Life can be a kick in the seat. Life can be a huge eye-opener to what is real or imagined. Goal setting is becoming my "thing" to do in order to survive, and today I had goals that were frightening, in a sense.
When I awakened this morning I was somewhat rested, but from the look of me, that thought is questionable. Still I had things to do, so there was no indulging my flesh that cried for more sleep.
I don't know how it happened or who allowed him in, but soon an uninvited visitor came calling. One who is not a stranger.
I have been the greatest escape artist that ever lived, hiding behind the facade of a smiling face and lilting laughter and conversation. The literal life of the party at times. This quickly fades away, and I am left alone to my thoughts, to the voices that are becoming louder these days.
Sometimes I think this is the result of too many blows to the head. My friendly little puppy friends managed to cause me to lose balance, I whacked my "bad side" of the head into the car, but thankfully it wasn't the end of all things. Doc says one more could be the last. Funny, in a way.
I called a friend, someone I trust, bared my soul then scurried off on my next goal of the day. Interesting how God talks to me when He doesn't really "talk" to me. So on my ride to Taos to meet friends for a late lunch I heard songs that reminded me of the presence of the Lord when I don't "feel" His presence. There is one thing that does remain regardless of how I am feeling at the moment, and that is the fact that I know He loves me, and I know all He wants is for me to trust Him. Some days I need a louder "knowing" is all. I need to experience the hug around the shoulders and hear the words a bit more clearly. I really don't need scripture to confirm any of this to me. Sometimes I struggle.
I'm glad I decided to meet my friends in Taos, remembering good times in the midst of chaotic ones, realizing it is those times that teach so much about life and overcoming. Realizing even more that because of God's faithfulness we can continue on in spite of seemingly insurmountable mountains trying to defeat us each step of the way up and over. Perseverance gets us past the obstacles along the way, branches and thorns tearing at our flesh as we climb to the summit, whipped and slapped in the face, but finally we see the clearing up ahead.
Home...what is home to me? It's a place where I feel welcomed, reassured, needed, wanted, and adored. A peaceful place where I can rest undisturbed. Friendly faces of friends who can fix things I need fixing, smile on face handing me said object, then off to the next task I have set. Impervious tasks, but yet, overcome. Thank you, Jesus, that in the midst of the screams of desperation and despair, the softer, louder voice can still be heard, the child within restored.
No comments:
Post a Comment