Days 208 - 255 Catching Up, Continuing On

"Faith is dead to doubt, dumb to discouragement,

blind to impossibilities."

Continuing on,,,..

Making decisions often poses threats to others who cannot understand or who feel differently or threatened. Starting over has always been the hardest thing I have had to do, and I have done so many times, always alone. No longer. For years I have had an emptiness no one could fill, except for Jesus who never fails, never leaves, never abandons. Someone told me not too long ago that I had built a wall around my heart and was afraid to allow anyone in or to love. I imagine this is partially true, but I did not want to see or believe life held something more for me. I was content, or so I thought, living as I was, not daring to dream. Now I dare to dream, hope, even make plans. It's a beginning howbeit small.

"Do not despise these small beginnings, 

for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin...." 

Zechariah 4:10

My flight for August 5th was scheduled, but as the day of my departure approached I knew I was not meant to get on the plane. God had something else in mind, and as I cried out, I heard His voice, and I obeyed. Obedience is better than sacrifice. Immediately peace swept over me, and I confirmed my plans for  Pagosa Springs. Pagosa means "healing."  And it was in the presence of good friends, healing began and continues on, day by day, moment by moment, and decision by decision.

"Face your deficiencies and acknowledge them;

but do not let them master you. Let them teach you

patience, sweetness, insight. When we do the best

we can, we never know what miracle is wrought

in our life, or in the life of another."

Helen Keller

During my time in hiding, separated from the world by phone, internet, or television I spent time reading, praying, asking, seeking, and knocking. I spent many silent hours peacefully sitting on the  porch swing, looking out across the lake towards the mountains. How I long to return to that tranquility. It was my time to sit in the lap of Jesus, silently listening. Safe from the noise and the voices that bring chaos and confusion. Reminders of hurt, pain, failures, and regrets.

When I first arrived my friend, Peter handed me a copy of the book, The Story of Life by Pat Stark, a lady who had been a guest of Peter's in the Hiding Place. From the moment I opened the book and began to read I knew I was where I needed to be. Over the days of my seclusion God used that book to reveal the hidden memories buried deep within my soul and began a healing process that continues to chip away my fears and loneliness. I am now reading Pat's book, Born to Fly, in the hope I will redeem the years satan has stolen and become the person I was created to be for the glory of God.

I know that my journey thus far has not been wasted or completely ripped apart by the enemy's lies, as I am God's child, and He has used this weak vessel in reaching out to help others who are broken, seeking freedom to just "be" all they were intended to be in the world. Pat wrote the same words I have used over and over in my writings about "being" and feeling "stuck," unable to move past certain feelings, not understanding why, not realizing freedom was so easily within my grasp. Layers of years of brokenness removed so gently by our compassionate, ever-loving Abba Father as I place my trust in Him. We all need to find our "hiding place" away from the noise, taking the time to let go and be.

 

The day I left Pagosa Springs I was so resolute about the path I felt I needed to take, and as the week continued I shared my heart with a few close friends who accepted happily the course I was about to take. But then, something happened, as it usually does, to disturb my composure and bring doubt. Once more my heart was broken, and I doubted what I had heard in secret, but then I realize that God gives the vision, but the right timing is His alone for us to reject or accept. Waiting is very hard especially when you have been waiting for a very long time.

So I take it one day, one step at a time, waiting. It's been okay. I am getting stronger, but I still need to find my way home, wherever home may be for me. For now it's here as I play "the game" that comes easier for me now. 

Days 208 - 255 Catching Up

Where to begin...!

Many days have passed since I have shared my heart openly, and yet not a day passes when the battle within exposes something of the depth of my soul. I think I have made myself very clear in expressing the one truth I know, and that is that God is the only one I want to please and his the only voice I want to hear.

Being continuously reminded of my shortcomings, being pulled this way and that by those who want to rule my life, or ruin my life, as the case may be. The voices coming without, within, never ending, beckoning, demanding, and relentlessly reminding me of all the disturbing truths about myself, all the lies I have swallowed over the years of my life. Revelations have a way of exposing the brokenness of our lives until we have to give up the struggle and wait. Waiting can be the hardest thing we are called to do in life, and yet my life has been a waiting game the majority of my years.

