Lessons I'm Learning - 2

Today is my day off, so I am home resting. I keep hearing that I am one of the vulnerable ones since I'm in that senior age category and my autoimmune system is a risk factor. But I don't feel like I'm compromised. But, since I'm still working, I need to ensure the safety of my clients as well as my daughter's, so I am laying low today.

I've been asking the Lord to teach me what I need to learn and how to apply the lessons learned in the way in which I conduct my life, including speech, actions, and attitudes. Previously I've mentioned the importance of letting people know how important they are, especially during this crisis. Being kind and having an attitude of gratitude towards others. Being available and sharing encouragement. Now that tighter restrictions have been set many more people will become afraid and anxious. It's important to reassure one another and give hope. We can't pray and ask for miracles if we don't believe they will happen. Today I was reminded of God's faithfulness by a quotation from O. Hallesby:

"If we pray for anything according to the will

 of God, we already have what we pray for the moment 

we ask it. We do not know exactly when it will arrive; but we 

have learned to know God through the Spirit of God, and have 

learned to leave this in His hands,  and to live just as happily 

whether the answer arrives immediately or later."

Before they call, I will answer, and while they

are yet speaking, I will hear.

Isaiah 65:24

Life is definitely slowing down because of necessity, and it allows time to consider many things. The hoarding of certain items, toilet paper being the primary thing, has made me think about how much we waste as Americans. Speaking for myself, I have been noticing for quite some time how much food that goes bad before I eat it. Not because of an over abundance, as I don't keep very much food on hand. I live very simply and prefer soups, stews or casseroles that last more than one day. Since I work it makes it easier for me to eat sensibly without much fuss in preparation. I live alone, so it make sense. Still, I tend to let fresh vegetables and fruits go to waste by not eating them on time. I'm trying to change that habit.

I'm also learning that one roll of toilet paper goes a long way when it is used sensibly. After having to stand in line one morning in order to buy a package, I gained a better perspective of how things really are when the world is in an uproar. I have had an equally difficult time finding some staple goods, but I believe that is getting better. After all I really don't need that much for myself.

I'm sure I have much more to learn as the days go on. I want to grow in this experience, as I believe there's a purpose for every thing we endure in this life. My life has been an example of how the Lord  relentlessly pursues to fulfill His purpose. I am trying to keep learning and growing each day. Thankfully I still have time, and God is very patient and kind with me.

I hope things are going well with you as we journey along.

Lessons I'm Learning

Yesterday I wrote about the challenges I have been facing during this time of crisis in our world. I was reminded by a friend that having an attitude of gratitude is something we all need to show in our actions daily, especially now.

Whereas I have trying to thank all the front liners for standing strong, not quitting, but continuing on to serve us. It takes great courage to stand in the face of the enemy. I also want to thank those who have valiantly stood with me and my daughter over the years whether it be front lines or behind the scenes. We have continued to have support up to this day, and I know that it will continue, because that is what love is all about. Those who support her tangibly are a little busy right now, because they are part of the front line. But I remain grateful, because I know they hold my daughter and me in their prayers and thoughts...always, as we do them.

So thank you friends for your love and support, not only to my daughter and me, but to all those you serve as you and your families endure the days ahead. We hold you in prayer as well, and we are forever grateful!

Stay well and safe!!

Fear No More

I am reminded today of Queen Esther. When her people faced annihilation, she put aside her fear, fasted and prayed and met the enemy face on. She was placed in the palace as the wife of the enemy king by the Lord for such a time to fulfill His purpose. God does things like that, even today. He makes preparation.

Several weeks ago I had a dream. I've been struggling with fear, guilt, shame for a long, long time. My counselor has been interested in my crazy dreams in an attempt to find a pattern. This dream, however, was different. I was in a store, and there were several circles on the floor. Children were coming up and placing things into the circles. I could not see any tangible objects in their hands. One boy needed to leave, as he had someone waiting outside. I told him he still had something left to do. So he put what appeared to be a stuffed animal on the door as a sign to the one who was waiting that he was still inside. It was at that time my alarm clock went off, so I woke up.  The first words from my mouth were, "Lord, what was that all about!!" I closed my eyes, and I saw the store door open and I saw a child holding the hand of an adult leave the store. I opened my eyes, got up to walk to the kitchen, and I heard God clearly say, "Fear no more!" I was reminded of Psalm 23 and the words, "Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me...." Since that time I have been abnormally fearless and at peace. Over the past two weeks it has been as if God has been telling me that I needed to get rid of the garbage I have been holding on to and do what I have been called to do at "such a time as this."

