Day 220 No Regrets

 

8/8/2026 

"To be a Christian without time alone with God

is no more possible than to be alive 

without breathing."

Daily Walk

 

I've been holding on to some hurts that seem to keep popping up, and today I was finally able to put the matter to rest. I'm learning that while none of us are perfect, much as we would like that to be so, we will fail each other at some point along the way. I wish I could know that I never disappointed anyone in my lifetime, but I know that simply is not so. I have failed multiple times, and even in recent days, there were things that I could have done to be more helpful and thoughtful towards others. I really want to be more intentional about following through on good ideas. I've had some ideas brewing in my mind, and it's about time I get busy following through on those thoughts. I have a birthday this week, and it makes me realize more and more that my days are numbered. I must get busy while there is still time. This may require me tracking down some slippery cousins who always seem to be busy, but I want to see everyone. I want to know about their lives, and I want to be their friend. I moved two thousand miles to spend time with family, so I am going to try my best to do as much as I can to make that happen. We've had one cousin's reunion, but there's much more to be done. Time is precious.

I tend to set the bar high for myself when it comes to being a doer of the word and not a hearer only. But I am also very critical at times of pastors who are not watching over the flock. I admit that this tendency to judge their lack of concern has been a feeling I have had to fight my entire life. I think it may be from the amount of neglect I have witnessed from the type of work that I was doing. God entrusted many people's lives to me, and seeing them hurt and disappointed by their families was difficult enough, but when the church is the culprit, a place and people that I represented did not follow through, it hurt me deeply as well. 

The Bible says that "mercy triumphs over judgment," and I am a very compassionate, forgiving, and merciful person, thanks to Jesus. Only because of His transformation of my life. All my life I've cared about people, how they were treated, and being raised in the South in the 50's was a period when my feelings were tested greatly. Fortunately, I never witnessed severe mistreatment and abuse up close and personal towards another person. The closest I came was when I was 18 years old, working for a jeweler who felt that the black man who worked there shouldn't be talking to me, much less walking with me in the evening to the bus stop. Petersburg was a dangerous place back then, and out of his kindness, he was trying to protect me from harm. He was threatened, so I quit my job. Otherwise, he may have lost his, and for what?! Trying to protect a young lady from potential harm! My family was not happy, but I have never regretted my action. Later, when I was in my early 20's I had another test, a much larger one, and I stood my ground again. Fortunately, I didn't lose my job, but I stood against racism on behalf of the US Army where I worked.  

With regard to my initial confession, I have finally put the hurt away, an offense against my son, actually. I realized just how many times I've probably not responded to assist someone when I had the opportunity, and, like I said, I'm sure I've done much worse in my life. The fact that the one who offended my son, who really hurt him at a time when he desperately needed a friend, really hurt. On one hand I understand the immaturity of a young man, trying to build his church, but a pastor should have time for anyone who needs him, a member of his church or not. They were very close as children, but I guess time causes one to move on and forget. I do forgive, and the hurt is lessening, because, as I said, we all fail. I don't feel the need to confront, as it seems a mute fact, and it is time to move on. I hadn't even realized how much it still hurt until Holy Spirit spoke to my heart, then confirmed it three times. So, I release this situation into God's capable hands, and I pray that He will send a friend my son's way. I ask Him for direction for a church family for myself as well, and there are possibilities. A place to belong, a sense of family and community, and a place to serve. I miss that, as I've only had online churches for quite awhile. I attend locally, but I have not formed close friendships. I want to correct that! 

I want to live my life with no regrets. When I sin or fall short of God's high calling, I want to be quick to ask forgiveness, repent, and make things right. It's the only way to live.