Day 59 - Wonder

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold. "

Frodo Baggins

The Lord of the Rings

Is Frodo right? I think so, mostly. It doesn't mean that forgiveness has not been won. It simply means, there's no going back. There's only forward, and that is scriptural. We forget the former things, God is doing a new thing. 

I love watching and re-watching this movie. It's a favorite, old friend, as it holds so many truths dear to me - those of friendship, love, courage, and goodness.  There is no defeat, only success. There is no loss, only gain.  And so it was. And so it is, and so it should always be.

The end announces the day of the King, a time when all work together to rebuild a kingdom of truth and righteousness, working together as a team with a common purpose. I wait anxiously and expectantly for our day of the King that is coming very swiftly as we stand and fight for what is godly, righteous, and true. Our soon coming King, Jesus the Christ.

Tolkien was a genius, and I so wish the stories would continue. They bring comfort.  I need that. Last night in our Bible study, a small gathering of only three, but we discussed the "wonder" of life, how it has been lost. Wonder is simply found in the commonplace things of this life such as the dew on the grass, the smell of a rose, the sign of the rainbow or twinkling of a star. Today there's a need to label or classify every living organism without considering the simple joy of creation. We are too busy to take the time to enjoy the peace a gentle rain allows, or the smell of the rain on the earth, nurturing and aiding the growth of the new crop. We have lost the wonder of all these things.

Last night while we were inside, snug and warm enjoying the fellowship of Christian family, snow was freshly falling.  Oh the beauty of freshly fallen snow. God heard my prayers for this wonder of wonders. This morning when I awakened, it was still snowing, so I rushed to get my camera, so I could attempt to capture the beauty I witnessed, the blessing God allowed me to see.

Now tucked inside the warmth of the home He has graciously provided for me, I can dream of days as a child when I made snowmen, ate snow cream, and tramped through the woods on blankets of snow. I can enjoy this day, drink hot chocolate, play music of a time when the world slowed down and enjoyed the beauty of life and friendship and sense of family and purpose. A life I miss, a life I dream of having once again.

For now I am content with my dreams, because I know in Whom I have believed. And because I have not stopped dreaming, and I have never lost the wonder. Here's a story I'd like to share:

"Several years before his death, a remarkable rabbi, Abraham Joshua Heschel, suffered a near-fatal heart attack. His closest male friend was at his bedside. Heschel was so weak he was only able to whisper; 'Sam, I feel only gratitude for my life, for every moment I have lived. I am ready to go. I have seen so many miracles during my lifetime.' The old rabbi was exhausted by his effort to speak. After a long pause, he said, 'Sam, never once in my life did I ask God for success or wisdom or power or fame. I asked for wonder, and he gave it to me.'"

Have you lost your wonder? Do you catch your breath when you see a rainbow and remember the promise that it holds? Do you search to see the Man in the Moon? Do you marvel at the intricate beauty of a spider's web, fresh with the dew of the morning? Or a mother bird feeding her young?

I challenge each reader to ask God for wonder in your life. It will be a true legacy to leave your children and your grandchildren, and it will refresh your soul and rejuvenate your longing and satisfy your desire for simply living.

"Do you want to build a snowman?
Come on let's go and play."

Day 58 - Choices

Life happens or so I hear.  So many cliches about handling the challenges in life. "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Stuff like that. Good words, reassuring, purposeful and what not.  Life is full of cliches, conundrums, paradoxes, and ironies. Then there's truth, straight, honest, forthright, and precise. Personally I don't like to guess what a person is saying...or not saying. Be direct, and look me in the eyes.

I choose to shine. I choose to stand. I choose to forgive. I choose life.  I choose love.  I choose God.

In Philippians we are told to think on "the good, the pure, the lovely, the things of a good report; if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things." We make a choice.  We choose to think God's way. That's all I want, all I ask for, all I dare to ask.  Simply put, I want what He wants for me, and so I wait, and I ask, seek, knock, listen, and feel the peace. Listening and waiting are what I do best. Thank You, Lord, for being patient with me.

 

Day 57 - Abiding in Christ

I have always loved to dance, and I love to walk in the rain. A child never goes around a puddle, they happily jump into it or over it. I'm a puddle jumper and splasher.  Have been since I was a kid.  There's just something about letting go and splashing.  My younger son, Daniel, has always been like me. He never walked around a puddle, but he's slosh and dance on through.  Adventuresome spirit.