Until today I have not felt compelled to write, and yet I have written daily since my life shut down and all communication stopped. My path of discovery began on Day 214, August 2, 2015 when I finally heard God's whispered words, and I embarked on a path of healing. As I continue this leading of the Holy Spirit I have traveled the pages of scripture from Isaiah to Obadiah receiving messages of hope, healing, and rediscovery within the pages and without in the carefully selected authors destined to speak to my brokenness at this time. God does not do things in a chaotic manner, as He is not a God of confusion. He is a God of peace, calm, and love. He delights to have us call upon His name, and He beckons us to come and find rest for our souls. That is what I am doing.

I still struggle, and I don't mind sharing that with anyone, because too many times people are made to feel that there's something wrong with them if they become weak and fail. But, my friends, remember the words I have shared with you from my life and the words of those I admire for their steadfastness and honesty in the face of their failings - Brennan Manning, Rich Mullins, even Mother Teresa had years when she cried out to God before she received her call to the needy of Calcutta. Never be tricked into thinking true Christians do not struggle. Even Jesus became desperate at a time He felt so alone in the Garden of Gethsemane, and He cried out to God, nevertheless He said "Thy will be done," just as we are called to do as His children.

Honesty can be such freedom, and I never realized before, until this moment as I typed those words, I am free!  I am free, because it does not concern me who knows I struggle even though I have walked with Jesus all of my life. I am a miserable failure in my own eyes, but in His eyes I am altogether lovely, as are you. I am not perfect, and although He has been by my side, I have sinned and fallen short of His glory so many, many times. Yet His hand of mercy and grace has been extended to me each time. God does not give up on us as people do, and hell was not created for us, so hang on to the path that is set before you. The path of life in Jesus Christ our Lord. Answers will come when we give up the struggle and lay it at His feet.

There's more to come in catching up, but for now this is a beginning, and it feels good to finally be able to share the things God is placing on my heart to share with all who have an ear to hear.

Days 204 - 207 Holding On

"This is the message from the one who is holy and true,

the one who has the key of David. What he opens, no one

can close; and what he closes, no one can open."

"I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door 

for you that no one can close. You have little strength, yet 

you obeyed my word and did not deny me.... Because you

have obeyed my command to persevere, I will protect you from

the great time of testing that will come upon the whole

world to test those who belong to this world."

Revelation 3:7-8,10

In the scripture above Jesus is speaking to the Church at Philadelphia, one of seven churches to whom Jesus refers in Chapter 3. In each message he says, "Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches." The church of Philadelphia is the only one of the seven not receiving the call to return to him. In fact in verse 11 he adds, "Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take away your crown."

Thursday and Friday were excessively busy days, but I managed to persevere, even though I had to work very long hours. One day I will stick to my "enough is enough" philosophy. Encouraged by my time in the field I returned home late on Friday, only to work even longer hours. When Saturday rolled around I purposed to have a good day in Santa Fe hunting for treasure and purchasing a few necessities at Wally World in preparation of my upcoming vacation. Sadly, I had to work a bit more than I had intended on Saturday night, and because of an unexpected phone call, I did not get to bed until 3 am, wondering how to respond.

Sunday has rolled around, and although I am troubled, I am not in despair. The words, "What do I do, Father," continue to fill my every waking moment. Answers are often right before our eyes, yet at the moment of the deepest troubling thoughts we are not capable of seeing and understanding, of hearing, listening, and obeying. Eventually, we rest on His promises, spoken over and over to our listening hearts, and we know, we see, and we obey.

"Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take away your crown."

Written Sunday, 7/26/15

Days 201-203 Yet, I Will Praise You

"That is God's call to us - simply to be people

who are content to live close to Him and

to renew the kind of life in which the closeness

is felt and experienced.

Thomas Merton

Getting over insults is often hard. People assume things, have a difficult day, or simply do not understand the choices one makes in life, then the words come, the arrows of satan, and we are left injured and alone. Jesus speaks of persecution and the correct response, and I try to obey. His are the only ones I care to follow. Even that is a great misunderstanding, and again, the words come.

