Life is often full of mixed emotions. On the one hand all is going well with our little part of the world, then an unexpected blow comes, and our hearts are broken and dreams are dashed. I go through this a lot lately. I have always been honest with my readers, my friends about my insecurities, demons that go boo in the dark nights of my soul. But, God is ever faithful to me, and I realize all the more each day how blessed I am to have friends who support me, even when I least expect it or realize it. It's a "rewind moment" or an "aha moment." I know most of you may not know what in the world I am trying to express, but for any of you who have been knocked on the head real hard once or more in your life, you will understand.
When my younger son, Daniel was 4 years old he was in the hospital for surgery. The evening he was discharged from the hospital I had to pick up my other two little ones, ages 6 and 8, from my mother's house, then drive home. It was late when we got home and very dark. I remember Kristie who was 8 then holding the door open for me as I brought in their clothes and sundry items from the car. Both Daniel and TJ were safely in the house, so Kristie asked me if that was all, and I said, "yes, honey, all that's left are my books." I was in college at the time, so my books were in the trunk. All I remember after that is Kristie closing the door of the house, being struck on my head and turning in a "trance-like" state struggling with someone. My children heard the noise, and somehow the attacker ran off, and I stumbled into the house. The children were so terrified, I remember. I was an EMT at the time, so I called my friend who lived a few doors down who was also an EMT, and she doctored my head. My son, Daniel, is a grown man now, but that injury along with injuries beginning at the age of 3 or 4, and continuing at different intervals over the years, have made my brain a ticking bomb in certain ways. The blessing associated with this attack is that there was a nail in the 2 x 4 the attacker used to hit me, but thanks to the grace of God, the nail did not enter my head. When the pressure shifts that injury feels as if it just happened, and it causes my thought processes to become jumbled at the slightest inclination.
Thankfully, there are people who are sensitive to the special needs of others. I don't talk about this incident or the other mishaps involving trauma to my head very often; most people, to include my family, are unaware of many of the things that have transpired in my life. They'd be surprised just how resilient this ole gal truly is, and how amazing a God I serve. Bad things happen to people all the time, but those things do not define the person you are or who you truly are meant to be or to do. Tonight I was feeling so self-conscious about sharing my "secret" with a friend today, but then I put on my tape for my In Christ's Image study, and Francis was talking about how the accuser of the brethren tries to steal our dreams and cast doubts and causes fear to well up and destroy our dreams. God has a purpose for my life, and I have a destiny to fulfill for His purpose. Yes, I am getting older, but God says that in these last days these dreams will once more be brought to light by God, the same dreams and visions He has given before. Truly nothing is impossible with God. So I certainly should never fear sharing truth about myself with another. It's life. It's my life.
This morning we had our usual Monday morning "team meeting" which is a conference call for teleworkers such as myself. Our manager goes over the new edicts, and we sigh about having yet another change or one more task to do in a long range of already overwhelming tasks. So I get this IM (instant message) from a couple of my friends asking some questions while I'm on the phone talking to someone else. Then I get another one from one of the gals asking for some forms for a certain program. I send them to her, and she writes back, "Can you send the ones in English?" I open the forms, and they are in English. So I write back to that effect. She writes back, "At the top, it's in Spanish, but the letter is in English." So I look at it, and sure enough she's right. We go back and forth about how strange this seems, and she's concerned about getting the right form. So I look at it, and begin to read what it is saying at the top of the form written in Spanish. I giggled, and I sent a text back to my fellow Spanish-speaker, "Um, hey, look at the form, and read it. It says "The information contained in this letter is very important. If you need to have it translated into another language, please call...." It was one of those "aha moments" I spoke of earlier. By then we were on the phone talking, cracking up in unbelievable side-splitting laughter. Like when all else fails, read the information...duh! But it was such a moment of release we laughed so hard. The obvious was right there in front of our faces. I told her we needed a vacation! And so my day continued in similar fashion with silly mishaps until the end of the day, when I was hurrying to get off to a meeting at 5 pm. That's when the pressure started shifting, and my head started doing it's thing, and I lost control. Thankfully, all ended well, because God gives me angels at work who let me know I can do this, because God has our back.
So here is where I leave my day, grateful that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength regardless of what comes my way or how the wind blows or pressure changes. And, thanks to Francis I know that I still dream dreams and see visions, and I have a God given purpose and a destiny. The best part being my dreams and visions will one day soon come to fruition.
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