Where I Am

 

God calls us to stand in faith regardless of what we see or what may be happening to us. He tells us in His word that things we must endure in our lives have a far greater purpose than our finite minds could begin to understand. Sometimes the pain, tragedy, personal loss, and feeling of being so alone are so overwhelming that it is difficult to perceive that God has a plan and purpose that will bring Him glory. When we say "Yes" to Jesus and accept God's grace, we are told to expect persecution. Jesus said it Himself that if the world hated Him, it would hate us also. Sadly, I am experiencing the onslaught of the enemy's hatred for me and my family. So if God's word is true, and He is not a liar, I must be on the right path to have so much animosity coming my way.

Sometimes I feel so alone here with my family so far away from me. Although my daughter lives two hours away, she has been bearing her cross for Christ since an early age. My Abba Father is with me and my children regardless of how we feel or the silence we experience when we cry out to Him.  But, I continues to praise Him daily in the midst of persecution knowing He hears me and loves me. On the most tragic of days, when I have been at the lowest points, He as affirmed His love through daily KLOVE scriptures, Godvine, His Word, devotional material, and even a letter in the mail. These messages I receive could not be interpreted as anything other than love letters from my Father who adores me, who holds me in His victorious right hand, and who hears my cries, sees tears, and understands my fears.

Perhaps you are going through a very difficult time of testing, or maybe you're in a period of waiting. I want to encourage today to hold fast to your faith and know that God loves you and has your best interest at heart. I want to share with you some of the scriptures that have given me comfort over the past few days in the hops that one will touch your heart and give you strength and courage for today.

"And this same God who takes care of me will 

supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which 

have been given to us in Christ Jesus."

Ephesians 4:19 (NLT)

 

Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live 

safely in the land and prosper.

Psalm 37:3

 

 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 

who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing

in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ.

Ephesians 1:3 (NLT)

 

Whatever happens I urge you to always stand for righteousness, because righteousness always prevails! God is indeed a GOOD, GOOD FATHER!

Great is Thy Faithfulness

As 2017 comes rolling in to the sounds of fireworks and shouts of glee as the ball descends, our journeys turn another page. I am reminded at the first light of our new year that "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever." (Psalm 73:26).

I remember the beginning of 2016 as I anticipated the preparatory days leading up to my 66th birthday, full retirement age, and my hope of returning to Virginia to purchase my home. We never know what will happen moment by moment much less day by day. Sometimes I wonder why we try to make plans at all. And yet we cannot live life spontaneously, by the "seat of our pants," so to speak, as plans are needed for business, anticipating events, and many other ventures. It has become our way of life aided by the fall of man at the beginning of time.

I do not make resolutions, but I do dream. I know God spoke to my heart so many years ago of the plans He has for me and my family, so sight unseen I remain hopeful of His promise. Although my year closed with a very loud, obnoxious bang, I still know in Whom I have believed...." (2 Timothy 1:12). With childlike wonder I remain in awe of His glory as His light shines in the darkness and consumes it. Quietly, without fireworks, save those bursting within my soul, I anticipate wonderful, victories for my life and the lives of my children. Thus far, He has blessed me immeasurably, and this is just the second day of the New Year!

Only God knows our future, but He holds our hands. Happy New Year! Live each day of this year like you're loved, because you are!

Inside my Heart

"There are only to way to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle. 

The other is as though everything is a miracle!"

Albert Einstein

"When we lose one blessing another is

often unexpectedly given in its place."

C.S. Lewis

 As I've been sitting here at my humble kitchen table going through my "to do" lists before the end of the year, my mind drifts as names appear on bits of note paper scattered here and there. My "giving list" grows longer each year, as the needs in the world are so great and growing. I have hope that this will change as our New Year brings news beginnings that I choose to see as a miracle. People often become so wrapped up in their own feelings that they fail to see the true meaning in current events. My eyes have been wide open as I see into our eternal future...one of promise and hope if we choose it. Everything is about making choices. We have been given that right.

