My life seems to be one of contradictions...one side strong and courageous, not afraid to take my stand and let my voice be heard, even if it is to my own demise. On the other hand, I am an introspective, quiet, unassuming person, yet one of great strength in my feelings and passions, creative, seeing beyond what lies before me, lost in my imagination. Very opposing views, one may assume, but really, not so.
Last night I turned on Netflix to check out the movies. Sometimes I want to see something other than my favorite "friends" that I watch over and over and over again, night after night, literally for weeks on end at times. My imaginary children - Charles, Bailey and Schlep - tell me, "no way, not again! Can't we watch something else?!" I'll have to tell you about my "personalities" at another time, as I know you all are wondering what I mean by "imaginary children". No worries - I am not bouncing off the rubber walls of a rubber room - yet! But what I mean by opposing view is this - my choices.
I dearly love what I call "kick butt", action charged movies, but I tire of having to fast forward past the colorful metaphors or blatant and often disgusting scenes that take away from the movie, in my opinion. I wish I could cut and paste, so an otherwise good movie could be "clean" for all to see. After all Jesus is sitting here right beside me. But sometimes, because of the stand I make and the causes in the world that I support, I watch movies to remind me that yes, certain things do actually happen today that we want to close our minds and disregard as simple movie themes. If you have looked at my Pinterest boards you will know that Human Trafficking is one of my causes, and I support Abolition International. Last night I watched a movie called 6 Bullets with Jean-Claude Van Damme which speaks of this atrocious sin, this travesty of justice which is secretly protected, not only in foreign countries, but in our own back yards. You want to close your eyes, not to think it, but if you have children and even if you do not, it exists. I learned after years of trying so hard to protect my children that I never could. Some things are beyond knowing, unfortunately. My life has touched on this side, and the impact has been paralyzing at times. But I possess within myself this tenacious gene that never gives in and never gives up on myself or others. So I will fight for the children, as I will fight for all who need a voice in this world.
Later, I watched a movie called "Miss Potter" about the life of famed author and creator of Peter Rabbit, Beatrix Potter, and I was fascinated that my "other self" had existed in this lady's imagination and lifestyle as well. If you watch the movie you will understand what I mean, and if either of my sons are following this blog, they will probably be grateful I do not mention their names, because I am revealing a side of myself most seldom see and most definitely would not understand. Those of you who have met my "friends" are smiling now, I can see it mentally. I have a creative side, much like Miss Potter, so her movie brought a smile to my face, and tears to my eyes, because her family misunderstood her, and when she found someone who did "know" her heart, he died suddenly, leaving her heart broken and alone. But, thankfully, the story ended on a positive note, and, as it turns out in the end of the story of her life, another side of who she was within, was revealed in the legacy she left behind for others not merely in her wonderful children's stories, but in her generosity of spirit. She truly was a "kindred spirit" and a lover of misfit toys.
Why am I sharing this with you today? Really not sure except to say "still waters run deep" even to the point of vulnerability on the one side and willingness to die for a cause on the other. Either side death comes. Just wrapped in a different package. So I am going to be who I am, even if no one other than God understands and approves. After all my life is His and His alone. So He can set my course; I give it to Him willingly. And even if I have to walk it alone, so be it. I am content.
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