I have been part of an intercessory prayer group for many years. Assignments arrive about every three months, and I must say that I feel very inadequate when it comes to prayer these days. But as Max Lucado reminded me in a recent quotation, "All of us have a donkey." I am also reminded that God used a donkey to speak to Balaam when he was doing something contrary to God's command.
Many times in my life I have felt so inadequate, fearful of not being "good enough," or not measuring up to a challenge. Gideon, whom God called "a mighty man of God" was cowering in a winepress stomping down his grain, hiding from the Midianites, at the time the angel of the Lord said those words. After Elijah had killed all the prophets of Baal in a mighty show of God's power, he bailed, depressed, afraid, and feeling forsaken, when he learned that Queen Jezebel had a contract out on his life, so to speak. Fear is a natural response to danger and feelings of inadequacy. But God said, "Fear no more!"

I feel that God is personally saying to me, "Linda, get your act together, I need you to do something."  So, that is exactly what I have been trying to do. These are difficult days, with many people sick and afraid. I believe that fear is a greater threat than the virus itself. Fear is exhausting. I believe in caution, but panic is never the correct response, and there has been widespread panic, hoarding, and unnecessary fear.

My daughter has a compromised immune system, so her exposure to anyone is limited routinely. She also has a very limited list of foods she is able to eat. So, imagine how difficult it has been to attempt to find food and chemically free personal items for her at this time. I have had to shop almost every day just to find dry beans, rice, and hydrogen peroxide. Thankfully, the vegetables she can eat have been abundant. Plus, I am making it a point to shop sensibly, rather than hoarding food. Since she lives about 100 miles from me, and only one person in her town is able to help her now, I will have to make the trek more often to ensure she has adequate food on hand. If the lady loses her job, then she has no reason to leave her home to go into town. Life may become more interesting, if that happens. I am also working part-time with two older seniors four days a week, so they are counting on me. Whereas I have always followed safe hygiene practices on the job and as part of my daily routine, the additional safety precautions, plus my daily foraging, have made life more challenging. But it hasn't been all that bad, and I limit public exposure to after hours. Although I have felt the stress, I have been trying to remain cheerful and courteous, and I must say that the people in my neck of the woods have reciprocated in kind. Whereas life is sometimes seemingly not so good, life is still good, we just have to pay attention.

What's our real part of all of this? Well, I'd say prayer. One thing I know and am reminded of each day is that God IS in control. Always. So, we need to stand in prayer together, knowing that this will pass. When Abraham and Moses prayed and cried out to God on behalf of His people, He answered. And He will respond to our prayers as well. This is our call to arms. Pray! Believe! Trust! God is faithful. Always!!

 

A Monumental Life

"Reliability. It's the bread and butter characteristic
of achievement. It's the shared ingredient behind
retirement pens, Hall of Fame awards, and golden
anniversaries. It is the quality that produces not
momentary heroics but monumental lives."

Max Lucado, God Came Near

A few mornings ago I was privileged to spend an hour with a young lady whom I feel is destined for greatness. Not necessarily in the realm of financial gain, but in her humanitarian efforts. She is a very calm, quiet, soft-spoken person with a heart of compassion and healing in her hands. She just graduated with a degree in nursing, and she will soon begin her first job as a nurse. The area of the hospital in which she will be working is difficult, but in her previous work as a caregiver, she is well-prepared to minister to the emotional needs as well as the physical ones.