Listening to portions of the story of Mother Teresa is like listening to my heart cry. There is an emptiness inside of me that cannot be filled unless I am doing the will of God. If she were alive she would know what it is that is so difficult for mere words to express. Yet she states it simply,

 “Hearts to love and hands to serve!”
(Mother Teresa)

Her focus,

 "The hungry, the naked, the homeless, the crippled, the blind, the lepers, all those people who feel unwanted, unloved, uncared for throughout society, people that have become a burden to the society and are shunned by everyone." --- Mother Teresa

I am not Mother Teresa, but I too feel the pain of others. All I want is to be His hands and feet. For decades, prior to her beginning Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, she experienced a emptiness, a  longing deep within her soul. I know the ache of wanting to help those who feel they have no hope, even here. Yesterday I heard someone say, "if I could just get that one back month on my mortgage paid, I could relax a bit." This comes from someone who has worked her entire life, taken care of others and her parents, gone without so others could have what they needed. Now she needs help. Whenever it is within our ability to help another, we need to do it. I need to do it.

No one wants to be alone, but sometimes that is where God places you, even if for a season. I think this is where He wants me, with my focus, my total dependence on Him. Scripture says "He sets the lonely in families...." Psalms 66:6 He has placed me among people who not only love me but who look forward to my visiting. Monday, on a day I was so discouraged, feeling alone, I set out on my busy day, smile on my face. How can one not smile when driving around the area in which I live. The colors so vibrant, even in rain and mud, sleet and snow, it is a slice of heaven. 

First stop, Ojo Caliente, a friend I have known for many, many years was my first stop. As I was leaving she hugged me and said, "I always love it when you come!" This was after sharing some pretty serious realities, yet throughout the visit we reminisced about her mother who has now passed, we cried about her concerns, and we giggled and outright laughed over silly things. I felt such love in her warm embrace.

Next stop was way, way to the end of the earth almost, as I spiraled down a maze of roads deep in the mountains of Coyote. I was once again welcomed with hugs, laughter, sharing the love of Christ, and for some reason as I was leaving, knowing I had a long, busy day, she said "Don't give up! We're on the verge of a miracle!" Maybe it was God's words to me, as although we shared much about Jesus and the affect He has on our lives, she did not know those words came from a song written by Rich Mullins, "Verge of a Miracle," that he wrote in response to a young boy sharing his hurts, broken life, attempted suicide with him at a retreat. How like God -  out of the blue He has someone tell me she was reminded of that song. Let me share them with you,

"Verge of a Miracle"

by Rich Mullins

Clung to a ball
That was hung in the sky
Hurled into orbit
There You are
Whether you fall down
Or whether you fly
Seems you can never get too far
Someone's waiting to put wings
Upon your flightless heart
You're on the verge of a miracle
Standing there
Oh you're on the verge of a miracle
Just waiting to be believed in
Open your eyes and see
You're on the verge of a miracle
Here in your room
Where nobody can see
Voices are loud
But seldom clear
But beneath the confusion
That's running so deep
There is a promise you must hear
The love that seems so far away
Is standing very near
You're on the verge of a miracle
Standing there
Oh you're on the verge of a miracle
Just waiting to be believed in
Open your eyes and see
When you've played out
Your last chance
And your directions
Have all been lost
When the roads that you look down
Are all dead ends
Look up
You could see if you'd just look up
You're on the verge of a miracle
Standing there
Oh you're on the verge of a miracle
Just waiting to be believed in
Open your eyes and see
You're on the verge of a miracle

In the midst of my discouragement I receive encouragement from people I am sent to encourage, yet their courage strengthens me. And although I do encourage them, in ways they do not understand, they touch my soul. How wonderful is that! I give, and it is returned to me, pressed down, running over and over. That is how God rolls!

My final step of Monday's journey took me to Youngsville to the home of a young man whom I've known for years. He shared his hopes and dreams, and I felt like a proud parent! Again, glory given to God, the author of our hopes and dreams. This young man shared with me openly his failures and his great victories. As I left he spoke again, saying that although he had been anxious about his health, he wasn't anxious that day, because he knew I was coming, "a breath of fresh air!" That really made my day. I'm a breath of fresh air to someone! Imagine that! I can only pray, and I thank Jesus, because He is my breath of fresh air, the very air I breathe.

