Day 187 - Day 192 Catching Up, Trusting God

 

It's been an inordinately busy week as well as a confusing one for me. During this time of the year I am always busier, that's just the way it goes. There's no way to adequately prepare for it, simply because this is the nature of the beast, as I call it, the way the game is played.

After working until midnight and still not being caught up, I ended up going to bed just before three o'clock. Now that I recall it I didn't exercise for the first time this week prior to going to bed. I kind of "fell" into bed exhausted. When I think I have come to the proverbial fork in the road I still tend to take the road that is laden with regret, leading only to sorrow and risking my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. In short - death! And yet, God sustains me. Who am I that He would consider me so?! (Psalm 8:4)

Monday, July 6 began with a funeral - a dear friend blazing a path to glory after great physical battles. It was a wonderful tribute for his journey home and a salute to a life well-lived, yet I cannot imagine how one goes on after such a huge loss of an exemplary man who I find I did not know as well as I thought. Life is so fleeting, and I need to take more time to sit and listen to stories of those I meet on this journey of life. Still the priest honestly spoke the truth about our lives...he said  that our friend  never belonged to us, he belonged to God. He also reminded us of the true purpose of our lives...to spread the Good News of Jesus Christ, His love and His grace. All memorial services should speak of life eternal, "in Him we live and move and have our being!" (Acts 17:28)

It was a bittersweet day that ended in torrents of rain...and so the season begins!

The monsoon season is here, and we are enjoying much-needed rain, although we have had plentiful rains this year after such a long, dry spell. The rivers are extremely high and muddy, arroyos are flooding over, spilling mud onto the roadways causing road crews indeterminate amounts of time clearing the way. Rocks are loosening in the canyon, so the threat is once more active for accidents and loss of life. But I love Northern New Mexico in spite of the dangers and inconveniences.

July began my walk through Proverbs written by King Solomon gifted by God with incredible wisdom to rule his people justly. The orator of the Our Daily Walk Bible aptly states,

"A good learner is one whose ears get more use

than his or her mouth."

Listening is a lost art, or rather, opening one's mouth at the wrong time, is a disrespectful and often harmful habit. For myself when I speak it is not so much to be "heard" as to be understood, to share the depth of my passion, the intensity of my soul, the deep longing or hurts. Unfortunately, because I have had so many blows to my head, during these times of attempting to pour out my heart, if I am interrupted I lose my train of thought, and I am once more wounded becoming "shut off" from my supposed listener and my need for understanding and acceptance. This is why I often withdraw to my only source of safety - Abba.

 

Regardless of heaviness of heart with which I began my week, Monday was a full day of visiting some pretty amazing, loving, welcoming, and accepting people. In this area of New Mexico I am considered the minority, yet I have always been accepted for who I am rather than the color of my skin or judged by the southern twang in my voice. Love transcends all man-made boundaries and labels - cliches and stigmas. We are not specimens to be classified, "only people like you with feelings like me amazed at the grace we can find in Heaven's eyes." 

"A wise person will desire no more than he or she may get

justly, use soberly, distribute cheerfully, and leave contentedly." 

 Our Daily Walk Bible

 

My second day was one of small accomplishments, but it became another all-nighter for me as I tried unsuccessfully to complete the work of two days and several visits. Still it was a pleasant day beginning with a smile and ending exhausted but satisfied. It was a day of reflection and encouraging others instead of a day griping and complaining which only brings the spirit low and accomplishes  nothing save emptiness, shallow faith, and ungodly counsel.

"I expect to pass through this life but once. If, therefore, there

be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to 

any fellow being, let me do it now, and not deter or 

neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again."