Another thing about me is that storms have never frightened me.  In fact I find it very restful in thunder, lightning, and storms.  To me it has a calming effect more so than it frightens me. Today the wind was blowing at an incredible speed, and although I know how dangerous that can be here where I live, I still find something exciting about the strength and force of wind.

I'm taking tomorrow off to help a a friend, and it feels so liberating to know I don't have to do anything. This is why I have decided to take a few days off and just rest and listen to what God's is saying to me in the midst of this great storm in my life.  I trust Him to show me the direction He would have me take.  Perhaps He'll send me away, or I may stay here. But I need to know.  People are always telling me to do what makes me happy, but I can honestly say that what makes me happy is knowing what makes Him happy. I just need to listen, and yes, Father, I need to trust.

 

Finding a quiet place where I can rest and listen is never difficult for me, because I have my special "hiding spots."  But this time may be a bit different, because I am pursuing a different type of answer. And I want to rest in whatever God decides for me to do. I always want to be confident, but these days I am not. I want to be content in whatever circumstance I find myself, but I am finding this is not the case with me. This I find distressing, as I want to be true to myself and to God. So what I most want in this life is to find a place where I can sleep, rest, dream and abide in Christ.

God has always been my strength, my shield, my strong arm and protector. I really do trust Him, but the storm has been raging so swiftly and continuously of late that I fear my eyes have focused more on the storm than Him. Please forgive me, My Love, for You ARE my refuge and strength. My only ambition is life is to be well-pleasing in His sight. I do not want to fail Him, again.

 

Day 56 - Swinger of Birches

Peace in the midst of turmoil.  As a young parent I used to handle that well, but these days it's harder to silence the voices inside my head. Harder to breathe.

Today I reached a whole new level of insanity that almost did me in. I have had to get to this place just to find myself again. To get away from the madness temporarily before I totally lose who I am.  I know who I want to be, but pressures of the day seem to shove "me" to the place where I cannot think. I am losing track of reality or perhaps I know reality all too well. Not being able to change it gets to me. Lack of respite. Apathy. Words fail.

Thankfully I know how to regain my sense of "being myself." There's only one solution, and it will take longer than a weekend shut away in a house by myself. Beginning next week I have a plan. It will begin slowly, but over time I pray it brings the answer I seek. I've been asking for an answer for quite awhile, but the answer I receive is "Trust Me".  Funny how you think you are trusting when in truth you're far from it.

My prayer is that once the answer and direction come I will have the courage to make a change. Sometimes I wish I could relive the childhood days of spending time in the woods at my grandparent's home, laying on the "big rock" reading, walking down to the railroad tracks against my mother's wishes, and riding trees in the breeze. My childhood escapes from insanity saved my life, perhaps remembering will help now.
 

Birches

by Robert Frost

When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy’s been swinging them.
But swinging doesn’t bend them down to stay
As ice storms do. Often you must have seen them
Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselves
As the breeze rises, and turn many-colored
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel.
Soon the sun’s warmth makes them shed crystal shells 
Shattering and avalanching on the snow crust—
Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away
You’d think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.
They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,
And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed 
So low for long, they never right themselves:
You may see their trunks arching in the woods
Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground
Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair
Before them over their heads to dry in the sun. 
But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter of fact about the ice storm,
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows—
Some boy too far from town to learn baseball, 
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father’s trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them, 30
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise 
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground. 
So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It’s when I’m weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs 
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig’s having lashed across it open.
I’d like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May not fate willfully misunderstand me 
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth’s the right place for love:
I don’t know where it’s likely to go better.
I’d like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk 
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

Day 55 - Remember

" Remember that you are needed.

There is at least one important work 

to be done that will not be done

unless you do it."

Charles Allen

 

People think I am strong, but I'm not. In fact I feel very weak most of the time, and I battle with my insecurities. Two weeks of battling for one thing. Standing for what was true and right, yet I feel that I have been beaten to a pulp. Very difficult days.

Getting alone with my thoughts may be just the ticket.  I haven't done it for awhile. Only thing is where do I go to escape hearing anything except God's voice. I am trusting for the answer, grateful for the hope. I feel like I am losing myself in the hypocrisy. 