Max Lucado, in an excerpt from his book God Came Near, speaks of "monumental lives." Those people who show up each day and get the job done, because they are reliable, trustworthy, and dedicated. Regardless of whether they love, or even like, their jobs or not. They do the best they can do, regardless, and try to present positivity, rather than negativity, in the workplace. Prior to my retirement I served as a case manager. I did not choose this career, I literally fell into the job. I was drafted for a higher position than the one for which I applied, based on my experience. I was so down on myself at the time, but God has always had His hand on my life, and He has strategically placed people in my path who see value in me when all I see are the mistakes. I think that's why the desire of my heart is to help other people, those who, like me, are alone. Those, like me, who have felt devalued, worthless, and hopelessly lost or stuck. Those who cry out to the Lord, who, seemingly, does not hear their pleas! Discouraged, they walk down the darkened path, do what they feel they must do to survive. But I want to see change from this endless spiral into hopelessness for the broken into hope. I dream of a home where the discarded and lonely can find a place to call home. Home means shelter, safety, nourishment, health, and healing. Much more, kindness, acceptance, love - above all love. God does hear our prayers, sees our hearts, and He inspires us and prepares the way for dreams to become realities. All is needed is to take one step, then another, trusting God to lead the way.

I'm blogging again. My daily journals are flowing with things I've encountered on the journey - fresh insight and some revelation. It's been a difficult tug-of-war, but praise and gratitude to my Abba Father keeps my focus on the goal. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but for Today, my favorite day as Winnie the Pooh puts it, I will walk step-by-step. If I fall, He'll pick me up, dust me off, and I will begin again. I want a monumental life in His service. I choose Jesus!

Sandcastles & Best Laid Plans

 "Days come and go. Seasons ebb and flow.

Every sunrise which becomes a sunset whispers the secret, 

"Time will take away your sandcastle."

Max Lucado

And the Angels were Silent

For the past thirty minutes I have been playing, whiling away the minutes on Pinterest. It really is a nice, relaxing, altogether fun pastime that more people ought to indulge. When I have much on my mind, which is often, and I don't want to deal with it, also often, I tend to sidetrack a bit until the wind stops blowing, and the space between my ears calms down. This New Year started as a whirlwind for me, and an ever-growing "list" of "to-dos." Not resolutions, mind you, just things that needed to be prioritized. This week was well-planned out, but everything has gone awry thus far, so my head is spinning. Snoopy and Winnie the Pooh help me focus a bit more clearly...and laugh hysterically. For a brief period of time I am a child again, laughing, enjoying the moment at play. Not a bad way to spend a morning or a life. My imagination keeps me going many days. I am after all a dreamer, a writer, and "a picture is worth a thousand words."

When January rolled in rather quickly for me, I was in a dither about my word for the year that I wanted to be my focus, to keep me in line with my hopes. After wrestling with God about "well-laid plans," I knew instinctively that my word is "Surrender." In fact, that is my goal, my purpose for my life. I can control nothing! This week thus far has proven that fact clearly. And, honestly, I don't want to control anything. I want my dependence to be on my Abba Father who never fails me. Worrying about "what if" has driven me nuts, so much so that I can't assimilate written messages. I cannot rush, change, or deviate from certain circumstances that have been set into motion, so I need to focus on what I can do today, in the moment, and do it faithfully and completely. God is in control, not me! If I trust Him to direct my path, then I need to trust Him.

So, I am making daily attempts to ride the wave of life and not to fear if the current shifts beneath me or even if the undercurrent drags me under. I've been there, done that in life and not just metaphorically. Very unpleasant being pulled under and dragged down, then up, then down again, with not a soul around to help. But I survived then, and I most certainly will survive anything I face today...and tomorrow...until my race is done. As Paul so aptly puts in in 2 Timothy 4:7-8 (NLT): "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me - the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing." That's what I want - to be found faithful, to hear the words "well done."

I love parables and metaphors. In the quotation from Max Lucado at the beginning of this blog, he used "sandcastles" as a metaphor for life. The scripture he used with this quotation was not the one I immediately thought, but it definitely had the same meaning. In Matthew 6:20-21 Jesus says: "Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." 