William Penn

Wednesday was my day off, but once more, beginning at the rise of the sun, my phone jingled and jangled to attention. At first I ignored the sound as first one phone, then the second, then the third rang over and over throughout the morning until I had to turn them off just so I could have peace as I readied myself for the new day. Finally, I relented and picked up the phone, dialed the message center to retrieve the message from my persistent caller. This one call changed the course of the rest of my week!  The lesson learned - do not pick up the phone on a day off unless you do not want to work. Consequently, I was late getting to Santa Fe not accomplishing any of the tasks I had energetically and enthusiastically set for myself. In fact I did very little except eat lunch with a friend, get my oil changed, and picked up some gluten free bread, my staple food. Cannot go a day without my toast even if I manage to burn it! Nonetheless there is an old cliche that fits my day perfectly,

 

"Knowing that forewarned is forearmed." 

Abraham Tucker

Freewill, Foreknowledge and Fate

 

And so Thursday dawned, and the schedule already set had to be rearranged in order to meet the forewarned need. Prayers went up to heaven on my behalf for the wisdom to bring peace in a downhill battle spiraling out of control. God is faithful, as you already know, and the encounter ended on a positive turn. Nonetheless satan hates victories, especially when his prize men or women are being turned towards life rather than death, so he sent me a little message in the way of a tiny rock, forcefully hurled by a speeding vehicle into my windshield. It embedded deeply into the windshield and slowly a crack splintered across. I imagine this was meant to upset and ultimately defeat me, but I simply laughed. I felt peaceful, as in all my daily travels over these long years of long miles, this is the first windshield I have had to replace in several years. I feel blessed, because I am. I am also protected each day as I travel far distances, over uncertain terrain, walking into strangers' homes, in very rural areas in Northern New Mexico. A map does not adequately portray the isolation and potential hazards I face daily. So I know firsthand the faithfulness of my Abba Father, and I say once again, "Thank You, Father, for keeping me safe and guiding my hands, my feet, and my voice."

 

 

"By love is God enjoyed; by love alone delighted in,

by love alone approached and admired.

His nature requires love."

Thomas Traherne

After a bit of aggravation as I considered my situation...needing to repair my windshield, yet having an overly extended calendar, I relaxed again and made the decision that I would do what needed to be done and everything else could wait.  Consequently, Friday morning I scheduled my glass repair for Monday and began the process of rearranging my day. The upswing, of sorts, is that I will be able to work while I am waiting for the repairs to be completed, plus I will have made my hectic life less so  while salvaging lost time. God has a way of "cooling our heels," does He not?!

 

 

Proverbs ends with the characteristics of a "virtuous woman" in Chapter 31, written by King Lemuel. A cross stitch of this Proverbs can be found hanging on the wall of my daughter's home where I left it when I escaped my life in Las Vegas in hope of finding sanity and peace yet finding more sorrow, regret, and despair. I always hoped to aspire to this wonderful description of true womanhood, which is quite the contrary of the descriptions found throughout the book of Proverbs, interestingly enough penned by the hand of King Solomon who had 700 wives and 300 concubines, who labeled women quite the opposite of virtuous in preceding chapters. After years of soul searching I realize many things about myself, not all bad, as I consider what my elder son had shared about my strengths and weaknesses. It is quite flattering to me that he had given so much thought to my character at all, and to have written his thoughts so quickly with the final thought after three type-written pages was that he was certain there was much more to say.  I was instantly and irrevocably humbled by my son's obvious love for me and hope for my well-being.

 "Sure you can have a second chance. Just ask Peter. One minute

he felt lower than a snake's belly and the next minute he was the high

hog at the trough. Even the angels wanted this distraught netcaster

to know that it wasn't over. The message came loud and clear from

the celestial Throne Room through the divine courier. 

'Be sure and tell Peter that he gets to bat again.'"

Max Lucado

No Wonder They Call Him The Savior

"Don't be alarmed," he said.... "He has risen.... Go tell

his disciples and Peter."

Mark 16:6,7

   "A repentant heart is all He demands. Come out of the

shadows! Be done with your hiding! A repentant heart is

enough to summon the Son of God himself to walk

through our walls of guilt and shame. He who forgave

Peter stands ready to forgive the rest of us. All we have

to do is come back. No wonder they call Him the Savior."