So tired. So I rest.

Day 54 - Enough Said

The fullness of our heart is expressed in our eyes, in our touch, 

in what we write, in what we say, in the way we 

walk, the way we receive, the way we need.

Mother Teresa

 

eyes

touch

  

 write

 

say

 

walk

 

receive

 

need


Enough Said!

Day 53 - Roads

 

 Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are times when I become deeply introspective, and I like to consider the words of people who are able to express similar thoughts in ways that even stump the minds of those considered to be "great thinkers."

I have a plaque on my bedroom wall with the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson noted above. He lived during the transcendental period of history and literature, a time of self-reliant introspection and contemplation. I often look at that quotation, and I realize that I don't follow what people call the "norm," and I doubt I ever will.  I want to be true to who I am, and be able to touch someone's life with the deeds that I do, words that I write, and things I speak. I don't seek the applause of man, as my Father has His hand on my life, and anything that brings Him honor and glory is all that I want in this life.

 “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”

Henry David Thoreau

Civil Disobedience and Other Essays

In this literary work Thoreau spoke of people going to their graves without realizing their full potential, probably because so few were willing to take a risk that involves completely changing the mediocrity of their lives. At least that is how I interpret the meaning of those words, although I confess it has been years since I read Thoreau or Emerson.

Some consider me to be a "free spirit," and I hope I am, free in the sense of not following someone's opinion of what I should or should not do, or even if I am not, in their eyes, able to do something. I believe in dreams, and I realize more each day that the path of our lives are laid out in front of us, guiding us along the way. We just need to look harder, and we'll see it. The way is darkened by circumstances which try to discourage us, yet all we need to do is listen to One voice, the still small voice, to get bearings for our lives.

I have been talking in my blogs about being willing to stand when others run or cower behind the lies. I cannot do that. I have to be true to my convictions, never critical of how someone else may feel, but straight forward when the time calls for it regardless of the consequences. I admit it gets pretty tense at times, but I stand true to what I feel is the right thing to do.

I just finished watching a movie called "Steel Magnolias" about friends who stick together through difficult times. Based in the south it brings many memories to mind, and touches my heart in ways that are difficult to express. The tragedy in the movie is a bit close to home for me, as it speaks of the closeness of a mother-daughter bond. I miss that very much, but I pray that one day things will take a different turn, and things can be as they should. Until then, I hang on to memories, precious times and dream of those to come.

Sometimes there's a price to pay in life, but in the end I believe "all things work together for good, for the called according to His purpose." And that's my life.

The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Day 52 - Rest

Today was an unexpected blessing for which I am truly grateful.  I haven't been feeling well, so I lounged around today doing very little. I guess the exhaustion caught up to me. That and whatever "bug" tried to crawl my way.

I have a friend who tells me I need to rest up, and I guess his wish came true. I slept until 5 pm, and I could have slept some more, but I needed to get some work out of the way.  I was amazed that most of it was already done, and I just had to update a few things.  Thank you, Lord!

I have decided that I need to re-establish some boundaries and priorities in my life, because it's what's most important in my life. I want my focus clear. That requires some discipline on my part, as it is my responsibility to be the best that I can be.  Everything I do, everything I say, the way I live my life should show my love for the Lord. Sometimes we have to slow down before we can recognize the most important things.

It's not that I've forgotten the important things, but I do tend to spend way too much of my personal time working at things that although important or necessary can wait another day. 

Thank you, Lord for the time we spent today, resting and sharing. You are the light of my life.

Once more I am heading off to restful slumber. Tomorrow is another day to praise the Lord!

Day 51 - Help is on the Way!

Listening to praise and worship music always makes me feel loved and happy.  Plus the extra benefit of health.  I haven't been feeling well the last few days, but today has been the worst thus far.  Not sure what ails me, but the only thing that helped me feel better is singing to the Lord.

Michael W Smith sure writes some beautiful music, and this one, "Deep in Love with You" is one of the best. I invite you to travel by way of YouTube and listen. It'll touch your heart.

Another one he wrote is "Breathe," and it lifts you from whatever pit you may find yourself wallowing in. Trust me....I know.  Trust Him....He delivers.