On the way home it began to rain furiously for a short distance, but as it slowed, I crested the hill to see a rainbow across the vast, open sky. Heaven speaks so loudly at times! Today in writing this blog I was so depressed, down-trodden, not knowing what to do, but in sharing the love of God and of those who touch my life, a smile comes across my face, and I know...I can do this...I am on the verge of a miracle!

 

Day 200 - Thoughts/Praise/Practice

My purpose in sharing my passion, prayers, highs/lows, and school of thought is to encourage, uplift, and point others to Jesus Christ, the Author and Finisher of our faith. In doing so I make every attempt to remain transparent. as I have failed Him miserably in my lifetime, regardless of the fact that my childhood relationship with Him was so immediate and binding. Although I strayed, He never. My life is actually quite remarkable, or amazing as I love to describe it. The plans He had for me from the beginning may have deviated a bit, but finally I was steered back on course. The experience I have acquired and the wisdom I have gleaned in the course of my life journey are nothing short of astounding, and I remain forever indebted to God and humbled that He loves me so much in all my unworthiness.

I listened to a sermon by Charles Stanley this morning called "God's Stress Remover." It had several good points, as his teachings generally do. This pastor has always tried to be honest and transparent about his shortcomings, so when he asks a pointed question it comes across from a man who's been there. He talked about the difference between loneliness and solitude, whereas one is intentional and the other is not. Solitude is time away from distractions that hinder our ability to remain at rest, without stress, that we all have living in the world today. That is just a simple truth. He shared about his path to finding solitude with God that he has used since an early age. He would go to a place where it was dark and without any detectable noises thereby removing any distractions so he could hear the voice of God clearly.

Good idea, as then you can't be distracted by what you see or hear making it better to hear God's still, small voice. So I decided I'd give that a try using my closet in my bedroom. After making all the adjustments I could to include taking a hammer out and trying to force the door to close, I moved on to the next place that was much smaller. I cleared the way, set my little rug down with my knees crammed up to my chest in this small closet, and closed the door. After a few minutes I realized that this would not work, as I could not breathe! So I moved to plan C.

I took my rather large teddy bear, Brutus, given to me by a friend, out of my rocking chair in the living room, put a scarf around my head to block my vision, and settled myself in the rocker. As I was sitting there I could hear the clock ticking (I have acute hearing), refrigerator running, and birds singing sweetly outside the window. This is where I started to giggle. I also visualized Jesus alone by Himself in the forest praying, as this was how He separated Himself to spend time alone with God. I giggled again, because, really now, do you think there was perfect quiet in the woods?!

The point to this ridiculous exercise was to realize what I already know...we each have our places we go to feel solace and to hear the voice of the Lord. Mine is going to my "thinking spot" which is in the hills above me, by the river. Although being beside the "still waters" doesn't literally mean the absence of sound, it can be soothing and peaceful. It's a matter of perspective. Nature is where I can get alone with God, and I retreat there often. But there are other ways I can hear His voice without distractions just being here at home. I turn off the phones for one thing, and I dull as many of the "sounds" around me as I can. And it works!

The important thing about this little "exercise" is that I know how to relieve stress, and thank God I have had a rather good week, regardless of the little challenges that seem to arise. I'm making progress, but in saying that I am opening myself up to the one who says, "Well we'll see about that!" But then, it's not as if he's never tried or will ever stop trying to bring us down. It's just not working as often these days. Thank God for that!

Now as I get myself back on my original course of the day...back from my momentary distraction...I can once more focus on the subject of this blog. See how that works! Go ahead and laugh! I have!

I began my day studying my Bible reading for the day and looking for connections with other things I read and glean along the way as I study. I keep my journal close and I jot things down as I read or inspirations that come. Sometimes I move past a point to a connecting thought from God, something He's shown me that the author may not have understood or perceived as a correlation. Or perhaps it is just God's way of speaking to me through a scripture. It's a relationship, and it works!

"There are some who position themselves between you and God.

There are some who suggest that the only way to get to God is

through them.... Jesus' message for complicated religion is to 

remove these middlemen.... We are all brothers and sisters and

have equal access to the Father. 

And the Angels Were Silent

Max Lucado

"You are not to be called 'Rabbi,' for you have only one

Master and you are all brothers."