Max Lucado

No Wonder They Call Him The Savior

When the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews,

Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!"

John 20:19

This brings me to Saturday, today, Day 192 of my adventures in loving Jesus and thanking Him for each day, whether my experiences are good or bad, because a "day" can be neither. It simply "is" or "exists" in the great cosmos, and we "experience" the virtues or dilemmas therein. Hmmm...that statement may just become "quote-worthy!"

I began this new day with God singing to me, as you know is His habit. The resounding ring in my ears this day comes from a song I've mentioned before by MercyMe:

Flawless

by

MercyMe

There's got to be more
Than going back and forth
From doing right to doing wrong
‘Cause we were taught that's who we are
Come on get in line right behind me
You along with everybody
Thinking there's worth in what you do

Then like a hero who takes the stage when
We're on the edge of our seats saying it's too late
Well let me introduce you to amazing grace

No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
No matter the hurt
Or how deep the wound is
No matter the pain
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless

Could it possibly be
That we simply can't believe
That this unconditional
Kind of love would be enough
To take a filthy wretch like this
And wrap him up in righteousness
But that's exactly what He did

Take a breath smile and say
Right here right now I'm ok because
The cross was enough

Then like a hero who takes the stage when
We're on the edge of our seats saying it's too late
Well let me introduce you to grace grace
God's grace

No matter what they say
Or what you think you are
The day you called His name
He made you flawless

And if that wasn't enough, as the morning progressed, as I was reading the word, and as I was thinking about the end of Proverbs and beginning of Ecclesiastes, God once more reminded me of who I am in Christ and that He sees my heart and desire within. He never fails to lift my spirit and calm my fears, my self-doubts with incredible messages of hope:

Touch the Sky

by 

Hillsong United

What fortune lies beyond the stars
Those dazzling heights too vast to climb
I got so high to fall so far
But I found heaven as love swept low

My heart beating
My soul breathing
I found my life
When I laid it down
Upward falling
Spirit soaring
I touch the sky
When my knees hit the ground

What treasure waits within Your scars
The gift of freedom gold can't buy
I bought the world and sold my heart
You traded heaven to have me again

My heart beating
My soul breathing
I found my life
When I laid it down
Upward falling
Spirit soaring
I touch the sky
When my knees hit the ground

Find me here at your feet again
Everything I am
Reaching out
I surrender come sweep me up in
Your love again and my soul will dance on the
Wings of Forever

Find me here at your feet again
Everything I am
Reaching out
I surrender come sweep me up in
Your love again and my soul will dance on the
Wings of Forever

My heart beating
My soul breathing
I found my life
When I laid it down
Upward falling
Spirit soaring
I touch the sky
When my knees hit the ground

My heart beating
My soul breathing
I found my life
When I laid it down
Upward falling
Spirit soaring
I touch the sky
When my knees hit the ground

Find me here at your feet again
Everything I am
Reaching out
I surrender come sweep me up in
Your love again and my soul will dance on the
Wings of Forever

Upward falling
Spirit soaring
I touch the sky
When my knees hit the ground

This song is about surrender to His will, and this is my heartthrob, my sole desire. My life really is very simple, and over the course of the many years, through fair weather and foul, my love of God and my desire to serve Him has not changed. I remain relentless in my hunger and thirst for a life of service to my Savior. I don't know what my future holds, and I have no great wish to travel the world for the sake of storing up grandiose adventures of high dollar games. My simple faith leads me to seek only the path He has destined for my life and to see the vision He has entrusted to me come to fruition in His time and by His means. He doesn't require my assistance, only my obedience, and I fully offer myself to Him. I pray He continues to humble me, bringing me to my knees as the lyrics go..."Upward falling, spirit soaring, I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground." My prayer can be your prayer, and it is simply this, "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth, as it is in Heaven."