It seems I have this crazy way of dealing with things, especially sickness.  No matter how bad I feel I can still pray.  And if my head throbs and my sinuses burn, I can still sing.  I learned early on in my life...from my mama.  I remember being so down, lost when my friend died in a car crash when I was 15 years old.  It was Easter Sunday, and she and her family were going to see their gramma after church.  I was invited, but for some unknown reason I didn't go.  On the way back Susan and Melinda were in the back seat of the car sleeping when a drunk driver hit their car.  Both died instantly as the car blew. 

I couldn't bring myself to go to the funeral, too much hurt, but as my mama left she asked me if I could pray. And I did, and I still do. I think about them all the time and wonder....  There's another tragedy to this story that's best left unspoken, because remembering causes pain. Point is Susan and I sang in the choir, and there was one song we loved so much, "Peace I Leave with You." This is the song I sang that day, and I sing every time I think of her which is often.  It goes:

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. Not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Not as the world giveth, give I unto you." 

I searched for the music, but it's been too many years ago, and things are different now, but those words, taken from scripture, bring peace when my soul is troubled.

Tonight I'm tired, and I'm not feeling the best on the outside, but inside I'm the free spirit I'm known be around these parts. And although I don't have much energy on the outside on the inside, I'm free to be "me"...........................................................!  Help is on the way!

nnnnn

Day 50 - Bears Repeating

Each evening before I go to bed I set my alarm clock to wake me in the morning. The first alarm plays to the tune of froggie night and sounds at 5:30 am. The next at 6:00 am, following by 6:30 am, then 7:00 am. By the time the fourth frog sings I am wide awake and ready to drown the frogs. I imagine you think I am paranoid about getting up on time. Well, you're right!

I love to begin my day with Monday a morning conference call only to start my Tuesday with yet another conference call. Lastly I have the distinct pleasure of driving a four hours round trip to go to a meeting where for the third time in one week I have someone read to me again the same material I heard the other two days. Over kill is never a fun routine, yet it seems to be the way the world handles things on a business and personal level. By now I am getting weary of the new command of the weak. Yes, I spelled that correctly - "weak." Some things bear repeating, other things are so blatantly obvious it defies logic to repeat. To quote the character, Inman in the movie Cold Mountain, "Repeating a thing doesn't improve it."

 
I am accustomed to working hard, following guidelines and processes, but I have learned that hands on experience coupled with common sense is the better teacher. Perhaps I am just getting cynical in my older age, but simplicity is better and less is more.

There are things, however, that need to be repeated, and as they are reiterated the meaning of the words intensify and bring courage and assurance. Words like "Be strong and of good courage!" In the book of Joshua as the children of Israel get ready to go in and take the land of promise God tells them to "be strong and courageous" four times. First in Chapter 1, verse 6, then verse 7, verse 9, and finally in verse 18. He tells them to suit up and follow His lead. Guess what! They did, and they were victorious in battle...against all natural odds.

Today I was able to concentrate on my daily tasks, tie up some loose ends, and shut down at a decent hour of the night. Perhaps tomorrow I can get ahead of the game without having to stay up half the night.  We shall see how tomorrow goes tomorrow. All I know is that no matter what tomorrow brings, I do not have to be concerned. My job is to be strong and courageous, and as He's said more than once, "Trust Me!"

For tonight I am going to rest up for another fun day at the zoo where insanity reigns supreme, and if there's a harder way to do things, that's the chosen way.

We'll visit this thought again sometime, but then maybe not. Adeu...the rest remains unspoken!

My final thought for the battle weary:

mmmmmm

Day 49 - Rhythm

"Today we believe God wants you to know that ... it's important you maintain your natural rhythm of life.

Everyone has their own rhythm of living, - for some it's faster, for other it's slower. When you are forced to live outside your own rhythm, it is exhausting. Remember to keep coming back to your own rhythm."

 Why do people always try to help you find your way? Am I lost? Do I need to be found? I don't think I'm hiding, I'm just waiting. There's a lot of pressure in my head these days. Like a bomb waiting to explode. Sometimes I just sit and rock, wondering and remembering. Memories of long ago when I felt like me. Who else can I be?

 There's a secret place I go to escape, magical really.  Mentally traveling through time, watching, waiting, looking for that opportune moment to walk through the portal of time.

 A secret place...a garden...a woods overgrown with scrubs and wildflowers or simply a gnarled garden of wood be guardians struggling to protect.