Matthew 23:3

"For there is one God and one mediator, the man Christ Jesus,

who gave himself as a ransom for all men - the testimony

given in its proper time."

1 Timothy 2:5,6


 

  

Sadly, some folks don't understand that they can have this type of friendship with God, that He so longs to hear from us daily. I recently attended a church service at a small church in my area comprised of brand new Christian families. It is so refreshing to experience the warmth and acceptance of new believers in Christ, because their faces shine with the love of God, unconditionally welcoming you into the house of praise. The pastor has initiated a program of memorizing a new scripture each week, and I know the value of this practice very well, as the word lights our path in our daily walk with Jesus.

The small hamlet in which I live has great need, and giving back to the community is the heart of the gospel. Imagine the impact if each church would incorporate this practice into their ministry.

"It's a sad but true fact of the faith: religion is used for profit and 

prestige. And when it is, there are two results: people are

exploited and God is infuriated."

And the Angels Were Silent

Max Lucado

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:

to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep

oneself from being polluted by the world.

James 1:27

"Love means to love that which is unlovable, or it is no virtue at all;

forgiving means to pardon that which is unpardonable, or it is not virtue at all -

and to hope means hoping when things are hopeless, or it is not virtue at all."

G.K. Chesterton

"There is not a heart but has its moments of longing, yearning

for something better, nobler, holier than it knows now."

Henry Ward Beecher

Vacation Bible Schools bring children to the church every summer looking for ways to occupy their time, and perhaps their parents are just hoping to find a place to attend as their home church. The week ends, hearts are touched, but then contact is lost...until the next year. But what happens in between in small towns where there's nothing for children to do to occupy their time other than look at tv, eat fast food and snack on sugar, play videos games which offer no creativity, and a lot of free time to get into mischief, because there's always someone waiting to trap a lonely youth into the wrong type of lifestyle promising a fast buck. Deception.

What's the response? We have a choice. I must admit some days I want to give up, because although I have the know how to help, no one seems to want it. People speak about growth, but they don't want to change the way things are now. It's a catch 22, and I honestly feel confused at times which way I am to go. But, I roll up my sleeves, and I try again, hoping someone, somewhere will "catch the vision" and meet the need. Who knows what can happen...perhaps a future and a hope!

 

Days 194 - 199 Messages from God

My time alone with God in the mornings is such a sweet refreshing, especially on Wednesdays and weekends when I can sit and focus more clearly without distractions. I have been trying to find that same sweetness in the evenings, but I have yet to learn to separate myself from the commotion of my days. Life becomes too "real" for me at times when so many needs scream despair, rejection, desolation, and poverty. The evil that pervades this world seeps into every home, every heart, and in every situation, and the enemy must be exposed and removed less hope fade away. I try to be that emissary of peace, hope, and love, yet I fail so desperately. Thank God for His strength in weakness.

It's better to share my thoughts of the week in one blog, I think, because I have a perspective my entire week in one broad view. I don't know who really reads my thoughts, but the only thing that matters is I share my heart transparently, and hopefully someone's life is touched, perhaps changed for the better.

"Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed.

Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows."

Isaiah 1:17

So I being with Monday morning, Day 194....

I have been determined to keep my focus on Jesus, staying positive in the midst of changing "the game" over and over again.  I am becoming immune to the phobia that accompanies each radical shift of gears by the hierarchy in which I am a small fish in a huge pond. I have mentioned my "Keep on Track Bracelet" I have been faithful to slap on my wrist each day and to share with all in whom I encounter on my road to mental health and healing, aka mental stability. I have been encouraged by the response to my story about the bracelet and why I wear it in my sharing with the vast numbers of people I encounter daily in my weekly challenge.  The positive response has been overwhelming!

Monday began with an email...nothing new under the sun with that one! Yet, although it did not bother me, it caused immediate panic in the heart of one of my colleagues. Because of my "peace" I was able to divert the enemy's plan to beat down my friend's strength and emotional stamina and bring harmony back into her life with one thought...we work for one Master, and when we strive to do our best in every situation, then we leave the results up to Him. This applies to every area of our lives. My message of hope worked, and my friend found new strength not only for the day but for the entire week as well. Remember...it's the little things we do and share that bring the greatest rewards.