Each day I thank God for what each day brings, and I try to see everything that happens as a lesson to teach me, train and prepare me for the next step in my journey. I refuse to see negatives and allow them to attempt to steal my joy. I have my ups and downs, but I am purposeful in my desire to have an attitude of gratitude no matter what presents itself on a daily basis. Although there have been days, sometimes several in a row, where the only reason I get up is to go to work, because it is expected of me, I still get up. I still keep going. I am being faithful to what God has for me to do at that time, on that day. I am a survivor. Weekends can be harder, because I am usually not working, and although I love to attend church, and praising the Lord is how I lift myself from the miry pit, there are times when it is a struggle. But, I thank God for Flatirons Church. The senior pastor and his staff are not afraid to admit that they struggle with life's challenges. We are imperfect, but we love Jesus. I love ragamuffins. I am one. Brennan Manning defines a "Ragamuffin" as follows: “Ragamuffins are the unsung assembly of saved sinners who are little in their own sight and aware of their brokenness and powerlessness before God. A ragamuffin knows he’s only a beggar at the door of God’s mercy.” For me, embracing this truth allows me to have more compassion and love for my fellow man. We are all imperfect. No Christian has arrived. Jesus loves us. Plain and simple. To quote Rich Mullins, "God's already knocked out by us." He looks at us, and He sees Jesus.

Some people are always trying to tell me that God has forgiven me, so I need to forgive myself. I finally realized that it is impossible to forgive myself, because forgiveness costs. Jesus has already paid that price for me. He died for my sins. Otherwise, I would not need a Savior. It can be a tough one to wrap your brain around, but try to do it. It will save you a lot of shaming and quilting yourself. Believe me, I know. I have regrets in life, but I am forgiven. Thank You, Jesus, for giving Your life for mine. Now I need to focus on finishing the race, keeping the faith. I want my life to be well-lived, not a sandcastle washing away in the tides.

Merry Christmas

I have always loved the wonder of Christmas. When I was a teenager, my aunt gave me a Christmas music album by Andy Williams. I listened to this album over and over and over again. Each Christmas I would look forward to playing it as I decorated the Christmas tree. Sadly, it was taken by someone, inadvertently I trust, but I am still able to enjoy his music on YouTube. In fact, as I write, I am listening to the so familiar songs. Memories...so many wonderful ones!!

Yesterday, a friend and I were talking about Christmas hymns we love. Interesting that Oh, Holy Night is her favorite, as is mine! I also love Christmas movies, and just like hymns and other songs reserved for the Christmas season, I tend to watch them all year long. To me, Christmas is a day-to-day celebration, as the true meaning of Christmas is all about Jesus. Sometimes we forget about that as we get all caught up in the magic and wonder of the season. It is a beautiful time. Decorations, lights, gifts! What's not to love about that?! Candy, pie, cake, and all the yummy foods we love. Family and friends. Snow and snowmen! It truly is the most wonderful time of the year, as Andy sings.

This year I purchased a fresh tree, a small Douglas fir. He's a bit rotund, but I had so much fun decorating it. I pulled out all the special ornaments my children made in grade school. Remember those? The bells cut out of green or red construction paper with the children's school photo glued in the middle. Homemade ornaments made with what was handy at the time. My children learned to improvise quite well. A gingerbread man cut from styrafoam, painted and decorated by my daughter. Although he's missing part of one leg, he remains on the front of my tree. How I wish the kids could see the tree up close and personal. Actually, I just messaged some photos to my son. Hopefully, he will smile and remember lighter days.

My mother and grandmother were always singing or humming, and I picked up the habit, much to the chagrin of some. Sometimes I am not even aware of doing it. I think it comes from a heart of joy...knowing Jesus. He's the Best Friend I have, one who loves excessively and unconditionally. This morning as I sat writing in my journal, talking to Abba, I remembered a song mama used to sing often. Perhaps you know it:

Thank You, Lord, for saving my soul,

Thank You, Lord, for making me whole,

Thank You, Lord, for giving to me,

Thy great salvation, so full and so free.

