself,

and more than that, you will last!"

Barbara Johnson

Wise words from a lady who wrote Where Does a Mother Go To Resign, who now resides in heaven where all of heaven rejoices. She passed away in 2007, but I didn't realize it until today. After seeing this quotation I check to see what she'd been up to since her earlier ministry, Spatula Ministry, and discovered the sad news.

She established this ministry to help family who were hurting. She had gone through so much sorrow herself with losing her husband, the death of two of her sons - one in Vietnam and the other to a drunk driver, and she had been separated from her third son because of his lifestyle choices. Rather than love him unconditionally, she judged him, further distancing him from the Lord.  The good news is that before her death he returned, and he is still part of the ministry. 

I love a happy ending. I praise God for His mercy and grace in our lives. We don't have to understand why things happen or why He didn't answer our prayers the way we expected, all we are to do is to trust Him. Trust that He knows best. Since He's omniscient I'd say that's the right choice! After all He's the one who started it all...beginning with Creation til now.

Day 182 - A Humble Man

Wednesday morning, July 1, 2015, as I was busily going about the craziness of my morning, a day I routinely have off instead was working, I received some news that has brought such sorrow to my heart. I learned that a dear man whom I've had the privilege of knowing for quite a few years died in an automobile accident.

In the wildly inappropriate world in which we live where disrespect and indiscretion rule the day, as opposed to rue the day, there are a few people who seem to make the world a better place in which to live. My friend was such a man.

Over the years I have had the special privilege of knowing Ray, his sweet wife, and family my life has been enriched. His daughter, Cindy is a rare and special jewel in God's eye, and her eyes twinkled with the love of her daddy. Although her heart is broken, her grief inconsolable, she will always treasure the special memories, unique to her relationship alone, shared with her daddy.

I knew a quiet man who had shouldered many sorrows in his lifetime, yet he had faced his challenges with courage and integrity. He lived a simple life, surrounded by children who made meeting his needs in illness their prime goal. Whenever I visited my friend he was always pleasant, though often in such pain of heart and body, but his warmth and hospitality reached to the depth of my soul. His children, always respectful, grandchildren always so energetic and happy, brought tears of joy to my eyes, as I remembered days so spent with my children when they were young. My heart always ached wanting to share the same kinship with my family who are now so spread apart and disconnected, so different from my childhood and the one I beheld here with this family.

I want to say to Ray "Thank you for gracing my life with your presence, your friendship, and the love of your family. Although I will miss you, my friend, I will always cherish the memories of time chatting with you on the porch of your home, surrounded by your loved ones, rejoicing in your joys and hopefully standing with you in your times of trouble. I pray that I brought of bit of sunshine into your life in repayment of the blessings you and your family brought to mine. May you rest safely in the arms of your Savior until we meet again."