This year certainly has not been one I would have chosen for myself, but I understand that God has a purpose for everything He allows to happen in my life. The way may be painful, agonizingly so at times, but the way grows clearer each step. I picked up an old friend last week, Hinds Feet on High Places, an allegory written by Hannah Hurnard. From time to time over the years I will re-visit this friend. It is always the right timing for me. The story is about a young shepherdess named Much Afraid who lives in the Valley of Humiliation, a member of the Fearing clan. She works in the employment of the Great Shepherd who is leading her to the High Places where she can be free and healed. Besides the characteristics her name suggests, she suffers from several physical deformities which make her grotesque to her Fearing clan who try to dictate her life through fear and intimidation, but the Great Shepherd and those who are close to Him see the true character of this gentle soul.

This is the story of her escape from the Valley to the High Places where she will forever be free in the service of her Lord. The path she takes is often descending, and along the way she encounters some of her enemies, her cousins Resentment, Bitterness, Self-Pity, Pride, and the one she fears the most, the cousin her family wants to force her to marry, Craven Fear. Much Afraid is guided along the way by fellow companions Sorrow and Suffering who are also in the Shepherd's employ. She also had but to cry out, and the Great Shepherd himself would be right by her side. He would come leaping and bounding on hind's feet to her side. She would look sadly down at her twisted feet and wonder how he could ever transform these feet that made her stumble and fall into hind's feet. But she trusted him in spite of all the doubt and fears she felt in her heart or the insults shouted out at her by the enemies who hid themselves along the way.

One journey was to the Valley of Loss. The way seemed to defy everything the Shepherd had ever  promised her, and the words of her enemies crowded her mind until she cried out in despair for the Shepherd to come to her rescue. When he was by her side she clinged to him and reminded herself that he was not a man who would ever lie to her. After a silence he asked her, "Would you be willing to trust me," he asked, "even if everything in the wide world seemed to say that I was deceiving you - indeed, that I had deceived you all along?" Although she was perplexed at the thought that he would ever do such a thing she responded that she would trust him. When she is put to the test and the horrible thought that the one person she chose to follow, to give her life in service to, had deceived her and had no intention of taking her to the High Places and giving her hind's feet, she was beside herself with fear. But as she looked within her trembling heart and considered the time she spent with him, she realized that nothing was more important than loving him, regardless of whether he loved her or not. This is her response:

"The awful glimpse down into the abyss of an existence without him

 had so staggered and appalled her heart that she felt she could never be 

quite the same again. However, it had opened her eyes to the fact that right 

down in the depths of her own heart, she really had but one passionate desire, 

not for the things which the Shepherd had promised, but for himself. 

All she wanted was to be allowed to follow him forever."

Hind's Feet on High Places

"In the Valley of Loss"

Hannah Hurnard

  

And so it is in my life of wondering but never asking why, although I do ask "how does it bring You honor...?" at times. It is not so much of a question but a desire to bring Him honor in all things. To see the purpose, but then if I knew the answer the enemy Pride may be lurking in the shadows to tempt me. All I know is that, like Much Afraid, I trust Him with every fiber of my being. Not having Him in my life would be unbearable, life meaningless. He is with me all the time, the first one I speak to in the morning, and the last one at night. I cannot imagine a better way.

"I feel it is far better to begin with God, to see His face first, to get my

soul near Him before it is near another. In general it is best to have at

least one hour alone with God before engaging in anything else."

E.M. Bounds

"His compassions fail not. They are new every morning;

great is thy faithfulness." 

 Lamentations 3:22, 23

Good News!

Christmas is a time of wonder and renewed vision. It is also a time when the suicide rate hits the highest peak for those who wrestle with depression and overwhelming and excruciatingly relentless pain from guilt and shame. Although I love the season, the festivities, and the wonderful food prepared by loving friends and family, it is a very difficult time for me. As I have shared with you before, I keep my little life-like Christmas tress up all year round to remind me of precious memories. I have a snowman tea set given to me by my daughter displayed proudly in my living/dining area, and my snowman and Demdaco angel collection brighten my living room. My memories and treasured gifts from friends and family.

