Risk to Victory

Where to begin?

Today is my mid-week day off from my job. I chose this day so I would have a reprieve from the mental anguish of my chosen vocation or "insanity." Unfortunate that life becomes so demanding and overpowering that it leaves little time to "smell the roses."

 "Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the

grass under the trees on a summer's day,

listening to the murmur of water, or watching

the clouds float across the sky, is by

no means a waste of time."

John Lubbock

When I was a kid I would spend endless time laying on the grass gazing up into the clouds, dreaming or by a stream in the woods watching the trees bowing in the breeze. At the beginning of the new year I had purposed to myself that I would focus on developing my goals and setting steps to accomplishing my plans for my new adventure. Yet again, as in previous years, I was injured, and all my interventions were placed on hold. Now in the thick of the holding I am desperately trying to stay focused on the tasks I need to accomplish daily and those directed to my future.

Interesting how in striving to remain focused I have somehow become inattentive to what is before my eyes. I realized today that I have been reading material from June's devotionals, rather than the ones for August. Ugh! As I thought about it, I surmised that perhaps God meant for me to re-read those devotionals, because He knows me better than I know myself, and He definite knows what I need to see! So rather than berate myself, as I generally tend to do, I thanked God for His guidance and wisdom in so directing my understanding.

I journal daily, and on Monday morning around 5 am I wrote one line in my journal. It's from Jeremiah 32:27 "...Is anything too hard for me?" Yesterday I was a bit more energetic in my thought processes, but I was battling personal feelings I have regarding my time of solitude away from the well-meaning comments and heartfelt suggestions of friends and family about my medical decisions and the direction of my life. Sometimes I have to re-direct my focus, laying it down, once more, at the feet of Jesus, surrendering all to Him. It's too big for me, and my mind simply cannot absorb all that comes to me in an overwhelming career, the love of my friends and family, and the incessant chatter of the enemy into my thoughts. Sometimes I just have to scream, "Shut up in the Name of Jesus, satan, get out of my head!" His nasty henchman always slink off when the Name of Jesus is spoken, but they crawl back in a matter of minutes unless I remain vigilant. It becomes exhausting at times. I already endure this "noise" in my ear and head from the injury, so "voices" of slimeworts are really annoying!

Another reason I tend to shy away from friends during these times is because it is becomes easy to listen to good counsel from others, when I really only need God's advice, and He has told me that He will handle it, so why am I nursing and rehearsing this drama over and over again?! So why waste any more time thinking about it or talking about it. God said He'd handle it! I have way too much work to do, and way too many other things that need my full attention. My focus has to be on Jesus. He knows very well what we endure on a daily basis, as He suffered just like us. He feels my exhaustion, sees my tears, feels my pain, and hears my prayers.

Yesterday I actually did write "June 8" in my journal for a quotation, yet I failed to "see" the date. Still in reading through Jeremiah he was called as a prophet, and he was not allowed to marry or have a "normal" life. In the June 8 quotation from No Wonder They Call Him the Savior by Max Lucado he writes,

"What kind of God would give you families and then

ask you to leave them? What kind of  God would give 

you friends and then ask you to say goodbye? A God who

knows that the deepest love is built not in passion and

romance but on a common mission and sacrifice. A

God who knows that we are only pilgrims and that eternity

is so close that any "Goodbye" is in reality a "see you

tomorrow." A God who did it himself."

I guess I understand how Jeremiah and others feel, because I know how important it is to keep focused on what I know Abba wants me to do. Yesterday I had an interesting conversations with one of my fellow team members regarding my "nothing new under the sun" philosophy as it relates to today's Christianity and the stand the church should be taking by occupying for Jesus which would rid us of the need for government assistance in supporting the poor, elderly, sick or otherwise infirm. And the focus needs to be on everyone and not just the "sheep" of our individual congregations. Imagine the impact on the world if that happened. And it can. I guess I am just a die hard when it comes to "misfits," like myself who "litter" society. I know this is my focus now and for the future, and true to God's re-direction, my quotation for August 10th:

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with

the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with

the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong -

because someday in life you will be all of these."

George Washington Carver

The commentator for My Daily Walk writes "Faith like a muscle, grows by stretching." Jeremiah, better known as the weeping prophet, as opposed to Isaiah who spoke with a fire shooting from his tongue, never wavered in his call from God. He was opposed on every side, accused of betrayal, flogged and imprisoned, put in a cistern to die, and yet he continued to remain true to God's call to preach an unpopular message. "Jeremiah's faith never wavered because his focus never wandered. Imprisonment and intimidation could not take his eyes off his sovereign Lord. With his gaze firmly fixed on God, Jeremiah could fearlessly proclaim God's message, trusting him to take care of the consequences." He focused not on the "problem" but the "Problem Solver." And true to His word, God delivered Jeremiah from the enemy who sought him out when the Babylonians destroyed Jerusalem, and placed him under the protective care of his people, in his own land while others were marched off to a foreign land in captivity. God kept His word, as He always does.

As I talked to Abba this morning I shared my concerns for those who are being tortured, murdered, confused,and particularly those whose lives are in torment because satan makes it so impossible to believe God hears our prayers. Sometimes a tormented soul takes what they deem in confusion to be the only way out to silence the voices, while at the same time continuing to cry out to God for deliverance and feeling He does not hear or care. He feels unworthy and hopeless with the thumb of guilt and shame holding him down. But God always answers, and I believe that even if this soul momentarily listens to the threats of the enemy shouting relentlessly into their consciousness "You are nothing! You are hopeless! No one could ever love you!" and attempt to take his life that God in His great love and mercy will rescue. He tells him He heard his prayers, and reassures him of  His love, and offers him life eternally. This may provoke argument, and I certainly do not condone suicide, but I believe that given the life I have lived and the dogged determination of the enemy to destroy my soul and my family, I know God is merciful, especially to one who truly wants to be delivered and saved from such a life. These beloved ones may not have the support of family and true friends to listen and stand with them. The key concept here is "stand with them." That requires time, love and unending compassion. We are all misfits, all in need of a Savior's love. And He's standing there with His hand extended each moment of every day! If the enemy of our souls is relentless, remember our God is an all-consuming fire! "No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us!" Romans 8:37

Today my head is bursting with revelation, ideas pouring into my brain so quickly, inspiring me for the next step...both here and now and for when I begin a new phase in December. So amidst the prayers being texted to me on my cell phone, the phone ringing with drama from my problem child, the pain in my head threatening to take off the top of my head, and my computer refusing to cooperate as I write this blog, I can smile and look forward to what Abba has planned for me today, and I can still praise Him above the noise. I am choosing to re-direct my focus on Jesus!

"Risky love seizes the moment."

Max Lucado

And the Angels Were Silent