  There I find my shelter in the woods, a place of tranquility, where dreams are birthed, ideas hatch from their period of incubation, waiting, waiting....! 

 I quietly rest awhile...there's a table for two, yet I am the only one here. Curious, yet not. I'm waiting for you...or are you waiting for me? I slip back through the portal to begin my search, yet you are nowhere to be found. I retrace my steps back into the treed slumber of my dreams, and that is where you'll find me. Waiting....................

Along the way I stop to look outside my window in the woods. Peaceful, quiet, I am not afraid...I am at rest. As I begin my journey I know I can do anything as long as I have my secret retreat to gather my thoughts and rest my mind. A place to dream, remembering...........

 

 

Day 48 - Against All Odds

My thoughts are spiraling whether upwards or downwards, who knows?! I think, I dream, I walk, I scream, and I realize I still don't know.

I must be in the hallway, looking, watching, waiting...not in a huff or worried...patiently waiting.  I know He's around the corner with the plans He has for me.

Am I unhappy where I am...definitely not!  Is there value in what I do?  Certainly is!  Is it my dream?  God knows.

Do I give up dreaming and walk away to a place where I can rest from my labor, yet wither up and die? Or do I continue to give my best effort to what's right in front of me in the expectation of a greater reward headed my way?

 You're absolutely right about that one, Father.  I'll do it Your way! The best way!

Day 47 - Destiny and Purpose

 

Life is often full of mixed emotions. On the one hand all is going well with our little part of the world, then an unexpected blow comes, and our hearts are broken and dreams are dashed. I go through this a lot lately.  I have always been honest with my readers, my friends about my insecurities, demons that go boo in the dark nights of my soul. But, God is ever faithful to me, and I realize all the more each day how blessed I am to have friends who support me, even when I least expect it or realize it.  It's a "rewind moment" or an "aha moment."  I know most of you may not know what in the world I am trying to express, but for any of you who have been knocked on the head real hard once or more in your life, you will understand.

When my younger son, Daniel was 4 years old he was in the hospital for surgery.  The evening he was discharged from the hospital I had to pick up my other two little ones, ages 6 and 8, from my mother's house, then drive home.  It was late when we got home and very dark. I remember Kristie who was 8 then holding the door open for me as I brought in their clothes and sundry items from the car. Both Daniel and TJ were safely in the house, so Kristie asked me if that was all, and I said, "yes, honey, all that's left are my books."  I was in college at the time, so my books were in the trunk.  All I remember after that is Kristie closing the door of the house, being struck on my head and turning in a "trance-like" state struggling with someone. My children heard the noise, and somehow the attacker ran off, and I stumbled into the house. The children were so terrified, I remember. I was an EMT at the time, so I called my friend who lived a few doors down who was also an EMT, and she doctored my head. My son, Daniel, is a grown man now, but that injury along with injuries beginning at the age of 3 or 4,  and continuing at different intervals over the years, have made my brain a ticking bomb in certain ways.  The blessing associated with this attack is that there was a nail in the 2 x 4 the attacker used to hit me, but thanks to the grace of God, the nail did not enter my head. When the pressure shifts that injury feels as if it just happened, and it causes my thought processes to become jumbled at the slightest inclination.

Thankfully, there are people who are sensitive to the special needs of others.  I don't talk about this incident or the other mishaps involving trauma to my head very often; most people, to include my family, are unaware of many of the things that have transpired in my life. They'd be surprised just how resilient this ole gal truly is, and how amazing a God I serve. Bad things happen to people all the time, but those things do not define the person you are or who you truly are meant to be or to do. Tonight I was feeling so self-conscious about sharing my "secret" with a friend today, but then I put on my tape for my In Christ's Image study, and Francis was talking about how the accuser of the brethren tries to steal our dreams and cast doubts and causes fear to well up and destroy our dreams. God has a purpose for my life, and I have a destiny to fulfill for His purpose. Yes, I am getting older, but God says that in these last days these dreams will once more be brought to light by God, the same dreams and visions He has given before. Truly nothing is impossible with God. So I certainly should never fear sharing truth about myself with another. It's life. It's my life.