Today, as almost every day of this year, with the exception of Sundays, I am pressed for time in getting to one appointment or another. My Wednesdays and Saturdays are generally my busiest days recently, but the crowded schedule has very little to do Christmas shopping, rather the time is spent on practical matters of life. Still, my early morning hours must be spent in Bible study and prayer, otherwise my life would fade away into obscurity. I need Christ's strength in everything I do, and I need that boost of energy and revival that comes from reading God's Word every day.

I am now entering the travels of Timothy, but I have had such a pressing schedule this week that rather than go forward, I wanted to back track to the book of Philippians for precious morsels of wisdom I need so badly right now. Since Thanksgiving I have experienced the tragic loss of a dear friend whom I had hoped to see while home in Virginia this Christmas; I have learned of a dear friend's loss of her mother after a valiant battle with cancer; and my personal struggle with the affects of head trauma and a ridiculous work load that grows daily. Both my friend and my friend's mother are now resting safely and peacefully in the arms of Jesus, as are my parents who passed away during the Christmas season years ago. Still, the loss of my parents remains fresh in my heart, especially now, but the joy I feel in the knowledge that they are with Jesus is a tremendous comfort to my soul. What better time for a loved one to pass into the presence of God.

I want to share with you the wisdom I gleaned from my study of Philippians. The book was written by Paul while he was imprisoned in Rome for spreading the Good News of Jesus Christ. He was writing to the church praising their steadfastness in living their faith and openly sharing God's word of life through Christ Jesus. He urges the church to continue to agree with each other, love each other, and to be of one mind and purpose. He encourages them to:

"Do everything without complaining and arguing...." (2:14)

"Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights." (2:15)

"Hold firmly to the word of life." (2:16)

In Chapter 3 he shares the priceless treasure of knowing Christ:

"Whatever happens...rejoice in the Lord." (3:1)

"We rely on what Christ Jesus has done for us. We put no confidence in human effort...." (3:3)

"Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." (3:8)

"...I become righteous through faith in Christ." (3:9)

"...I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead." (3:10)

"But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me." (3:12)

"...but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us." (3:12-13)

In Chapter 4 he offers words of encouragement:

"...always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again, rejoice!" (4:4)

"Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do." (4:5)

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything." (4:6)

"Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." (4:7)

"And now...one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." (4:8)

"...for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have." (4:11)

"For I do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." (4:13)

"And this same God, who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given t us in Christ Jesus." (4:19)

These have been wonderful, life saving words of encouragement to me, and I share with you in the hope that these words will bring you comfort in sadness and strength for all your days. Share the Good News today, rejoice always, pray about everything!

Happy Thanksgiving

As I sat at my table this morning I recounted the many times Abba has delivered my family through difficult circumstances. Each of my three children have encountered horrendous obstacles, and each one continues to suffer in one way or another. Together we have endured attacks on every level - spirit, soul, body, mind - yet through God's power we have overcome and continue to do so. Our journeys and the blessings that have come have truly been amazing, yet only I can see the significance of that statement at this moment in history. And that's okay, because I see the privilege we have been given by God to stand for Him as a testimony of His purpose in and through each of us. I praise and thank Him for His long suffering as we are difficult people.

This Thanksgiving, like many, I am separated from my children as my two sons live nearer to the east coast, and my daughter is simply too ill for a visit. Still, they are close to me in my heart. My tradition of the Star Wars marathon on Thanksgiving is something my sons enjoy, but my daughter has always been partial to Christmas dramas on the Hallmark Channel. I enjoy a mix of both, but then I watch Christmas movies year round. Christmas is a day-to-day celebration in my home, Christmas tree and all! I keep it up to remind me of the precious friends and family as each ornament or decoration has meaning to me. I believe it is important to surround oneself with the treasure we have in friends and family, special memories, and even bittersweet reminders. This way our hearts sing, and a smile lights our face each time we look around beholding the riches of our blessings in the simplest things.

Next Saturday I will host a fun-filled day creating ornaments or simple gifts with my friend's grandchildren. My latest endeavor is making Christmas stars from toilet paper rolls, an art I learned from a friend I visited this week. It's the simple things in life we can enjoy, and I will have another memory added to my already crowded little Christmas tree.