Later on in the day I was relieved to hear that my friend's son was out of his coma, and although he still was very ill and not quite out of the woods, he was on his way to recovery. At this writing he should be home in his own bed. Thanks be to God!

That evening I relaxed and shared a simple meal at a friend's home, and I was able to shut down the computer and relax after a rewarding beginning of the week.  God is faithful when we are willing to trust Him with every part of our lives.

Day 195.... another dawn of day...each with its own rewards!

A brief pause in my study of Isaiah focused on our search of significance in our lives. The author of Our Daily Walk puts it this way:  "Most people don't know what they want, but it is something different from what they have." Again, the author smacks us right between the eyes with a reality check for the day! Again I read, "Seeing God for who He is will open your eyes to who you are."
That's pretty much it, isn't it?! We relentlessly try to "find ourselves" in every walk of life, turning one way, then another, and never quite finding what it is we are so desperately trying to discover. Not a good use of time which means it is time wasted on an endless, fruitless pursuit for happiness. How many times have I been down that road! We all have if we are honest, but few really want to wear their hearts on their sleeves. It exposes too much, and we may appear weak. Well, friends, I am weak but with Jesus I am strong! And so are you!

 Day 196...my day off!

As Wednesday morning dawned I awakened with poison running through the veins in my legs, with aching muscles and exhausted to the point of no relief! Simply put...I stayed up way too late on Tuesday night...you guessed it!...working!  I was determined to get my work done even if it took all night, which it did, because the computer system and the programs are so relentlessly slow and forever timing out. What should take a few minutes ends up taking an hour. But no wanting to succumb to irritability that would ruin my otherwise productive day, I focused on doing what I could do rather than what I could not. A daunting effort under such horrendous of circumstances. Nonetheless I survived, overcame, and pressed onward!

Consequently, Wednesday was not as productive as I had hoped, but then I try not to load myself down with activities on a day intended for my mental release and relaxation. I am finding that my trampoline is a mix of wellness and discomfort, as I learned not to jump when my legs were already so tired, when I had already reached my level of endurance. Hence I took a nice, long, relaxing soak in the tub to quiet the further spread of exhaustion through my blood stream. Then I took another nap.
Hint: Never answer the phone when you are tuckered out, as the caller may find it insulting should you fall asleep mid-conversation. Not a cool thing to do to one's daughter! Sorry, honey!

I braved my day, salvaging some quality moments once I was better rested, and I gleaned some nuggets of truth in the process. "You cannot give to others what you do not possess." God calls us to rest from our weariness and trust in Him.

 

Day 197 Back to the fight!

Enjoying a good night's rest enabled me to face my extremely busy Thursday with confidence and peace. I awakened with renewed strength, mind fixed on the day ahead. Beginning my day in prayer God reminded me of the scripture verse for the week: "The Lord delights in those who fear him; who put their hope in his unfailing love."

"Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes 

a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened."

Billy Graham

For every each new day there comes a fight, a battle that is not our own. People watch to see if professing believers in Christ become weak-kneed or stalwart when trouble hits the fan. They watch all the time no matter where we are or what we are doing, so remember we are under the microscope being dissected and evaluated. Under surveillance! So make your actions speak louder than words.

 "The life we have been given can't be bought or bargained for.

It is a gift. Every good and perfect gift comes from above...coming 

down from the Father of lights in whom there is no variation

or shifting shadow (James 1:17). If our day is indeed a gift from God, 

something of the Giver should be evident within the gift."

Ken Gire

 

Day 198 - End of day, end of week, oh what bliss awaits! 

Simply put - Friday was a good day, and I was able to share the love of Christ with people whom I enjoy spending time. Friends who know with God all things are possible. Those who have overcome great struggles by trusting in the Lord, sharing their faith, spreading love and good cheer. Victory certain! And in the process they hear my name mentioned in the community favorably, lovingly, and I am humbled once more. Thank You, Jesus that the light of Your love shines through me. 

Friday evening the system was shut down for "repairs" and "upgrade," so I was able to end the day comforted that I had given my all!