 

This morning we had our usual Monday morning "team meeting" which is a conference call for teleworkers such as myself. Our manager goes over the new edicts, and we sigh about having yet another change or one more task to do in a long range of already overwhelming tasks.  So I get this IM (instant message) from a couple of my friends asking some questions while I'm on the phone talking to someone else. Then I get another one from one of the gals asking for some forms for a certain program. I send them to her, and she writes back, "Can you send the ones in English?"  I open the forms, and they are in English.  So I write back to that effect. She writes back, "At the top, it's in Spanish, but the letter is in English." So I look at it, and sure enough she's right. We go back and forth about how strange this seems, and she's concerned about getting the right form. So I look at it, and begin to read what it is saying at the top of the form written in Spanish.  I giggled, and I sent a text back to my fellow Spanish-speaker, "Um, hey, look at the form, and read it. It says "The information contained in this letter is very important. If you need to have it translated into another language, please call...."  It was one of those "aha moments" I spoke of earlier. By then we were on the phone talking, cracking up in unbelievable side-splitting laughter. Like when all else fails, read the information...duh!  But it was such a moment of release we laughed so hard.  The obvious was right there in front of our faces.  I told her we needed a vacation! And so my day continued in similar fashion with silly mishaps until the end of the day, when I was hurrying to get off to a meeting at 5 pm. That's when the pressure started shifting, and my head started doing it's thing, and I lost control. Thankfully, all ended well, because God gives me angels at work who let me know I can do this, because God has our back.

 

So here is where I leave my day, grateful that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength regardless of what comes my way or how the wind blows or pressure changes. And, thanks to Francis I know that I still dream dreams and see visions, and I have a God given purpose and a destiny. The best part being my dreams and visions will one day soon come to fruition.

Day 46 - Tiny Drops of Humanity

"Those tiny drops of humanity. Those round, wet balls

of fluid that tumble from our eyes, creep down our cheeks,

and splash on the floor of our hearts.... They are miniature

messengers, on call twenty-four hours a day to substitute for

crippled words. They drip, drop, and pour from the corner of 

our souls, carrying with them the deepest emotions we possess."

No Wonder They Call Him The Savior

Max Lucado

Heartbreak, despair, loneliness, fear, isolation, horror...how can words describe the depth of a soul grasping for meaning or understanding in a condition of heart and mind where there is no explanation, no way to express the misery, defeat, or lack of consolation. We try, but words fail. Only One offers comfort we can accept at these moments of inexpressible crying out in our pain. And it is often at these times when someone hits rock bottom they are able to grab hold the hand of grace extending out to them. "Hope for the helpless, rest for the weary, love for the broken heart...."

Yesterday while visiting on the phone with a trusted friend whom I call brother, I made a miserable attempt to express the brokenness of my life and my present concerns for people who simply do not see and do not want to understand. Who are so insecure regardless of their achievements that they must fight these battles to prove themselves correct. It doesn't matter who suffers the consequences of their actions.

Moses stood before an entire generation of people who failed to see the grace of God, who grumbled and complained even when they were seeing the riches of the land of promise, a land overflowing with "milk and honey." They saw the impossibilities which loomed higher and greater than the obvious bounty they could possess if they only trusted. The consequence was the death of a generation, save two, and a forty years wilderness trip of more grumbling, complaining, and eventual dying off of that generation, never to partake of the promised land. Is it any different today? Where is our trust, where is our faith?

There is so much tragedy around us, and we fail we see or try to understand. We complain about the tiniest inconvenience missing the glory all around us. So unconcerned for anyone other than ourselves and our disadvantages.

God's heart is broken, our Savior cries, and I feel it...can't you?  If you are broken, if your lonely, if your heart cries out for someone to believe...so does He all the more, because He does love you. He loves me.

Look carefully at the faces and write your own story of the message you see in each:

 

the tears of the innocent...



 the tears of the hungry...
  



the tears of a nation in despair...

 

the tears of uncertainty...

the tears of loss...
 



 the tears of regret...

 

the tears of relentless wondering...

 

 the tears on one struggling to remain strong...
 
 

 the tears of one seeking for answers, to understand why...
 


tears of mixed emotions, longing for truth...
 


tears of longing for opportunity...

 

 tears of brokenness and longing, abandonment and shame...
 


tears of surrender...



tears of a leader who honors God...



tears of love embracing Love...

"Jesus wept."
John 11:35