I miss my parents and grandparents. Although life is never perfect, as it was never promised to be, I do have a rich heritage. More importantly, I have a rich spiritual heritage. I never want to lose sight of that. So this Christmas season, as I am alone with my Best Friend, remembering the past year, I am so grateful for the memories I have to cherish and for the new ones He is birthing in my life. I have made it a habit since 2016 to write down miracles and blessings I encounter daily. Over the years, especially the years of being alone, I have witnessed personal miracles of health and healing, deliverance from memories and hurts. I am so very blessed for the amazing life I have been given. Regrets...yes, but for the first time in my life, they no longer hurt me and control my life. I have everything I need. And although there are still miracles I am waiting to see come to fruition, I know in Whom I have believed, and I know that He is more than able. He does indeed have a plan for me...for my family...for anyone who truly asks and trusts Him. I am learning much about what some call unanswered prayer. I know that He always hears, and He always answers. Perhaps, not as we'd like, but always for His purpose and good. I trust that...more each day. Even in the struggles.

This Christmas day I want everyone to know that Jesus loves you. He who is God was born in human form, in the most humble of circumstances, to a virgin who had to face the scorn of her neighbors for her unwed condition and the stigma of religious persecution, Joseph who listened to the angel as did Mary and did not fear, Jesus came to earth to give us the free gift of His Love and eternal life for all who receive Him as Savior and Lord. I hope this is the gift that is opened this Christmas day. May you be blessed in His Love.

I Worship Him

For the past three-four weeks my journey has led me on a gnarled and twisted path where challenges lurk in every tangled web. I am not traveling alone. Jesus is guiding me, and I am armed in case of enemy encroachment. My weapons, however, are not worldly ones, but spiritual, so I can tear down every conceivable lie, break strongholds. The path is long, dark, and arduous. Often cold and damp, but there are breaches of light and tranquility. I don't always see the Light or feel the warmth of Love, yet I know He's here with me. He hears my voice calling out, holds me close, wipes away my tears, stills the anger as my heart gives way. He presses in, calls my name, encouraging me onward. This narrow path is not the only one that's there, but it's the one I choose, because He is there.

Today, I shut out the voices inside my head, the noise that threatens me, and I breathe in His Presence. I lift voice to Heaven, and I praise Him! I live to praise His Name. This is what I need right here, right now. I grew up singing hymns like "I Need Thee Every Hour," "What a Friend We Have in Jesus," and "In the Garden." Sadly, some who mouth the words don't hear the message, feel His Presence, or fully understand the truth. Words are important. So, when troubles threaten, I know from Whom my help comes. I know into whose arms to run. I don't have an earthly father, but I do have my Abba Father. When I trust enough to write and share, I make every attempt to be authentic, transparent, true. The journey was difficult in my early life. Still, I know I was loved, and I know that my earthly father was proud of me, because he told me. He always held high expectations, but throughout my life I felt that I failed him, or so it seemed. When he came to truly know Jesus as Savior and Lord later in his life, he began to see me as I am, a child of God, and understand me better. My daddy held expectations of me til the day he died with regard to my daughter who has her own journey through illness and isolation. That's another story and part of the tortuous path I journey. So we walk it alone in the human sense, but spiritually, we are never alone. She knows that, and she grows from it, as do I. Sometimes I feel so close to Abba that I feel the natural and the supernatural merge into one. They do actually, in Jesus.

Praise and worship have consumed me for these weeks. I am carried through the tasks and turmoils of each day by the notes and chords of Heaven. I share these messages of hope on Facebook for fellow travelers so no one feels alone. The mere mention of His Name and uplifted hands chase away the enemy. This morning, by chance or Divine intervention, I discovered a new song from another ministry team led by someone I adore, Israel Houghton. It's called "To Worship You I Live" by Israel and New Breed. In a time of spontaneous praise these words are raised:

"You are breath of my soul,

life in my bones,

You're the only one my heart wants to know."

This song has played over and over in my heart and mind this morning, much like others have carried me over the past weeks as I hang on to life and dreams and disregard the lies the enemy is trying to tell me. Sometimes he uses well-meaning people, other times he uses professionals who are supposed to encourage, not destroy. But I'm standing strong, gaining ground. I snap the undergrowth from my feet, and I knock down the webs of deceit and destruction, and I follow the voice that says "This is the way, follow me." I am comforted and strengthened, and I praise my Lord, because I will make it home safely.