This Thanksgiving I am grateful to God for taking my life, such as it is, and using me for such a time as this. To bring glory to Him in all I say and do!

Proclamation

 

Each day of my life is a gift from God. I, who am a sinner saved by grace, am so thankful for a loving Abba Father. He made His presence known to me as a child struggling as part of a dysfunctional household and within my own life while battling enemies not yet recognized. He gave me dreams and visions that no man can hinder, regardless of the lies I have been given to believe from childhood up to the present age. He alone is my vindicator and judge. He alone is my Abba, my Lord, my Defender. He who shelters me day and night with His divine protection, because He neither slumbers nor sleeps. He loves me with an everlasting love. I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, because it is life to all who seek Him. He gives life, strength, and comfort through the person of Holy Spirit who dwells within my soul and spirit directing my path step-by-step. No weapon formed against me and mine will prosper. Any tongue that rises up against us He will show to be in the wrong. He has promised to fight my battles. I never have to fear. He goes before me and holds my right hand.

I am speechless at the thought that He chose me for a special purpose and that He is putting people in my path to support His ministry in and through me. I am humbled and grateful beyond words. May I decrease that He will increase. All praise and glory to my Abba Father and my Lord Jesus Christ, lover of my soul.

This is my proclamation on this November 19, 2016. It goes out to everyone who reads this blog and with whom it may be shared. Jesus is Lord of my life.

Last night I was privileged to attend a benefit concert for Sangre de Cristo House and honoring the  founder, Father Terry Brennan. He was born in Ohio and attended Ohio State University and later American University in Washington, DC. He received his law degree and served in Washington, DC. While taking a sabbatical and volunteering in Santa Fe he realized this was the place he needed to be. Later he received his calling into the priesthood where he has served many people in New Mexico. His journey has been inspirational.

The main event was a performance by Ernestine Romero from Pojoaque who was named Female Vocalist of the Year at the 2016 Tejano Music Awards. I had such a wonderful time enjoying the music and mixing with my Hispanic friends and fellow supporters of this wonderful ministry. Sangre de Cristo House is a transitional living home for women in recovery located in Pena Blanca, New Mexico.  It supports women by offering "a safe home for recovering women by offering them a safe transitional home environment and by "helping them rebuild their parent/child bond, building life skills, by exploring how to balance employment and recovery, and growing a spiritual strength for long-term recovery."  It is a blessing and a unique resource for our community.

The longer I serve in this area of Northern New Mexico I see the many needs of the culture and the time in which we are living. We can either choose to grumble and complain and do nothing to change the circumstances of our world or we can grab the vision, roll up our sleeves and get busy doing something to make a difference. We will reach obstacles, and we will encounter opposition, but we look to God for direction and depend on Him to fight our battles. When Franklin Graham was doing his year long tour to visit the capitals of all the 50 states he urged Christians to become involved in government or support others who are actively trying to make this a better place in our homes, schools, businesses, community and government. 

While reading through my daily devotionals I stumbled upon some inspiring quotations:

"If the world seems cold to you, kindle fires to warm it."

Mathilda Gage

"The moment you doubt whether you cannot fly,

you cease forever to be able to do it."

JM Barrie

"Don't let yesterday take up too much of today"

Will Rogers

And now may God, who gives us His peace, be with you all. Amen (Romans 15:33)

Sharing Thoughts

Sunday afternoon at the movies is one of my favorite pastimes. Today I watched a PureFlix movie called "A Perfect Chord." It is the story of two teenage girls who are hiding their talents each for a different reason, each with a different fear. Together the two girls become friends, and along with the quirky side kick of one of the two who helps them pull it all together, they overcome their fears, and use their talents to bring glory to God. It's a must see for anyone struggling with overcoming fear and daring to pursue their dreams.

We all live with unrealized dreams that have been hidden away for one reason or another. We start out thinking we can change the world, but somehow, along the way on life's journey and enormous challenges, somehow we become sidetracked or too discouraged to dare to hope we can make a difference. So we choose to live a mediocre life...we settle for someone's else's idea of how our life should be lived. I've written it before...the little house with the white picket fence. But there are those who forsake it all for the call of the wild, so to speak. Having been down the proverbial yellow brick road seeking the assistance of the Great Wizard who simply does not exist, they succumb to disappointment and isolation.

