Resting

"Never give up on your dreams." These are the words I faithfully spout to those who are weary and downtrodden either by lack of confidence or the doubts others have placed on them. How well I know the blow of defeat either of these places presents, but nonetheless I hold on to the promises of my Abba Father in faith even though I see no tangible evidence. The life of faith has never disappointed me.

I began my new year resolved to take certain steps towards gaining my freedom from my self-imposed prison sentence. I set out to take back what the enemy had stolen from me, my purpose very clear, my mind determined. Although March is here and I have accomplished very little due to the chains that hold me down, still I continue on in faith, setting daily goals, and it doesn't matter how few or how little my steps progress I remain fixed on the path ahead. It is written..."Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin...." (Zechariah 4:10) Baby steps can be the most exciting and rewarding of the steps of a journey.

This week brought distressing news from family, a challenging ophthalmologist's report, and the impending loss of my closest friend here in New Mexico as she plans to return home. Makes me wonder what the coming week will present in the way of change. Over the past months I have been detoxing from an overdose of prescribed medication for my thyroid condition, so I have been on an emotional roller coaster of symptoms. Fortunately one of the symptoms was forgetfulness so forgetting to take my medication probably spared my life. Yet, my focus remains distorted in some ways.as I continue on the path of healing.

I find myself wondering again where I belong. I really have no "home" to return, but even still I feel a tug on my heart strings. Yesterday while visiting a friend who has been struggling I encountered a talented artisan lovingly perfecting his craft. As we began to share I remembered the hard times with  little income, bills to pay, and a severely ill child. I shared with my friend how God provided a way to meet my financial obligations through my art, even to the point of bartering for payment of medical bills. The same was true of this man, and we marveled at the sufficiency we have in our Abba Father who loves and cares for our every need. He always makes a way...! And He uses the works of our hands.

I don't know what lies ahead on my journey of faith, but I do trust the promises of the Rock on whom I stand. I have been blessed with an amazing life regardless of my struggles, suffering, and countless new beginnings, and the best part of it is that my trust in God has not changed. He is all I know, and He is all I want to know. As I approach my 66th birthday in August I have some difficult decisions to make. But whatever I decide, I feel peace in my heart that I will make the right decision. I am not afraid, especially of being alone, although at times my heart aches for my losses. Still I know my Father will prove true to His promise for my family even if I never see it for myself. I can rest knowing that.

As I consider the words of Luke 2:19, "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." I remember all the words He's spoken to my heart over the years, and I treasure and hold them closely. I don't need tangible proof, as His words are good enough for me. And the times have come and will continue to threaten the validity of my feelings, but it makes no difference to me. I have been labeled all my life, so words or threats hold no fear to me. I remain resolute in my faith, and I will survive, as I always have, resting in His love.