Once more I am laden under a heavy burden. Actually there has been an onslaught of the enemy's attacks since yesterday, but for the moment I feel calm, safe, and resting in Abba's warm embrace. Yesterday I told a friend that I wanted to die, as I have grown so weary of this battle against injustice. I have said this often, and I don't feel that saying it is a curse, it is just the truth. I am in good company as many thousands of years ago Paul spoke the same ones (Philippians 1:21). He knew that living was going to continue to be beyond challenging, and although he welcomed death, he was able to endure the battle, because he had Christ at his side. I know this same truth, and I, like Paul, and many others over time, grow weary in the battle. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that the battle is not ours, but His! It seems as if I have to remind myself of that very fact on a daily basis, as I am going through a miry pit, and I feel so desperately alone.
Yesterday as I cried out about the delays and abandonment I am facing at the hands of a corrupt business, I realized that I am not like them, and I do not want to handle this matter the way the world does. I could hire an attorney and win hands down, but it is not my way. Perhaps it will come to this in the end, but I pray not. A few weeks ago I received a message I knew came from God to my ears over the radio saying, "Don't say, 'I will get even for this wrong.' Wait for the Lord to handle the matter." Proverbs 20:22.
This morning I heard these words: "In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." 1 Peter 5:10.
Last night I had my first symptom of the "rare" eye condition diagnosed earlier this year - severe eye pain. When I was told by the Ophthalmologist that I may experience pain, I didn't know what he meant as I have endured sharp pain in and through my eyes and head as long as I can remember. So when this "new" pain hit last night I began to understand a new level of suffering I may be called upon to bear. As with all things my response is laughter. After all, what else is there?! As a response I mean?! Cry? Curse? I prefer laughter. I mean...really!! If I could relate to you how many times I have heard the word "rare" spoken to me, you too would respond with laughter! What are the chances in a lifetime?! Yet, it's okay. I can handle this just like the other times, by saying..."So whaaaaaaaaat!"
My friend, Ruth, will appreciate this humor. I just pray for the grace to endure the pain, as I was reading it often lasts for days. Another so what, as I've lived with chronic pain elsewhere, so...!
All I know for today is...I am alive, my tears have ceased for the moment, and I have a smile on my face as I am typing, plus I managed to read several chapters of Jeremiah, the great weeping prophet, pray for our nation and other things, and still be calm. Now that's a testimony to the limitless grace and mercy of Abba Father. Here's what Max Lucado says:
"In your Bible of over a thousand pages, what matters?
Among all the do's and don'ts and should's and shouldn'ts,
what is essential? What is indispensable? The Old Testament?
The New? Grace? Baptism?... The part that matters is the cross.
No more and no less. The cross."
No Wonder They Call Him The Savior
"Look at the Messiah himself. A blue-collar Jew whose claim altered
a world and whose promise has never been equaled."
No Wonder They Call Him The Savior
"Why did He pick you? He wanted to. After all, you are His.
He made you. He brought you home. He owns you. And once upon
a time, He tapped you on the shoulder and reminded you of that fact.
No matter how long you'd waited or how much time
you'd wasted, you are His and He has a place for you.
And The Angels Were Silent
My prayer for today is that I can heed the words of Proverbs 20:22 and wait patiently and contentedly for the Lord to work things out. A new chapter in my life will begin in January 2017, one Abba has yet to reveal in its entirety. I know wherever He leads it will be heaven on earth, even if others who hope for something different do not understand. My timetable is not my own. He calls the shots in my life. Nothing more, nothing less. As a friend shared with me yesterday, "...the battle isn't yours, it's God's, because they are messing with one of His anointed." Thanks for the reminder, dear friend.
"Always begin anew with the day. Just as nature does;
it is one of the sensible things that nature does."
George E. Woodbury
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