Day 184 - Freedom

"Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do

today, because if you enjoy it today, you 

can do it again tomorrow."
James Michener

Life is a mixed bag of delays, delights, and disharmony. Today was the recognized holiday in observance of the Fourth of July for working class folks. It was difficult for me not having my usual Wednesday off, so today was a bit confusing to me as well, as I am not generally one who adapts to change readily. I'm also trying to figure out when I am going to take my vacation, and I keep pushing it further into the distance. This always happens when I plan to go to Virginia. I get "stuck" when it comes to actually getting the flight booked. 

I can't truly understand my hesitation or why it tends to be a repeated episode in my life. Once all is said and done, and I've clicked the button and paid the fees, I'm relieved. This year the resistance seems to have a greater hold on my capability to move past it. I've gone to flights, selected the one I want, gone through the steps only to cancel. Go figure.

I seem to put many things off, especially making decisions, concerned they may prove too life-changing and not in a good way. I'm all for advancing the cause, but I have some concerns for the future. A friend gave me a little card that read:

Thinking of you

 If looking back brings you sadness and

looking ahead gives you uncertainty,

then look to the side...

I will be there for you.

Quite fitting for my particular state of mind these days. Whereas some may feel it is a result of my upcoming 65th birthday or perhaps the extraordinary amount of stress I endure in my day-to-day career, I feel it is much more than either. It has to do with past events in my life that changed my thinking on going back to the place of birth, although I would love to be closer to my family and wonderful friends. It's a bittersweet blended with mixed feelings sort of thing. Moving on is something I've not completely been able to do, but I'm working on it.

Besides that things are changing rapidly here, and I feel a breakthrough is coming in my personal life. I may be returning to my beloved village of Chimayo or on to another adventure. I have a new direction for my book, a complete change of focus, but it will be worth the effort. So I need to buckle down, bite the bullet, and plow on!

Today was a restful day, and I was able to do a task or two, so I am one step ahead on tomorrow's goals. Although it's the 4th I plan to stay close to home, visit with my children on the phone, and do some writing. I may even clean the windows and vacuum my car. You could grow potatoes in the floor board, a result of driving on dirt roads with the windows down! Ah, but I love the wind in my hair, the breeze in my face, and the grit in my teeth! 

Hopefully the day will prove to be safe, happy, and enjoyed in the spirit of gratitude for our country, one nation under God! Freedom never to be taken for granted - shared by all!