His Eye is on the Sparrow

"Human wisdom comes from reason,

godly wisdom comes from revelation. "

The Daily Walk

I have been giggling with God this morning...and crying too.  It's so much fun to share things with Him, but then He already knows!  Still I love to talk to him, waking up to say "Good Morning, Father."  It is really reassuring to me to know that no matter what the day appears to be a first glance, or even knowing what I have to face or may face when I turn on the computer to begin my work day, that He is always here to greet me.  He never sleeps, and He stands watch over me as I rest.  Isn't that comforting?  It is to me.

I live alone, and on days when I am not working, I often choose to spend my time hidden from others.  I have friends, and I do go places, enjoy music, plays, movies, and I have a bucket list of things to do this summer already planned out. Some things are new adventures, others I have missed in recent years, so although I shelter myself somewhat, I do share my time with others also.

This Memorial Day weekend I had planned to go away to one of my hiding places and write.  I forgot that this is the weekend that all the bikers gather to honor the fallen Veterans at the War Memorial in Angel Fire.  Those hills hug my hiding places in Sipapu and Red River.  And although noise usually doesn't disturb me, the vast amount of partying through the night probably would have, so I chose to stay home and write.  It has been quiet here, and I have accomplished some.  Who knows...usually when I do get to my thinking spots I tend to sleep the first day or so, as I am completely exhausted by my every day work, existing in the helplessness of it all.  So here at home I can rest, no one bothers to stop by, so I can be alone, at peace.

I got a call early Sunday morning, an elderly friend saying he'd missed me, and I was needed at church.  So I mustered my strength to give it a go, and I was glad I had for the most part.  Although there were only a handful of people there, it was a pleasant few.  We had a guest visiting, whom I knew, but what he shared with us confirmed my inmost feeling about seasons, times, making changes.  Another confirmation in just two days. It is said that confirmation comes from two or three witnesses. Interesting.  In my heart I am ready to set flight, leave the nest, and soar on the wings of faith.  It is then, in these times of affirmation, the blow tends to fall.  As, true to his nature as a deceiver, a cunning foe, satan will use the ones we love the most to bring frustration, near defeat.  It can come from the voice of a precious soul who does not understand, who cannot "see", who is their self in so much pain.  

I cannot be what others want me to be, and I cannot do what others expect me to do.  I can only do what I feel God has for me to do, even if, no one ever accepts it or thinks I have finally lost my mind.  It would be the same for my family and children.  I do not expect my sons and daughter to live their lives with me or for me, and they should not expect it of me, which they don't, by the way.  I want them to live the life they are meant to live, free!  As much as I love them, and as much as I would love to  have them near my side, they are always in my heart, and that is enough for me, if they are content.  Loving God and each other. I do not expect my family to understand why I live the way I do. Life is so short, and to live it in slavery to another person's hopes and dreams is wrong.  I have lived in that bondage way too long, so, forgive me, but I cannot do so any longer.  We have to discover who we are, and what we are meant to be in this life.  God's plan is perfect and best.  Many cannot see His hand upon their lives, because they do not figure Him into the equation, but He is most certainly watching, hoping we choose the best life.

Wow, when I started writing I never knew these words would come.  I never do, actually, as Holy Spirit has a way of guiding me, although I am certain their is much humanity in those words.  My prayer is that you never feel "stuck", and that family tradition never holds you captive for a second. We respect our parents, and rightly so, but each call is for the individual to discover and each life is individual in the living.  I thank God I have friends who are happy in the lives they are living.  Isn't it a wonderful thing to be so blessed, alive in His love! Cherish the times! And as I choose my path, rejoice for me, even though you may not understand.