8/24/2026
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as
wise, making the best use of the time, because the days
are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what
the will of the Lord is."
Ephesians 5:15-17
Thoughts of my mama brought tears very early this morning. I'm not certain why she was so heavily on my heart. She's been with Jesus since 2009, but this morning remembering her final days greatly distressed me. Wondering whether I could have done anything differently to help her, whether I should have demanded her medical treatment be different. Why today, why this morning, why first thing before the sun was barely rises to light the sky, I don't know. And it's not the anniversary of her passing or her birthday, but I just know that the grief was more than I could bear, so I cried, and I remembered her.
I realize that my parents are with Jesus, as are my grandparents and other loved ones I know who have gone on ahead. Perhaps the brevity of time has finally caught up with me with the recent death of another friend from high school. My younger son has been experiencing some serious health concerns, so our lives have had to adjust, but I am relieved to be able to be here and to be a support and a help. God knows everything, the end from the beginning, so we simply trust, as I have testified so many times. Perhaps these little trials are to see if I mean business with my words. It's easy to say we "trust God" but when the pressure is on, where do we turn?
Over the years I really haven't had anyone in my life to turn to who could really understand my complex thoughts. Words just are not enough, silence is better. I feel so much internally, so Jesus is the one I run to. These days I'm glad that He has taken me through the valleys, over rough terrain, ascending the mount only to slide down, my backsides full of goat heads and briars as I tumble, trip and fall. Going through the pain isn't fun, but in the process I learn, and I grow, so it has been worth it. I remember one time when my son, Daniel, fell backsides into a cactus - not a pleasant experience, especially pulling those thorns out one by one, very slowly. That's the way my life has felt sometimes, but I have to laugh at some of the places God has carried me through. And He's always been there with me. He never leaves me all alone.
The past two weeks have been very trying, but with a little introspection, the days are lighter, and I know the clarity I seek will come. I just celebrated my 76th birthday, so perhaps that has something to do with missing my parents and others I've lost along the way. Plus, I'm lonely for home. The home Jesus is preparing for me, a home with Him. My only desire is to meet Him, but first I have to complete the work God has put me here to do. When I listen to the accomplishments people have made in their lives, I wonder what, if anything, have I contributed to the Kingdom of God. Too many people have their eyes on what others are doing, spending too much time comparing themselves with others, and honestly I don't have the desire or time to waste trying to be anyone else except myself. So I take a step forward each day, making adjustments when needed when things divide my time. Too many alarms going off announcing this prayer meeting and that Bible study. Right now my time is better served sitting still, alarms off, focusing on Him alone. Priorities adjusted!
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