Before I watched the movie I was having a conversation with Abba about my childish mind stuck in a senior's body. Somehow I still believe I can do anything I long to do in this life, if I only believe it and trust my crazy ideas. On K-Love news this week I heard a story about a gentleman well into his 90's who is still teaching school. Everyone loves him, and he has no intention of retiring, as he loves his job and his students, and they adore him. The staff at the school feel the same way. Mother Teresa must be smiling, as she persevered til the end of her days. Imagine if we all felt that way, had that dedication and intense will power, with the spirit of a child at heart.

This morning I asked our pastor who teaches at the high school how I could help. Apparently the school is in the news these days as it struggles to provide for the needs of our young people as well as other challenges. Years ago when I was much younger I helped another school in a similar situation, with the aid of the new principal's wife who was also a teacher. Drawing on my crazy ideas and unique "gifts," we worked to develop a program for at risk kids using puppetry. It worked very well, and it could have gone further had I had the desire to continue, but there were things in my life back then boiling under the surface. One school year ends and things change, and life goes on.

One day while standing in line at Natural Grocer's I accidentally bumped into a book stand, and a book fell onto the floor. I picked it up, and as I was placing it back on the shelf the title jumped out at me. Who knows maybe the book "chose me." Or perhaps God just wanted to get my attention, as is His way. The title of the book was Chicken Soup for the Soul Guided Journal. The subtitle read "Explore and Embrace Your Inner Strength," and then below it said "Doodle your dreams & discover the real you!"

In the introduction, appropriately entitled "The Reset Button" a Chinese Proverb is shared for inspiration:

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.

The second best time is now."

The idea behind the "part workbook, part devotional guide and all Chicken Soup for the Soul" is to provide a "positivity journal" to help one "hit the reset button and embark on an exciting adventure."

Included in the pages of this "positivity journal" are witty quotations, true life stories, and blank pages for notes, thoughts, and doodling. I've only just begun this new adventure, but it holds promise in rekindling a spark to ignite the old passion lying dormant within my soul or those on the verge of miraculously coming forth after a long, insidious slumber.

I often struggle to put aside things that trouble me deeply and threaten to steal my hopes for the future. This week I put aside another hindrance holding me captive in time, and I know the culprit will rear its ugly head again, but I pray I can squash that pesty rascal and silence its voice. I may have to live with unpleasant noises in my ear and head, but I don't have to listen to the voice of a thief and a liar who constantly tries to steal my joy and rob my peace. So it's done, for now, until the next time the sneaky pest attempts to stick a talon in my business. The results rest in God's hands, and I am reassured that He will fight this battle for me.

I may be older, but I am still alive, and my brain bursts with more crazy ideas and not so crazy ones. I'm with the very senior gentleman teacher, as I don't plan to give up on my life dreams either for the ridiculous reason of being older. I'm making new plans, and I'm keeping my old dreams alive at the same time. I'm taking an online literary class on CS Lewis' works, and I'm creating an Americana rag doll for a friend. There's still my book in the wings, but it is not forgotten, and I have a home to transform into my first "home for misfit toys." This will be a work in progress until I can raise the funds for a major project, but I even have some ideas about that one too! I am beginning to show an inkling of life and revival of the soul of this ole gal.

In December my plans are set to journey to Virginia, and together with my son we shall embark on a new journey together. He's used to my "crazy ideas," as he had to endure much in childhood, but I hope he's looking forward to my thoughts and dreams for my parents' home. I'm not certain how my life is going to play out in the end. I really can only take one day at a time, one small step at a time. This year brought a major setback in my year long goals, but I'm healing, and more than that, I am determined. I want to use my talents for God's glory, and I simply refuse to let circumstances stand in my way. Nor will I allow anyone's opinions to stop me in my tracks, as I have often allowed. I still have many obstacles that need to be overcome, and I still have to battle the chemical imbalances, but today I feel hopeful. Today I feel alive.