Yesterday I spoke my heart, as I am known to do, so as not to be hindered in taking another step of faith - a virtual leap! Abandoned more than once and left to fend for myself with my face in the mud and the life sucked out of me, the marrow of trust leached from my bones. And yet, not so, because God cares enough to pull me out of any situation that seeks to destroy His creation, His workmanship. I'm not anyone's property to cast aside to reap destruction. I am His and His alone. I am a child of the One True God and bride to the Holy Bridegroom.This transient life holds no sway over me as I rest in His embrace.
Over the past two weeks I have been privileged to speak to quite a few people whom I seldom see or have seen only once face to face but have known for years. Others are ones I see all the time, but because of my excessive workload and personal difficulties I have not been as social as I normally am. I've been busy listening, and I have the pain to thank for giving me focus in my personal life and soul searching for my future. Some of the best words spoken to me spiritually about myself or others have been during times of intense physical anguish. Hearing the still small voice often comes with physical pain for me unfortunately, but these are amazing times that have purified me for his purpose or at least mad a painful beginning to the process.
Pain helps me direct my gaze on Him and on others, putting my "self" aside and directing my prayers where they are needed. Surprisingly not so much my release as for others who suffer unfathomable pain of body, soul, and spirit. Those who are being plunged into a life of lies, hate, envy, and abject misery. But God is calling them out, revealing the truth, exposing the hidden places in their hearts that have held them captive, prisoners for life, slavery to fear. I'm on my knees, not for myself but for you! Do you hear Him calling your name? Do you know He loves you with a jealous love so powerful that He can do what seems impossible to you or me. The great Intercessor is bidding you to come, wooing you by His love. He uses those who are willing to stand with you, those who understand your needs. He's here waiting to help you make the journey to His kingdom, His island of misfit toys, where you will be fashioned expressly by the hand of the Master Designer for His divine purpose.There you will find the life He has destined for you to live in Him, for Him, and by Him.
I am in the second session of In Christ's Image, and frankly the lessons this term are a bit tough for me, not in obtaining knowledge to get a passing score, but in the heart rendering the lessons evoke. We are discussing ministry gifts now, and I am suddenly aware...light bulb on experience..duh!...that the dreams and visions I have been given over a period of many years have been growing and are about to be "birthed" if I persevere. The island of misfit toys was not a new concept, but rather, it was something God showed me 30 - 40 years ago. I just didn't see it as clearly. And the same, recurrent dreams have been shown to me more times than I can remember. I think I needed to come to this point in my life where my focus on God superseded any other desire of my heart. As long as I can remember back in my childhood my heart has been inclined to God's word.
Interestingly enough since God talked me into this Bible study I lead in my home, reminding me of The Sermon on the Mount, prompting me to pull The Ragamuffin Gospel off the dusty shelf, and even using In Christ Image curriculum as confirmation, I have been loaded down with things that normally would not effect me, but are now overwhelming me to the point of destroying my physical health and emotional well-being. But I know intuitively that the battle comes from the enemy of my soul, and as I reiterate here again, he is wasting his time on me. Stubbornness can go a long way in a spiritual battle.
The series about ministry gifts in the In Christ's Image course disturbs me, because God has been reminding me of things He has spoken to me over the years. The vision remains the same, so if it is not going to be His way, which is the only way, then I need to re-direct my thoughts. But believe me when I say to you that this is a mega dream, and the scope of the ministries involved threatens or intimidates some, and even I am intimidated thinking "how can this be? And yet, He's God...He can do whatever He wants to do and with whomever He want. All He asks of me is trust and obedience. Is that so hard? Apparently so, as I find myself running away at times. But I'm not here for personal gain or glory, merely as a conduit of God's love, mercy and grace. Something is about to happen so I am beginning to feel encouraged, yet at the same time so afraid. I don't want to mess this up, but I don't want to miss my life.
Knowing there's more pain ahead is somewhat deterring. I mean haven't I had enough? Well, how can I object when the end is all that matters. The ending is really worth the wait...for all of us who understand of what I speak. My heart is so full of inexpressible wonder knowing something I said made sense to one of my children. He heard me when I shared my heart all those years ago, and now his life is beginning to have new meaning, new purpose. And more importantly he saw me, and he learned from watching me stand back up and fight for my life. He's settling down, he's not as angry, and he's content on waiting things out. I wish others could see his soul, the heart that's beating to know You more, Lord. Your love and faithfulness is beyond my imagining. I know we are encircled by Your love, guarded by Your angelic charges who guard the Shepherd's fold. Aside from your allowing it, he can never touch me.
"The person who forgets the language of gratitude
can never be on speaking terms with happiness."
Our Daily Walk
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