Day 199 - In His Presence

Saturday at last! I was talking to Abba this morning about how quickly times passes by. I'm always so anxious for Wednesdays and weekends, because I am always so tired. Days come and go, and it seems I accomplish less and less, because I am burned out. I'm praying for a change, and I am eagerly awaiting my upcoming vacation, praying the days will linger on, allowing me quality time with my sons and my Lord.

Today I felt inspired to turn on music as I waited on the Lord, and "Oceans" by Hillsong United provided the inspiration I so badly needed. Praise music always has such an affect on me. I shared
with my friend that I told God I hope I never get too old to weep before Him in praise and worship. Something happens to people when they age sometimes, and they lose the ability to be who they are. I never want to lose sensitivity, and I don't care who doesn't understand or what others may say, think or feel. I don't have anything to lose in my devotion to God, and I have everything to gain.

The words of this great song have such meaning to me and are so to my heart, "You called me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail..." But the real grip of His hand on my heart comes when I sing from the depth of my soul, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever You may lead me...." Anyone who is truly waiting on God, trusting for a move, cannot kneel in His presence and be untouched by such words.

 

All I want for my life is what He wants, and the reality of the fact that I am going to be 65 years old in a couple of weeks does not dull this desire. I feel more alive in Christ than I have ever felt in my life, and I am ready to go where He says and do as He directs without hesitation, even it it continues to be a difficult walk. Nothing else satisfies like Jesus. I'm so glad He brings me back to the Sermon n the Mount, and I am so grateful for His continued love, mercy, and outpouring of grace on my life. I am so unworthy, but He loves me still.

I watched a movie this evening called "Second Chance" about a church in the projects of the inner city, and it reminds me of the need for Spirit-filled believers to reach out to help where help is needed most. Not fire and brimstone style condemnation, but tangible proof of the love of the Christ we serve. A people who are so called with love and compassion to be the "nuts and bolts of Christianity" for others. Ragamuffins one and all serving others uncompromisingly in their faith, trust, and love for God and all mankind. We understand what it means to be a sinner saved by grace, and we count it a privilege to encourage another struggling ragamuffin to grow in this grace and love.

My heart is full of joy this evening as I close out my day, and I can't think of a better way to end this day than by sharing my hope with anyone who happens to read my blog. I cranked up the DVD player so I can revel in the truth "God's Not Dead!" There's no better way to wind up my day in preparation for tomorrow and the week to come! As "Second Chance" ends the familiar cords of a childhood favorite rings..."On Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand. All other ground is sinking sand."

Day 193 - Still Waiting

 

"Happiness turns up more or less where you'd expect

it to be - a good marriage, a rewarding job, a pleasant

vacation. Joy, on the other hand, is as notoriously

unpredictable as the One who bequeaths it."

Frederick Buechner

Sunday rolled in and rolled out in a blink of an eye. I've been so tired this weekend, not really accomplishing much, but in a strange way I have found rest for my soul. I still have so many questions that need answers, but for tonight I can rest my head, content to wait for what comes next.  I have to believe that God is holding my "future and hope" in the palm of His hand, so I need to relax and wait, confident that He, who is not a man, will do what He says He will do. He hasn't failed me yet, and I know He never will.

Tomorrow I get my windshield repaired, as it has spread quite a bit over the weekend. No me importa, as I know there's a reason for everything. Perhaps God wanted to remind me who is in charge of my life, that is, if I want Him to be! The answer to that is a wholehearted AMEN!

It is amazing how a tiny, tiny speck of a rock can cause so much damage, and yet, that is the way it is with all things. It doesn't take much to turn things upside down or to right themselves again if we just have faith. I'm counting on that little piece of wisdom, as I need to figure out the response God wants me to have regarding some open-ended questions.

For now I want to get back to the simple life I have been living, although it is less than simple at times. At least the vision is simple, clear, and in the works. Obedience is better than sacrifice, and I just need to keep my eyes on the One who holds my future, ya know, the plan with a future and a hope! It's all about focus.

My prayer for today is simply this, "To God be the glory!"  Thank You, Lord, for bringing me back to a place of good memories today, and for allowing me to take another step of faith. May Your word continually light my path!

"Bless every humble soul who, in these days

of stress and strain, preaches sermons

without words."

Peter Marshall